Absolute Beginners: Songs of the Silent Age
by Margo'sShed
Summary: The story of Max Walker and Zoe Hanna. A story of love told from both sides.
1. Chapter 1

**ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS:**

_**Songs of the Silent Age**_

It was the end of summer. The blind white eye of August sunshine had dimmed to the hazy yellow glow of Autumn. The trees began to scatter their leaves, and the evenings crept in with the roar of the wind.

It was the end of the weekend. A weekend eaten up by paperwork and half drunk cups of black coffee. Zoe sat at her desk, a luke warm mug of coffee pushed to the farthest corner, lipstick marks decorating its rim. She rested her head into her hand and leant her elbow on the desktop, tapping the end of her pen absently against her lips.

The door opened and shut sharply, a breeze of cool air passed her by.

"Everything alright?" Connie asked, retrieving her hand bag and setting it down on her own desk.

Zoe murmured a half answer before collecting herself.

"Paperwork..."

She gestured to the odds and ends in front of her.

Connie glanced at the array of papers and pursed her lips into a pitying smile.

"A little delegation may help..."

She offered, packing away her phone and purse away into her bag.

"If only..."

Zoe leant back in her chair and drew in a long breath.

"I could make it all disappear for you."

Connie folded her arms across her chest and smiled again, temptingly.

Zoe shook her head.

"I can handle it."

She stood up and smoothed down her dress.

"But first, I need some fresh air."

She reached into her drawer for her lighter and cigarettes.

Connie watched her.

"I'll walk with you."

She said, drawing her bag up into the crook of her elbow and making her way toward the office door, opening it and holding it open.

"Thanks"

Zoe passed her by and waited while Connie locked the door.

"Have you not considered quitting?"

She asked.

Zoe gave her a sideways glance.

"Never."

She pulled a cigarette from the packet as they passed through the automatic entrance doors and into the front car park of the hospital.

They stopped in front of Connie's car.

"See you tomorrow."

Zoe called, watching as Connie unlocked the car door and dropped her bag into the passenger side.

"Don't work too hard..."

Connie replied, slipping into the Jaguar with ease and buckling herself in.

Zoe watched her reverse and exit the car park. She felt herself relax a little.

She placed the cigarette in her mouth and flicked the lighter, a dim flame caught and went out. She tried again with no luck.

"Fuck."

She hissed, and pushed the lighter back into her bag.

"Need a hand?"

Max held out a lighter, flame dancing above his thumb.

She smiled and put the cigarette back between her lips, he raised the flame to her until it caught.

He watched as she drew in a long breath.

"Long day?"

He asked, pushing the lighter into his back pocket.

He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the wall of the hospital entrance.

"Long weekend."

She corrected, breathing out a stream of pale grey smoke into the night sky.

"You should give yourself a break..."

His voice was quiet and calm in contrast to the sound of the distant traffic and the hum of the hospital.

"What do you think this is?"

She gestured with her cigarette and took another draw on it.

He smiled his quick, easy smile.

"Not that sort of break, a proper one."

He reached out a hand and without asking plucked the cigarette away from her and placed it in his own mouth.

"That would mean time out, that I don't have."

He let the smoke filter through his nose and handed her back the cigarette.

"I thought you were the boss?"

He smiled that smile again.

She raised an eyebrow.

"So did I."

She answered slowly, watching the blue lights of an ambulance in the distance.

"Well if you ever change your mind I've got a back garden and a five star tent you could stay in."

He laughed as he spoke.

"Not really my idea of a holiday..."

She smiled for the first time that evening.

"What makes it five star anyway?"

She asked.

"Ah..."

He paused briefly.

"It doesn't leak..."

He paused again.

"And I'll throw myself in as well, as part of the deal."

"You may use me in any way you wish."

He added, smiling as she rolled her eyes and passed him back the cigarette.

"Now that would raise some eyebrows."

She mused.

"Certainly would."

He exhaled a thin streamer of smoke which the wind caught and blew high up above them.

"I'd better get back inside."

She said, drawing her arms around herself, but failing to move. She looked up at the sky above them.

"We're going over for a drink if you want to join us instead?"

He asked, watching her as her dark eyes traced the blinking lights of an overhead aeroplane.

"I don't think that's a very good idea."

She said quietly.

"Work can wait..."

He urged.

She looked at him.

"That's not really what I meant..."

"Ah... if only I were a doctor and not a porter..."

His joke was strained but he smiled none the less.

"It's not that..."

She began, but he held up a hand.

"It's alright you can stop digging."

He flicked the cigarette onto the pavement and crushed it with the toe of his shoe.

"You go and do your important doctor things and I'll go and drown my sorrows wi-ith..."

He dug out a handful of change from his pocket and tossed it over in his hand.

"£6.22"

He dropped the coins back into his pocket and stepped away from where he leaned against the wall.

"Have fun..."

She breathed, stepping back into the warmth of the hospital.

"Wish you were there!"

He called out behind her. She smiled as she made her way back to her office. Perhaps the harmless flirting with a hospital porter would relax her enough to be able to finish off the paperwork that she still had left to do.

_More to come shortly..._


	2. Chapter 2

The scraping of a key in the lock roused her, the brush of the door opening and the soft click of it closing. She lifted her head slowly.

"Please tell me you haven't been here all night."

Connie stood with her back against the door, her hair damp from the rain outside, tiny jewelled raindrops caught the light.

Zoe wiped a hand across her face, the side of her hand was ink stained and her face felt grimy.

"Zoe, if you need help..."

"Connie..."

She held up a hand to halt her colleague.

"I only meant to sleep for ten minutes, I can handle it..I can..."

She made a rough attempt to gather the pieces of paper into a pile before her, peeling the odd sheaf from the dried coffee she had spilled the night before.

"It's not me you have to convince..."

Connie murmured, moving to her own desk and setting down her bag. She drew out her chair and began to set up her laptop.

She chose to ignore Connie's comment. Her hair felt greasy and warm next to her scalp and her eyes felt dry and sore.

She glanced at the clock. 8:30 AM. She gathered up her make up bag from the drawer and slipped quietly from the room, glancing into the corridor before making her way to the bathroom.

"You look rough."

The voice startled her. Max was leaning against the far side of the vending machine she had just passed, sipping a takeaway coffee, other hand in his pocket playing with the lose coins he kept there. He smiled as she dipped her head, her hair partially covering her face.

"Thanks..."

She pushed open the door of the bathroom next to him.

"I'm only joking."

He smiled again and took another sip of coffee, his eyes watching her, playing with her as he drank.

"I doubt that."

She said, letting the door close behind her.

She stood in front of the mirror. Her face was moist with sweat and her eyes were blood shot and rimmed with yesterdays mascara, now smudged and faded.

She sighed and turned on the taps, splashing the cool water onto her skin and using hand soap to wash with.

She patted her skin dry with the hand towel and looked again. Better, but this time she was pale and tired. But at least she was clean. She sprayed her hair with dry shampoo and brushed it until it shone again. She squeezed some foundation into the palms of her hands and rubbed it quickly into her skin, briefly checking for streaks before applying her eye make up and lipstick. She pressed her lips together and squinted at her reflection before moving away and sprizing herself with Coco Chanel.

Done.

She tucked the make up bag under her arm and opened the door. She stopped.

"Do you actually work here or do you just stand about drinking coffee all day?"

Max was still leaning against the vending machine sipping his coffee.

"No, I finished it ages ago I just wanted to see the transformation..."

He folded his arms across his chest and looked her up and down.

"Will I do?"

She asked, rolling her eyes but smiling none-the-less.

"You'll do."

He nodded, he winked playfully and rolled the empty coffee cup between his hands.

"Right...I'd better get going before the boss catches me."

He sighed, stepping away from the vending machine.

"I thought I was your boss..."

He turned and glanced at her as he walked away.

"That's what you think."

He called, tossing her a one handed wave and another wink.

"It's certainly not what anybody else seems to think..."

She whispered to herself, watching him go before taking her bag back to the office.

Connie had gone by the time she had got back, and it took her a moment to realise that the paper work from her desk had gone too. She stood for a moment hands on hips, unsure of whether to be angry or grateful. She decided the latter, although difficult, would be more diplomatic.

She sat down at her desk. She had half an hour before she was due on the ward and her feet and head already ached as though it were the end of the day.

She opened her laptop and clicked it on, catching sight of her reflection in the black screen before it illuminated. She felt momentarily uncomfortable remembering how the porter had seen her in such a state. No doubt he would soon be regaling all of the ugly details to the nursing staff. She put her head in her hands and blew out a breath between them. The harmless flirting was amusing, even flattering whilst she were in the moment, but now, seeing her reflection as she truly was and not in her minds eye, she was reminded of her age, of her past, and of how thoroughly worn out and out of her depth she was in this role of Clinical Lead.

By the time she had checked her email and deleted a good chuck of them, it was time to get onto the ward.

She left the office with a fresh, but slightly waving air of authority, she made a conscious effort to walk tall and relax her shoulders as she entered the ward. She rolled back the curtain of cubicle five.

"Hello, I'm Dr Hana."

She opened her notes, a woman was lying in the bed, her husband perched on the edge of the nearby chair reading the Guardian.

"Mrs Gilbert..."

She flicked her way through to the relevant notes.

"You've had a fall?"

Mrs Gilbert nodded an affirmation and cleared her throat, her husband reached out and touched his fingers to hers.

"She just collapsed outside this morning."

Her husband added, interlocking his fingers with his wife's.

"Did she faint?"

Asked Zoe, checking the monitors.

"She didn't lose consciousness."

He confirmed.

"Ok..."

Zoe lowered the railings of the bed and leaned over to speak directly to Mrs Gilbert.

"Hello, can you hear me?"

She asked, raising her voice. Mrs Gilbert nodded breathlessly.

"Ok, can you tell me what day it is?"

Zoe asked, shining a light into the patients eyes to check her pupils.

"It's my birthday" Murmured Mrs Gilbert, still breathless.

Zoe placed the oxygen mask back over her face.

"Well, there are better places you could spend your birthday..."

She placed her fingers at the back of Mrs Gilberts neck.

"She feels clammy"

She said, turning to Ethan who was standing some distance behind her.

"Any chest pains?"

Mrs Gilbert nodded and touched her free hand to her chest.

She fixed her stethoscope into her ears and placed the cool pad onto the patients chest, frowning slightly as she listened to the beat of her heart.

"Has anything like this happened before?"

She asked Mr Gilbert, placing the stethoscope back around her neck.

"No."

He maintained eye contact with his wife, his face pale and wan.

"Was there anything different about today?"

"No"

He repeated

"She was just gardening...nothing particularly strenuous."

His lips were dry and his voice wobbled as he spoke.

"Alright...Mrs Gilbert, apart from the chest pains have you got pains anywhere else?"

Mrs Gilbert shook her head.

"BP's now 90"

Ethan stated, coming nearer to the bed and squinting through his glasses at the BP machine.

"Compromised PAF?"

He asked.

"Right, let's start with amioderone, but if her BP gets any lower we will have to shock her."

Zoe passed the notes over to Ethan and raised the side of the bed up back into position.

"I'll leave you with that, you know where I am if you need me."

She smiled a goodbye to Mr and Mrs Gilbert before leaving the cubicle.

"Feeling more awake now?"

Connie asked, watching as Zoe made her way out of the cubicle. She was standing near reception, patient notes in hand.

"Bright eyed and bushy tailed..."

She replied, glancing either side of Connie for her own patient files.

"I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of sorting out your little...backlog."

Connie folded the notes she was holding against her chest, her head lowered as she spoke as if she were challenging Zoe for a response less than grateful.

"So I assumed..."

She replied, not quite able to thank her.

"Uh, Zoe?"

Ethan popped his head around the cubicle curtain from where she had just been.

"Her BP has dropped again."

She adjusted her stethoscope and turned on her heel.

"Interesting case..."

She heard Connie begin to follow her.

"I'm sure I can manage..."

She breathed, as Connie drew the curtain around them both.

"Oh, I just like to see how you do things down here."

Connie smiled, her lips a perfect rose pink, her dark eyes steady, her hands folded neatly across her body.

"Right..."

Zoe listened again to Mrs Gilbert's heart.

"Mrs Gilbert is there anything else that happened today, anything out of the ordinary that might help us identify what is going on here?"

She asked, again checking her pupils.

"Mr Gilbert?"

She asked when his wife remained unresponsive. He shook his head, terrified.

"Mrs Gilbert are absolutely sure that there is nothing that you can tell us? If there's something you aren't telling us then we cannot help you."

Connie stepped towards the bed, her words were clipped and sharp.

"Connie..."

Zoe's warning fell on deaf ears.

"Right now your body is shutting down..."

Connie began.

"Ok!"

Mrs Gilbert wheezed from under her mask.

"Ok..."

She repeated.

"I took an ecstasy tablet."

She admitted.

Her husband's face paled all the more and he dropped her fingers from his grasp.

"What?!"

He hissed, standing up from where he sat.

"I wanted today to be special, I wanted to do something dangerous and exciting...I thought today would be as good a day as any..."

She whispered, pulling the oxygen mask down so that she could be heard more clearly.

Her husband remained silent.

"Perhaps next time try skydiving."

Connie remarked curtly. She handed Mrs Gilbert's notes sharply to Ethan.

"You can take it from here."

She placed them in his hand and left the cubicle. Zoe whispered an apology under her breath, a thanks to Ethan and followed Connie out.

Connie had already made a head start along the ward and back toward the office they shared. She followed, head bowed so as to avoid eye contact with anyone wanting to way lay her.

"Connie!"

She called, feeling a tightness in her chest as she approached the taller woman.

Connie stopped just short of the office door and turned to face her.

"What do you think you were doing back there?!"

She asked, her voice breathy and thick with anger.

"Excuse me?"

Connie asked, placing her arms loosely across her chest.

"Half terrifying my patient, then telling my staff what to do?!"

She asked, attempting to keep her voice as low as possible.

Connie raised an eyebrow, her eyes rolled and she sucked in her cheeks before she spoke.

"Mrs Gilbert would have died if she hadn't have given us the information that we needed."

She answered.

Zoe laughed.

"There are other ways to encourage patients to tell us things!"

"I find my way of doing things to be more efficient..."

Connie breathed, a smile playing at the corners of her perfect lips.

Zoe placed her hands on her hips, her chest again felt tight, perhaps it was time for another cigarette.

"Are you saying there's something wrong with how I work?"

She asked, watching Connie as she visibly rolled her eyes yet again.

"I'm working all hours, Connie. I'm doing this job as best as I can. I may not have your years of experience, or your connections, but I'm good at what I do."

She felt a lump tighten in her throat. She would not cry, not in front of Connie.

"Mmm..."

Connie pushed down on the handle and opened the door to their office.

"But perhaps you could do better."

She said, a smile behind her words as she entered the office and shut the door quietly behind her.

"Fuck..."

Zoe hissed under her breath. Maybe it was the all-nighter, or maybe it was Connie. She could feel herself sinking under the pressure that she herself, and the job were putting her under.

She drew in a long breathe through her nose and looked toward the bright strip lighting along the ceiling of the corridor, she blinked rapidly to dry her eyes.

It was definitely time for another cigarette.


	3. Chapter 3

She stood , secluded, tucked away from view behind the various vehicles parked outside the hospital entrance. She drew in a long deep breath on her second cigarette. The smoky warmth filled her, she felt the familiar pang, a tightening in her chest.

Perhaps it was time to give in, to give up all this. She watched a seagull fly overhead. Perhaps Connie should be in charge. She was undoubtedly better at the job. She placed the cigarette back in her mouth and kept in their, breathing in and out slowly. Things would be so much easier just to give in.

She needed to slow down. Her head hurt from how full it was. How cram-packed it was from memories that she had and problems that she had either neglected or not had time to process, now they had grown bigger and had lives of their own, popping up when she least needed them, invading her thoughts, keeping her awake at night.

She flicked the ash from the end of the cigarette onto the pavement, the wind blew it back onto her tights and it smeared when she brushed it away with her fingers. She tutted into the wind.

"Is it one of 'those' days?"

She heard Tess ask from behind her.

She smiled. Tess placed her hand on Zoe's shoulder.

"I heard you were up all night."

She added, concerned.

"I wondered how quickly he would spread the gossip."

Zoe frowned as she spoke and stubbed out the cigarette on the wall nearest to her.

"He?"

Tess asked, confused.

"The porter? Max something?"

Tess shook her head briefly.

"Connie mentioned it when I saw her earlier. She seemed genuinely concerned about you?"

Tess explained, giving Zoe's shoulder a squeeze.

"Connie! Concerned!"

Zoe laughed and ran a hand through her dark hair.

"That'll be the day..."

She murmured. Tess pursed her lips.

"Zoe, I've noticed myself how tired you are, if you keep going you're going to end up making a mistake and you know with Connie around that's not something you can afford to do."

She spoke quietly.

Zoe sighed and folded her arms.

"I know."

Was all she said.

"Anyway, what were you doing spending the night with a porter?!"

Tess asked incredulously, misinterpreting their earlier conversation.

Zoe laughed.

"I didn't spend the night with him, he saw me this morning...before I'd had a chance to re-do my make up. I thought he might have told everyone how awful I looked."

Tess gave her shoulder another squeeze.

"I haven't heard a word."

She reassured, letting her hand drop and motioning for Zoe to follow her back into the hospital.

"You can't hide out here all day."


	4. Chapter 4

Seven o'clock approached. Zoe had spent the majority of the afternoon in the office, signing various papers, and catching up on emails and phone calls. With the deadline of drinks at seven she had somehow found herself in a much more productive mood, perhaps added to by the fact that she knew she would not see Connie until the next day as she was attending a heart transplant up on Darwin which would see her absent until late this evening.

She watched the clock as the minute hand ebbed ever closer to seven. She had ten minutes. She logged out of her emails and set the laptop to shut down before standing to adjust her dress, she smoothed it down over her thighs and retrieved her make up bag from her drawer, re applied her lipstick, touched up her eye make up and added a little extra perfume.

She placed the make up bag back in the drawer and pulled on her coat. As she did so the door to the office opened and Connie entered.

"Going home this evening?"

Connie asked, snaking her way to her desk to gather together her belongings.

"I thought you were in theatre?"

Zoe asked, checking the time once again.

"The operation has been postponed, the donor's organs were too damaged from smoking."

She looked at Zoe pointedly.

Zoe bit the sides of her tongue, she refused to bite the bait that Connie dangled so expertly.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

She said quietly, not entirely trusting her voice as she spoke.

"See you tomorrow."

Connie spoke without looking up as Zoe made to leave the room.

"Oh Zoe, maybe a little more perfume, the smell of smoke is quite..strong..."

Zoe closed the door tight behind her. She ran her tongue over her teeth, her mouth was dry and her chest hurt. From anger or stress she couldn't tell.

She checked her watch, she was just about on time. She made her way to reception, her heels clicking the length of the corridor and Connie's words following.

She breathed deeply a few times in an attempt to smell the smoke on herself, but either she was too used to it or the smell was already hidden beneath her added perfume.

"You made it!"

Tess seemed even more surprised than Zoe herself was at her punctual arrival.

"Anything to get me out of here..."

Zoe spoke under her breath as others joined. She noticed reception staff, Robyn, Rita, and a few others she wasn't sure of from other departments.

Tess patted her on the forearm.

"It'll do you good."

She replied, winking quickly and ushering her out of the door.

"Sorry we're late!"

Various members of her party turned at the call, Max and Lofty were pulling on their coats, moving quickly to catch them up.

They merged with the group led by Tess and stepped out into the cold.

It was already dark, the lights in the carpark illuminated the pavement. It had been raining and each drop of water left behind shone and glittered as they walked.

They filed into the pub single file, Tess holding the door open with her free arm, clutching her bag against her chest with the other.

The group gathered easily around one large table set into the corner, Zoe found herself hovering awkwardly, unsure of where to sit. She removed her coat slowly, watching as everyone found a seat and began to talk. For them it was easy, familiar. She was an outsider now.

"You ok?"

Max asked, touching her arm briefly as he hung his coat up on the rack near the door.

"Yes..."

She answered impulsively.

"I'll get drinks."

She added, feeling for the purse in her bag.

"I'll carry."

He moved to the bar before she could respond. She followed.

"I haven't asked..."

"They always have the same."

He interrupted, leaning his back against the bar whilst waiting to be served.

"Creatures of habit"

He added, resting his elbows back on the bar and surveying the room. Out of his uniform he looked older, he wore a faded tour t-shirt from a band she hadn't heard of. The name of whom stretched out across his chest as he leaned back.

"Thank you for not mentioning this morning to anyone."

She found herself speaking to relieve the momentary silence.

He glanced about the room again before replying.

"What about this morning?"

He asked, his face expressionless.

"I wasn't exactly looking my best..."

He smiled a slow, wide smile. She noticed now, in the half light of the low bar that when he smiled all of him smiled, his eyes caught the light and she found herself smiling back despite herself.

"I consider myself a gentleman. Not many left these days..."

He turned himself back around to face the bar as he spoke, folding his arms onto it and resting his chin on his hand.

"Anyway you looked beautiful."

He added so quietly she almost thought she'd misheard.

"Hardly..."

He shushed her before she could say anymore.

"Trust me."

He nodded to the barmaid as he spoke, she had gestured to the group and his nod seemed to indicate that they were ready for drinks.

"Trust me."

He repeated.

"And you look even more beautiful now."

He added, with a glimmer of something behind his eyes. She couldn't tell if he was serious or just winding her up.

"Do you flirt with every woman you see?"

She asked pointedly whilst handing the money over to the barmaid.

She watched as Max raised an eyebrow.

"Not _every _woman..."

He began.

"But most?"

She asked.

He smiled again in response.

"Thought so."

She accepted her change and dropped it into the coin section of her purse.

"What are you having?"

He asked, casting an eye over the drinks that were being placed in front of them.

She placed her purse neatly back into her bag.

"I think I'll just go...I don't think this was a very good idea."

She said, dipping her hand back into her bag to locate her car keys.

"What!? Don't be silly..."

He set the drinks back down that he had just picked up.

"I'm not being silly. I've had a long...long day, I just want to go home, and go to bed...I'm sure they won't notice."

She tossed a glance over toward their colleagues who were laughing and talking loudly.

"Just wait, just wait a second..."

Max picked the group of drinks back up and walked them quickly over to the table, she watched as he was greeted with thanks and cheers.

She zipped up her bag and slipped off the bar stool, making her way unnoticed back out of the door and into the cold. She shivered and held her car keys up to her chest.

She walked as quickly as she could in her heels on the wet ground, finding her car and opening it.

"Zoe!"

She ignored Max's call and slipped into the drivers seat, placing her bag into the back seat behind her.

"Zoe!"

She shut the door and placed the key in the ignition, as she turned it the passenger door opened and Max fell awkwardly into the seat next to her. He shut the door hard.

"What are you doing?"

He asked, holding his hands together, goosebumps showing on his bare arms.

"I could ask you the same question!"

She exclaimed, turning off the engine.

"Don't just walk off!"

He sounded breathless and she noticed as he spoke his bottom lip quivered from the cold.

"Did they notice?"

She asked, knowing full well they hadn't.

He shrugged.

"They're your friends..."

He tried. She laughed bitterly.

"I think this job has put paid to any friendships I had..."

He remained silent.

"Listen. I might come back later, just go back and let me clear my head."

She urged, a headache was building between her eyes, she rubbed the skin of her forehead to try to relieve it.

"I'll help you."

He said, folding his arms in and settling back in his seat.

"What?"

"I'll help you clear your head."

He repeated simply.

"And how are you going to do that?"

She asked, drawing in a long agitated breath.

"You drive and I'll tell you where to go."

He said matter of factly.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Max..."

He looked over at her.

"I'm not leaving."

He pulled his seat belt across himself to prove his point.

She sucked in a long breath and again rubbed the throbbing pain between her eyes.

"Fine."

She agreed, turning on the ignition and buckling herself in. Wishing for just a moment that she could just do as she pleased. Go home, eat, and go to sleep without worrying about getting up in the morning.

She reversed aggressively out of the parking lot.

"Which way?" She asked as they came toward the exit.

"Right."

He instructed and folded his arms again over his chest, relaxing his head back onto the headrest.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are we actually driving to somewhere or are you just wasting my petrol?"

Zoe asked. Silence had reigned for the past twenty minutes with the odd 'left' or 'right' from Max.

"Right here."

He gestured to a side road slightly too late and she had to break hard to make the turning.

"Where are we?"

She asked, driving down the narrow secluded road, her headlights illuminating the odd deer or rabbit by the side of the road.

"Park just here..."

He said, gesturing to the space in front of a row of narrow three story houses.

"Where are we?"

She asked again, dipping her head to look up out of the windscreen to the house.

"My house."

He said simply.

"Your house?!"

She exclaimed.

"Why are we at your house?!"

She asked, watching him as he smiled patiently at her.

"I'm going to help you relax."

His smile widened as he spoke.

"Max..."

"Don't worry It's not what you think. Come on..."

He unbuckled his belt and placed his hand on his door to open it, waiting for her to follow.

"Max I can't go inside, what about your house mates? I can't afford to start rumours about myself."

She rubbed at her headache again, the pain seemed to be gaining strength and she longed for her bed.

"They're all at the pub! They won't be back until late. Come on..."

He popped open his door and held it steady, watching her.

"Trust me..."

Those words again that he had uttered so many times that night.

She sighed and conceded, she opened her own door, set her belt free and stepped out onto the gravel. She felt her heels begin to sink into the soft mud beneath the stones.

He held out a hand instinctively and steadied her.

"I'm fine."

She said as she stepped quickly over the gravel, following him onto the door step.

She looked up at the house as he fished for his keys. It was a tall, thin red brick building, the moon hung low over it's roof and the windows reflected the swaying trees opposite.

He unlocked the door, she heard the rustle of this mornings post get caught between the door and the carpet as they entered. He flicked on the light and bent down to retrieve the post.

She followed him down the hall and into a small, narrow kitchen.

Without saying a word he set down the post on the counter top and began filling a saucepan with milk and setting it to boil whilst looking for something in one of the cupboards.

Zoe glanced at the pile of post. 'Mr M. Walker', she assumed that to be Max.

"What are you looking for?"

She asked, watching as he reached to the back of the cupboard.

"It's a secret."

He said, pulling out a tall patterned tin and emptying the contents into the saucepan.

She folded her arms across her chest, willing to let him get on with whatever he was doing. She watched as he stirred the mixture with a yellow wooden spoon, the sweet dark smell of chocolate began to rise from the saucepan. He took a pinch of something from the spice rack behind the hob and sprinkled it in before pouring it into two mugs that he found on the draining board.

"Try this."

He handed her the larger of the two mugs, she raised it to her nose, it smelled of dark bitter chocolate and exotic spices.

"Nice mug..."

She commented, noticing the Star Trek mug that he held himself.

"Try it.."

He urged. She raised it to her lips and took a small sip. It was almost too hot. It was creamy and the bitterness softened into a sweet heat, it made her throat warm and her body almost involuntarily began to relax.

"Mayan hot chocolate."

He said, sipping his own and smacking his lips.

She took another sip, imagining this was probably not the best drink for the waistline.

"A man of hidden talents."

She smiled into the chocolate steam.

He shrugged, and smiled again.

"I had you down as more of a beer man."

She added, blowing lightly onto the chocolate to cool it.

"Did you now."

He said, reaching for a red biscuit barrel and tucking it under his arm.

"Let's go through..."

He gestured with his drink to the door at the far end of the kitchen which led into the sitting room.

They moved through. The sitting room was small too, but longer as it stretched across the back of the house.

She sat on one of the two small sofa's, cradling her mug in her hand, enjoying the warmth of it and the smell drifting up from it.

"Music?"

He asked, moving to the CD collection that lined one wall above the television.

"As long as it's not Barry White."

She answered, watching as he ran a finger along the titles. She heard him laugh and he picked a CD and opened it. He had his back to her as he placed the disc into the CD player and pressed play.

The disc squealed softly for a moment before the music started, he had the volume low and the lights were dim, and with the rain outside gently tap-tapping the windows the whole room fell into a lull of relaxation that she hadn't felt for a good few months. She let her body relax back into the sofa and watched as Max placed his drink down on top of the mantel piece and opened the biscuit barrel.

"Who is this?"

She asked, straining to hear the music over the rhythm of the rain.

He turned the nob on the CD player slightly and it grew louder.

He watched her face as she realised.

"Surely you're not old enough to even know who David Bowie is."

She laughed as '_the prettiest star' _played into the room.

"My mum was a fan..."

He said, offering her the biscuit tin.

She reached in and retrieved a round flat dark brown biscuit that smelled like Christmas.

"Lebkuchen"

He said and took one for himself before settling down on the sofa opposite.

She bit into it, the sweet honeyed taste of the spicy biscuit and the chilli heat of the hot chocolate was almost too much, too good.

"Please tell me you didn't make these?"

She asked, holding up the biscuit.

"Yep."

He nodded.

"My mum grew up in Austria, she taught me."

He ate his own quickly and took another sip of chocolate. The CD whirred again and '_Rock and Roll Suicide' _began to play.

She smiled, she remembered sitting playing this at full volume when she was in dorms at university.

She took another sip and let her eyes close as '_Time' _replaced suicide and lulled her into an odd peaceful trance. She kept her mug pressed against her chin, the steam rising into her face.

At one point she heard Max begin to hum along with the music and then stop, as if he'd remembered he wasn't alone. She smiled briefly to herself and let one eye open ever so slightly.

He was leant forward, elbows on knees holding his mug out, head bent, tapping the sides of it with his fingers to the slow thumping beat.

She could barely see his face.

The music began to fade to the rain again and he looked up abruptly, she shut her eye sharply but heard him laugh quietly. She opened her eyes, he had stood up again and was making his way back over to the CD's.

"So what do you like to listen to?"

He asked. His voice too, like everything else was soft.

She touched her head, habit bought her hand there but as she touched her forehead she realised her headache had gone.

"You choose..."

She whispered, too tired, too peaceful to mind.

He stood motionless for a moment, looking out into the rain, the headlights of a car illuminated him briefly and she sat up.

"Shit..."

He hissed.

"They're back..."

Without a thought he took her mug from her and placed it on the table, took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

"They can't see me here..."

She whispered, following him as he pulled her from the sitting room up two flights of stairs. She imagined Robyn finding her there, the things she would assume were going on. She imagined Connie's delight in the rumours. What little reign she held over the department would be reduced to a mockery.

Max pushed open the door at the top of the stairs and ushered her in first before shutting the door and flicking the lock.

He left her standing in the middle of the room and went over to the window to look out.

"I thought you said they would be back late?!"

She spoke under her breath even though she hadn't heard anyone enter the house yet.

He held up a hand and watched as Lofty helped his step sister out of the car. Both were clearly drunk already. The taxi that had dropped them off pulled away and he heard the front door open and close.

"They are...usually..."

He glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

It was only 10:15.

The lights of another car pulled into the driveway, from upstairs they could still hear the crunch of the wet gravel and the shrieks of more people.

"Ah..."

Max wiped the window clear, his breath had clouded his view.

"What is it?"

She asked.

"I think they're planning a party."

He said, stepping back away from the window and drawing the curtains. The room was almost pitch black, she heard him stumble over something and then a small bedside lamp came on.

"How am I supposed to get out now?!"

She could feel the tension creeping once again up her body, her forehead beginning to ache again and her chest tightening.

"You could shin down the drain pipe...?"

He joked, sitting down on the edge of his bed to take his shoes off before lying back, propped up on two or three pillows.

"This isn't funny Max. If they see me, if they know I came back with you...I know what Robyn is like with staff gossip..."

He ran a hand over his face as she spoke and stifled a yawn.

"Relax, it's fine. She won't see anything. And anyway we haven't done anything to gossip about..."

She raised an eyebrow.

"It's not what we haven't done."

She corrected.

"It's what it looks like we have done."

She placed her hands on her hips and began to pace the room.

"And my car is in your drive way!"

She suddenly exclaimed.

"Shhh!"

He leaned forward and took hold of her, pulling her down so that she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Nobody here is going to know that's your car. When you leave in the morning they'll all be passed out. They probably didn't even see a car when they arrived."

"When I leave in the morning?!"

She hissed.

"I'm not staying the night!"

She tried to stand again but he held her fast.

"Zoe. They'll be down there for most of the night, they might not even come up. So unless you do want to try climbing down the drain pipe you'll have to make do with my bedroom floor.

He attempted a smile although she was still staring straight ahead at the window.

"You are joking?"

She asked, finally looking back at him.

"Yes, I wouldn't really expect you to sleep on the floor. You can have the bed."

He pushed himself off of the bed as he spoke and opened his wardrobe doors in search of something soft he could put on the floor.

She placed a hand on her head and let herself fall back on the bed. How had she managed to get herself into such a mess. Her whole body ached from exhaustion and a lump throbbed in her throat. Being over tired had always wreaked havoc with her emotions. She tried to swallow against the pain in her throat as it drew up into her jaw, the corners of her eyes prickling with salted tears. She moved her hand so it covered her eyes and drew in long, steadying breaths

Meanwhile Max was peering onto the shelf at the top of his wardrobe, bringing down various thick jumpers and jogging bottoms to use as bedding for himself on the floor.

"Do you want something to change into?"

He asked.

"I promise it's clean..."

He turned toward her holding a burgundy hooded jumper and a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms.

She lay with her hand over her eyes, motionless all except for the soft rise and fall of her chest, then he saw the gentle quiver of her chin and the breath catch in her chest.

"Are you alright?"

He asked, placing the clothes on the edge of the bed and moving quietly round to her. He sat next to her on the bed, unsure of what to do next.

"I'm fine."

She whispered.

"You don't look fine..."

He gently laid back so that his face was level with hers on the mattress and touched her hand with his own, slowly peeling it away from her face. Her eyes were closed but she opened them as he drew her hand away and a large round tear skittered across her cheek and over her nose before falling onto the duvet cover.

"Hey..."

He whispered.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes, sniffing quietly.

"I'm being silly."

She managed to say, her voice tight as she spoke.

She turned her face to look at him. His smile was softer than before, his eyes, for once, steady and concerned.

"I'm sorry."

He said.

"It was a stupid idea to bring you back here. I was just...showing off as usual

He sighed as he spoke and turned to look up at the ceiling. The light was so dim that his eyes struggled to focus.

"Actually I think it was exactly what I needed."

She admitted slowly.

"It's just a shame it ended like this."

He laughed at her words.

"I've never heard a woman say that in my bedroom before."

He said, the smile was back behind his eyes and he turned to look at her again. In the half light her skin looked darker, her eyes glittered with unshed tears and her hair gleamed.

"So.."

She spoke as she rolled onto her front so that she now looked down on him from beside him.

"What is it you normally get up to up here then?"

She asked, feigning naivety.

He raised an arm and folded it behind his head, the other lay across his stomach, of which a thin sliver of pale flesh was visible between his jeans and his t-shirt.

"I couldn't possibly say."

He winked as he spoke and watched as her hair fell from behind her ear and she pushed it back again.

"I bet this bed's seen a lot of action."

She mused, looking up at the headboard, almost expecting to see a line of notches.

"I hope these sheets are clean..."

She said as an afterthought, looking down at the plain white duvet cover and pillows.

"Clean on...sometime last week...maybe the week before?"

He answered, stretching as he spoke.

His t-shirt rose higher and she could see the firm outline of his abdomen.

"Great..."

She raised an eyebrow and glanced again at the sheets.

"I'm joking."

He whispered, leaning forward to catch her gaze. She looked down at him, inches between them.

"This bed's seen a lot less action than you think."

He added.

"Is that so?"

She asked slowly, watching the shadows play across his face.

"But don't tell anybody."

He added. Propping up his head with his hand.

She let her eyes wander his face for a moment. The light highlighted his jaw and the angular cheekbones, his hair cast shadows across his forehead and his eyes were dappled and kind.

"So where am I supposed to get changed?"

She asked, looking pointedly toward the clothes that Max had put down on the end of the bed.

"Ummm..."

He let himself slide down off of the bed and tossed the jumper and trousers at her.

"I'm afraid it's going to have to be a turn-my-back job."

He mused, watching the amused smile play at the corners of her lips.

"If you look..."

She warned, raising an eyebrow.

He held up a hand.

"I promise I won't."

He said as he turned to face his wardrobe and crossed his hands across his chest.

He heard the slow unzipping of the back of her dress, the crumple of it as it hit the floor and the sound of her taking off her shoes. He closed his eyes and raised his face to the ceiling, barely trusting himself not to look.

"You can turn around now."

She instructed, and he turned to see her sitting in the middle of his bed near the pillows. She was cross legged, her barefeet tucked neatly under her legs and she was rolling the sleeves of the jumper up slightly so that they didn't over hang.

"Don't say a word..."

She watched as he tried not to smile.

He looked at the neat pile of clothes next to his bed, her dress, her tights, watch on top and the tell tale hooks of a bra between the folds of the dress.

He sucked in a breath.

"Your turn now."

He said and motioned with his fingers for her to turn around.

She rolled her eyes and shut her eyes, but not turning.

"How do I know you won't look?"

He asked, pulling out a second pair of grey jogging bottoms.

"Trust me."

She smiled and kept her eyes shut, listening to him unbuckle his jeans and replace them for the jogging bottoms. He was quicker than she was and she opened her eyes as she felt his weight back on the bed.

He had haphazardly placed his jeans and boxers over the chair next to his wardrobe, his belt he had hung on the back of the wardrobe door.

She drew in a long slow breath.

"Now what...?"

She asked, raising her eyebrows and looking about the small room. There was only a wardrobe, a chair, the bed she was sitting on and a bedside table next to a book case.

"We could..."

He looked about himself.

"play eye spy?"

He offered, jokingly.

"I think that would be a very short game..."

She smiled.

"So what was in that mayan hot chocolate to relax me then?"

She asked, leaning back against the pillows and rubbing her hands together, there was a chill in the room and she noticed there was no double glazing and the moisture was gathering on the inside of the glass.

"Secret."

He smiled.

"That was just the start."

He added.

"Really?"

She asked, shifting her weight so that she could pull the duvet out from underneath her and push her legs under the duvet. He watched her, realising how odd it was to have her here, in his home, in his bed.

"What else?"

She asked, pulling the duvet up to her waist and wriggling her toes under the duvet so that they touched against his hand from beneath the cover.

He watched them, could feel their warmth despite the duvet.

"Oh, I can't just reel them off, it takes away the magic. They just have to happen..."

She raised an eyebrow at him, she glanced to the floor space, there was minimal room even if he moved the chair away from the wardrobe.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

She asked, changing the subject. She had yet to see any sign of any extra pillows or blankets.

"On the floor..."

He looked over the odd shaped spaces of floor he had in his room.

"Or the chair..."

He said, changing his mind.

The chair was an old low slung wooden chair with no arms.

"You'll freeze."

She said quietly.

He raised his shoulders.

"I've got a jumper."

He held up a dark blue woollen jumper that was hung over the back of the chair next to him.

She shook her head and pushed back the duvet, moving over so that he had room.

"Are you sure...?"

He asked, unmoving.

She nodded.

"But behave..."

She added, watching as he tossed the jumper back onto the chair.

"I can sleep down this end if you'd rather?"

He asked, pausing at the foot of the bed.

"I'm not having your feet in my face!"

She exclaimed, tapping the free side of the bed.

"Now get in there's a draft."

He made his way to the head of the bed and slid his legs under the cover, he rested himself back so that he was level with her and pulled the duvet up.

"I feel like we're an old married couple..."

He whispered, his smile sweeping his face again.

"Oh thanks!"

She laughed, turning toward him. He smelled of chocolate and rain with a vague hint of this mornings deodorant. She recalled what Connie had said earlier.

"Sorry if I smell of cigarettes..."

He leaned towards her and sniffed loudly.

"Coco chanel and cigarettes..."

He mused, slipping down the bed further so that he could lay his head on his pillow, an arm resting above his head.

"Sorry..."

She apologised again.

"It's sexy."

He smiled. She looked down at him.

"Connie didn't seem to think so."

She sighed, following his lead and shuffling herself lower down. She felt her leg brush against his, the jogging bottoms had ridden up to her knees and her bare skin brushed against his own, she felt the heat and hairs on his leg tickle her own.

"Connie doesn't find you sexy?"

He asked, looking at her, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"That's not really what I meant..

She smiled.

"Don't let her get to you."

He said. His voice was low and soft again as it had been when they were downstairs.

"Mmm..."

She murmured, looking at something invisible on her hand.

He rolled over and propped his head up with his hand.

"Look at me."

He whispered.

She shook her head, her eyes beginning to smart again.

He shifted himself up again so that his head rested against the wall. He reached an arm around her, and pulled her towards him. She resisted momentarily, hesitating only briefly before allowing herself to be pulled into him as she felt her face crumple and the burning not in her throat release. He eased her head into his chest, her face turned in against his t-shirt, she gulped in a breath and struggled to hold onto the sobs that made her body spasm. She groaned into him, tired, angry, embarrassed and sobbing against him.

He held her, both arms wrapped around her, the fingers against her hair stroking softly, rhythmically. He rested his chin on the top of her head and squeezed her gently, letting her cry.


	6. Chapter 6

The night darkened and ticked by slowly, the noise from downstairs was all but a mumble, an occasional clatter of drinks and a shriek or laugh here and there. Zoe shifted, her eyes opening, she had fallen asleep. How long ago she didn't know, but the bedside lamp was switched off and she could feel the gentle rise and fall of Max's chest beneath her. She lifted her head slowly, looking up at Max. He was leaning back against the headboard, his head lolled to one side, his lips slightly parted. His left arm was still wrapped around her, his right hand had slipped and was resting against the flesh of his stomach between where his jogging bottoms finished and his t shirt began.

She moved her arm slightly, feeling it was stiff from lying on it.

Max sucked in a long breath, he raised his free hand to his neck and opened his eyes. He squinted at her, just making her out in the dim starlight that glowed through the curtains.

"Hello."

He whispered and winced as he straightened his head, his neck cramping up from being at such an odd angle.

"Let me..."

She reached up, found his neck with her fingertips and began to massage the muscle there until he began to move his neck more freely.

"I'm sorry about earlier..."

She began. He shook his head and pressed his fingers lightly to her lips.

"There's no need to be."

He stretched as he spoke.

"What time do you think it is?"

She asked, watching his body tighten and then relax back into the mattress.

"No idea..."

He said, listening to the thump-thump of the music from downstairs.

He reached out an arm and pulled open his bedside table. She heard the rattle and scrape of whatever was in there, and then he held up his phone, he squinted as he held it overhead and turned it on.

"2:54"

He said, letting the screen go black again and setting it back on the bedside table.

He rolled back over, this time lowering himself from the discomfort of the headboard and lying his head down on the pillow to face her. She could smell his breath, the faint scent of the Mayan hot chocolate from earlier.

"So how does this compare to your average Sunday night?"

He asked, even in the dim light she could tell that he was smiling.

"Well it's certainly different..."

She drew her legs up into the foetal position, her shins rested against his thighs.

"I can't say that this evening has turned out how I imagined it would."

She added.

"What was your plan for tonight?"

He asked, enjoying the warmth of her legs pressed against his own.

"I'd have probably eaten my weight in chocolate and had far too much to drink."

She admitted.

"Wait there..."

He said, rolling over again and reaching back into his bedside drawer.

"I'm not going anywhere it's bloody freezing in here."

She hissed. She heard the rustling noise again and he turned back over.

"What's that?"

She asked.

"Chocolate."

He said, holding the bar at arms length above himself and unwrapping it as best he could in the dark.

She heard him crumple up the wrapper and toss it onto the floor.

"Where's your mouth?"

He asked snapping a piece off and holding it where her mouth might be, it bumped into her nose and she laughed, raising her head to take the chocolate from him. Her tongue briefly touched his finger as he let go of the chocolate.

"Galaxy?"

She asked, sucking on the piece slowly, melting it between her tongue and the roof of her mouth.

"You know your chocolate."

He smiled, breaking off a piece for himself and chewing on it.

"More later, we've got to ration it."

He said, placing the bar on the table next to him and adjusting the duvet so that it covered his bare arms.

She swallowed the last mouthful of melted chocolate and licked her lips.

"What do you usually do on a Sunday night?"

She asked, the sky had clouded over outside and a rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance. She struggled to see him, but could feel his breath on her face so she knew he was near.

He gave an almost silent laugh.

"I'd be downstairs with that lot...getting drunk, clearing up sick..."

He paused.

"Wishing I was somewhere else."

He finished.

She moved her legs again so that they touched his, the temperature had dropped again with the coming storm.

"Are you cold?"

He asked, feeling the chill of her toes against his leg.

"Aren't you?!"

She asked, giving a shudder as a breeze came through the rattling window. Another rumble of thunder rippled through the sky.

She felt him move closer, she felt his breath hot on her face, his chest pressed against her own. He pulled the duvet up behind her so that it just covered her ears, he kept his arm there, resting over her, holding the duvet down around her, cuddling her at the same time.

"So where would you rather be?"

She whispered, the tip of her nose accidentally bumping his as she spoke. She felt a flurry of nervousness at the realisation of how close they were, perhaps he hadn't intended it.

"Well right here, right now is pretty good..."

He smiled into the night.

"But on a usual Sunday night..."

He remained silent for a moment.

"America."

He said at last, allowing his fingers to gently stroke the ends of her hair that lay splayed on the pillow beneath her head.

"Why America?"

She asked, flinching as the thunder clapped loudly over head and a bolt of lightening speared the earth.

"I feel at home there."

He answered, removing his arm briefly so that he could scratch his chin.

"And you don't here?"

She asked, finding she naturally dipped her shoulder to allow his arm to curl back over her.

"Not often."

He said softly.

She felt him breath in deeply, his chest expanded, pushing into her own before he breathed out, his breath fluttering her hair.

"So what's it like being in bed with a porter?"

He asked, shifting the arm that he had trapped underneath himself, which in turn bought him a tiny bit closer to her.

"Not as bad as I expected..."

She breathed. She could feel his skin next to hers, his lips were level with her forehead, all she would have to do was to raise her head slightly and they would touch.

She felt him smile again.

"What could make it better?"

He asked, his lips so close now that as he spoke they brushed against her cheek.

A crash from just outside Max's door made Zoe shriek, and Max roll over abruptly, knocking his head hard on his bedside table.

"Fuu-uck..."

He hissed, clapping a hand to his head.

There was suppressed laughter from outside and someone banged loudly on his door.

"Fuck off!"

He shouted, an aggression she hadn't heard from him before adorning his usually gentle voice.

A ripple of laughter replied followed by more banging.

"Are you busy?"

Robyn shouted through the door, her voice slurred and riddled with laughter.

"There's someone out here for you."

She called again, they could hear other voices muffled in the background.

"Go away, please."

Max shouted again, sliding out of the bed so that he sat on the edge of it.

"It's me..."

Called a female voice that Zoe didn't recognise.

"I think I left..."

The voice paused and was interrupted by a shriek and a giggle.

"I think I left something in there...last time."

Whoever it was could barely string a sentence together.

"Come on Max she came back with us to see you!"

Robyn shouted louder than was necessary and banged again on the door.

"Not now."

He called back, rubbing his hands over his face and moving over to stand on the other side of the door, Zoe could see his outline against the white door in the half light.

"Come on Max!"

Shouted Robyn.

"I'm busy."

He shouted back, banging the door with his own hands, annoyed by the incessant banging from the other side.

A laugh rose from outside

"Who with?"

Called Robyn mid laugh.

"Is she inflatable?"

Called someone else.

Someone vomited just outside his door, they heard the wretch and splatter. He stepped back, half expecting it to seep underneath the door into his room.

He stood quietly by the door, listening to the concerned chatter beyond, and the creaking of the stairs as whoever it was descended.

"Someone's popular."

Whispered Zoe, sitting up in the bed.

"How's your head?"

She asked, reaching over to turn on the lamp.

"Don't..."

He made his way back over to the bed.

"I'll live."

He said, touching at it again, checking for blood.

"Who was that?"

She asked after a pause.

"Robyn."

He answered, shifting his legs back into the bed.

"And..."

She prompted, feeling his body beside her again.

"And..."

He pulled the duvet cover back up over them.

"Jessica...Stephanie...something like that."

He answered, his body shivering as the warmth of the duvet warmed him.

She listened to him breath in the darkness, unsure of what to say. An unreasonable surge of jealously and anger bubbled in her stomach.

"Oh."

She said simply, turning her body away from him so that she faced the window. She shut her eyes and curled her body up, dipping her chin under the cover.

"Are you ok?"

He asked, lying on his back, his face turned to the back of her head.

"I'm fine."

She said quietly, as a soft pounding began to beat across her forehead, and the pain began to spread from her temples.

"I'm fine.


	7. Chapter 7

Morning came. The storm had left the air feeling flat and threatened, as if there were another storm waiting to follow. The wind had blown the grass flat, and the air smelled of fresh soil and the faint smell of charred lightening.

Zoe awoke to the sound of Max's door opening. She remained still, keeping her eyes closed. She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She heard the sound of a mug being put down on the bedside table. She rolled over. Max was crawling back into the bed, two cups of something hot stood on the table next to him.

"Tea?"

He asked, leaning back against the headboard and taking hold of a mug to pass to her. He waited while she sat up to pass it to her.

"Thanks."

She swept the hair from her face and took a sip.

"How long have you been awake?"

She asked, taking another sip and hugging the mug to her chest to keep the warmth in.

"Not long..."

He answered.

"It's all gone quiet now...downstairs."

She watched him speak, he was pale in the morning light, his hair stuck up on one side and the whites of his eyes were pink and tired. There was no trace of a smile.

She nodded into her mug, the steam rose up into her face, she closed her eyes momentarily.

"What time is it?"

She whispered.

He cleared his throat and took the phone from the drawer again.

"6:38."

He said, placing the phone back. His eyes were glazed, he placed his hands around the mug, keeping them there despite the heat from the tea burning through the mug.

She opened her eyes and set the half drunk mug on the table next to her.

"I'd better get dressed..."

He nodded, his eyes unfocused.

"The bathroom's just across the hall. No one's awake yet."

He said, blinking several times and taking another sip of his tea.

She gathered up her clothes and made her way to the bathroom. She noticed a damp patch right outside of his bedroom door. It smelled of dettol and febreeze. She guessed Max had already been cleaning up from the night before.

She locked herself into the small bathroom and placed her clothes on top of the closed toilet seat. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her make up was surprisingly in tact except for a pale smudge under each eye. She dipped her head to the sink and splashed her face, wiping away the remnants of any make up. She stood up and looked about for a towel. There were none visible, she caught sight of a dressing gown hanging on the back of the door. She pressed it lightly against her face to dry her skin. It smelled of Max. Of chocolate and that deodorant..whatever it was. It smelled of sweat and faintly of cigarettes. She found herself breathing in the smell of him several times. The dressing gown was soft and warm against her face.

She sighed. And let the gown fall back against the door, limp and motionless.

She changed slowly back into her own clothes. She folded the tracksuit bottoms up and folded the hoody she wore on top of them. She slipped her heels on and opened the door, checking briefly to see that no one was coming before making her way back into Max's room.

His head was against the wall behind his headboard, his eyes closed, his chest rose and fell slowly and his mug was tilted in his lap, tea lapping against the edge of it, threatening to spill over.

She placed the clothes down on the chair near the wardrobe and gently removed his tea from his hand and placed it back on the bedside table. She looked at him. Just above his right eye was a dark purple bruise from where he had hit his head in the night. It had just pierced the skin and blood had dried in a streak reaching into his hairline.

She reached out, gently placing two fingers against the bruise. She leaned toward him and kissed him softly, her lips just brushing over the bruised area.

"Thank you."

She whispered, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.

She left the room silently and made her way down the stairs, her head bowed, her ears alert, listening for any sound that might mean someone was awake.

All was quiet. She made her way down the last and final set of stairs and to the front door. She stepped over some glasses piled haphazardly against the skirting and opened the door slowly, slipping through it and closing it softly behind herself and walking quickly to her car, stumbling slightly on the gravel.

She climbed into her car and started the engine, pulling out of the driveway and onto the lane, only daring to exhale once she had reached the main road. Her heart was pounding, she could feel the adrenaline vibrating through her veins.

The hospital was busy, as usual. She was an hour early, Connie had not yet arrived and the night shift were just finishing up.

She reapplied her make up and made a changed from the clothes she had been wearing for the past few days into a black shift dress that she had in her locker.

The morning was spent answering emails and phone calls. Midday came and still she hadn't seen Connie. She left her office, feeling as though she had left a bubble. The office had cocooned her for the first hours of the day. The noise and majority of people in on the ward seemed to come as a surprise.

Tess greeted her with a wave of a patients notes and a nod of her head whilst she spoke on the ward phone.

"Zoe..."

Charlie moved past her to the computer.

"Morning Charlie."

She glanced up at the patient board.

"Has Mr Mayhew gone up to theatre yet?"

She asked, noticing his name was still listed their despite his theatre time having been ten minutes ago.

"Uhh..."

Charlie looked up from the computer and haled down Cal who was just leaving Mr Mayhew's cubicle.

"Mr Mayhew?"

He asked.

Cal held up his notes.

"Just waiting for a porter."

He confirmed, placing the notes down on the ever growing pile that adorned the nurses station.

"Right well can you give them another call please or he'll lose his slot."

Zoe raised her voice over the sound of someone nearby speaking loudly on their mobile phone.

"And can tell whoever that is to turn that off?"

She asked, glancing at Mr Mayhew's notes.

"Will do..."

Cal answered, making his way over to the waiting room.

"Tess..."

Tess had hung up the phone and was writing something down on a piece of paper.

"Zoe are you alright, we missed you last night..?"

She asked, pausing in her writing.

"Fine, just not feeling great."

She attempted a convincing smile.

"Where's Connie I haven't seen her yet?"

"Darwin I think"

Tess answered, signing her signature at the bottom of one of the pages she was holding and closing the file.

"Right..."

She glanced at Mr Mayhew's cubicle, the curtain was still closed.

"Isn't anyone going to take Mr Mayhew up to theatre?!"

She asked, looking about for Cal.

"Cal has called for a porter several times."

Tess answered, picking up half the pile of notes that were left on the side.

"I'm sure someone else is capable of pushing a bed to theatre."

Zoe muttered, moving over to the cubicle and slipping in between the curtains.

"Mr Mayhew, sorry for the delay..."

She began, Mr Mayhew looked up from his bed and smiled slightly from underneath his oxygen mask.

"Somebody order a porter?"

Max appeared from between the folds of the curtains.

"Hello."

He nodded his head to Mr Mayhew and kicked off the breaks of the bed. He pushed open the cubicle curtain with one hand and began to wheel him out backwards, without once looking at Zoe.

She watched him leave, unsure of whether or not to follow. She stood for a moment, watching until Max turned a corner with the bed, only then did he glance ever so briefly in her direction. His eyes looked tired even from the distance, his expression did not change and he turned back to push the bed through the double doors towards theatre.


	8. Chapter 8

"OK, suction please?"

Zoe spoke from under her mask, she held up a gloved hand while Cal suctioned the blood away from the incision.

Mr Mayhew's heart rate remained steady, his chest rising and falling rhythmically.

"Can I have a bit more light please?"

She asked, dipping her head to see into the incision that she had made into the elderly man's stomach.

The overhead light was moved toward her, illuminating as best it could. She clipped and sealed the bleed, passing various instruments back and forth as she made sure the bleed was now sealed and secured before she began stitching the small incision back together again.

"Good as new."

She held up her hands once she was done, she removed the bloody gloves, apron and mask and pushed them into the bin.

"Let me know when he's awake."

She called to whomever was listening as she washed her hands and forearms, twisting the long taps shut with her elbows.

She dried them and ran her hands through her hair before leaving theatre and making her way along the corridor back to the ward.

"Just the person..."

The squeak of shoes sounded behind her and Ethan caught up with her.

"The busiest person, can it wait?"

She asked, wanting to make it back to the office before Connie was due to arrive.

"I just wondered if it would be ok to attend that seminar next month?"

He asked, struggling to keep up with her.

"Uhh...email me the date..."

She paused in front of the office door.

"I already did..."

He stopped next to her, leaning in to avoid the passing wheelchair.

"Twice."

He added.

"Right...well I will reply, when I have time."

She said, using her elbow to push the door handle of the office down behind her.

"Ok..."

He watched her enter the office and shut the door.

"Someone's in a rush."

Connie mused, not looking up from her desk as Zoe entered.

"Just doing my job."

She answered, making her way over to her desk.

"Those files that I sorted for you..."

Connie held up a handful of other notes, and gestured to the rest piled on her table.

"I found some more...lurking..."

"Believe it or not I am actually on top of all this."

Zoe answered coolly, pulling out her chair and setting up her laptop to find Ethan's email.

"Seriously, I am."

She added, noting Connie's soft 'tut' of disapproval.

"Right...well. Always happy to help ease the load if you need me. After all, we can't have all of our patients waiting on trolleys for hours at a time..."

She watched Zoe type her password several times in error before hitting the right keys.

A tap on the door caused both women to look up.

"Zoe, Connie."

Guy entered, closing the door behind himself.

"Guy..."

Zoe murmured, placing a hand on the array of papers she had on her desk.

"Zoe..."

He repeated her name, and folded his arms across his chest.

"It's been bought to my attention that a few more patients than is acceptable have been spending a little too long on trolleys in the corridors."

His voice was gruff and his eyes were cool and firm.

"Funnily enough Mrs Beauchamp has just raised the same issue."

Zoe looked from Connie to Guy. Connie's gaze remained on the paperwork in front of her, her hand casually moving through the papers, signing here and there.

"But you'll be happy to know that my staff have found beds for all of the patients waiting at the moment and they are all receiving relevant treatment as we speak. There was one death, but frankly I'm wondering if he should have even made it on to the ambulance."

She folded down the screen of her laptop.

"Apart from that, everythings in hand."

She concluded.

"Good..."

He smiled a stiff false smile, watching her steadily.

"Well, I can see you don't need my help."

He glanced over at Connie who smiled a slow, masked smile.

"I'll let you get on with whatever it is you're doing..."

He said, and left as abruptly as he hand entered.

"Right."

Connie stood up, the files she had found 'lurking' on Zoe's desk tucked neatly in the crook of her arm.

"I'm due in theatre."

She moved to follow Guy out of the room, opening the door slowly, watching Zoe as she too rose from her seat.

"You know, it's funny how Guy just came to express the exact same concerns that you just came to me with..."

Zoe lowered her voice as a patient was wheeled past the open door.

"Well, when the concerns are as obvious as they are...and frankly they are justified if you see just one death as a small victory."

Connie's voice was cold and clipped as she spoke. She stepped into the hallway but Zoe moved to catch the door and followed her out, walking fast behind her.

"It'll be two before the days out."

She whispered, catching Connie as they both turned onto the ward.

"Who do you think you are going above my head?"

She asked, taking hold of Connie's arm to prevent her from moving away from her once again.

Connie looked down at her grasp, then to her face, her dark eyes narrowed and her lips pursed into a perfect lipsticked line.

"Excuse me?"

She hissed, her eyebrows raised as she spoke.

"This is an emergency department Connie, it's not the Keller ward..."

"Darwin..."

Connie interrupted, staring down at Zoe, unblinking.

"I haven't got time to play office politics, and quite frankly I haven't got the energy, or the inclination to play your little games."

Zoe's voice rose as she spoke, a hush fell on the passing staff as the two consultants faced each other off.

Connie began to speak but Zoe raised her voice again.

"Every single day, it is emergency and death. Once you get your head round that we'll get on just fine."

She felt Charlie's hand on her shoulder, but shook it off viciously.

"Zoe..."

His voice was calm but warning.

"Right, you know the difference between you and I? I will NEVER get my head around losing a patient. You need to sort your priorities out, and while you're at it, sort your department out before Guy appoints a professional in charge."

Connie spat, pointing a perfectly manicured nail at Zoe.

Charlie positioned himself in front of Zoe, holding his hands up to Connie.

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp."

He said loudly, remaining where he was, between the two women. The air surrounding them was sour and tense. Zoe looked away, breaking the gaze that Connie held.

"You're a joke."

Connie hissed, before turning to leave, placing the files she had been holding onto the nurses station.

"Your files."

She said as she left.

"Are you ok?"

Charlie asked, turning to face Zoe.

Her cheeks were flushed. She nodded, finding it difficult to speak. She could feel the eyes of the surrounding staff upon her. She could feel them judging her, laughing at her.

She carefully picked up the pile of notes that Connie had left and slowly, with head bowed, her hair shielding her face, began to leave the ward.

"Zoe..."

She heard Max's voice behind her, and the sound of his feet as he jogged to her side.

"I'm fed up with people coming up behind me today."

She breathed, stopping in the hallway to face him.

"I'd make a joke about that but I'm sensing now is not the time...?"

He watched her roll her eyes, her face was still hot and flushed. She turned to leave again but he caught her arm.

"Are you OK?"

He asked, letting her arm drop as Big Mac came pushing a patient up the corridor.

"What do you think?"

She asked, folding her arms defensively across her chest.

"What was that about?"

He asked, moving to one side as Mac passed.

"It doesn't matter. I don't care any more. I just..."

She drew in a faltering breath.

"I can't do this any more."

She sighed.

"Come with me."

He said, reaching out to take her arm again, she pulled away from him.

"Max..."

"Come with me."

He repeated, reaching out once more and taking her firmly by the elbow, he guided her up the corridor, to the right and into the porter's cupboard.

He locked the door behind them.


	9. Chapter 9

"Why are you locking the door?"

She asked, taking in her surroundings. The room was small and cramped and smelled of feet and antibacterial gel. Only a chair and a coffee table in amongst the shelves full of equipment and a kettle that looked as though it had seen better days.

"I think you'll thank me when you calm down."

He said, pouring water from a bottle into the kettle and setting it to boil.

"Right..."

She watched him, arms still folded tightly across her chest, the patient notes dangling by her hip.

"So..."

He leant against the shelf that the kettle was set on.

"What happened last night?"

He asked, folding his own arms across his chest, mirroring her.

"What do you mean?"

She asked, glancing at the kettle that began to rattle as it boiled.

"You left without saying goodbye."

He said, the kettle clicking off behind him.

"You were asleep!"

She watched as he placed two mugs on the shelf and dropped in two teabags.

"Yeah...but you went off me when Robyn came up."

He said as he poured the tea.

"I didn't 'go off you'..."

She drew in a long breath and breathed it out between gritted teeth.

"What happened then? Did I do something wrong?"

He asked, holding out a mug for her.

She paused before accepting.

"Max. Is this what this is about? Is this the part where you're all 'We need to talk'...?"

She put air quotations about the last of her words with the hand that held the files.

"No..."

He moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table and looked up at her.

"This is the part where you avoid a difficult conversation by being unnecessarily hostile."

He said, the steam from his tea rising up and curling at his lips.

She looked at him, his blue eyes were without a trace of his usual humour and his jaw was tense, she could see the tendons flexing in his cheeks.

"Sit down."

He said.

She pursed her lips but sat down nonetheless, placing the files onto the floor next to her. She rested her tea on her lap, the heat warming her thighs.

"What did you want to have a conversation about then?"

She asked, crossing one one leg over the other, preparing herself for what he had to say.

"Something is bothering you, and I want to help."

He said matter of factly, sipping his tea.

She rolled her eyes.

"Isn't it obvious what's bothering me? I'm under huge amounts of pressure with this job, I've got the best fucking surgeon in ,oh I don't know...the world?! Breathing down my neck and belittling me in front of my staff and going behind my back to make sure I end up doing something to lose it."

She paused to draw in a breath.

"I don't need you to save me, Max."

She whispered.

He took another sip of his tea.

"I don't want to save you."

He said.

"I just want to be your friend."

She looked at him, he leaned towards her from where he sat perched on the edge of the table.

"Is that ok?"

He whispered.

She sighed again.

"It's too complicated."

She said eventually, breaking eye contact with him and sipping her tea. It was strong and bitter and made her cough.

"Complicated?"

She shook her head slightly.

"Last night. That's not what friends do, that's what..."

She paused.

"Is that why you were angry with me?"

He asked, setting his tea down next to him.

"I wasn't angry!"

She raised her voice, exasperated.

"Ok!"

He leaned back, resting his body on his arms so that his chest, in his red porters t-shirt ,was exposed.

"What were you then? Because unless I'm mistaken things nose dived pretty quickly after Robyn's interruption."

He said, watching her.

"It wasn't Robyn's interruption."

She said curtly, still refusing to regain eye contact with him.

"What was it then?"

He asked, watching her draw in and hold a long breath before speaking.

"Whatever her name was."

She said quietly.

"Hmm?"

He leaned forward again to catch her words.

"Whoever Robyn was with. Stephanie...Jessica..."

She prompted.

"Ye-es...?"

He said, waiting.

"What's she got to do with it?"

He asked.

She threw up her hands, exasperated.

"Before that happened who knows what we could have got up to. You made me feel relaxed, which by the way I haven't felt even remotely close to since I began this job. I wanted you...I wanted to kiss you so many times. You made me feel 'special'."

She cringed at the word, unable to find a better suited one in her rush.

"You made me feel like me again."

She paused.

"But when Stephanie...Jessica...whoever she was knocked on the door, I realised how old I am...how much older I am than you."

He made to speak but she shushed him.

"You obviously have plenty of women vying for your attention..."

She breathed, watching him as he began to smile.

"You were jealous?!"

He asked, the hint of a laugh behind his words.

"No..."

She began.

"You were jealous!"

He repeated, he smiled again.

"Perhaps."

She conceded, leaning back in her chair and dipping her head to take another sip of tea.

He watched her, still smiling.

"You don't have to be."

He said after a while. Finishing his own tea and placing the cup underneath the coffee table.

"Jealous?"

She asked.

He nodded.

"Stephanie and or Jessica passed out in my room last week when she took a wrong turning to the bathroom. The closest we got to sharing bodily fluids was when she threw up on me. Before that I'd never met her before."

He explained, still smiling.

Zoe felt the hint of a smile on her own lips, a tension that she hadn't known was there seemed to ease at the back of her neck.

"Contrary to what I'd have people believe, I don't have girls queueing up to sleep with me."

He added.

"And as for the age gap. Just how old are you anyway?"

He asked, the glimmer of mischief was back, glittering behind his eyes.

"Never you mind."

She smiled, sipping the last of her tea.

"Not that it matters."

He said.

"So..."

He leaned forward a little more, watching her intently.

"Do you still want me?"

He asked, a long slow smile slipping across his lips.

"Or more importantly. Do you still want to kiss me?"

(Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to comment. I am new on here and have no idea how to reply to your lovely comments but I thoroughly enjoy reading them! I will update again very, very soon...this evening or tomorrow evening. I have two small toddlers to contend with! x)


	10. Chapter 10

"Max..."

She raised a hand to her face and swept the hair from her eyes.

"Do you?"

He asked, watching her, his eyes waiting on her face, waiting for her to look back at him.

"Because as cheesy as it sounds I haven't wanted to kiss anybody as much as I wanted to kiss you last night."

She almost laughed as he spoke, before raising her eyes to meet his and finding them serious, patiently waiting for her response.

"All you have to do is say..."

He whispered.

She nodded as he spoke.

He smiled that smile again. Deliciously slow and even.

He stood up and held out a hand. She placed her mug on the floor at the foot of the chair, and taking his hand she let him guide her up towards him.

He raised his hand and touched the hair that fell against the side of her face, his fingertips slipped over her cheek, her jaw...

"You're beautiful"

He whispered, kissing her, holding her against him.

He tasted of mint and cigarettes, she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around him, her fingers grazed the gap between his t-shirt and trousers.

She felt him run a hand down her back, he rested it on her hip and broke the kiss, resting his forehead against her own.

"You won't regret this will you?"

He whispered, slightly out of breath. She shook her head, slipping her hand just underneath his top, feeling how warm and soft the skin of his lower back was.

"Perhaps tonight you could come back to mine...?"

She whispered back, touching her nose against his, watching the flicker of a smile dance across his lips.

"I think I could manage that."

He breathed, kissing her again, this time quickly, pulling her closer to him, her breath caught in her chest and she smiled against his kiss.

"Meet me in reception at six..."

She whispered, kissing him between words.

"I'll be there..."

He squeezed her hands as she spoke, stepping back away from her, his lips blurred and red from her kisses.

She reached out and wiped his lips gently.

"Lipstick"

She murmured.

He unlocked the door but held the handle still.

"Don't let her get to you."

He said, pushing the door handle down and opening the door.

She glanced out into the corridor.

"I'll be fine..."

Her fingers found his and she squeezed them tightly before exiting.

"You should have that put on a t-shirt."

He called after her, laughing at the look she threw him over her shoulder as she made her way back to the office.

The office was empty. She stood against the closed door looking over all that was before her. Connie's desk, empty of clutter, merely a laptop on it's surface, her own desk was a clutter of papers, files, her own laptop and a couple of half drunk takeaway coffee's that were now cold.

She moved over and began to gather the papers and files together, slotting the papers back into their relevant folders and placing them in her drawer. She tossed the two coffee cups into the bin and wiped over her desk with a damp tissue. It looked better, but still the room looked cramped. There never really was room for two...

A tapping on the office door roused Zoe from her filing. She had emptied the filing cabinet by her desk and was sat with several large, teetering piles surrounding her.

"Zoe..."

Tess let herself in and shut the door softly behind herself.

"I just came to see how you were."

She said, sitting on the edge of Zoe's desk, watching as she licked the tips of her fingers and flicked through yet another patient file to find the correct place for the piece of paper that she was holding.

"After earlier I thought perhaps you could use someone to talk to?"

She added, watching as Zoe placed the page into it's place and leaned forward to collect the next page.

"I was just tired, Tess. Tired and overworked."

She held up the papers she was tidying.

"And it doesn't seem to be getting any easier."

She sighed.

"You can always ask for help."

Tess offered, clasping her hands in her lap, watching as Zoe stacked another pile of folders.

"Thanks, but I shouldn't have to. Can you imagine Connie asking for help if she were in my position?"

She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You can't compare yourself to Connie, you're completely different."

Tess began.

"You mean she does her job, I just muddle my way through mine..."

"No!"

Tess placed a hand over Zoe's, halting her from picking up yet another file.

"You work in different ways, you have different ways of going about things. Neither are right or wrong. You are good at your job Zoe. Connie knows that. If she didn't she wouldn't feel so threatened."

Zoe rolled her eyes.

"I doubt Connie Beauchamp finds me threatening in any way shape or form."

Tess let her hand go and placed them back into her lap.

"Just know that I'm here if you do need a hand."

She said quietly, trying to catch Zoe's gaze.

"Thanks..."

Zoe picked up a pen and signed her signature at the bottom of a piece of paper as Tess stood up to leave.

"Tess...I really do appreciate it."

"Well. Why don't you come for a drink after work, just me and you?"

She asked, standing by the door.

"Oh I can't, I've just made plans."

She glanced away as she spoke, the flutter of a small smile hinted at her lips.

"Oh really?"

Tess asked, watching as Zoe smiled.

"Can I ask who with?"

She asked.

"Who says it's with anyone?"

Zoe feigned ignorance, lifting one of the piles of folders and beginning to place them one by one back into the drawers.

"I wasn't born yesterday."

Tess smiled.

"It's early days."

Zoe answered carefully.

"I don't want to jinx it. And I'm meeting him at six so I've got to get this done."

Tess watched her, arms folded.

"Well, just be careful."

She said, turning the door handle.

"I will...and thanks again."

Zoe called after her, lifting the second pile of files and looking for the first name under 'B' to begin with.

"Max?"

She looked up, hearing Tess speak.

Max had been about to knock as Tess had opened the door.

"Were you looking for me?"

Tess asked, checking her watch.

"Uh...no."

He glanced at Zoe who in turn looked toward Tess.

"It's six o'clock."

He said, unsure of what to say, taken aback by Tess's presence.

"It's six o'clock already?!"

Zoe exclaimed, catching the fleeting look of realisation pass across Tess's face.

"Zoe?"

Tess said slowly, stepping out into the hallway as Zoe gathered up her bag, leaving the rest of the paperwork and moving toward both Tess and Max who stood in her doorway.

"Thank you...Tess. Max, I've got to meet someone..."

Her words tailed off, Max cleared his throat and Tess stepped back into the hallway to let them pass.

"Could you just have a look at something for me...before you go?"

Max asked, moving so that Zoe could come into the hallway.

"Yes..."

She glanced at Tess, whose lips were pursed, her brown eyes laced with concern.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Tess said, turning and leaving them to go on their way in the opposite direction.

Both Max and Zoe exhaled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't expect her to be there."

Max breathed, leaning against the wall.

"I thought I told you to meet me in reception?"

Zoe asked, pulling on her jacket and zipping it up.

"I had to hide."

He said.

"They wanted me to do overtime."

They walked down the corridor alongside one another.

"Do you think she knows?"

He asked, dipping his head to shield his words from the ears of passer-bys.

"I should think so..."

Zoe sighed, already dreading the conversation she was going to have to have with Tess tomorrow.

"She doesn't approve does she?"

He asked, pulling up the collar on his jacket as they reached the entrance, the sound of the rain beating down on the glass overhead greeted them.

"Probably not."

Zoe said, stopping briefly to fish for her car keys in the bottom of her bag.

"But right now I don't really care.

She breathed as the two of them walked out into the rain.


	11. Chapter 11

The drive home was long, the rain was heavy and the cars moved slowly. Visibility was next to nothing, the wind screen wipers could barely keep up with the downpour. The night sky bulged heavily above them and the wind whipped the odd twig or stone skittering against the car.

Max yawned and stretched. Someone in the distance beeped their horn again. Zoe glanced in the rear view mirror out of habit despite knowing she wouldn't be able to see anything through the rain.

"So did you make it up with Connie?"

He asked, resting his elbow on the thin ledge against the window.

Zoe shook her head as she changed gear.

"No she was in theatre."

She drove forwards a couple more metres.

"Thankfully."

She added.

"I'm dreading tomorrow."

She said as they moved forward again, inching closer to their turn off.

"Do you want me to have a word with her for you?"

He asked, she glanced at him, eyebrow raised into a perfect arc.

"You have words with Connie Beauchamp?"

She smirked.

"I was joking, I'm terrified of her."

He shot her a smile.

"But seriously though."

He sat up straight in the seat and peered at the radio on the dashboard.

"You can't let her shake you."

He said, pushing a button on the radio.

"Easier said than done."

Zoe mused, batting his hand away and clicking the CD player on herself. The green light illuminated on the face of it and the CD whirred before playing.

She had been listening to music a few days ago and the CD had remained paused there ever since. The music started half way through a 'Sparks' song.

"Ah..."

He leaned against the window again and watched her release the clutch so that they could move forward again.

"You're a glam rock girl."

He smiled.

"I'm hardly a girl."

She smiled, indicating to the right as they eventually neared the turn off.

He let his gaze wander down from her face.

"No you're right. You're definitely all woman."

He breathed in as he spoke and slouched back down in his seat, still smiling.

She glanced at him.

"You look very pleased with yourself"

She said, turning the car off the bypass finally and down towards her house.

"So would you if you'd fancied you for as long as I have..or something like that..."

He said.

She laughed out loud, slowing down to let a car out of a driveway.

"Flatterer."

She smiled, moving off again and pulling into her own drive.

"Pathetic but true."

He said, dipping his head and looking out of the window toward the house, blurred through the ribbons of raindrops streaking down the windscreen.

"You live here?"

He asked, undoing his seatbelt.

"Mmhmm."

She popped open her door and stepped out into the rain, keys in hand.

He followed, bowing his head into the rain. She unlocked the door and held it open for him, closing it behind them.

He looked about himself, expression unreadable.

"Just hang your coat on here."

She shrugged off her jacket and hung it on the wooden shaker pegs that lined the wall near the door. She slipped off her heels as he hung his coat and slipped off his own shoes.

"Drink?"

She asked, running her hands over her wet hair, smoothing it back from her face.

"uh, yes..."

He followed her into the kitchen.

"Bit of a step down for you to spend the night at mine last night then?"

He asked, glancing about her kitchen, leaning back against the solid wood island she had in the middle of it.

She frowned at him.

"Alcoholic or not?"

She asked, pausing by the fridge.

"I'm afraid I don't have your hot chocolate making skills..."

She added.

"Alcoholic is fine..."

He was still looking about her kitchen, it was at least three times the size of the one he shared with Robyn and Lofty. The cabinets were a dark marbled wood, the fridge a SMEG...even the skirting boards gleamed white.

She pulled a bottle of something from the fridge and held it out to him with the cork screw.

"Make yourself useful."

She said, amused that he suddenly seemed so quiet now that he was in her territory.

He took the bottle and began to twist the corkscrew into the soft cork while she found the glasses and placed them on the island in front of him.

"Are you ok?"

She asked, watching as he pulled the cork from the bottle and handed the corkscrew back to her.

He glanced at her as he poured the wine.

"Fine, just...wasn't expecting this."

He gestured with the glass that he passed her at the kitchen.

"What were you expecting?"

She asked, accepting the glass and taking a sip.

"It's all very grand."

He said, holding the wine glass tentatively.

"No grand isn't the right word. It's much more of a 'home' than my one bedroom..."

He held the stem of the wine glass with one hand, the bottom of it with the other.

"Don't be ridiculous, come through."

She led the way into the sitting room, flicking on the light as they entered and using a button next to the switch to dim them.

She placed her glass on a sideboard and closed the curtains across the windows.

"You are allowed to sit down."

She said, collecting her glass again and making her way over to one of the large dark red sofa's.

He followed dutifully and sat next to her.

"So just how much do you earn!?"

He asked, noticing the size of the television.

She drew her legs up next to her and leant back into the cushions, sipping her wine.

"Probably a lot less soon."

She answered, watching as his eyes strayed about the room. She nudged him with her toes. The wine in his glass slopped over the edge of the glass onto his trousers, slowly sinking through onto the sofa.

"Sorry..."

He made to get up but she placed a hand on his thigh, she could feel the cool wet patch left from the wine.

"Max, come back to me you've been strange since we arrived."

She felt the muscles in his leg relax slightly.

"Sorry."

He apologised again.

"I wasn't expecting our worlds to be so different."

He admitted, taking a large sip of wine.

Zoe looked around at her sitting room. The large expensive furniture, the odd antique or artwork here and there.

He took another sip.

"So how long have you lived here?"

He asked.

"Max..."

She slipped her toes underneath his thigh, the wine seeping through her tights to her bare skin.

"It's me, you don't need to have polite conversation..."

A smile flickered across his lips.

"Would you rather I was rude?"

He asked.

"That'd be more like you..."

She smiled, dipping her head to sip her drink.

He felt her toes wriggle beneath his leg.

"So have you really fancied me for that long?"

She asked.

"Sad isn't it."

He smiled, finally relaxing back into the sofa.

"No...just surprising."

She said, leaning her head into the cushions, the wine like a dose of warm honey creeping through her veins, relaxing her.

"Surprising? Have you seen you?!"

He asked, tilting his head, imitating her own position.

A slow smile crept over her lips.

"So when do I get the tour of the rest of the Hana mansion?"

He asked, feeling her toes move again.

"Do you mean when do you get to see my bedroom?"

She asked slowly.

"Precisely."

He smiled.

She withdrew her feet from underneath him and stood up, holding out a hand which he took, after setting his wine glass down on the floor. Without a word she led him back through the hallway and up the stairs, onto the large hall and in through the door to the far right.

She let go of his hand as they entered and moved over to turn on the plug near the wardrobe, a tall floor lamp in one corner of the room lit up the room with a soft amber glow.

"This is it."

She said, her voice was quiet in the silent room. Only the floorboards creaked as she moved about, closing the curtains.

He caught her hand as she passed from one side of the room to another.

"Zoe..."


	12. Chapter 12

"You're not going to regret this are you?"

He asked, watching as she shook her head, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

"Max, you asked me that earlier."

She breathed, feeling how warm his hand was compared to her own.

"I know I just want to be sure."

He said quietly, pulling her towards him by the hand, raising his other hand to brush the skin of her cheek, slipping his fingers along her jaw and into her hair.

"I'm sure."

She whispered, taking another step forward so that their bodies met, his other hand letting go of hers and slipping around her waist. He dipped his head to kiss her, she smiled against his mouth, snaked her arms about his neck and parted her lips, touching his tongue with her own, pulling him closer. She stumbled backward slightly as her pushed against her. He placed a hand in the small of her back to steady her, opening his eyes briefly to take note of where the bed was in relation to where they were standing.

He moved his hands, grazing both sides of her body, down to her hips, her thighs. He stooped down, still kissing her and lifted her. She laughed into his mouth, wrapping her legs about his waist as he moved toward the bed, leaning down and laying her back on the duvet.

He hovered above her, arms taught, hands pressed into the mattress either side of her shoulders so that he could steady himself. He kissed her lips again, oh so softly, a flicker of his tongue and the brush of his stubble moved along her jaw, slipping down, placing hot wet fleeting kisses along her neck, his teeth grazing her collar bone. She arched her back against him, letting her eyes fall shut and her head tilt back, her dark hair splayed out beneath her, tickling his fingers.

He reached beneath her, finding the zip of her dress and unzipping it slowly as he moved back to kiss her neck, he tasted the bitter taste of perfume and the soft sweet taste of her skin. She dutifully allowed him to slip her dress down over her arms, smiling as he fought to tug it from her hips. She wriggled beneath him until it fell to the floor with a soft crumple.

She shivered, whether from the cold or excitement she wasn't sure. He looked down at her, his lips spreading into that smile. She made to raise a hand to his face, but he caught her wrist midway, and along with her other arm, he bought both hands above her head, holding them there, lowering his body onto hers. She felt the weight of him, moved against him, head bent searching for his mouth. He whispered into her hair and smiled against neck before brushing his lips over hers, watching her, her eyes closed again, her chest arched up underneath him, trying to maintain contact where she could.

"You're beautiful."

He whispered into her chest, kissing across her collar bone with feather-light kisses that burned where they touched.

She murmured something in response. Opening her eyes slightly as she felt the kissing stop.

"You're beautiful."

He said again, watching her reaction, her cheeks coloured and she fought a smile.

"You're not bad yourself..."

She whispered, her voice breathy and low.

"Not bad for a porter, eh?"

He let go of her hands and pulled off his t-shirt, letting it fall somewhere near where her dress lay.

"Not bad at all..."

She agreed, looking him over with amused approval.

"Just one problem..."

She added, reaching out to toy with the belt he had looped through his trousers.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours..."

He grinned, lowering himself again and rolling her so that she straddled his waist, her fingers pulling the belt lose and undoing the buttons that held his fly together.

"I hope you'll do more than show me."

She said as she undid the final button.

"Oh I'll do more than show you."

He smiled, leaning up to kiss her again.


	13. Chapter 13

A rumble of thunder and the sharp crack of lightening awoke them, the room illuminated an eerie cold yellow before the black of night replaced it, the air was heavy but cold, laced with the anticipation of the next growl of thunder.

"Are you awake?"

Max slipped an arm about her waist, wrapping himself around her from behind and pulling the covers up over their shoulders.

She pressed back into him, the warmth of his body against her making her smile into the darkness. She closed her eyes again.

"We seem to attract these storms."

She murmured, feeling his breath on the back of her neck, his face nuzzled against her shoulder.

"A sign?"

He smiled, kissing the soft skin where her hairline met her neck, she shuddered and a trail of goosebumps fluttered across her legs.

"God, don't. If anything it's a sign of what today's going to be like."

She rolled over to face him, relaxing into his arms, resting her head against his chest, listening to the soft thumping rhythm of his heart.

"Pull a sickie."

He whispered into her hair, loving how it fell against his lips as he spoke.

She squeezed him.

"Don't tempt me. I'm already behind enough as it is..."

She dragged her fingernails along the length of Max's back, stopping on his hip to draw lazy circles, he drew in a long breath, inhaling the smell of sex an alcohol.

"I thought you were in charge?"

He rested his forehead against hers, smoothing her hair away from her face.

"Whatever gave you that impression?"

She asked, closing her eyes again, relaxing into his touch.

At some point during their conversation she must have nodded off again, because the next time she woke, she awoke to the rain, heavy and rhythmic with it's steady incessant beating on the glass behind the curtains. She stretched slowly, yawning and running a hand over her face, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

She checked the clock on her bedside table. It was nearly seven. She turned to find the space next to her vacant. She sat up, pulling the duvet up to cover her and listened for Max. She heard the familiar noise of her fridge door opening and closing and the pattering of bare feet on the stone floor.

She yawned again, her whole body stretching once more, pushing away the tension and aggression, relaxing each muscle in turn. She reluctantly slipped the bed covers away and took her dressing gown from the back of her bedroom door, wrapping it tightly about herself and making her way downstairs to the kitchen.

She found Max in the kitchen peering into her freezer.

"Morning."

She smiled, laughing as he jumped, turning and smiling apologetically.

"What are you looking for?"

She asked, padding over to him and looking into the drawer he had open

"Food."

He answered simply.

"Do you actually own any?"

He asked, closing the freezer door and pulling her in towards him for a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist and tucked her head under his chin.

"I usually order in."

She spoke against his chest, her breath against the bare skin beneath his t shirt.

"You don't have any food?!"

He laughed, placing his free hand on his empty stomach.

"Chocolate...maybe..."

She smiled as he took hold of her by the forearms and stood her at arms distance.

"Chocolate you say."

His fingers slipped to briefly intertwine with her own.

"Where is it?"

He asked, following her as she made her way to the cupboard above the sink. She opened the door and reached up, feeling along the top shelf before producing a bar of unopened Green and Blacks chocolate.

She passed it to him, an idea causing a smile to flicker across his lips.

"You go and sit down I'll be in in a minute."

He began to unwrap the chocolate as he spoke, turning his back on her as she left the room, making herself comfortable on one of the sitting room sofa's.

She flicked the television onto rolling news and pulled the throw from the top of the sofa over her as she curled against the pillows. She listened to Max humming to himself in the kitchen, she didn't recognise it. She heard him open and close several cupboard doors and the clatter of pots and pans.

"How do you turn your oven on?"

He called through, peering around the corner, saucepan in one hand.

"Turn it on at the wall?"

She replied, craning her neck to see him over the top of the sofa.

"You've never used this have you."

He said, gesturing with the saucepan, smiling as she shook her head.

He disappeared again, she channel hopped until she found the local news, watching the weatherman present varying degrees of rain and thunder across the country.

She dozed while Max busied himself, the clinking of mugs and Max's voice roused her.

"Here we go."

He sat down next to her, holding out a mug for her to take, she looked at it suspiciously before tasting it.

"Chocolate?"

She asked as he took a sip. He nodded.

"It's not as good as I'd make at home...but it'll do."

He lifted her legs with one arm and placed them across his lap.

"How did you manage this?"

She asked, raising her mug, sipping the hot, creamy chocolate, it lacked the spices of the previous night but was outstanding none-the-less.

"Secret."

He winked.

"What time are you in this morning?"

She asked, wriggling her toes so that they slid underneath his t-shirt and against his bare skin. He rested a hand over them.

"Nine, you can give me a lift if you want."

He trailed his fingers up and down the skin of her calves.

"I'll give you a lift, but Max you know we can't tell anyone about this?"

His fingers paused.

"I know."

He said quietly.

"If Connie finds out it will only give her more ammunition, and I can't handle all of the nursing staff..."

"I know."

He said again, reaching out to brush her cheek.

"So what is this anyway?"

He asked, relaxing back, watching her, smiling.

"This...?"

She broke eye contact, unsure of what to say.

"Do you want to see me again or is this just a one time only thing?"

He asked, his smile lessening, an edge of seriousness in what he was saying.

She raised an eyebrow.

"I'd have thought that would have been obvious."

She pushed her feet further against him, digging a heel gently into his lap.

"Careful!" He placed a hand on her feet, catching her amused expression.

"Can I take that as a yes or were you trying to castrate me?"

He asked, crossing his legs so that she couldn't do it again.

"You can take that as a yes."

She breathed, sipping the last few mouthfuls of chocolate.

"Now come and get ready, I'm not having you making me late."

_**Thank you everyone for your reviews. I love reading them throughout the day whilst I'm knee deep in nappies with toddler's hanging off me like Christmas decorations.**_

_**I will update at least twice again tomorrow for you. I hope you're all still enjoying it! Please feel free to send me more reviews to get me through a long day tomorrow x**_


	14. Chapter 14

"Stop yawning you look like Bagpuss when you yawn."

Zoe hissed, nudging Max as they walked together from the car park over to the ED entrance.

"yeah well I had a late night..."

He whispered, leaning into her as they walked.

"Not so close."

She breathed, speeding up so that she was ahead of him as they entered the building.

He winked at her as she glanced back before turning off towards her office. He grinned, making his way into the staff room where Robyn and Rita sat eating hobnobs and drinking sugary tea.

"Morning ladies."

He greeted, feeling the kettle to see if it was still warm.

"Morning"

Rita raised her biscuit at him in greeting.

"And where were you last night?"

Robyn asked, watching as he poured the water from the kettle into a mug and added milk, foregoing the teaspoon and using his fingers to fish the teabag out.

He smiled, placing the teabag into the compost bin and leaning against the worktop, tea in hand.

"Nowhere special."

He lied, his teeth beginning to feel dry from smiling so much.

"Have you got a girlfriend?"

Robyn asked, narrowing her eyes at her brother.

He looked at her as he raised his tea to his lips and blew a long steady breath into it before answering.

"Might have."

He quipped, sipping the hot tea, feeling it warm his throat as he swallowed.

"I knew it!"

Robyn reached for another hobnob and passed one to Rita.

"Who is it?"

She asked, taking a bite and chewing loudly.

He shook his head silently as he sipped his tea.

"Does she work here?"

Rita asked, nibbling around the edge of her biscuit.

"Questions, questions..."

He replied, amused at their interest.

"Does she work in the ED?"

Rita tried again. He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I can't say."

He said finally, moving over to grab a biscuit.

Robyn snatched the packet and held it against her chest.

"Not unless you tell us who it is."

She laughed, watching him contemplate whether or not he could grab them from her.

"It's Co..."

"Connie?!"

Rita nearly choked on her biscuit.

"No, co...nfidential information."

He moved back and placed his mug on the counter ready to be washed up.

"Right iId better go, things to see, people to do..."

Rita rolled her eyes. He opened the door.

"We'll find out who it is you know!"

Robyn called after him, hearing him laugh in reply as he made his way onto the ward.

Tess rounded the corner ahead of him, making her way towards him. He dipped his head, scratching at something on his forearm as he tried to hurry past.

"Max..."

She stopped abruptly, suddenly noticing him.

"Mmm?"

He looked up, feigning surprise at her presence.

"Can I have a word?"

She asked, gesturing towards her office.

"I've got..."

"It wont take long."

She cut him off, her steady wide eyes searching for his own.

"Ok.."

He agreed, following her past the nurses station and into her office. She closed the door and swivelled the stick that controlled the blinds so that they slanted upwards, shutting off the outside world.

"Have a seat."

She made her way to her own chair behind her desk. He pulled out the chair opposite and sat gingerly, wishing he had pulled the chair a little further away before sitting down.

"I just wanted to have a quick word about yesterday."

She said, placing her small hands neatly on the desk in front of her, her fingers clasped together tightly, her eyes still searching his face for contact. He looked up at her briefly, pushing his hands deep into his pockets.

"What about it?"

He asked softly, looking away again.

She pursed her lips, a kindness softening her gaze.

"I wasn't born yesterday, Max."

She said simply. He drew in a long breath and exhaled slowly, looking at her again. Remaining mute.

"Is there something going on between yourself and Dr Hana?"

She asked. He looked at her again, this time he didn't look away. His jaw flexed and he rolled a coin between his thumb and forefinger in his pocket.

"What makes you think that?"

He asked, his face remained infallible, expressionless.

She drew in a sigh.

"Look, if you don't want to talk about it that's fine, but Zoe is my friend and I feel it's my duty to look out for her."

She said, pulling her hands across the desk closer to her chest.

"Right."

He said, still maintaining eye contact.

"I just want to make sure you're not going to hurt her."

She said quietly, tilting her head, watching for his response, of which he had none.

"She's had a tough time over the past few years, she needs someone who will look after her, look out for her."

"And I won't?!"

He asked, his reserve faltering.

She pursed her lips again, taking his words as confirmation that 'something' was indeed going on.

"Listen."

He dipped his head, his voice hushed.

"Just because I'm a porter, doesn't mean I'm a shit human being."

He whispered.

"I know that Max, that's not what I was saying."

"Yeah well it sounded remarkably similar."

He folded his arms across his chest, his blue eyes cool and fixed on her.

"Max. You're young..."

She began again. He raised his arms, almost laughing.

"What's that got to do with anything?!"

He asked.

"ALL I'm trying to say, is that she's been hurt before. And she's under a lot of pressure with this job, she doesn't need any more distractions..."

He shook his head, sighing through his nose.

"You mean me?"

He hissed.

She didn't answer, merely looked back at him.

"Fine."

He stood up as he spoke.

"I'll go and do my job now. As pitiful as it may be."

He left, ignoring her call of his name.

Noel tried to hail him down as he passed by reception, he dipped his head, eyes focused down the corridor. He knocked on the door to Zoe's office, quickly before he lost his nerve.

"Come."

He paused hearing Connie's voice. His hand resting on the handle.

"Come in"

She called again, louder this time.

He felt the handle move under his palm and Connie opened the door.

"Do you not know how to use a door handle?"

She asked, placing a hand on her hip.

"Sorry, I..uh..."

He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, flashing her an apologetic smile.

"She's not here. She should be. But she's not."

Connie looked him up and down.

"Where's your name badge?"

She asked, noticing a small hole where it should have been. He glanced down to it, he hadn't noticed it was missing. He touched the hole.

"I'm not sure. I'm Max..."

His words left his mouth awkwardly and he cringed inside.

"I know who you are, I wasn't asking for your name, I wanted to know where your name badge was. Go and get a new one before you do anything else."

She moved back to close the door.

"I thought Zoe was the one in charge?"

He spoke before his thoughts before he had time to catch them.

"Excuse me?"

Connie folded her arms slowly across her white blouse, eyebrows raised, eyes blisteringly sharp.

"Dr Hana maybe clinical lead, but I am still a consultant in this department and If I ask you to do something then I expect you to do it."

Her voice was clipped and sinfully low, her lips tense as she spoke.

"Right... and would you speak to Charlie, or Tess like this...or Zoe even? Or do you just save it for us lowly porters and perhaps the odd cleaner?"

He asked, taking his hands from his pockets and holding them behind his back to steady them.

For a moment he thought she might not respond, a flicker of anger billowed behind her eyes. She stood for a moment, just looking at him.

"If I were you, I would go and get a new name badge, before you say something that I will ensure you regret."

Her voice was so low it was almost a whisper.

"Is that a threat?"

He asked, surprised at how even his voice sounded despite his shaking hands.

"A gentle reminder..."

She whispered, head cocked, a smile curling her lips.

"Well I suggest you keep your 'gentle reminders' to yourself and let me get on with my job, and while you're at it, let Zoe get on with hers instead of bullying her into..."

"Uh...Max?"

Zoe's heels came to a halt beside him.

"What's going on?"

She asked, glancing at a passer-by.

"Your porter has been giving me advice on how to do my job."

Connie let her hands fall to her sides as she spoke, smoothing a wave of hair from her cheek before clasping them in front of her chest.

"Max?"

Zoe looked toward Max, the gentle throbbing of her headache returning, creeping up on her as it always did around this time of day.

"I just thought..."

"No don't worry, I don't want to hear it. Connie, I'm sorry..."

She looked toward Connie who had tired of the conversation and was making her way back to her desk.

"Oh forget it, I already have...he's not that memorable."

She mused, tidying away something in her drawer.

Max smiled a bitter smile, glancing at Zoe who turned to look at him.

"What did you think you were doing?!"

She hissed, her eyes were wide and she placed a hand across her chest, feeling the tightness that was becoming ever more frequent.

He shrugged, alarmed by his own anger and the fact that he had told Connie what he thought without holding back.

"Max, I don't need you to protect me, I don't need your help."

She spoke quickly and quietly, reaching out to touch his arm, he took a step back away from her.

"Sorry."

He spoke awkwardly, as though his throat were constricted.

"I won't distract you any longer, Dr Hana."

He whispered, turning his back on her and walking away.

"What? Max! That's not what I was saying?!"

She called after him, placing a hand on her chest, feeling the stabbing pain of her anxiety. She rested against the wall, the floor tiles seeming to melt and sway beneath her. She felt violently sick all of a sudden and shut her eyes. Taking a deep breath in through her nose to steady herself. As she breathed out she felt a cool rush of hot prickles rise up the back of her neck, she shivered, everything seemed to slip and slither wildly before her eyes.

She tried to speak but the words that formed in her throat seemed to slow down and contort in her mouth. A black wall rose before her eyes, she reached to grab onto something that wasn't there before falling forwards to the ground, her head hitting the floor with a dull crack.

_**I hope you enjoyed that update. There will be plenty more tonight (children permitting). Comments gratefully received :)x **_


	15. Chapter 15

Max stood with his back to the hospital, leaning against the wall that jutted out into the car park, one arm folded across his waist, the other holding a cigarette part way to his mouth while he chewed on the skin next to his thumb nail.

He stared into the middle distance, partially aware of the patients and staff who passed him. He tried to think of nothing, to clear his mind. He could still feel the bitter dregs of rage in his stomach, and every so often he cringed at the memory of himself.

He pictured Connie's face, beautifully contorted with a pitying anger as he dared speak back to her. And Zoe's look of pure bewilderment and panic. He watched the smoke from his cigarette billow and dance on the breeze. He took a long draw on it and let the smoke out through his nose, letting it fall to his side, the ash catching in the wind and swirling to the wet concrete at his feet.

He let it drop and stepped on it with the sole of his shoe. Pausing before returning to the hospital. Moving slowly he placed both hands on the reception desk. Noel clapped his hands together.

"Max."

He said, placing his hands on the surface too, mirroring the porter.

"I need a new badge."

He said, gesturing to the hole where his used to be.

"Ah."

Noel opened a drawer and fished about in it.

"Here you go..."

He said as he wrote Max's name on a sticky label with a sharpie.

"Oh thanks..."

Max took the label and stuck it half-heartedly to his chest.

"I'll order a new one."

Noel said, smiling as Max rolled his eyes.

"Hey have you heard what's happened to Zoe?"

Louise asked, returning to the desk, speaking more to Noel than to Max.

"No, what?"

Noel asked, placing the sticky labels back into the drawer and popping the lid back onto the marker.

"She collapsed or something, they've just found her unconscious on the floor outside her office."

She said, casually clearing away the debris left on the desk.

Without a word Max left them talking, he felt a cold lump settle inside of him. He caught sight of Charlie as he entered the ward.

"Charlie!"

He called his name, his voice pinched in his throat.

"What's happened to Zoe?"

He asked, keeping his voice low despite his urgency.

Charlie held the phone he was holding against his shoulder.

"Tess."

He called, ignoring Max and gesturing for Tess to answer him before placing the phone back to his ear.

"What's happened?"

He breathed, his hands opening and clenching by his sides.

"Ok Max, calm down she just fainted. She's fine, she's in the side room."

Tess nodded in the direction of the side room nearest them.

She held out a hand as he began to move away.

"She's under a lot of stress."

She repeated her earlier words.

"I know."

He said, manoeuvring around her and towards the door to the side room. He pushed the handle down and peered around the door into the room.

Zoe lay on the hospital bed, her eyes closed, the side of her head bandaged and swollen.

"Zoe..."

He whispered. She opened an eye, watching him as he closed the door behind him and leant against it.

"Can I come in?"

He asked. She raised a hand in response, offering it out to him.

He moved away from the door and took her hand in his, holding it gently, warming her cold fingers.

"What happened to you?"

He asked, stroking the back of her hand with both of his thumbs.

"I just fainted."

She answered, clearing her throat as she spoke.

"People don't 'just faint'."

He whispered.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

She shook her head and squeezed his fingers.

"I know what Connie's like. I don't blame you."

She smiled.

"I just didn't expect that when you said you'd have words with her you actually would!"

She laughed slightly, the laugh quickly turning into a cough. She winced and held her chest.

"Are you ok?"

He leant over her, still holding her hand, raising the other hand to stroke her hair.

She nodded.

"I'll be fine. I just need to eat something. Low blood sugar and stress..."

She tailed off, rubbing the pain in her chest.

"How about I cook us dinner...tonight?"

He asked slowly, smiling as he spoke.

She raised an eyebrow.

"A man of many talents, I'm impressed."

She laughed again.

"Don't be, you haven't tasted it yet."

He smiled, using the back of his fingers to rub against her cheek. She closed her eyes and turned her face to press against them.

"Wait here until I've finished."

He said, leaning over to kiss her on the forehead.

The door clicked open and Tess cleared her throat. Max rose from the bed and stepped to one side, letting go of Zoe's hand.

"Your blood results are back."

She looked pointedly at Max and back to Zoe.

"And?"

Zoe asked, reaching out again for Max. He dutifully took hold of her hand again, smiling as she squeezed his fingers tight.

"You were right, your blood sugar levels are really quite low. You need to remember to eat, Zoe...and eat properly."

Zoe rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I will."

She promised.

"And rest..."

Tess added, looking again toward Max who avoided eye contact.

"I will."

Zoe repeated.

"Now, I want you to stay here for a couple of hours, but after that, how are you getting home? Would you like me to ring you a taxi?"

She asked. Zoe stalled, she hadn't thought.

"I could drive?"

Max offered tentatively.

"I didn't know you had a car?"

Tess asked, closing Zoe's notes and cradling them in her arms.

"I don't..."

He looked toward Zoe who raised her eyebrows, amused.

"You want to drive my car?!"

She asked, watching as his smile widened.

"Why not?"

He grinned.

Zoe glanced at Tess, catching the look of disapproval that laced her face.

"Fine. He'll drive me."

She said, giving his hand one last squeeze before letting it go.

"Are you sure? It really wouldn't be any bother to ring for a taxi..."

"Tess..."

Zoe silenced her friend with a curt smile.

"Ok..but remember, get plenty to eat and REST."

Tess conceded, stepping away from the door as Max opened it and held it open for her, leaning in as he followed her out.

"I promise not to keep her up all night."

He whispered, smiling as he passed her by.

_**I will try to update again this evening, but if not I apologise and there will be more tomorrow :) Thanks again to all of you for reading. I seem to have quite a few messages telling me not to stop writing this – don't worry, I will see it through to the end, which is quite a way off yet! x**_


	16. Chapter 16

The final couple of hours of the day dawdled by in a haze of wheelchair pushing and bed wheeling muddled with half ideas of what to cook for Zoe for dinner.

He made his way to the staff room to collect his coat as soon as the clock hit six. Cal, Lofty and Robyn were sitting at the coffee table counting out change.

"What're you doing?"

He asked, shrugging on his coat and turning up the collar.

"We've got a bet running on who can find out who your secret girlfriend is first."

Robyn wrote something down on a piece of paper as she spoke.

"Ah."

Max answered, pushing his hands into his pocket and retrieving his phone to turn it back on.

"So who is she?"

Cal asked as Max pushed his phone back into his pocket.

"I am sworn to secrecy."

He smiled, zipping up his jacket all the way to his chin.

"Well whoever it is we'd better work fast, he'll be onto the next one next week."

Robyn said as she used a yellow highlighter to highlight each persons name who had put a bet down.

"What do you mean by that?"

Max asked, pausing his hand on his zip.

"Well you're not exactly a one-woman man are you."

She raised an eyebrow at him, briefly looking up.

"I am."

He said, rocking on his heels and slipping his hands into his back pockets.

"Are you?"

Asked Cal, disbelievingly.

"Yep."

Max answered, refusing to give anything away.

"What about that new girl, the blonde in ENT, nice or what?"

Cal pushed, nudging Lofty for support.

"Not interested."

Max answered, smiling at the surprise on Robyn's face.

"Really?"

Lofty asked, passing Robyn a stack of fifty pence pieces.

"Yep. I've changed."

He said simply.

"What, overnight?"

Robyn scoffed, placing the coins into a bag and sealing them up before popping them into a small brown sack.

"Oh ok, what about Graham in dermatology?"

Cal asked, a smile toying with his lips.

Max rolled his eyes and made his way to the door.

"Changed as in 'I think I'm ready for commitment'"

He corrected, noting Robyn's raised eyebrow and open mouth as he exited backwards through the door.

As he left the room Tess was wheeling Zoe to the entrance in a wheelchair.

"Are we taking that back with us!?"

He asked, moving to take the wheelchair from Tess.

"It's ok I can push her to the car."

She said quickly, pushing Zoe over the grates in the floor at the entrance and out into the night.

"Ah yes, I haven't had much practise with wheelchairs."

He mused under his breath as he followed Tess and Zoe over to where her car was parked.

"Keys".

Zoe held out a set of keys for Max, which he accepted with a flourish, nodding briefly to Tess.

"See you tomorrow."

He called, tossing the keys into the air and catching them before he unlocked the passenger side and opened the door, moving to help Zoe out of the wheelchair and into the car.

"Make sure she rests."

Tess said again, clasping her hands, a nervous look in her dark eyes as he helped Zoe into the passenger seat and strapped her in.

"We don't really need this do we?"

He asked, gesturing to the wheelchair.

"Take it just in case, she's had a head injury she might be unsteady."

Tess spoke as she folded up the wheelchair and lifted it into his arms.

"Thanks..."

He moved to the back of the car and lifted the wheelchair into the boot, closing the door with a slam that made Zoe wince before he slipped into the drivers seat and clicked his belt across himself.

He started the engine and smiled as he felt Zoe watching him.

"I don't know what she thinks I'm going to do with you."

He said, checking the mirrors as he began to reverse.

Zoe raised a hand to wave Tess goodbye.

"She looks terrified."

He added, glancing at her as he pulled away from the car park and out onto the road.

"She just worries about me."

Zoe said, leaning back into the seat, using a hand to work the lever under the chair to allow it to tilt backwards. She closed her eyes.

"Relaxed are we?"

He asked, slowing to a halt at the roundabout.

"No, I just thought I'd probably better have my eyes closed for this."

She laughed, feeling the soft thwack of his hand against her thigh before the car moved off again, making its way remarkably smoothly around the roundabout and onto the duel carriage way.

They had only travelled a few metres before she felt the car slow to a halt.

"Why're you pulling off here?"

She asked, opening her eyes as he pulled into the Tesco car park.

"If I'm going to cook you dinner, I'm going to need some food."

He answered, pulling into a disabled spot just at the front entrance.

"You can't park here!"

She glanced out of the window and the disabled sign.

"You look disabled enough."

He answered, un clipping his seatbelt and opening the door.

"I won't be long. Stay there and remember...REST."

He winked, she rolled her eyes and folded her arms, watching him in the wing mirror as he crossed over the zebra crossing and made his way into the supermarket.

_**This is all for tonight folks, but there will be lots more tomorrow (more exciting too)**_

_**Night night all :) x**_


	17. Chapter 17

"Well, that was incredible."

Zoe leant back in her seat, placing both hands on her stomach, looking over at Max who was finishing his last mouthful.

"Why thank you."

He took a sip of his wine and stood up to clear the table. He had spent the previous two hours preparing and cooking a full roast dinner with all trimmings, followed by a nectarine and marzipan tart.

He moved her plate away from her, stacking it on top of his own and placed it next to the sink along with the rest of the washing up.

"Is there anything you can't do?"

She asked, rubbing her stomach, it felt hard beneath her touch, full of food, food that tasted much nicer than any of the takeaways that she usually had.

He winked at her as she sipped at her wine.

"Don't drink too much remember, Tess wouldn't approve."

He waggled a finger before putting the plug into the sink and running the hot tap, methodically washing each one carefully and placing them on the draining board. She watched him, a smile toying with the corners of her mouth.

"I've got a dishwasher you know..."

She smiled, watching as he turned to her, placing the last saucepan on the stack of clean utensils.

"Bitch."

He whispered, flicking a tea towel in her direction.

She refilled her glass, and took another mouthful.

"No more."

He said, resting his hand around the neck of the wine bottle that had been placed between them on the table, the third one of the evening.

She rolled her eyes as he took a swig from it before placing it in the door of the fridge.

He opened the prescription bag that he'd left on the side next to the oven and popped two clear oval tablets from the foil wrapper, cupping them in his hand and taking them over to her.

"Your drugs for that head of yours."

He said, offering them to her. She placed them on her tongue, swallowing them with a gulp of wine. She winced as they slipped down her throat.

"I'm not sure Tess would approve..."

He smiled, watching her place the almost empty glass back on the table with a swaying hand.

"Well it's a good job she's not here then..."

She leaned forwards, pushing her fingers against her temples as she spoke, her words slow and slurred.

"Come on you."

He stood beside her holding out a hand.

"I might need more than a hand."

She breathed, reaching out to take his hand but missing by some distance.

"Am I going to have to carry you?"

He asked, suppressing a smile, amused by this new Zoe, one he hadn't seen before. A Zoe that trusted him to look after her, relied upon him when she needed him.

She looked up at him, one eye closed so that she could focus on him.

He took her hand and pulled her to her feet, she fell against him, snorting a laugh through her nose.

"Alright you, come on."

He bent down and lifted her, carrying her cradled against himself.

"God how much do you weigh?"

He laughed, feeling her giggle into his neck as he struggled up the stairs. His knees beginning to wobble as he reached the top. He used his foot to kick open her bedroom door and dropped her onto the bed.

He straightened his back, looking over her as she lay on top of the bed, eyes closed, a dreamy smile dancing across her lips.

"I think it's the tablets."

She said, raising an arm to gesture to her head with wavering fingers.

"Mmm...and two and a bit bottles of wine."

He hauled her up so that her head was resting on the pillows, rolling her onto her side and placing a pillow long ways in front of her to stop her from rolling out of bed.

He tugged the duvet out from under her and pulled it up over her, realising as he did so that she was already asleep.

He watched her for a moment, her dark hair feathered against her cheek, her mascara slightly smudged under one eye, her lips parted as she breathed slowly.

He bent down, placing a soft kiss against the bandage on her forehead before unbuckling his belt to remove his jeans and slipping into the bed next to her, curling his body around her own, an arm tucked up from behind her, his hand against her chest, her heart beating against his palm as he drifted off to sleep.

He awoke in the morning to his mobile phone ringing from his jeans pocket.

He stretched and rolled over, reaching out from the bed to grab the leg of his jeans, pulling them over and retrieving his phone.

"Hello?"

He answered, pinching between his eyes, lying back on the bed.

"Max it's Tess, how is Zoe today?"

He could hear the noise of the ward in the background. He pushed himself up on his elbow, looking about for a clock.

"What time is it?"

He asked, covering his mouth as he yawned.

"Eleven. I've swapped your day shift for tonight. How is Zoe?"

She repeated, her voice hurried and clipped.

He looked over at Zoe who lay, still sleeping next to him. Her mouth now wide open, her hair fluttering at her lips. He smiled.

"She's fine, she's still asleep."

He answered through another yawn.

"Could you get her to give me a call when she wakes?"

Tess asked, speaking to someone else in the background as he answered.

"I'd better go"

She spoke over him.

"Make sure she rests."

She added before hanging up.

He tossed his phone onto the bedside table and lay back on the bed looking up at the ceiling.

"Was she checking up on me again?"

Zoe's voice came muffled from beside him.

He glanced down at her.

"She was checking that I was letting you rest and not screwing your brains out."

He yawned.

She snorted.

"I can't imagine Tess saying that."

She smiled into the pillow and rolled over to face him, her eyes barely open.

"Was I awful last night?"

She asked, resting her head on his chest and curling an arm around his waist, slipping her fingers into the waist band of his boxers.

"No...not awful...no."

He whispered into her hair.

"Although you did throw up on me...twice."

He added, smiling against the fruity smell of her scalp.

"Oh God."

She murmured, burying her face against his bare chest. He smelled of soap. He'd lost his t-shirt in the middle of the night when she had announced she was going to throw up and he'd taken her to the bathroom where she had vomited over him before he'd managed to lift the toilet lid.

"Sorry."

She breathed, her face still buried against him.

"That's ok, you made it up to me by kissing me and telling me to 'fax you'. I'm assuming you meant something else."

He pressed his lips against the top of her head as she looked up at him.

"We didn't did we?"

She asked, her eyes dark and smudged with mascara.

"No. We were both standing on the scales and you kept looking down and shouting 'Oh my God, I've put on twelve stone!' ...Bit off putting. Besides, you had sick mouth."

He ran a hand over her hair as she groaned and hid her face against his neck.

"I'm joking."

He whispered, running his free hand up and down along the soft skin of her upper arm.

"About the last bit anyway."

He pulled the duvet up over her arm, feeling her shiver.

"How's the head?"

He asked.

"Need anymore tablets?"

She shook her head, slipping her hand from his boxers to run her fingertips across the bare flesh of his chest, resting there for a moment before slipping her fingers down across his stomach, across the elastic waist band of his boxers to the smooth fabric of them, toying with him through the fabric.

"No tablets."

She whispered.

_**A party, a revelation and a shock to come... Comments very welcome :)**_


	18. Chapter 18

The day passed by quickly. Zoe slept for most of it, catching up on much needed sleep before returning to work that evening, arriving under the cover of darkness with Max by her side. She pulled into her usual parking space, allowing him to leave the car before her, allowing a slight gap in their arrivals.

She passed him at reception, the bandage on her head changed for a square plaster that he had cut to size.

"See you later."

She whispered as she passed him by, glancing back at him as he made his way into the staff room, Cal and Robyn following him in.

"Why do I feel as though I'm being accosted?"

Max asked, turning to face his sister and Cal, letting himself fall down into one of the chairs that surrounded the small coffee table.

Robyn sat next to him while Cal made his way over to the biscuit tin.

"So were you with her again last night?"

Robyn asked, taking a gingernut and a custard cream from the biscuit tin that Cal offered them before he sat down.

"Hello to you too."

Max said, taking a gingernut and biting it in half.

"Were you?"

She repeated, prizing the top from her custard cream and licking the centre of it.

"Might have been."

He said, placing the rest of the gingernut in his mouth and crunching it.

"It must be someone who works here."

Robyn mused, finishing the custard cream and reaching for another whilst Cal went to fill the kettle.

"What's his usual type?"

Cal asked, flicking the kettle on.

"Maybe we can narrow it down."

He winked at Max as he spoke, placing three mugs alongside the kettle, adding a forth as Lofty entered.

"I haven't got a type."

Max smiled, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, enjoying the frustration he was causing.

"Ok, what are your top five qualities in a mate?"

Cal asked, pouring the tea.

"In a mate? Who do you think you are, David Attenborough?"

Max reached out for another biscuit, balancing the gingernut on his knee as he accepted the tea from Cal.

"No, seriously, top five qualities in a woman? For example..."

He sat down, placing the rest of the mugs on the table.

"Mine would be, number one; bendy...number two; shaved...number three; slightly anorexic. Number four..."

He paused and took a handful of biscuits, piling them next to his mug.

"Number four...about 5% lesbian. Number 5; good in bed..."

He concluded, pushing a gingernut whole into his mouth.

Robyn rolled her eyes and looked toward Max.

"Well?"

She urged, picking up her tea and blowing on it.

He dipped his gingernut in his tea, holding it there until the last moment before biting off the tip.

"Number one; breathing. Number two: Must appreciate the genius of David Bowie. Number three...thoughtful eyes..."

He smiled, catching Robyn's exasperated sigh.

"Number four: unpredictable. And Number five... intelligent."

He finished, dipping his biscuit again.

"Intelligent?"

Scoffed Cal, suppressing a laugh with another biscuit.

"So what are we looking for... an unpredictable, yet intelligent, alive David Bowie fan...with eyes."

He concluded. Robyn snorted into her tea.

"The impossible dream..."

Mused Max, sipping his tea.

"Anyway, I'd better go, she might be waiting in my office for me, completely naked."

He stood up, leaving his half drunk tea on the table and stepping over the various bags and jackets to the door.

"You haven't got an office, it's a cupboard."

Robyn called behind him, snatching the last custard cream from Cal.

"Laters!"

Max called, waving a hand without turning back.

_**Just a bit of silliness before the action... :)**_


	19. Chapter 19

Tess was waiting in her office when Zoe finally managed to leave the ward and retreat back for ten minutes rest in amongst a cup of heavily sugared coffee and paperwork.

She greeted Zoe with a warm smile as she entered, standing up to allow Zoe her seat back.

"How are you feeling?"

She asked, placing a warm hand on Zoe's shoulder as she sat down heavily in her chair.

"Exhausted."

She puffed, immediately regretting her choice of words as she saw Tess's brow furrow.

"You should have taken more time off Zoe, it isn't good for you, all this stress, not enough sleep..."

Zoe ran a hand through her hair, drawing in a deep breath.

"I can manage Tess, thanks. I've just got so much to do."

She gestured to the growing pile of files on her desk.

"They weren't here this morning."

She sighed.

"So delegate, ask for help."

Tess coaxed, seating herself on the edge of Connie's desk.

"Now you sound like Mrs Beauchamp."

Zoe breathed, raising an eyebrow and drawing the files towards her to begin sorting through them.

"Well maybe she could help?"

Tess asked, placing a hand on top of the files to stop her.

"I don't think so..."

Zoe removed her hands from the papers and placed them on her knees under the desk.

"Tess, I need to get these sorted..."

She began, Tess holding up her hands in surrender.

"I just want to speak to you, it won't take long."

She clasped her hands in her lap, pausing, looking over at Zoe who waited impatiently for her to begin.

"Is this about Max?"

She asked, too tired to skirt around the subject.

"Yes...Zoe..."

Zoe rubbed at her temples, a now familiar habit that she seemed to find herself doing almost hourly.

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

Tess asked, lowering her voice as she spoke.

Zoe drew in another sigh and leant back in her chair, looking over at Tess.

"I hardly think you're one to judge."

She whispered, arcing an eyebrow and tilting her head, pushing her hair behind her ears.

"Zoe, that's not fair. That was different."

Tess frowned in defence, pursing her lips in concern.

"How so?"

Zoe asked, trying to mask the aggression in her voice.

"Fletch and I were a mistake, but we loved each other."

Tess lowered her voice even further so that Zoe had to strain her ears to hear.

"And I'm not clinical lead."

She added, watching as Zoe almost laughed.

"Is that what this is about? The fact that I'm clinical lead and he's what? A Lowly porter? Please Tess, I didn't think you were so judgemental."

She shook her head, pulling the pile of notes back over to her and beginning to flick through them.

"Zoe..."

"No, Tess. It is just a bit of fun, just a bit of light relief and God knows I need that right now. I couldn't care less what his job title is."

She refused to look back over at Tess, but could sense the other woman's patience wearing thin.

"Zoe, it's not because he is a porter."

Tess tried again, she saw Zoe's nose flare as she drew a breath in but remained silent.

"I've seen what he's like, he's a ladies man. And who isn't...at his age..."

Zoe laughed again, finally looking back over at Tess.

"Ah, so you mean I'm too old for him?"

She smiled, but her eyes remained cold and bitter.

"No, I just don't want to see you getting hurt again. He's a flirt Zoe, you need someone who is ready to settle down and..."

"And get married?...Have kids?"

Zoe asked pointedly. Seeing Tess wince at her words.

"I know what I want, Tess. And right now I just want to have some fun, and to forget about this fucking place. Is that so much to ask? I don't care if he's a flirt. God know's I am sometimes. And I couldn't give a fuck that he's a porter..."

Connie entered part way through her rant, pausing and letting the door close slowly behind her, she looked from Zoe to Tess and back to Zoe again.

"Oh God you're sleeping with the porter."

Connie breathed, exasperated. She set some documents down on her desk and placed her hands on her hips, looking toward Zoe who raised her eyebrows in defence.

"Don't start Connie. It's a fling, that's all it is, a fling, and I know for a fact that you've had your fair share."

She watched as Connie nodded slowly.

"Ah yes, but I think it's fair to say that I chose fairly carefully..."

She sat down at her desk, rearranging something in her drawer.

"For God's sake what is wrong with you both? If the difference between our status' matters so much to you both then I'll quit. How's that? Connie, there you go, my job handed to you on a plate."

She stood up as she spoke, her voice gaining momentum and volume, holding out her bare palms to Connie who rolled her eyes in response.

"Oh stop being so melodramatic."

Connie breathed sourly.

"Zoe..."

Tess tried to speak but Zoe interrupted.

"No, no. Here you go, look around, this is yours now."

She gestured with both hands to the small office, glaring at Connie, her eyes prickling and the back of her throat burning with bile that rose up from her stomach.

"Don't be silly, Zoe, Guy would need to..."

"I will tell Guy. I will let him know right now. Happy?"

She took hold of the bag she had under her desk, looping it over her shoulder, pausing to look from a smug Connie to a startled Tess.

"Happy?"

She asked again. Her chest contracting sharply around jaggered breaths.

Both Tess and Connie remained silent. Tess through sheer shock, Connie through fear she may change her mind.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Zoe wheezed, leaving the office sharply, slamming the door behind her and making her way to Guy's office, her heels cracking sharply on the tiled floor as she walked.

She caught sight of Max in the distance, pinning something to a notice board. She stalked past him to the stairs, ignoring him, not wanting to falter in case she lost her nerve.

"Zoe?"

He called after her, taking the stairs two at a time to catch up with her.

"Zoe?"

Still she ignored him.

"Where are you going?"

He jogged to catch up with her, reaching out for her arm but she shrugged him off.

"To see Guy Self."

She said, her jaw was set and her voice sounded flat and unnaturally calm.

"Why? Zoe, what's happened?"

He walked beside her, once again reaching out for only to be shaken off.

"I'm not doing this anymore."

She said quickly, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, still not slowing down.

"What?!" He faltered, bumping into her as she stopped abruptly outside of Guy's office, banging on the door loudly with her fist.

"Zoe, Zoe look at me..."

He tried to force her hands into his but she pulled away banging again until Guy himself opened the door, his face flushed and stern.

She pushed her way into the office without a word, shutting the door firmly behind her.

She left the office. Stepping back out into the corridor, something of a weight seeming to lift from her, she caught sight of Max standing nearby, reading a poster that someone had stuck up on the wall of the waiting room.

"Max..."

She called, he turned, glancing at her before walking away from her.

"Max, Stop! Come back here."

She shouted, breathless and slightly giddy from the adrenaline that throbbed within her veins.

He turned, somewhere a smile lurked beneath his his lips.

"Stop? Come back here? Which, I'm confused..."

A smile tempted his lips into a slow grin as she neared and he noticed the slight sheen of sweat across her forehead.

"You're talking to me now then?"

He whispered, folding his arms across his chest.

"Sorry..."

She began.

"What's going on?"

He asked, moving with her out of the way of the patients and staff that passed them by.

"Not here."

She breathed.

"Can we go to your cupboard?"

She asked, hoping a smile would help to repay him for her earlier behaviour.

"Only if you call it my office."

He smiled, relaxing his arms and moving off ahead of her.

"Fine."

She followed him down the flight of stairs back down to the ED.

"Can we go to your office."

She repeated, still trailing behind him as they made their way to his cupboard. He unlocked the door and held it open. She ducked under his arm to enter, the smell of cleaning products and damp meeting her.

He locked the door behind them and gestured for her to sit in the chair.

"Drink?"

He asked, she shook her head and sat in the chair, waiting as he sat down in front of her on the table, she smiled briefly, remembering their previous visit to this room.

"So what's going on?"

He asked, clasping his hands between his knees, leaning forward, unable to read the flurry of emotions behind her eyes.

"I quit."

She said simply.

"Pardon?"

Whatever he had been expecting her to say, 'I quit' wasn't it.

"I've just been to hand my resignation in to Guy."

She said slowly, her stomach still knotted and slightly nauseas.

He didn't seem to speak for sometime, just watched her, unsure of what to say. Eventually he leant back and drew in a long breath before exhaling.

"Fuck."

He whispered. Standing up and pacing around the table.

"Why?"

He eventually asked, still pacing, looking at the floor beneath his feet, his hands deep in his back pockets.

"I'm not the best one for the job."

She answered quietly, twisting the ring she wore around and around on her finger.

"I don't get it."

He sat down opposite her again, looking across at her, eyebrows furrowed, his blue eyes glittering in the light from overhead.

"It should be Connie."

She said, stifling a yawn, the dim lighting in the cupboard making her suddenly sleepy.

"Bullshit."

He shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

"Has this got anything to do with me?"

He asked, looking directly at her, looking for some give away, or tell tale truth of what was going on.

"Not directly."

She shook her head, unable to maintain eye contact.

"Fuck."

He whispered again.

"So what now?"

He asked.

"Where are you going to go?"

He added, too many thoughts battling to the forefront of his mind.

She drew up her shoulders, her eyes pricked with tears once more.

"Who knows...away? Just for a while?"

She whispered, smiling an odd nervous smile.

"You can't leave like this, this is shit."

He hissed, still staring at her, unblinking.

"Shit happens."

She whispered, standing gingerly, wanting to reach out for him but resisting, avoiding eye contact as she left, closing the door softly behind her.

_**More to come, tonight or tomorrow depending on whether my children stay asleep! Hope you enjoyed it? :) x**_


	20. Chapter 20 (the correct chapter 20!)

**ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS: ROCK 'N' ROLL SUICIDE**

The wind screamed, tossing and turning, whipping the trees, tearing the weakest branches from their limbs and scattering them here and there, smashing windscreens, crashing recycling bins to the ground and hurling them about the road as if they danced on invisible strings, their lids wide, gaping, noiselessly until the wind howled again, snapping them shut and crushing them against the concrete.

Max stood, hands in pockets, the rain stinging his face, burning his lips with the chill of it. He wore only his leather jacket for protection over his t-shirt, zipped tightly around his body. His jeans were dark and slack against his legs, wet through and sucked against his thighs.

The sky was a billowing shameless black, no stars, just the blinding dark and the roar of the wind.

He watched her house, Zoe's house. The windows were dark, the house loomed against the sky as if it might tumble down, her driveway was empty.

He watched it, unsure of what he was waiting for, but knowing that whatever it was would not happen. He turned slowly, even the inside of his shoes were wet and they squelched and squeaked as he walked, his socks sucking at his toes.

He made his way back out onto the road, head bent against the rain and the wind as he made his way up to the bypass, tucking himself into the bushes against the side of the road as he walked. The cars flushed past him, their tyres hissing through the puddles, splashing him with muddy water that shone with the glitter of petrol.

He had barely started walking when a car slowed down, passing him, hazard lights flashing as it pulled over in front of him. He stopped, several feet behind it, blinking through the rain to watch as the drivers door opened and someone leaned out to face him.

"Max! Get in the car!"

It was Charlie, he blinked against the rain, he could barely see ahead of him, just the streaked lights of the car and the lampposts.

He contemplated turning around until someone in a passing car shouted something at him and threw a half empty can of beer in his direction, it hit him on the arm and fell at his feet, the wind immediately whipping it up to play with, tossing it back into the road where it rolled between the wheels of several vehicles before being crushed by a lorry.

"Max!"

Charlie shouted louder this time and motioned with his arm.

Defeated he made his way over to the car, opening the back door as Charlie slammed his front door closed.

"What were you doing?!"

Charlie asked, turning to face him from the front seat. Tess sat next to him on the passenger side, both stared him, foreheads creased with worry or annoyance he couldn't tell.

He wiped a hand over his face, trickles of rain dribbling from his hair across his cheeks and down the length of his nose.

"Just walking."

He said, placing his hands between his thighs to warm them. Charlie pulled away from the edge of the road.

"Along the bypass?!"

Tess asked, shaking her head slightly.

His body began to tremble, the cold sinking deeper, through his clothes, through his skin, gnawing uncomfortably on his bones.

"She's at my house."

Charlie said matter of factly, ignoring the wide eyed look that Tess shot him.

"Charlie!"

She hissed, Charlie obviously having been told not to tell anyone where she was.

"What?"

Max asked, the noise of the rain on the roof of the car and the clattering of his teeth inside his head made it difficult to hear.

"Zoe, she's at my house."

Charlie repeated, turning off the by pass onto a small estate.

"Charlie, she asked you not to tell anyone."

Tess glanced at Max who remained silent and expressionless.

"You've tried talking to her, I've tried. If anyone is going to get through to her, it might well be him."

Charlie answered, pulling into the driveway of a small brick building with a neat front garden.

"Will you speak to her?"

He asked, switching the car off and looking back at Max in the rear view mirror. The porter was gazing vaguely out of the window next to him, his lips trembling with cold.

"Max?"

He asked, louder this time, removing his keys from the car and pushing them into his pocket.

"I'm not sure it'll do much good."

He answered quietly. Tess began to look impatient.

"Just come inside and get warmed up."

She said, watching him begin to move slowly, pushing his door open, the three of them stepping out into the rain. He followed them to the doorstep, Charlie fumbling with his keys, Tess trying to shield her face from the rain that spilled from the small roof above the front door.

"We're back."

Charlie called into the house, closing the front door and slipping his shoes off.

The creaking of floorboards came from somewhere along with the fluttering of paper.

"This way."

Charlie led them in through the sitting room door. Zoe was sitting at the end of the sofa, feet curled next to her, facing away from them.

"How are you doing?"

Charlie asked, placing a hand on Zoe's shoulder as she turned, catching sight of Tess, then Max. She stood up abruptly, a magazine falling from her lap to the floor. Her mascara was smudged slightly under each eye.

"What's he doing here?!"

She asked, her voice husky as if she'd been crying.

"Oh thanks!"

Max almost laughed, bemused by the sudden hostility she was showing towards him.

"I didn't mean it like that."

Zoe sighed, sitting back down again.

"Who else have you told?"

She asked. Tess moved around the sofa while Charlie sat next to her, placing a hand on her knee as Tess gestured towards the kitchen.

"I'll go and make us all a drink."

She said quietly making herself scarce.

"We haven't told anyone else."

Charlie squeezed her knee, trying to catch her eye. He noticed the foundation she wore on her cheeks was faintly tear streaked and her eyes were bloodshot.

"I thought he might be able to talk some sense into you."

She snorted at his words, glancing up to see Max quietly move over to the chair opposite her. She noticed how wet he was, the water from his clothes gradually seeping into the arm of the chair where he perched.

"You look like you've been swimming."

She said, looking him over, his hair flat against his scalp, his lips pale.

"Not far off."

He answered, watching her, trying to see past the riddle of her exterior. She looked away again.

"You should probably change into something dry."

Charlie stood up as he spoke.

"I'll find you something."

He added, leaving the room to make his way upstairs.

Zoe shifted, uncurling her legs so that she sat upright, her body stiff, still unable to look up at Max, despite being able to feel his eyes on her, begging her to look up.

"I don't understand what I've done wrong..."

He spoke quietly, hearing Tess moving about in the kitchen and the gentle squeal of the kettle beginning to boil on the hob.

"You haven't..."

Zoe looked up at him, meeting his eyes finally.

"You haven't done anything wrong."

She whispered, her eyes pooling with sparkling tears.

"I'm sorry."

She added, looking up towards the ceiling, trying to stop the tears from over flowing.

Max drew in a breath, standing slowly from where he sat, taking the three short steps across the the sofa and kneeling down in front of her, touching her chin with his fingers. She looked down at him, attempting a wobbly smile.

"Just let me in here."

He gestured to her head, her hair felt limp and faintly greasy beneath his cold fingers.

"Just tell me what's going on."

He whispered. She breathed in a faltering breath to steady herself. Blinking again to quell the tears, one or two escaping and slithering quickly down her cheeks. He raised both hands to her face, his thumbs wiping away the tears.

"I've left some clothes out for you on the spare bed, feel free to have a shower to warm up."

Charlie returned, stopping in his tracks as he noticed Max kneeling before Zoe.

"I'll show him."

Zoe answered, her voice catching in her throat.

"Take your time..."

Charlie watched as she stood up, noticing the fresh tears and the quivering lip.

"Towels are in the airing cupboard on the landing."

He added as they left the room as Tess entered carrying a tray laden with tea cups, a teapot, milk jug and sugar bowl.


	21. Chapter 21

Zoe sat on the edge of the bed while Max stood in the entrance to the en suite. He struggled to pull his jeans off the damp denim clinging to his skin, he left them in a heap on the floor as he pulled his t-shirt off over his head, the material sweeping his hair all in one direction where it stayed, sticking out at one side. She smiled despite herself. He kept his boxers on, although they hung low about his waist. He leaned in to the shower and turned the taps, checking the water before slipping his underwear off and stepping in to the small shower.

She toyed with the ring she wore, twisting it back and forth until the skin under it began to feel sore. The hiss of the shower seemed to merge with the rain outside and the wind rattled the windows in their frames as though it was trying to get inside.

She remembered how different it had been before she had been given the job of clinical lead. She remembered how different she had been. Would Max have found her as attractive then?

Was Tess right, was she still just another conquest?

Her head felt foggy, too full of half thoughts and blurred memories. Even this break, this time out that she had suddenly decided upon hadn't gone to plan.

She thought of Nick. What a different relationship they had had compared to what she had with Max. Could this even be called a relationship? It confused her to think about it, whether or not this was the beginning of something more, or the tail end of nothing. She closed her eyes, she could smell the heat of the shower water, the smell of shower gel. She could faintly see the blurred outline of Max's body behind the glass screen that had misted over. Every now and then his hip or elbow would hit the screen and she'd glimpse flesh before the condensation built up again.

Her head ached and her molars throbbed. She tried to relax her jaw, realising she had been clenching her teeth. She stood up without thinking, knowing she had to do something, had to find the answers to the questions that were clouding her judgement, killing an integral part of her slowly with the poison that doubt breeds.

She unzipped her dress, forcing her arm to bend behind her back as she did so, before wriggling free of the material. She freed the clasp of her bra and placed her dress and underwear on the chest of drawers, taking a steadying breath in before moving into the en suite. She drew the glass divide back slowly, steam billowing into her face, making it momentarily difficult to breathe. Max had his back to her, she stepped in behind him, slipping both arms around his waist as he turned.

She kissed his shoulder blade, he tasted of soap.

The water from the overhead shower wet her hair, skittering over her body and face, her mascara stinging her eyes as it ran.

He turned in her arms to face her, his smile making her stomach ache. She touched it with her fingers, his lips hot and pink, soft against her fingertips.

"Hello grumpy."

He said, sliding his hands across her hips as she laced her fingers around his neck. Her body pressed up against his own.

She shuddered against him, the heat from the shower sending goosebumps across her skin.

"I'm not grumpy."

She ran her fingers into his hair, her nails grazing his scalp.

"Oh...?"

He moved his head so that his forehead rested against her own.

"Can I try to cheer you up anyway?"

He asked, kissing the corners of her mouth as she nodded, smiling against his kisses, feeling his hands traverse her body, slick with soap and warm from the heat of the water.

She caught her breath as he backed her against the wall of the shower, the cold tiles making her gasp and shiver. He laughed into her neck, kissing the length of it, gently allowing his teeth to graze the skin of her collar bone.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, the water from the shower head pelted her face, she heard nothing but the water, felt nothing but Max, her right leg lifted, curled tight around his hips, his mouth hot against her neck, her chest... She clung to him as he moved inside her, murmuring something inaudible against her ear. She arched her body further into him, pulling his head against her, the stubble of his jaw scratching against her neck as she tilted her head back further, the water filling her mouth, her nose, stealing her breath as she came against him, with him, crumpling into his arms, breathless and shaking.

They remained like that for several minutes, panting in unison, Max shivering as the water began to run cool against his back. He reached behind himself, twisting the tap to turn the water off.

Their breathing now the only sound in the silence, he released his grip on her thigh, the pink mark of his fingers still pressed into her flesh as she let her leg slide back down, her foot reaching the floor with a splash.

"That was unexpected."

He breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he caught his breath. She smiled in response, swallowing hard, realising she must have swallowed quite a bit of water.

He pushed open the shower door and stepped out, offering his hand to her and steadying her as she stepped out, her legs still wobbling.

"I only got one towel out of the cupboard."

She realised, as he unhooked the towel from the back of the bathroom door.

He wrapped it around his back, holding the corners open.

"You'll have to come here then."

He smiled, wrapping her up against him so that they were both cocooned inside the towel and shuffling with her out into the bedroom.

"Fuck me it's freezing."

He shivered against her, slipping out of the towel and allowing her to curl herself up inside it as she sat on the edge of the bed, watching him, amused to see him standing naked in front of her, holding up the clothes that Charlie had chosen for him.

"If you laugh..."

He warned, pulling on a jumper and blue and white striped pyjama bottoms that seemed to end two or three inches above his ankles.

He looked down at himself.

"Do I look as shit as I feel?"

He asked, trying to lengthen the trousers by lowering them at the waist before realising that was more indecent.

"You look like a twelve year old who's hand a growth spurt."

She concluded, looking him up and down.

"As I feared..."

He looked down at himself again before looking over at her.

"Are you going to get dressed or is Charlie in for a treat?"

He asked, hesitating as he spoke, covering his mouth as he sneezed repeatedly.

"Bless you."

She said once he'd finished.

"Hadn't we better go down?"

He asked, hearing the faint murmur of Charlie's voice below them and the soft higher pitch of Tess's.

"I want to speak to you first..."

She looked down at the ring on her finger.

"Is this a good or bad speaking to?"

He asked, pausing before sitting down next to her.

"Can we lay down? I don't want to look at you while I say it."

She asked, shifting herself to lean back against the headboard.

"I'm not sure whether to be offended or terrified..."

He crawled up the bed next to her.

"Is this because I look like a twelve year old?"

He asked as she lifted his arm and curled herself up against his chest so that she couldn't see his face.

"No, i'm just not very good at this sort of thing. Its easier if I can't see you."

She said, absently picking the fluff from the front of the jumper Charlie had lent him.

"Go on then..."

He nudged her, an uncomfortable feeling resting in the pit of his stomach as he waited to hear what she had to say.

"I did quit because of you."

She said at last, she felt him tense slightly underneath her.

"Sort of."

She added, not that sure herself of what had happened earlier that day.

"I'd spoken to Tess and Connie..."

"What did they say?"

He asked, cutting her off.

"They were voicing their concerns about our..."

She paused, suddenly aware that she was unsure of what 'this' was between them.

"Relationship?"

He asked, watching her chest rising and falling beneath the towel.

"Mmm..."

She murmured, momentarily flustered by the acknowledgement that this might be the beginning of something.

"What did they say?"

He asked, running his fingers over the hem of the towel at her back.

"Oh just...they just mentioned the gap...the age gap..."

She paused.

"The fact that you're a porter and I'm, I was clinical lead."

She paused again, waiting for a reply that didn't come.

"So I quit."

She said, not daring to look up at him.

"You quit because of the age gap, or the status gap?"

He asked eventually.

"Mainly the latter."

She admitted, feeling his fingers regain their motion along the hem of the towel, all to aware that this revelation hinted that she wanted more from their relationship.

"Zoe..."

He said softly, his lips touching her drying hair.

"Hey..."

He nudged her so that she looked up at him, her head now resting against his shoulder.

"I don't want you to lose your job because of me."

He said, looking from her lips to her eyes, he saw for a fleeting moment how vulnerable she really was.

"I don't want to keep my job if it means losing you."

She whispered in return.

_**Hopefully this will cheer you all up after Zoe leaves in Casualty tonight! :) x**_


	22. Chapter 22

"So..."

Charlie looked at Max pointedly, then to Zoe. They were holding hands and both had damp hair, Zoe in her pyjamas, Max looking comically tall in the pyjama's that he had leant him.

"Did he manage to talk some sense in to you?"

He asked, a tentative smile as he watched Zoe glance at Max who squeezed her hand in response.

"Do we get a cup of tea first?"

She asked, leading Max to the sofa where she had been sitting earlier. Tess sat on the chair opposite and Charlie left the other end of the sofa to make a fresh pot of tea.

Max sat down first, holding out an arm as Zoe sat next to him, curling her body up against him, his arm draped around her shoulders, fingers resting against her chest.

"So...is it serious between you two?"

Tess asked after a lengthy awkward pause. She was holding an empty cup of tea on her knee, her eyes glimmered with worry and concern for her colleague.

"You can answer that..."

Max whispered into Zoe's hair, avoiding Tess's gaze.

"Tess, he's a porter not a criminal..."

Tess held up her free hand in defence as Zoe began.

"I know, I know...Zoe, I just worry about you."

She looked to Max who was studying the rug under the coffee table with great interest.

"I know you do Tess, but I know what I'm doing. And if I want to have a relationship with Max then what's the problem?"

She asked, slipping her hand between his thighs, warming her fingers.

"Max..."

Tess looked to Max again who eventually met her eyes.

"Are you in love with her? Just put my mind at rest that you're not going to hurt her, and that she's not just another notch in your bedpost."

Tess asked, watching carefully as Max's expression morphed from indifference to mild panic.

"I think it's a bit early to be saying the "L" word."

Zoe answered quietly, looking pointedly towards Tess who pursed her lips tightly.

"So what happened up there?"

Charlie asked, returning to the room with a freshly made pot of tea, placing it onto the tray in the middle of the coffee table.

"Or should I ask what you spoke about up there?"

He asked, catching the smirk that flitted across Max's lips to Zoe's.

"I've decided that I will go back. I acted irrationally. But I'm not taking back the role of clinical lead, I'm going to go for the trauma post. I just want to be a normal doctor again, Charlie, I'm fed up with all of the politics."

The relief emanating from Charlie was palpable. He smiled, satisfied as he poured everyone a cup of steaming tea, adding milk and passing them out to his guests.

"And are you going to go public about your relationship?"

Charlie asked, relaxing back into the sofa and sipping his cup of tea with visible enjoyment.

Zoe glanced to Max who looked down at her. Charlie noticed the softness in his eyes as he looked at her, the flutter of a smile, but nothing more, no pressure.

"Not yet."

Zoe answered, glancing back again at Max as if to check what she had said was ok. Again he merely smiled in response, taking a gulp of his tea as Zoe looked back to Charlie.

"I don't want the extra attention, I just want to go in, and save lives, my private life is my business and I want it kept that way...at least for now."

She looked over at Tess who was sitting up stiffly in her chair, her mind obviously not eased by Zoe's words.

"So if you wouldn't mind keeping this to yourselves...?"

She asked, looking between them. Charlie nodded into his tea.

"I won't say a word."

He confirmed.

"Tess?"

She asked.

Tess drew in a sigh through her nose, her eyes wide and still laced with that ever-present certainty that Max was going to hurt her friend.

"I won't tell anyone."

She said eventually, her eyes resting on Max. Something about him not sitting right with her. Whether it be his charm, the ease of which he had slipped into Zoe's life when she was at her most vulnerable, or whether it was merely the fact that he was a ladies man who she couldn't bring herself to trust, she couldn't tell.

"Thank you."

Zoe blew into her tea sending ripples fluttering across it's milky surface. She could feel Max's heart beating softly against her back, his arm curled about her neck and his fingers absently tracing the line of her collar bone.

"What about Connie?"

Charlie spoke, asking the question that Zoe had been trying to ignore.

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it..."

She answered, shifting uneasily further back into Max's body.

"So what would everyone like for dinner? I haven't got much in but we could order a takeaway?"

Charlie offered, gallantly changing the subject, finishing off his tea before the others had got half way.

"Sounds good to me."

Zoe found herself being overly enthusiastic, trying subconsciously to turn Tess's mood around.

"I think I probably should be getting back..."

Tess placed her half drunk tea on the coffee table, looking again at Max who smiled at her, a wide, perfectly symmetrical smile, his eyes curious as they looked her over.

"Tess it's pouring."

Charlie gestured to the window, although the curtains were closed they could hear the hammering of the rain still.

"I'll get a cab."

Tess answered, opening the small black bag she carried with her to find her phone.

"Don't be silly, I've got a spare bed...Tess..."

He placed a hand over her phone.

"You'll never get a taxi in this weather anyway..."

He added, his words convincing Tess who tucked her phone back into her bag and reluctantly sat back in the chair.

"Right, what do we fancy? I'll get the menu's...I think I've got some in a drawer somewhere..."

Charlie left the room to hunt for the takeaway menu's he had kept in a drawer in the kitchen dresser.

"You know all the numbers off by heart surely?"

Max whispered against Zoe's ear, wincing as she poked her elbow back between his ribs.

_**More to come :) Had a very long busy day so inspiration is dwindling but I'm sure it will speed up soon! Reviews very welcome :)**_


	23. Chapter 23

"Elephant poo."

Max hissed, following Zoe into the ED. It was 9:02 AM, the half-glances and murmured whispers following Zoe as she walked back through the department towards Guy's office after having spent the previous evening arranging a meeting with him before sitting down to a take away curry with Charlie, Max and a very tense Tess.

"What?"

Zoe asked under her breath, the whispers and the impending chat with Guy Self making her nervous.

"Elephant poo."

Max repeated, no louder, his eyes sparkling with amusement as they stopped infront of Guy's office door. She knocked loudly three times.

"Go away you're distracting me."

She ushered him away with her hands, smiling to herself as he tossed a wink in her direction, walking backwards away from her as Guy opened the door, allowing her in.

"Dr Hana..."

He welcomed her, his eyes dark, unnerving her almost instantly.

"Take a seat."

He gestured to the only other chair in the room as he sat back at his desk.

"Thank you..."

She sat, folding her hands in her lap, pressing them together, feeling the moisture building between her palms.

"So..."

He gestured with his hands, waiting for her to say whatever it was she had come to say.

"I want to withdrawer my resignation."

She began, wondering if she caught the glimpse of disappointment behind his eyes.

"Connie can have clinical lead. I don't want that. I want to apply for the trauma position."

He looked mildly surprised, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm afraid we are unable to offer you that position at the moment."

He said matter of factly, beginning to flick through the pages of the diary that he had on his desk.

"I'm sorry?"

She asked, irritated that he wasn't giving her his full attention.

"The position isn't available at this time."

He said simply.

"What does that even mean?!"

She asked, confused, wondering who else could be in the running for the job.

"Zoe."

He said her name in a way that meant her time with him was already coming to an end.

"There isn't a place for you at Holby right now. Perhaps you would consider this?"

He passed her over several pages of printed A4 stapled together at the corner.

"What's this?"

She asked, flicking through it, skimming the words quickly.

"America? Why would I want to take a job in America when there is clearly one available for me here? Or at least there was yesterday when I left. I know because I was the one who posted the job..."

She looked up at him, his gaze silencing her.

"You'll gain experience..."

He looked at her pointedly.

"Discipline..."

She folded the papers in half and tucked them under her arm, her gaze never leaving his.

"You can work out your notice. Three weeks and then you leave. All expenses paid."

He said, closing his diary and placing his hands in his lap.

"That's half of my notice."

She answered flatly, watching him. A gnawing ache chewing at her stomach.

"All expenses paid."

He repeated, unblinking.

"You really do want rid of me don't you?"

She breathed in a long faltering breath.

"Thanks...Guy."

She stood abruptly, realising there was nothing else to say, clenching the papers under her arm and leaving the office, pausing on the other side of the door for a moment to catch her breath.

She made her way back to the ward, taking the long route as she briefly forgot that she was no longer welcome in what used to be her own office. She opened the door to the staff room, peering inside.

"Max..."

Lofty, Robyn, Ethan and Lily all looked up from what they were doing, Max standing against the work surface a sandwich half way to his mouth.

"Can I have a quick word?"

She asked, watching as everyone else turned to watch Max place his sandwich back into the wrapper and make his way over to her.

"Zoom, and whoosh. There's two for you."

He said, following her out of the room.

"Very clever."

She threw him a faint smile, still clutching the papers tightly beneath her arm.

"Don't you think you should be a little bit more discreet? Summoning me like that?"

He almost bumped into her as she stopped and turned to face him, inches from his cupboard.

"Max..."

She began.

"Uh oh. How did it go with Guy?"

He asked, sensing her unease. He folded his arms across his chest, glimpsing the papers folded against her side.

"Not sure... think I might have used the words 'job', 'stick', 'up' and 'arse' all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?"

She asked, her voice wobbling. Somehow she couldn't quite bring herself to tell him what had really happened.

"Well..."

He paused, trying to maintain eye contact with her.

"I think tone of voice is very important...Zoe?"

She was staring into the middle distance just over his left shoulder.

"Is it?"

She asked, blinking out of her trance and looking back at him.

"Damn. Shit. Excuse me I have some patients to see."

She began to move away but he caught hold of her arm, holding her steady. His grip was stronger than she had felt it before.

"Max, can you be a little bit more discreet..."

She whispered as he let go of her arm.

"I may be many things, but not being indiscreet isn't one of them."

He said with a smile, but as he spoke he realised whatever he said she wasn't listening.

"What're you thinking?"

He asked, waving a hand in front of her eyes.

"Hmm?"

She came back to him, blinking several times to clear her mind.

"Sorry, Max, it's not you. I'm just not sure what to do now. I've got three weeks."

She lowered her voice although they were on their own in the corridor.

"Three weeks to live?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Three weeks, half of my notice. Then I'm gone, no more job. No more Dr Zoe Hana."

She said, touching the papers under her arm briefly with her other hand.

"Ah."

Was all he said, unsure of what else to say.

"Do you want to...?"

He nodded in the direction of his cupboard, not sure of what she wanted. To talk things over? To cry?

She shook her head.

"I've just got to get on with it, and try to prove myself invaluable."

She sighed, sucking in a breath so large that she struggled to contain It.

"And then what? What if it gets to the end of three weeks and he hasn't changed his mind?"

He asked, every part of him telling him to reach out to her, to touch her, but he knew if he did Sod's law would prevail and someone would catch them.

She shrugged dramatically, her eyes wide and he noticed how every time they entered the hospital something seemed to switch off, the light behind her eyes gave way to a permanent sense of panic and strain.

"That is what I'm trying not to think about."

She whispered.

"Zoe..."

He clenched his fists by his sides to stop himself from reaching out to her.

"What were you on about earlier anyway? Elephant poo?!"

She asked, drawing in another breath, desperate to change the subject, noticing his fists and wishing too that he could hold her.

"Ah. Someone once told me that if you say 'elephant poo' quickly it sounds like 'I love you'..."

He watched her smile.

"Or maybe I'm just gullible."

He whispered.

_**Would love to hear your comments etc :) will update more either tonight or tomorrow. Thank you so much (again) for following and reading this story! x**_


	24. Chapter 24

"Right, everybody ready? One, two, three, and roll..."

Jeff helped heave Mr Golding onto the bed, the seventh in a couple of minutes to have come in due to an RTA on Bramford Road.

Zoe unbuttoned his shirt, her gloved fingers squeaking on the small plastic buttons. She pressed gently against his ribs either side making him wince and cry out.

"Ah, right, tenderness of the chest wall."

She manoeuvred her stethoscope one handed into her ears and pressed the cool pad down onto his chest, moving it every now and then before speaking.

"Ok decreased sound..."

She paused, listening intently to the crackling she could hear beneath the man's skin.

"Right side only."

She concluded, moving her stethoscope back to hang around her neck before placing one hand on his chest, tapping with the other.

"Dullness to percussion."

Cal leaned in over her to check the screen bleeping behind her.

"Resps are 30."

He spoke loudly behind her to the rest of the team.

"Ok, can I have a chest X-ray please, 4 units of cross match as soon as possible please...we may need a chest drain."

The doors opened as she spoke and another victim of the crash was wheeled in.

"This is Charlotte Golding, eighteen, passenger in the RTC, GCS 315 throughout, pulse 80, BP 130 over 85, SATS 98, she lost approximately 280 millilitres of blood at the scene."

Tamsin spoke hurriedly as she backed the bed into the corner of the room.

"Any analgesia?"

Zoe asked, hooking the patient up to the monitors.

"No I tried but it was refused."

Tamsin answered, fitting the mask over Charlotte's face.

"Ok, on my count, on three, two, one..."

She lifted the young woman across with the help of Cal and Rita before making a hurried exit.

"Ok, Hello Charlotte I'm Dr Hanna. Right let's get some routine bloods and fluids please, U's and E's, LFT's, FBC's, group and save, glucose and a Beta HCG."

She began cutting down the length of the girls top to gauge the extent of her injuries.

"I want to talk to my dad."

She whimpered, her head held down in a head brace, her breathing heavy, fresh tears welling at the corners of her eyes.

"Al-right just try and stay still for me."

Zoe murmured, placing a hand over her chest before placing her stethoscope back into her ears and listening.

"Nice deep breathe."

She instructed. Charlotte drew in a gravelly breath, crying weakly.

"Ok, let's look in those eyes."

She replaced the stethoscope and peered into the young girls eyes, her tears flickering rainbows in the light that Zoe shone into her pupils.

"Pupils equal and reactive."

She stepped back, passing the small torch to Rita.

"Ok, could be a plural effusion of the right side, and queried fractured ribs. Could be a malignant infusion, could be a haemothorax from the chest trauma, definitely needs draining...where is that chest drain I ordered?"

She glanced behind her, the chest drain being wheeled in as she spoke.

"Ok, Cal could you get the chest drain set in please, lungs are seriously compromised."

She raised a hand, catching Cal's attention as he finished with another patient.

"I need to find her notes, have you got this?"

She asked, placing a gloved hand on Cal's arm.

"Got it."

He confirmed, taking hold of the chest drain. Zoe only just realising it was Max who had wheeled the drain in. He followed her out of the room.

"You're sexy when you're in charge."

He whispered, jogging a couple of steps to keep up with her.

"Shhh..."

She turned to glance at him, smiling despite herself.

"Not appropriate."

She hissed, still a smile toying with her lips.

"Sorry, it's just hard to..."

He stopped speaking abruptly as Connie turned the corner, passing them by without a glance, her gaze remaining on the corridor ahead.

Zoe subconsciously holding her breath as she passed.

"What's hard?"

She asked, speeding up again.

"Well I was going to say it's hard to be appropriate..."

She glanced at him.

"Max..."

He grinned as she slowed down nearing the ward.

"Let me know if anything else hard comes up that you need help with."

She whispered, pushing open the ward door slowly, moving away from him, amused as she left him speechless, the doors closing on him, only his laugh following her onto the ward.

She flipped through the stack of notes, locating Charlotte's and placing it in the pile to be taken up to theatre. She felt the balls of her feet beginning to burn, glancing at the clock she realised she had been on her feet solidly for seven hours.

"Tea?"

Tess asked, passing her, placing a pile of notes on top of Charlotte's.

"You read my mind."

She breathed, following Tess into the staff room.

"I heard what happened with Guy."

Tess spoke as she set the kettle to boil.

Zoe sat down slowly on the sofa near near the window, looking out into the car park through the slatted blind.

"That didn't take long to filter down the pipeline."

She mused, crossing her legs and slipping her heels off.

"What are you going to do?"

Tess asked, filling two mugs and retrieving the milk from the small under counter fridge.

"I haven't got a clue."

She sucked in a long breath, accepting the mug of tea with a whispered 'thanks.'

"He wants me to go to America. Some training course out there...he said I need the discipline..."

She trailed off as the door opened and Max, Lofty and Robyn entered.

"Do you three actually do any work?"

She asked, smiling as Robyn looked momentarily alarmed at her presence.

"Don't worry, I'm not the boss any more, go ahead, drink, eat...have a nap..."

She smiled seeing Lofty stifle a yawn.

"Are you going to go?"

Tess asked softly.

"Where are you going?"

Max asked, overhearing as he used the left over kettle water to fill three more mugs.

"No where..."

Zoe answered, widening her eyes at Tess and placing a finger briefly to her lips.

Cal burst into the room, lifting a hand in greeting and making his way to his locker.

"Who's about Friday night?"

He asked, his back to them as he unlocked his locker.

"I'm having a party."

He added, turning, a lunch box in his hands.

"For any reason?"

Asked Lofty, moving to add more sugar to his tea.

"It's my birthday. Drinks over the road and then back to mine?"

He asked, to the affirmations of Robyn and Lofty.

"Dr Hanna?"

He asked.

"Now you're one of us?"

He added.

She rolled her eyes, glancing at Max who merely watched, smiling at her, drink in hand.

"Uh..I'm not sure..."

"Come on, I've heard you were a bit of a party animal back in the day..."

Cal urged, sitting himself down in one of the spare chairs and prising open his Tupperware container.

"Back in the day?!"

She exclaimed, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll be there..."

She smiled, bemused.

"Back in the day. Honestly do I look ancient?!"

She asked to nobody in particular.

"Isn't Friday the 30th?"

Tess asked, looking to Zoe who shook her head slightly, warning her not to continue.

Max dropped himself down to sit next to her as he, Robyn and Lofty filled along side of the coffee table, finding a place to sit. She noticed Tess begin to tense.

"We could do the music?"

Lofty offered, looking over at Max who grimaced in reply.

"No mate it's sorted, music, drinks...ouside bar. I was down Bradford stadium last night, blew a monkey on a dog"

He began, taking a large bite of his sandwich.

"Pardon?"

Zoe asked, wondering if she had misheard.

"You'll have the RSPCA after you for that."

Max breathed, leaning back into the sofa, his arm just brushing Zoe's.

"Dog racing...a monkey is £50."

Cal explained to Zoe, ignoring Max's amused grin.

"Five hundred mate."

Max corrected, sipping his tea, wincing as it burned his tongue.

"Really?"

Cal asked, looking to Lofty who nodded.

"So what's a pony then?"

Cal asked, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"It's like a small horse..."

Max quipped, blowing into his tea.

Cal raised his middle finger at him as he chewed.

"Anyway I thought I'd use the winnings for Friday."

He said before swallowing.

"Do you gamble then...Max?"

Tess asked, taking Max by surprise, his lips halfway to his mug.

"No..."

He took a sip and rested the mug on his thigh.

"Just a faunt of useless information."

He added, pinching his nose as he felt the tickle of a sneeze.

"Jack of all trades, master of none."

Confirmed Lofty, leaning forward to pick up a magazine that someone had left on the table.

"No idea what this secret woman must see in you."

Robyn sighed, absently stirring her tea with a spoon that she couldn't be bothered to put back.

"Maybe it's my smile."

Max joked, kicking his sister gently with the toe of his shoe.

"Maybe it's your huge nose."

She replied, kicking him back.

"Touche"

He grinned, feeling the tickle again, this time unable to stop it. He sneezed several times, hiding his face with the crook of his elbow.

"Sorry."

He mumbled through his sleeve, pausing to make sure he had finished.

"Well the next woman who starts sneezing..."

Lofty mused, looking pointedly to Robyn who's eyes lit up.

Zoe shifted uncomfortably next to Max who deliberately leant in closer, refusing to break the ever so slight connection they had between their arms.

"You still don't know she works in this department."

Max spoke through a yawn. A headache was building behind his eyes and he could feel the threatening scratch of a sore throat.

"She must do, you're never gone long enough to meet someone in any other department."

Robyn scoffed, looking to Max who was beginning to feel rather unwell and slightly unnerved by the route the conversation was taking, especially as he was sitting next to Zoe whose body had seemed to stiffen as soon as he had sat down.

"Right."

Tess stood abruptly, glancing to Zoe.

"I'd better get going."

She spoke slowly, stepping away from the group as they looked around at her.

"I'll follow you out."

Zoe breathed, relieved to have an excuse to leave, feeling Max lean against her slightly as she stood up, smoothing down her dress and following Tess out of the room.

"You're not really going to go to that party are you?"

Tess asked, her voice low and anxious.

"I thought I would..."

Zoe answered, walking with Tess back onto the ward.

"With Max...?"

Tess whispered, glancing at her.

"No...not 'with' Max."

"But he'll be there..."

Tess pursed her lips again, Zoe drew her arms across her chest, folding them tight.

"Tess, I can't just avoid him, that would look even more suspicious."

She breathed, tiring of how protective Tess seemed.

"Zoe I know you, what if you drink too much..."

She spoke quietly, Charlie passing them by, cocking his head to Zoe who rolled her eyes in response.

"Tess, I'm not going to do anything stupid. Ok? Come with me if you like, keep an eye on me?"

She began to move away, unsure whether she wanted to hear Tess's answer or not.

"I'm not sure it's really my thing..."

Tess called after her, picking up the pile of notes that had built up to go upstairs, watching as Zoe disappeared onto the ward.

_**Reviews and comments very welcome :) Hope you all enjoy the upcoming party..!**_

_**(Also, does anybody know how long Sunetra Sarker will be away from Casualty?!) x**_


	25. Chapter 25

Friday morning came and went, blurring into afternoon before Zoe had time to think about eating anything. A low lying nausea haunting her and a tickle in the back of her throat making her cough frequently.

"Coming down with something, Dr Hanna?"

Cal asked, passing her by, not waiting for a response.

She looked back down to the computer screen, scrolling through the list of names one by one, momentarily forgetting who she was looking for as Cal interrupted.

She ran a tongue over the roof of her mouth, gritting her teeth as she sneezed twice, trying to mute it as much as she could.

She saw Rita and Robyn look up at the sound, she smiled apologetically, unsure as to whether or not Robyn had twigged.

"Are you ok?"

Charlie asked, placing a hand on her back, stopping behind her and placing a pen that he had borrowed back down next to the computer.

"Fine, just a bit of a cold."

She smiled at him, closing down the screen and moving away from the nursing area. She felt a slight cramping low in her pelvis. A cold and period pain all at once, and on the day of the party.

"Sod's law."

She murmured, catching sight of Max in the distance and speeding up to catch him.

"Where have you been? Aren't you supposed to be taking Mrs Spalding up to theatre. I've been looking for you."

She called, watching as he stood, hands on hips waiting for her to reach him.

"Here, already done, and well done you found me, it's your turn to hide."

He smiled as she rolled her eyes.

"Max, I don't know about tonight..."

She began, pulling him out of the way of a trolley that was coming up behind him. They stood against the wall, her back against a pillar.

"Zoe..."

She held up her hands.

"I've got your bloody cold, and...cramps."

She lowered her voice, placing a hand on her stomach.

"Take some Feminax, you'll be fine."

He smiled a half smile, knowing she would try to get out of going tonight, a back log of reasons why she should go having piled up in the front of his mind, ready for use.

"How do you know about Feminax?"

She asked, frowning, feeling another hot wave of nausea and the familiar premenstrual cramping.

"I am all seeing...all knowing..."

He smiled, folding his arms.

"You might as well start calling me 'God' to be honest."

She laughed as he spoke, raising a hand to rub across her forehead.

"You be careful with that head of yours. If it gets any bigger you won't fit through the double doors."

She mused, moving away from the pillar she leaned against.

"That's not the only thing that's getting bigger..."

He whispered, brushing her fingers with his own as she passed. She snorted, glancing back at him.

"See you later."

She said, checking there was no one coming before winking at him.

She rounded the corner, bumping into Connie who was moving at full speed down the corridor.

"Connie..."

Both women stepping backwards, Connie holding a coffee in mid air so as not to spill it.

"Dr Hanna."

She greeted, side stepping around Zoe as if she were something nasty on the floor that she didn't want to step in.

She exhaled slowly, the period pain now throbbing gently at her lower back. She made her way to the toilets, placing her bag on the counter next to the sink and routing around in it for some painkillers, she took them with a handful of water from the tap, screwing up her face as she swallowed them. She locked herself into a stall, retrieving a tampon from her bag, unwrapping it quickly and pushing the wrapper into the bin before inserting it.

The afternoon was a blur of theatre and ward rounds, half past six arrived. She was already half an hour late leaving work. She stood at the entrance to the hospital, coat wrapped tightly around herself, cigarette between her lips.

"I hear you're off to a party?"

Charlie appeared behind her, wafting the smoke that she exhaled away from his face. She switched the cigarette from one hand to the other, holding it at arms length.

"Yep...and yes I will behave..."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Tess been giving you a hard time?"

He smiled, digging his hand into his pocket to fish out his car keys.

"I think she's just worried..."

She sighed, glad that the day had come to an end and she could go home and get ready for the party without having Tess pursing her lips at her every time she happened to pass her on the ward.

"humour her..she'll come round."

Charlie fumbled with his keys.

"He's a nice bloke."

He added, smiling as he pressed the button on his keyring to unlock the car in front of them.

She smiled in response, glad to have Charlie's support at least.

"Bye Charlie."

She called, raising the cigarette to her lips again, breathing a deep breath in before stubbing it out on the wall behind her and letting it fall to the ground. She stepped off the curb, fishing for her own car keys before unlocking the door and climbing in.

It felt oddly quiet once she had shut the door. She had grown used to having Max with her. She looked at the empty seat next to her. Max would be making his own way to the party, with Robyn and Lofty. She glanced at her watch. Perhaps he might already be there.

She reversed out of the parking space. The drive home took longer than she had hoped. She pulled up in the drive at ten to seven, having said she would be at the party by half past.

It would take her that long to get ready. She removed her shoes, climbing the stairs to the bedroom slowly, her muscles aching and the dull cramping in her pelvis along with the pain in her lower back made her sigh. How different it was to go out partying only six years ago.

She chose a simple black dress, re applied her make up and ran a comb through her hair, spraying on an extra spritz of perfume to mask the hospital smell that she always seemed to bring home with her.

She stood in front of the full length mirror. Wishing Max was with her, feeling slightly nervous about turning up by herself.

She stood up straight, watching herself. She pulled in her stomach and turned to the side for one final check.

Satisfied she made her way back down the stairs, collecting her shoes, phone and keys on her way back out, locking the door behind her and strapping herself back into the car.

She paused before she reversed, wondering whether to run back in for some more painkillers as the pain in her back worsened. She checked the clock, it was 7:15, if she left now and met no red lights she might make it on time.

She pulled out of the driveway and onto the main road, fiddling with the radio as she drove, wanting something, anything to play to relax her but the radio refused to pick up a signal, leaving her with the quiet hum of white noise.

She arrived at Cal's house with a minute to spare. Cars were parked for metres up the road, she drove past the house, holding up a hand to Max who was leaning against the fence outside the house , smoking. She felt a rush of affection for him, somehow he must have known she felt uncomfortable about entering the party on her own.

She parked further down the road, glimpsing Max in the rear view mirror as he came to meet her.

It was dark, and as he stopped under a streetlamp she caught sight of him, the shadows highlighting his high cheekbones, the soft curve of his lips and the look, that look, in his eyes.

"Look at you looking all beautiful."

He called, the cigarette dangling from his mouth. Zoe felt her cheeks flush, she locked the car door and walked towards him, reaching out for the cigarette and plucking it from his mouth.

"You don't look bad yourself."

She murmured, placing the cigarette in her own mouth. She looked him up and down. They matched, he too wore all black, his hair was damp from the air and swept across his forehead. His eyes glittering blue.

"It was your smile you know."

She said, almost without meaning to.

"Hmm?"

He asked, retrieving his cigarette.

"Your smile. It was your smile that attracted me."

She repeated, watching as he sucked the tip of the cigarette, exhaling ribbons of smoke into the night.

"Not my huge nose then?"

He asked, struggling against a smile.

She looked pointedly at his nose.

"That too."

She whispered, watching that slow delicious smile slither across his lips.

"I can't kiss you can I...?"

He whispered, glimpsing other party-goers making their way up the road, over her shoulder.

She shook her head.

"Later."

She whispered, nudging him to move off in front of her.

"Looking forward to it."

He breathed, leading the way through the gate and in through the unlocked front door.

The music was loud already, and Zoe found herself trying to remember whether the house was detached or attached. Perhaps she was too old for this after all.

"Drink?"

Max leaned in to her. Despite him shouting she barely heard him, nodding as he mimed having a drink.

He left her briefly, she stood in what she assumed to be the sitting room. The music was lyric-less and thumping, there seemed to be people everywhere, some dancing, others chatting, some clearly in need of some privacy.

She felt a hand on the small of her back and Max held a drink out in front of her.

"You look lost."

He shouted into her ear, his breath hot against the nape of her neck. She took the drink from him.

"I am lost!"

She shouted back, relieved however to have an excuse to stay close to him. The smell of him relaxed her. Someone pushed past them causing her to have to step towards him, their bodies pressed against one another. He glanced at her lips, she smiled, his breath on her face.

"You've got a nice smile when you do that."

He pressed his lips against her hair as he spoke.

"When I do what?"

She asked, enjoying the feel of his body against hers, in front of everybody under the guise of normality.

"When you smile."

He answered, moving his hand briefly to touch her hip.

"I've got a nice smile when I smile?"

She raised an eyebrow, biting her lip as he kissed her ear quickly, his thumb rubbing the curve of her hip bone.

She winced, a stabbing pain in her lower back taking her by surprise.

"Zo?"

He placed a finger under her chin, she shook her head, smiling a reassuring smile. The pain subsided and she took several gulps of her drink, hoping it would ease the cramping and the head cold that throbbed in her skull to the beat of the music.

Max raised a hand to someone over her shoulder, she felt whoever it was pass behind her.

"Glad you could make it."

She could smell the alcohol on Cal's breath as he pressed himself against her, he placed both of his hands on her hips from behind, his fingers overlapping Max's. He glanced down over her shoulder to where Max's hand lay trapped underneath his own.

"Very cosy..."

He shouted, already slightly tipsy. He let go of her clapping a hand on Max's shoulder.

"Max?"

Robyn was pushed toward them by the crowd, she patted Max on the arm to get his attention, pointing behind herself.

"Can you give me a hand?"

She shouted, Zoe barely hearing her, watching as Max squinted his eyes, straining his ears. Robyn shouted again, he glanced to Zoe who smiled falsely, watching Robyn pull him away from her.

She smoothed the front of her dress down, forgetting that Cal was still there.

"Surely not Max the porter?"

He leaned into her again, swaying against her, out of sync with the music.

"I don't know what you mean?"

She shouted back, taking another large gulp of her drink.

He laughed, watching her.

"More?"

He asked, reaching behind himself for a bottle of something that had had the label scratched off.

"More"

She agreed, holding her glass steady as he poured, tipping her head back and swallowing it quickly.

"What was that?"

She asked, her face twisted with the aftershock of whatever it was that she had just drunk.

He peered at the bottle.

"No idea."

He shouted, drinking his own in one gulp.

"Fuck me!"

He swore, sticking out his tongue and coughing. He waved at someone behind her and held up the bottle, mouthing something.

"'Scuse me..."

He placed a hand on her arm, using her to steady himself as he side stepped past her. She turned to survey the room, it was hot and dark, only the light from the kitchen illuminating it. The music seemed to never change. She placed the empty plastic cup down on top of the CD rack next to her. The dull ache In her stomach seemed to grow again, a wave of discomfort spreading across her abdomen. It lasted longer this time, growing in intensity until she needed to lean against the wall behind her. She placed a hand on her stomach, digging her fingers in to try to relieve the pain.

She pushed her way through the various gyrating bodies toward the kitchen, in search of more alcohol, and a toilet. She stood waiting in the doorway, standing in the shadows whilst two people she didn't recognise giggled and felt each other up, oblivious to her.

Somewhere she heard Max laugh, ever so faintly. She caught her breath as the sharp pain in her back speared through her again, shooting down one leg and pulsing low in her pelvis. She leant heavily against the wall, eyes closed. Again she heard that laugh.

She took hold of the door frame and pushed her way passed the two strangers in her way, blinking against the harsh light of the kitchen. She caught sight of Max in the conservatory, cigarette in hand, talking to someone she didn't recognise. Robyn stood by his side, topping up his drink. He leaned in to the unknown woman opposite, shouting something into her ear, she touched his arm in response and tossed her blonde hair.

The pain was back, she could feel it growing again, building inside her, her mouth seemed too dry and her face felt hot. The nausea made her stumble as she pushed her way towards him, feeling hands on her as she pushed her way through.

"Max"

She placed a hand on his arm, a shiver whispering up her spine.

Both he and the other woman turned.

"Zoe..."

He covered her hand with his own.

"This is..."

"Max."

She said again, her skin prickling, a cold heat flushing across her body.

He took hold of her arms, bobbing his head slightly to see her in the dark of the conservatory.

"Zoe can you look at me?"

He shouted, shaking her slightly.

"I am looking at you!"

She whispered, feeling his grip strengthen.

"Oh no you're not..."

He glanced apologetically to the blonde before turning Zoe around, wrapping an arm around her waist, holding her elbows to guide her.

"Where's the bathroom?"

She asked, the pain rising again, passing the point of which it had stopped before, building, as though it were crushing her from the inside out.

His grip strengthened further, guiding her up the stairs towards the bathroom.

"Coming through!"

He shouted, a dubious looking couple staggering from the bathroom as they entered.

He held her up, leaning himself against the door and locking them both inside the small bathroom. It smelled like sick and toilet duck.

He struggled to turn her around to look at him.

"What've you had to drink?"

He asked, trying to raise her face to look at him, holding her chin with his fingers.

She closed her eyes, drawing in a short breath, crying out with pain, her face crumpling as she doubled over, her head on his chest.

She tried to catch her breath ,the cramping failing to subside, feeling as though she were being torn apart.

"It hurts."

She whispered, pressing her face into his chest.

"Where does it hurt?"

He asked, a flailing sense of panic building in his gut.

She breathed out as though she had been holding her breath for days.

"I'm fine...I'm fine."

The pain began to ease again, only the stabbing pain in her lower back remaining.

She stood up straight again, placing a hand on her back.

He glanced down, before looking back up to her face.

"Zoe, look at me. Zoe?"

He glanced down again.

"Zoe, you're bleeding."


	26. Chapter 26

_**WARNING: Graphic scenes.**_

"Zoe...Zoe?"

He knelt in front of her, cupping her face in his hands as she sat, breathless, pain numbing her body, making her head light and her lips buzz.

"What's happening?"

He whispered, glancing down again at the blood that was gradually pooling beneath her. Her legs shook against the cold tiles of the floor, her hands trembling against his thighs as she leant on him.

"Zoe, I've got to ring an ambulance."

He lowered a hand to feel for his phone in the back pocket of his trousers. She bit her bottom lip and shook her head, frowning against the throbbing pain between her legs.

"Just get me home."

She whispered, closing her eyes again.

"Zoe?"

He shook her until she opened her eyes.

"You're bleeding..."

He stood up, helping her to stand as she began to struggle to her feet.

"It's just a bad period."

She swallowed hard, acid rising within her throat, her stomach churning as she rose to full height.

"Zoe this is a bit more than a period."

He hissed, watching as another ribbon of blood slipped from her thigh down the inside of her calf and into her shoe leaving a scarlet trail behind it.

"Please just get me home."

She whispered, placing a hand over her eyes, everything was too much. The alcohol was making her dizzy, the lights were too bright, the music too loud, the pain too much.

He glanced at the screen of his phone, contemplating phoning an ambulance but knowing if he did he risked her leaving without him before it even arrived.

He positioned himself next to her, slipping an arm around her waist, the other he placed on her upper arm, steadying her.

"Can you walk?"

He asked, feeling her body seeming to vibrate beneath his touch. She nodded, swallowing again against the rise of nausea.

"He flicked the lock on the door, opening it quickly so that he could steady her again, leading her out onto the landing.

"Hanna's pissed!"

Shouted someone behind them as he braced himself against the wall to hold himself up as she leaned heavily on him at the top of the stairs.

He found himself holding his breath as they descended slowly, blotting out the laughter and heckles shouted after them by drunk nursing staff.

As they reached the bottom of the stairs he scanned the room briefly before hauling her against him, holding her tightly with one arm, feeling her tense with pain again as he opened the front door, almost tripping over the step as he guided her over it.

"Nearly there."

He whispered. He felt cold, his throat ached and he his tongue seemed to stick to the roof of his mouth.

"Keys?"

He asked as they reached her car.

She made a half noise, touching her bag. He positioned her with her back against the car, leaning over her and unzipping her bag, rifling through the cigarettes, purse, tampons and tissues to find her keys.

"In you get."

He struggled to get her into the passenger seat, lifting her legs up and placing them in the foot well while she winced in pain, both hands pressed into her stomach.

He shut the door, looking at his hands. Fresh blood glittered in the moonlight. He could feel himself beginning to panic. This wasn't part of the plan, this wasn't something he felt able to deal with. He took a deep breath in and released it slowly before moving around and climbing into the drivers side.

He started the car, his hands shaking uncontrollably as he steered them out of the road and up onto the main road. She gagged next to him, rolling her head, hitting it hard on the glass of the window.

"Zoe..."

He glanced at her, placing a hand on her thigh ,feeling it wet with blood through the skirt of her dress. He watched the road ahead, concentrating on his breathing.

She started to cry. But not the cry he had heard before, where he had held her against his chest and comforted her. A cry that shook her body, haunting and guttural. She struggled to undo the seat belt.

"I can't sit...I can't..."

She released the seat belt and somehow rolled over in the seat, slipping down so that she knelt in the foot well, her face in the seat cushion, her body convulsing with sobs.

He flicked the indicator, realising it would take too long to get back to hers, turning the car across the lanes and into the side road towards his own house.

She gagged again while he parked, her face pale and beaded with sweat as she lay, eyes closed against the seat.

He climbed out of the car and ran to the passenger side, opening the door cautiously in case she was leaning against it.

"Zoe, I need you to put your arm around me."

He spoke slowly, somewhere in his mind he recalled how Jeff spoke to patients when he bought them in from the ambulance.

His voice thin and cracked. She reached out to him, letting him pull her out of the car, clinging onto the fabric of his t-shirt as they made it to the front door. Only then did she seem to realise this was not her house.

"Max, I can't..."

She looked up at the house, the sky spinning above her.

"You can't make it all the way back to yours. Don't fight me...not now."

He unlocked the door, bending down and lifting her off her feet, cradling her and carrying her up the two flights of stairs to his room, teeth gritted, his stomach tight with fear.

He lay her down on the bed and stepped back, feeling her blood on his arms, his chest, sticky and hot.

She lay on the duvet, brow creased, panting, her chest rising and falling hurriedly.

"Zoe?"

He tentatively sat on the edge of the bed next to her, folding his hands in his lap.

"What's happening?"

He asked, watching as she opened her eyes, she seemed to focus better on him now, in the dim light, away from the people and noise of the party.

She placed the side of her hand in her mouth, biting down on it and turning to the side.

"Fuck..."

She hissed, suddenly opening her eyes, reaching out to him and struggling to sit up. She looked at him, wide eyes suddenly focusing on his.

"What?"

He asked, glancing down as she placed a hand against her stomach.

"I need to go to the bathroom."

She seemed to try to pull away from her own body as she spoke, gulping in air as though she were dying.

"Something is coming out of me."

She spoke through gritted teeth, trying to pull herself up.

"What?!"

He wanted to run. Instead he found himself helping her to her feet, holding her as they moved to the bathroom. Before he could turn the light on, she stopped, letting herself slip down his body slightly, he felt her forehead against his ribcage and heard a jelly like flop of something hitting the floor, spattering against his leg. She seemed to freeze despite the violent shaking of her body.

Without a word he turned the light on.

"Don't look."

He said quietly. Holding her head against him so tightly it hurt.

He moved back, guiding her back against him and glanced down at the floor. A bloody mess of clots and tissue lay splattered across the white tiles, blood speckled against the radiator and up the back of the door.

She felt his hand slacken against her face, moving her head slowly, the paralysingly pain in her back easing. Without him noticing she turned her head, following his gaze.

Her breath caught in her throat, almost wheezing as she struggled to breath. He looked at her, expressionless, her lip quivered, the look of shear horror on her face turning his stomach.

She let go of him abruptly, stepping backward, feeling another clot slither down her leg. She slipped on the blood, catching herself against the radiator and staggering from the room back into his bedroom, the door slamming behind her.

He stood for a moment, just staring at the closed door of his room, nothing seeming to register yet.

He lowered himself down to sit on the edge of the bath, realising his legs seemed to be numb, his whole body trembling inside his clothes.

The blood on the floor sparkled in the light, wherever he looked it was there, in his peripheral vision. He drew in a steadying breath, slipping down from the edge of the bath, taking a toilet roll from the toilet cistern and unravelling most of it onto his hand, placing it over the largest of the clots, his mind drawing a blank as he lifted it, folded in tissue but still hot, dropping it soundlessly into the toilet. He unravelled the rest of the role and piled it in his lap, methodically wrapping it around his hands and using it to soak up the blood before dropping it into the toilet. He moved another clot, cooler than the last. As he drew it closer to him to drop it down the toilet bowl something caught his eye, the pale outline of a curled foetus, no bigger than his thumb.

His breathing quickened, his stomach turned, a suffocating wave of sickness gave way to the catch of a breath, he closed his eyes, tears stinging the whites of his eyes. He leant back against the bath, still holding the balled up tissue in the palm of his right hand, he curled the other arm around his face, resting on his knees that he pulled tightly into his chest. Crying helplessly into his sleeve.

He ignored the light tap on the bathroom door, the creak of it opening.

"Fucking hell..."

He heard Robyn take a step back, but still he refused to look up.

"Max?!"

She stepped over the mess on the floor, crouching down to him and placing a warm hand on his shoulder.

He squeezed his eyes shut briefly, regaining something of a composure before letting his head fall back against the edge of the bath.

"What the hell?!"

She glanced at the blood stained tissue in his hand. She looked nothing but terrified.

"Zoe's had a miscarriage."

He whispered, his voice weak and gentle.

"Zoe?"

She asked, looking again at the mess on the floor.

"Dr Hanna."

He looked away as he spoke, feeling that somehow, this was all happening to someone else instead.

"What?"

She asked, struggling to understand what was going on.

"Zoe..."

His breath caught.

"And me."

He whispered, the muscles about his eyes seeming to tighten, his jaw trembling.

"Everything ok?"

Lofty appeared in the doorway, stepping backwards as he noticed the blood, his eyes wide as he looked from Max to Robyn.

"Where is she now?"

Robyn asked, squeezing her brothers shoulder.

"In there."

He looked toward the closed door of his bedroom. She stood, noticing as she did what he held in the tissue.

"Lofty..."

She made her way over to him, whispering something to him before disappearing into his room.

_**More to come x**_


	27. Chapter 27

Max sat on the sofa, the sitting room seemed smaller this evening. The walls crowded with CD's, DVD's, posters, the table cluttered with Robyn's magazines and dirty plates that hadn't yet made it to the kitchen.

He sat, staring at the light on the CD player, watching it blink on and off, on and off...

He remembered sitting here a month ago, playing David Bowie and drinking chocolate with her, feeling his heart tremble as he realised she was there in his house, he had a chance.

Now he sat, wondering how a month had dissolved so quickly into something like this.

Lofty emerged, standing in the door frame.

"Alright...?"

He shifted his gaze, looking anywhere but at Max.

"Do you want to go up?"

He asked, pushing his hands into the tight pockets of his jeans, only his fingers fitting.

He stood slowly, his joints aching, his knees clicking as he stood. Without a word he passed Lofty by, climbing the stairs, still his body seeming to feel nothing but emptiness, the shock still coursing through him, blinding him.

He climbed the second set of stairs, the door to his room was open, a pile of stained bedding piled outside on the landing.

Robyn glanced around the door frame, smiling an anxious smile. She reached out to touch his arm as he entered the room.

He stood for a moment, just looking.

Zoe was sat, back against the headboard of his bed, her knees curled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, her chin resting on her forearms, her eyebrows were slightly raised and her eyes stared into the middle distance.

His arms felt awkward hanging by his sides.

"Is she ok?"

He asked, his voice gravelly. He hadn't spoken a word during the hour that Robyn had been upstairs with Zoe.

"She wont go to hospital."

She said under her breath, glancing at Zoe who remained motionless.

"Does she need to?"

He asked.

"The bleedings slowed, I've cleaned her up and she's on some towels. Just make sure she changes the pad...and check she's not bleeding too heavily..."

She paused, looking up at her brother who's eyes remained on Zoe.

"Or I can do that...sorry."

She wrung her hands in front of her chest, he looked down at her.

"I can do it."

He said softly.

"Thanks..."

He looked again at Zoe, the rims of her eyes pink, the glimmer of tears sparkling in the dim light.

"I'm just downstairs if you need me."

Robyn squeezed his arm gently, stepping out of the room and pulling the door closed.

He made his way slowly over to the bed, pausing next to it.

"Can I sit?"

He asked, his voice so soft and gentle.

She blinked and a tear tumbled down her cheek. She nodded faintly.

He sat on the very edge of the bed, his body skewed to look at her. He ran his tongue across his lips.

"Did you know?"

He asked, scratching at the dried blood on his trouser leg.

She shook her head ever so slightly, reaching out a hand across the duvet to him.

"I've got to get changed."

He stood up, feeling how stiff his clothes were with dried blood, the smell too much.

He stripped off, feeling the cold, his skin prickling against it. His legs and arms were tinged orange with the faint smears of blood. He walked, naked to the wardrobe, every movement slowed and awkward. He pulled on a fresh pair of boxers and a clean T-shirt, closing the wardrobe door, pausing, his back to her, his hand against the wood.

"Are you ok?"

He heard her whisper. He turned to find her looking at him, her face swollen from crying, her hair flat against her scalp.

"Are **you **ok?"

He asked, standing at the foot of the bed.

She bit the inside of her lip, shaking her head just the tiniest bit, smiling a half-nervous smile that wobbled on her lips.

"Will you hold me?"

She gasped, sucking in a breath of air involuntarily as she spoke, choking against the tears she held back.

He knelt forward onto the bed, crawling up to where she sat, straightening his legs out and leaning against the headboard, lifting his arm so that she could rest against him.

She closed her eyes, the smell of him comforting her.

"I'm so sorry."

She whispered against him, her voice so quiet, so hopeless.

He wrapped both arms around her, pressing his lips down on the top of her head , a solid aching lump forming deep in his throat.

"Don't be."

He murmured, his voice tight against the lump.

"I didn't think it was possible..."

She began, sucking in another deep faltering breath.

"Shhh..."

He whispered into her hair, she still smelled of coconut, of perfume.

He stroked her cheek with his hand, drawing his thumb across her jaw, pushing the hair away from her mouth and tucking it behind her ear.

"Zoe"

He nudged her chin with his fingers so that she looked up at him.

"I love you you know."

He whispered, hurriedly wiping away the tears that escaped his eyes, pressing his lips against her forehead.

"I love you too."

She breathed, lifting her face to kiss his lips, tasting the salt of his tears against them.

"I love you so much."

_**Hopefully I haven't terrified anyone! Reviews welcome as always. Hope you're all still enjoying it :) x**_


	28. Chapter 28

Zoe lay in the dark, the towels underneath her itchy and coarse against the backs of her legs. She gazed up to the ceiling above, ripples of cool blue light moved across it, mirroring the rain that slithered and slunk slowly down the window panes. It must be past midnight, the house was silent, only the gentle hushing of the rain and the whispering of the trees outside.

She placed a hand across her stomach, slipping it under Max's jumper that she wore, resting her palm low against her abdomen, her skin warm and soft to touch. She felt her stomach bubble and rumble beneath her skin.

If she closed her eyes all she could see was the blood on Max's bathroom floor. The smell of it lingered in her nose, at the back of her throat. It hurt to swallow and the roof of her mouth was sore. She had forgotten about the cold. She could hear the remnants of Max's cold as he breathed, he had fallen asleep hours ago, a gentle snore breaking the silence every now and then.

She blinked, the blood scarlet behind her eyelids. She was exhausted from crying, now all that remained were the thoughts in her head. Her body motionless and cold. She'd kicked the cover off, feeling claustrophobic and didn't have the energy to retrieve it.

She could feel Max's breath against her ear, her hair fluttering against her skin with every exhale. His breath smelled faintly of alcohol. She turned her head ever so slowly to look at him, his profile grey against the window.

His mouth hung open, his head tilted upwards resting against his hand. She watched him, and with every breath he took she realised the baby that had been growing inside her would never breathe that air, would never call him 'Daddy', or her...

She shuddered, almost crying out to stop her thoughts from wandering anywhere more harmful. Max stirred, closing his mouth and swallowing. He cleared his throat gently and opened an eye, rolling onto his side to face her and squinting down at her, his eyes struggling to focus in the dark. The dread, the remembrance of what had happened slipping up from his gut, knotting in his throat.

"Are you ok?"

He whispered, rubbing his eye with his fingers.

She didn't answer immediately, only turned her head against him,

"Try to get some rest."

He whispered against her forehead, struggling with the fear that seemed to gnaw and stab at his heart.

"Did you see it?"

She asked eventually, her voice muffled as he reached down and pulled up the duvet around her, placing his arm gently over her, every so often he kissing the skin of her forehead gently.

She felt him stiffen slightly as he breathed in slowly.

"Yes."

He answered, closing his eyes, they were dry and seemed to scratch when he blinked.

"How big..."

She whispered.

He rubbed his fingers over her shoulder, clearing his throat again, finding it difficult to find the right way to answer, wondering if he should even answer at all.

"A bit smaller than my thumb."

He said slowly, still the image at the forefront of his mind, static and illuminated, unmoving.

She rolled over to face him with difficulty, everywhere seemed to ache and throb.

She took hold of his hand, kissing the tip of his thumb with trembling lips and placing it where hers had been, against the soft curve of her stomach, just bellow her belly button.

"I'm sorry."

She drew in a sharp breath through her nose, daring to close her eyes, torturing herself with the half memory of how it had felt, to feel her baby leave her body in such a violent and gruesome manner.

He ran his hand across her skin, back and forth, back and forth, his lips brushing her face, deliberately slowing his breathing down as he began to hum gently, his breath vibrating against her, brushing his lips against her hair, holding her so gently against his chest, his voice whispering to her, the words slow, drawn out, rhythmic;

"_...Oh no love! You're not alone, you're watching yourself but you're too unfair,_

_you've got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care..."_

It took her a moment to realise that he was singing, his voice just a soft slow whisper against her skin, his body rocking her ever so slightly, his breathing so slow, so laboured it became hard to focus on anything but the 'Rock n Roll suicide'.

"_Oh no love, you're not alone. _

_No matter what or who you've been, _

_No matter when or where you've seen,_

_All the knives seem to lacerate your brain, _

_I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain..."_

She felt a lull wash over her mind, as though a blanket had been drawn over her thoughts. She murmured something, she wasn't sure what, her eyes rolling back in their sockets, still he hummed, still he sang, repeating the lines, whispering the lyrics.

"_You're not alone."_

He breathed, closing his eyes, still rocking her body gently. Love wasn't something he'd felt before, but music never seemed to fail him.

"_You're not alone._

_Just give me your hands...you're not alone..._

_Give me your hands, because you're wonderful...you're wonderful_

_You're not alone..."_

**Thank you for all of the lovely, lovely reviews! I love reading them, especially when I'm up with my son at 4AM each morning! They make the early starts a little more tolerable!**

**I had someone ask if I write for a living, I don't know how to reply to individuals? Is that possible? Anyway, I do, I'm a writer and journalist (little bit worried about admitting to that as I'm obviously writing this without a proof-reader/editor!)**

******Anyway, thank you again, I will update again very soon x :)**

******Oh I forgot to add, this update would be best read whilst listening to David Bowie's 'Rock n Roll suicide' (youtube it) x**


	29. Chapter 29

**ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS: TIME**

"How are you feeling?"

Robyn asked as Max appeared at the sitting room door, his jumper was on backwards and the label stuck out against his throat.

He turned around without answering, walking back into the kitchen and filling a saucepan with milk and cream.

"Max?"

She made to follow him but Lofty held up a hand, rising instead and making his way into the kitchen.

"Mate..."

He watched as Max placed the saucepan on top of the oven.

"Don't re-ally want to talk about it."

Max answered, still not turning, reaching instead for a wooden spoon and stirring the liquid, reaching for the decorated tin where he kept his chocolate and spices.

"You haven't turned the oven on."

Lofty pointed out, watching Max tip a handful of something into the liquid.

The doorbell rang as he spoke.

"That'll be Tess."

Robyn said aloud, moving to the front door.

Max paused, head lowered, watching the doorway to the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand.

Tess followed Robyn into the sitting room, taking her coat off as she moved.

"Uh...what's she doing here?"

Max asked, still holding his wooden spoon, still unmoving.

"Max, I had to tell someone, I couldn't ring up and say you and Dr Hanna were both off sick

without someone asking questions."

He let his gaze slip slowly from Tess to Robyn.

"Ye-ah...I didn't think you'd be able keep your mouth shut about this one. Too juicy eh?"

He cocked his head, his eyes appearing darker than they were, his lips tight and dry against his teeth.

"Max?!"

Robyn shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking apologetically at Tess who pursed her lips, seemingly a default stance she took when faced with Max.

"Robyn, Lofty, would you mind giving us a moment alone, please?"

Tess's voice was softer than he remembered it, she didn't seem to be phased by his aggression and it irritated him.

"Uh...sure..."

Robyn followed a silent Lofty up the stairs leaving Tess to move into the kitchen with Max.

She stood before him, arms folded, just looking at him, taking in his unwashed hair, overgrown stubble, the slight snarl of his lip.

"What?"

He asked eventually, well aware he sounded like a sullen teenager.

"I've just come to see how Zoe is."

She spoke as though she were speaking to a patient, low, soft...kind.

"She's pretty shit to be honest."

He said, tossing the spoon he held onto the work surface with a clatter and flicking the oven on, turning his back to Tess.

"Max...are you ok?"

She asked, hesitating before moving closer to him. She could smell the comforting smell of warm milk rising from the saucepan.

"Never been better."

He murmured, feigning distraction.

"Max, I'm not the enemy."

She watched as he emptied something from a tin into the saucepan, turning it a rich chocolate brown colour, the festive smell of cinnamon and chilli filled the air.

"No."

He turned to look at her, holding the tin in his hand, absently twisting the lid back in place.

"And neither am I."

He added, his coolness mildly threatening.

She sighed.

"Zoe's a friend, If she cares about you...if you care about her then I want to know that you're ok too."

He smirked as she spoke.

"Or as OK as you can be, under the circumstances."

She added, her voice quieter.

He placed the tin down gently on the counter next to the oven.

"'_If' _I care about her? Don't you get it? Haven't I done enough to prove myself yet?"

He stepped backwards, leaning against the work surface, an odd twisted smile grazing his lips, his eyes glittering with amused rage.

"I looked after her last night. I bought her home, I held her while she fucking miscarried our baby onto my bathroom floor. And then, do you know what I did then?"

His body seemed to shake with a growing hysteria. She shook her head slightly.

"I cleaned up the blood. So much fucking blood. And I held that tiny thing, that...baby, would you call it a baby? Or was it a foetus? It doesn't matter as much if it's still just a foetus does it?"

"Max..."

"I held it in my hand, wrapped up in fucking toilet roll. I could see it's head, I could see it's arms and legs I could see it's fucking fingers and toes...where it's eyes were...I could see..."

His body shook and he choked on his words. Tess moved over to him, placing her hand about his neck and pulling him into her, his back bent, his face against her shoulder.

"I could see it's heart under it's skin."

He whispered into the cotton of her top.

"Shhh."

She stroked the back of his hair as if he were a child, her other arm around his back her fingers against the wool of his jumper. He smelled of cigarettes and alcohol and the faint unwashed smell of someone who didn't care.

A bubbling noise roused him, he sucked in a breath, pulling away from her and turning to the oven, switching it off at the wall and removing the saucepan.

"What's that?"

Tess asked as he wiped his eyes with his hand, sniffing and clearing his throat.

"For Zoe."

He said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Hopefully she believes that I love her."

He added, pouring the chocolate into three mugs that he set out into a line.

"I take it you're coming up too?"

He asked, holding out a drink for her, refusing to meet her eyes.

She took the mug, whispering her thanks and following him up the flights of stairs to the top of the house.

"Tess is here."

He spoke as they entered the room, Zoe was sitting up in bed, watching the thin bracnhes of the trees patter against the window panes in the wind.

She looked toward them, an expression of vague reorganisation filtering across her face, nothing more. No smile or 'hello'.

Tess remained in the doorway as Max moved over to the bed, setting down the larger of the three mugs on the bedside table.

"Drink this."

He said, reaching out and touching her shoulder lightly with his fingertips. She looked up at him, a faint smile twitched the corner of her mouth.

"thank you."

She mouthed.

"I'll have a bath while you..."

He gestured to Tess.

"If you'll be ok?"

He looked to her again, the whites of her eyes were grey and bloodshot, her forehead and the corners of her mouth drawn and tense. She nodded and looked away again as he left the room.

"I'm so sorry Zoe."

Tess spoke as she came nearer, sitting herself on the edge of the bed, placing a warm hand over Zoe's.

"How are you doing?"

She asked, squeezing her fingers, watching as Zoe drew in a slow breath and finally turned to face her.

"How were you when your life fell apart?"

She asked quietly.

Tess squeezed her hand again, tighter this time.

"I was a mess."

She said, a flicker of something crossing Zoe's eyes.

"That's it. That's me."

Zoe exhaled as she spoke, her breath was heavy and stale with cigarette smoke.

"It's a good job Max was there..."

Tess breathed, Zoe looked briefly more alive at the mere mention of his name.

"I can't imagine what's going through his head."

She whispered, looking to the closed bedroom door.

"He's trying to stay strong...for you."

Tess said, reaching out for Zoe's drink and passing it to her.

A smile passed her lips as she realised what was in the mug.

"And I love him for that."

She whispered.

**Apologies for not being able to update last night, my children didn't sleep very well so I was up and down a lot! This is the first update for this evening, there will be one or two (or one long one) to follow. I hope you're still enjoying it. Reviews still very much welcomed!**

**Again I'm not sure how to reply to just one person? Any help on this would be appreciated as I feel odd writing my replies on here?! Anyway, you asked what sort of journalism I do. I'll update my profile on here so you can have a nose. Hope that's ok? :) x**


	30. Chapter 30

The sun was out. The grey mornings rain had turned and the late afternoon sunshine pooled the room with an egg-yolk yellow, an autumnal chill still laced the air despite the warm glow.

Tess had spent most of the day with them. Max could hear the muffled voices of both Tess and Zoe in the bathroom opposite as Tess helped her to bathe whilst examining her.

Max sat on the windowsill, his bare feet resting on the seat of the little wooden chair he had in his room.

He held his guitar on his lap, the varnish of it's body was splintered and peeling, worn from use and bald in patches from where he rested his arms. He gazed into the middle distance, plucking the strings occasionally, so quietly they could barely be heard.

Lofty and Robyn had left for work hours ago. He contemplated making lunch, but knew he would not eat it.

He strummed the beginning of a song he couldn't remember the name of. Stopping abruptly as he heard the bathroom door unlock. He watched the door open and Zoe made her way back in, followed by Tess. Her hair was wet and slicked back from her face and she walked stiffly, still sore.

She smiled as he looked over to her, something seemed to have changed. Along with the blood and sweat from last night, something else seemed to have been washed away from her.

"What're you playing?"

She asked, Tess helping her back onto the bed, the bed that she had changed whilst Zoe had been in the bath.

He shrugged, running his fingers along the strings, a faint squeal of metal sounded before he placed the guitar back onto it's stand and he slipped down from the windowsill.

"Are you alright...?"

She frowned slightly, he seemed to directly avoid her gaze.

"Yeah...fine."

He rubbed the side of his head, standing, an awkward silhouette against the window.

"I think I'm going to take off..."

He raised his gaze to look at Tess's feet, running a hand across the back of his neck.

"Take off?"

Zoe repeated, only just having found a comfortable position in which to sit up.

"A walk..."

He began moving to the door.

"Where are you going?"

Zoe called after him, pushing herself up, he ignored her, his body stiff and unresponsive.

"Max?"

She tried to shout but her throat was hoarse and she croaked. Rubbing her throat she turned to Tess, Max disappearing out of sight, the sound of his feet on the stairs.

"He just needs some time."

Tess said, watching him leave, moving over to the window to watch as they heard the slam of the front door and the soft crunch of gravel.

She watched as he left the house, hands in his pockets, only a t-shirt and jeans to keep him warm. He didn't look back.

She turned back to Zoe who was shifting the duvet from her legs and struggling to stand.

"What're you doing!?"

Tess rushed to her side, taking hold of her elbow, the dressing gown Zoe wore slipping from her shoulder.

"I think I should be getting back to my house."

She answered slowly, wincing as she managed to stand up straight, her back still twinged and her stomach was still sore despite the cramps being only mild now.

"You can't be on your own, Zoe. And Max will wonder where you are?"

She tried to lead Zoe back to the bed but she shook her off, tugging the dressing gown tighter and making her way to the door.

"Will you drop me off?"

She asked, ignoring Tess's concern.

"But Max?"

Tess tried again, glancing back out of the window.

"I don't think he's coming back."

Zoe whispered.

**More to come as long as my children stay asleep! Fingers crossed...**


	31. Chapter 31

At midnight her doorbell rang.

She opened her eyes, remaining still on the sofa, staring into the darkness. It rang again. She felt her entire body tense, fear prickling at her scalp.

"Zoe!"

Max shouted her name. She exhaled, but still remained where she was.

"ZOE!"

He shouted louder, his voice echoing in her hall, the clatter of her letterbox and he shouted again. She swore under her breath, thinking of the neighbours.

She rolled uncomfortably off the sofa, padding stiffly to the door. She opened it just enough to see out.

"What are you doing?!"

She hissed, keeping her voice down, glancing to check the neighbouring houses were still in darkness.

"I need to talk to you."

He spoke loudly and she raised a finger to her lips, frowning.

"So you can tell me all about your bit on the side? I don't want to hear it."

She pushed the door to close it but he slipped his fingers around it, wedging them in between the door and the frame. She pushed it harder, contemplating slamming it anyway.

"Fuck, Zoe let me in?!"

He kicked the door in frustration, his fingers swelling almost instantly. She stepped back, letting the door swing open, only the street light outside illuminated them.

"What is it then? What could you possibly have to say?"

She asked. He pushed the door shut behind himself and reached out to flick on the light. She shielded her eyes and blinked against the brightness.

"I wasn't doing what you thought I was doing."

He stepped closer. The tell tale scent of perfume on his skin.

She remained silent, just looking at him for a moment.

"Yesterday you told me you loved me. Today you fuck some whore after I miscarry your child?!"

She almost laughed when she eventually spoke.

His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated.

"I didn't..."

He began, pausing as she laughed at him, shaking her head.

"I do love you."

He whispered.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at him again.

"You've got a fucking funny way of showing it."

Her voice was low, and she touched the side of her head, craving a cigarette.

"I didn't fuck her..."

He tried again, moving once more toward her but she stepped back, holding up her hands to halt him.

"So what did you do Max? Hmm? Did you lure her in with your charm like you did me? Did you kiss her? Did you have sex with her...make love to her? What DO you want to call it?"

He opened his mouth to reply before realising she hadn't finished.

"You know what, don't bother, whatever it was, that's it. Whatever we had, it's finished."

She made to turn back into the sitting room but he caught her by the arm.

"Fine. If you want to erase everything like that. If you want to play the victim. What if I did fuck her...Tess would love it wouldn't she?"

His words came as a shock, she felt the realisation begin to sink in.

"So that's just what you do is it? With women? Find them, feel them, fuck them and forget them?And as for me wanting to 'play' the victim? Fuck you."

She hissed, her voice much steadier than she felt.

He looked back at her, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He seemed to be thinking something over, his lips drawn into a tight white line.

"What can I do?"

He asked finally. His voice changed, an air of defiance to it.

"I don't think there's anything that you can do. I think you did it."

She shook her arm free, all this time he had been holding it.**  
**_"_When I came to Holby I was the type of man who was capable of doing shit things like what you think I've done. But you've made me a better man."

She rolled her eyes.

****_"_Oh, fuck off, Max, that's not even grammatically correct let alone factually. It's not my job to make you a better man and I don't give a shit if I've made you a better man. It's not a fucking woman's job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve."

"That's not what I meant."

He ran a hand over his face, he was sweating.

****_"_What the fuck are you talking about, then, Max? You give me one reason why you think that I should forgive you for leaving me after what happened, without saying where you were going...and then not calling!"

She raised her hands, waiting for his response, her stomach hurting, still raw from losing their child.

**"**Because I'm a fuck-up. I couldn't handle it...any of it. Tess made it look so easy... I made a big, big mistake..."

**"**Ugh. Please...I'm forty, I'm not a teenager. In fact, do you know what? Yesterday was my birthday. I miscarried our child on my fortieth birthday, and now you've fucked off with someone else. What a way to begin "the prime of life" eh?"

She watched as he looked back at her, open mouthed.

"Zoe, I'm sorry..."

She laughed, a low cackling laugh as she started to walk away again.**  
**

"Zoe...what can I do? Zoe?"

He made to follow her but she stopped and turned to face him.****

_"_What I want is for you to write "fuck me" on your chest. Write it. Do it! And then I want you to walk out of that door and I want you to walk down the street, and anybody that wants to fuck you, say, "Sure! Sure! No problem!" And when they do, you have to say, "Thank you very, very much." And make sure that you have a smile on your face. And then, you stupid fucking coward, you'll know what it feels like to be me right now. Now get out."

**More tomorrow...unless I can stay awake. (Apologies for all the F words!) xxx**


	32. Chapter 32

A thin ripple of grey-white smoke looped and curled, filtering through Max's mouth, past his lips and twisting up and out into the wind.

It was raining again. The hospital looked dull and grey in the morning light.

He stood facing away from the hospital entrance, watching the cars pull in, Zoe's parking space still empty.

He turned his phone over and over in the palm of his hand, he clicked call again, highlighting her name, not bothering to hold it to his ear, he could hear from a distance that it went straight to voice mail again.

He sucked the last out of his cigarette, his face was damp with rain, the sort of rain that you barely notice until you are wet through.

"Max?"

Someone shouted his name. Rita was leaning out of the hospital entrance, her hand sheltering her eyes from the weather.

He flicked the butt of the cigarette to the ground, letting it fizz and sizzle in a pool of muddy water.

He turned and made his way towards her.

"Mr Taylor needs to come back down from Darwin, and when you've finished can you take..."

She paused, fumbling with the files she held against her chest, her cheeks were flushed and her hands clumsy.

"Miss Wheeler, she needs to be taken down to theatre."

She concluded, hugging the files close to her, leading the way back onto the ward.

"Great..."

He picked a sliver of tobacco from his teeth.

"You alright then?"

She asked, stopping momentarily while she buzzed the double doors open. He glanced at her, a half smile twitching his lips. He had no idea what she knew, if anything about the miscarriage...about how he had treated Zoe in the aftermath.

"Yep."

He answered, raising his eyebrows at her briefly before slipping through the double doors ahead of her.

He took the stairs to Darwin, staircase after staircase, winding up from the emergancy department. He began to feel dizzy, pausing to look out of the window out over the carpark. Still her space remained empty. Surely she wouldn't take longer off than she needed.

He turned, sliding his fingertips up the wooden banister, taking the last two staircases quickly, emerging at the top slightly out of breath. He could still feel the tail end of the cold, a tightness of his lungs when he breathed, a dry cough.

He passed Elliot's office, dithering, asking someone the way and following their hand gesture, still his movements seeming deliberately slow.

He took hold of the wheelchair which held a sleeping Mr Taylor, wheeling him past the nurses station towards the lift. He waited, absently toying with the contents of his pocket.

He was worried he might lose it before he got a chance to see her, to show her.

It took almost a full minute for him to realise he hadn't yet pressed the button to call the lift. He pushed it, glancing furtively about himself. No one had seen, or if they had they were pretending they hadn't.

The lift pinged as it clunked and jolted at his level, the doors breathing a hiss as they opened, engulfing him and the sleeping man. Wheezing back into place, the lift lurched back to the ground floor, stopping on the way to pick up a group of visitors who politely ignored him.

He pushed through them when none seemed to move, thanking them loudly, clipping someone's heel with the wheel of the chair.

Someone had to know where she was. He stopped before moving onto the ward, taking his phone from his pocket and checking it again, flicking the screen on and off as if it would somehow help.

He had to explain to her.

The night before had been a mistake. Everything seemed to have happened at once. Their relationship, the miscarriage, the breakup. He chewed the flesh of his bottom lip, still paused in the middle of the corridor, his mind ticking over that night.

Somewhere in his mind, perhaps it was the old him, he was still convinced that he had done the right thing. But another voice, perhaps the elusive voice of reason laughed at him and his stupidity.

"Everything ok, Max?"

Tess placed a hand on his back, he stiffened, blinking rapidly, his surroundings fazing back into focus.

"Just...on my way to the ward."

He pushed the wheelchair, setting off again, seeing Tess move away from him, her hand raised to knock on the door to Connie's office.

"Zoe...I mean Tess? Do you know where she is?"

He asked, finally giving in. He had to ask someone and Tess seemed the most likely perso to know.

"Do I know where who is?"

She asked, her hand still poised to knock. Was she feigning ignorance he wondered, moving the wheelchair back and forth restlessly.

"Zoe."

He asked, smiling a quick slip of a smile at Ethan as he passed by.

Tess pulled a face, an odd mix of confusion and disbelief.

"I thought you'd know? She spoke to Guy early this morning, she's gone to America early..."

She watched as he struggled to understand the words that she had just said.

"What?"

He finally managed, moving the wheelchair quicker and quicker, Mr Taylor not seeming to notice.

"She decided to leave for America early, rather than waiting until her three weeks were up. I assumed it had something to do with the miscarriage and needing some time out. I thought you'd know?"

Again he didn't seem to get what she was saying, his frown deepened and his face seemed to contort his usually attractive features into a gargoyle of himself.

"I didn't know she was going to America at all..."

He said simply, trying to collect all of the different, shattered thoughts that seemed to have dispersed in the for front of his mind.

"When she spoke to Guy about returning to work? He recommended taking a job in America, it's just for six weeks. Training? Something about discipline?"

She was trying to jog his memory, but he looked at her blankly, just the slight shake of his head.

"Are you OK? You and Zoe...?"

She watched as he glanced towards the clock at the end of the corridor, and swiftly back to her again.

"When does she leave?"

He asked, looking to the clock again, instantly having forgotten the time from his last look.

"Max..."

"I could get someone to cover my shift..."

Tess drew in a sigh.

"Max, this isn't an episode of Friends, you can't catch her. This is real life."

She paused, watching the colour seem to disperse from his face, his eyes unfocused, his thoughts racing ahead of themselves.

"She's already left Max, she lands in Michigan at 6:00PM our time."

_**Thank you for the lovely comments from last night, I hope I didn't offend anybody with all that f-ing and blinding?! Apologies if I did.**_

_**More to come, reviews to encourage me on this very dreary evening very much welcome! x**_


	33. Chapter 33

Without a word he left the hospital. Walked off the premises without a backward glance, leaving his shift, leaving them to cope without him. His shoulders hunched into the rain. Winter nipped at his heels, chasing autumn away from him.

He sucked in a breath, the air seemed to freeze at the back of his throat. Zoe flickered to the front of his mind, her smell, her breath, the way her hair fell across her face as she slept. He walked faster, the rain turning to sleet, burning his face, his lips. Her kisses washed away. The wreckage of his doing seemed too huge, too painful.

He forced his hands into his pockets, his knuckles scratching on the contents, he began to run, his feet slapping the pavement, one of his shoes was leaking and nothing but his own breath was heard, panting in his ears.

His heart galloped, he never ran, unless there was something worth running to..or from.

The sleet grew in strength, he could barely see. He hailed the first taxi he saw, it drew to a halt beside him. He pulled open the door, slipping into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind himself. He gave his address, his voice breathy and strained.

It took less than ten minutes for the taxi to arrive at his house, he paid, counting coppers into the drivers hand who barely thanked him.

"Lofty."

He beckoned the nurse over to him as he entered the house, wet through, one of his eyes looked sore from where the sleet and hail had hit.

Lofty looked up from where he sat eating one of Robyn's fat free yoghurts.

"Order me a taxi for ten minutes yeah?"

He tossed him his phone, not waiting for a reply, taking the stairs two at a time until the final four where he faltered, his thighs weakening. He pushed open the door to his bedroom, ignoring the smell of perfume that lingered, forgetting itself, prancing from bed cover, to curtain, flirting with his senses.

He fingered the strings on his old guitar. It was a electro-acoustic but the jack socket was faulty and had never been used. Gripping it by the neck he lay it gently into it's case, locking it with the key that hung on the back of his wardrobe door. He placed it on the bed, looking at it for a moment before kneeling, pulling out three other guitar cases one by one from under the bed, opening them, checking them, touching them one last time.

He stacked them in a teetering pile near the door, moved to the bookcase, ran his eyes across the spines until he rested on '_Gone with the Wind'. _He pulled it out, flicking through the pages until he reached the middle, withdrawing the small envelope and placing it into his back pocket.

The bedside drawer was next, pulling it open he clattered a hand inside, nudging the half eaten chocolate bar, finding his old iphone and throwing it into a bag on the back of the door before unplugging his laptop and headphones and tossing them into the bag after it.

He paused to breathe, surveying the room.

His chest rose up and down quickly, his lips dry and parted.

A car horn sounded outside, a quick glance to the window revealed a red taxi between the glimmering streaks of rain.

He threw the bag over his shoulder, and forced his fingers through the handles of three of the four guitar cases, they bashed and clattered against his legs, knocking painfully against his knees. He leaned over, almost comically, gripping the forth and final guitar case, taking the thin leather handle between his teeth, lifting it and moving as quickly as he could through the door, his chin bearing the brunt of the weight of the fourth guitar.

The stairs he took gingerly, gradually building speed as went, the guitar swinging from his jaw, pulling his teeth. He felt the muscles in his face begin to cramp up as he made it to the bottom of the first flight, clenching his teeth as hard as he could, hearing them grind and move in his mouth as he clattered down to the front door.

Lofty started, open mouthed, a teaspoon of raspberry Activia yoghurt paused halfway between his mouth and the pot. His hesitation just long enough for it to slip with a satisfying plop onto the carpet.

Max placed the guitar he held in one hand to the floor, pulling open the door, taking hold of it again and moving back out into the rain. He shivered, piling his belongings at the rear of the car, popping open the boot himself, the driver watching him, nonchalantly chewing gum like a cow chews the cud, whilst Max, dripping, piled in the guitar cases and bag.

The boot slammed shut. Out of breath Max collapsed into the cab, placing a hand on his chest.

"Town centre please mate."

The taxi driver chewed loudly on the gum. Max could smell the less than fresh mint interspersed with the rancid air freshener that dangled from the rear view mirror. It smelled of sweat and sweet rotting apples.

Max turned his face towards the window, a hand surreptitiously over his mouth.

Town wasn't far. When they arrived, Max gestured to the pawn shop on their left.

"Can you wait here?"

He asked, glancing to the cab driver who nodded just as slowly as he chewed.

Again he stepped into the rain, it didn't seem to hint at stopping any time soon.

He withdrew three of the guitar cases, and the bag, struggling to get them all into the shop at one time. A muscle in his shoulder seemed to bruise as he swung the strap of the bag back over it.

He lifted his wares onto the desk, waiting for a member of staff. He looked for a bell, or something that might gain someone's attention.

He swayed from one foot to the other, his hands again in his pocket, fiddling and twisting the meagre contents. He would see her soon. He WOULD see her soon. He repeated this to himself, feeling a little bit crazed as he did, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of what he was doing.

At last an acne riddled youth sidled up behind the counter, casting a lazy eye across the cases.

"How much for these?"

Max struggled to speak, despite the length of time it had taken the member of staff to appear. He found he was still breathless, still trapped in some sort of alternate universe in which he seemed unable to wake himself from.

He waited, whilst the boy inspected each instrument, each case with the eye of someone who had no idea. Eventually he called someone called 'Keith' over to assess them. Keith was a morbidly obese man with a beard who whistled through his nose when he spoke.

"£3,000 for the lot?"

He was burrowing through the bag, opening and closing the laptop and peering at the charger.

"Fine."

Max gnawed at the skin against his thumb nail, feeling as though he were being taken for a fool as Keith counted out the money into his hand. He found himself shaking, he'd never had that much money in his life, not all at once.

He retrieved his wallet from his back pocket and pushed the money in, tossing it into the now empty bag and slinging it back over his shoulder, calling thanks on the way out. He collapsed back into the taxi, the bag slouched over his knees.

"Holby City air port..."

He wheezed.

**...**


	34. Chapter 34

£116.23 was all he had left in the world. Somehow he had found himself paying for a one way ticket to Gerald R. Ford International Airport, Michigan after spending half an hour on a pay phone to a panicked Robyn who diligently rung around various people to find out whereabouts in Michigan Zoe actually was, and to which hospital she would be heading to.

Now all he had was a ticket and a crumpled napkin with 'St Joseph's mercy hospital, Saugatuck' scrawled on it in the blue ink from a pen that he had taken from an unattended reception desk.

The pen now perched neatly in the pocket of his t-shirt, lid hooked over the hem of it, a little blue stripe against the black.

He had packed everything away into his bag and hunched it into his lap, his guitar safely on the floor between his ankles, waiting as he did, to board the plane.

His mind dawdled over the various faces, couples, families, singletons that passed him by, only a handful glimpsing him in return, the odd half glance, a hurried smile, a nod of the head.

He watched as the second had on the huge wall clock ticked down to 6:00PM. The sky outside was black, littered with the lights of descending and ascending aeroplanes and pin-prick stars.

He could see himself in the wall of windows, a seat empty either side of him despite the busy waiting room. Perhaps he smelt too strongly of desperation. He smiled at the thought.

The smile soon waned though as he looked at himself in the window, a pale, streaky version of himself. His hair was thick with city smoke and lay flat against his scalp. He hadn't shaved in days and his stubble was fast becoming a patchy whiskery mess. He, like the guitar case between his legs, had seen better days.

He glanced back to the clock, the second hand ticked down the last few seconds. Zoe would be there now. On the other side of the world. He fidgeted in his seat. Trying to ignore the very real possibility that when he got there, she might turn him away.

It was 7:00 AM U.S time. She had slept for most of the night, but still she woke to bleary eyes and a head that thumped painfully with every step she took. She squinted, almost closing one eye entirely as she was jostled through to the luggage collection area of the air port. She wished she had packed her sun glasses.

Someone with a thick American drawl announced something over the tannoy which she failed to hear over the squeal of metal trolleys and the putter and whirr of the carousel that the luggage bags were tossed onto.

She by-passed it, having only had time to pack hand luggage, reasoning with herself that she would be able to buy what she needed once she was here.

She had never travelled alone before, not like this. She looked about for the right arrivals gate.

How was it that she was actually here? She had been so adamant that she wouldn't be when she had first had that conversation with Guy.

She refused to think about the reasons why she was here, pushed the ever-present emptiness of being to the back of her mind and clutched her bag tighter to her, pushing between the crowds to the arrivals lounge.

Out in the open air the world smelled different. The sky seemed lower, the clouds sailed over head, whispering by on the tail of wind. She felt it against her, nearly knocking her back. It flattened her hair and blew the leaves of a nearby tree into her legs where they bustled and frolicked before scuttering off across the tarmac.

She looked about herself, the steady slip stream of yellow cabs that she'd only seen before in films. Did she hail them, standing proudly on the side walk, arm raised as she'd seen Sarah Jessica-Parker do many a time in Sex and the City?!

She guessed not as she watched them speed, tyres squealing against the wet roads, drivers gesturing non-to friendly to one another from their windows.

Someone shouted, waving an arm from the opposite side of the road. She glanced behind herself to where people milled about, no one seeming to notice the man who was crossing the road.

Turning back to him she realised he was calling to her, smiling at her. He skipped up the curb and made his way over to her.

"Zoe Hanna?"

He asked, holding out a hand. She hesitated before taking it.

"Ye-es?"

She narrowed her eyes. He was tall, much taller than her. His straight white teeth shone a pearlised white as he smiled again, his mouth was slightly crooked she noticed.

"I'm Henry Mollengraaf...Dr. Henry Mollengraaf."

She raised an eyebrow at his introduction.

"I'm from St Joseph's, here to meet you."

He seemed rather pleased with himself, he maintained a hold of her hand until she pulled away, surreptitiously wiping her hand against her thigh.

"How on earth did you know who I was?"

She asked, still slightly taken aback by this larger than life character.

"Your picture."

He held up a piece of paper, the picture from her work badge was scanned onto it, along with the details of her arrival. She cast a hasty eye over it before looking back up at him. He smiled again, he seemed to have too much blonde hair, all bustling about on the top of his head as though he had been electrocuted. His eyes, which were blue and keen, were wide set and narrow. He looked decidedly German with all those teeth and that hair she concluded.

"Are you ready to go?"

He asked, seemingly non-plussed by her scrutiny.

"Let me take that."

He added, taking her bag from her before she had time to refuse. She looked at it, hanging from his shoulder, looking ridiculous against his hip.

"I suppose so."

She spoke into the air, feeling her words leave her lips as the wind whistled past, leading her gaze to the road ahead.

**Oh I'm so looking forward to writing tomorrow's update! Hope you all enjoy tonight's :) x**


	35. Chapter 35

"So, this is where you'll be staying!

Everything he said seemed to come with an exclamation at the end of it, as though she should be impressed.

Dr Mollengraaf, or Henry as he kept insisting she call him, pulled up into the driveway of a large detached white board house, a proud pole in the middle of the perfect garden, a giant American flag fluttering and billowing against it, streaking out straight as she stepped out of the car, as if trying to gain her attention.

"My wife is inside getting breakfast."

He held open the front door for her so that she had to bob under his arm to enter, she caught a whiff of his aftershave, strong but not unpleasant.

A clattering of something in the kitchen, followed by the hurried scuttle of footsteps and a woman appeared at the end of the long wide hallway. She was untying an apron that she wore, her dark hair, thick and waved bouncing on her shoulders.

"Dr Hanna! Hi, I'm Helena!"

She was all teeth and smiles, she offered a delicate hand to Zoe, who shook it, momentarily worried she was expected to kiss it.

"Breakfast is just about ready, so If you'd like to come through...?"

Her smile didn't falter, her teeth impossibly white, her skin the colour of milky tea, her eyes two clear blue jewels surrounded by perfectly applied Kohl.

Henry ushered her forward into the kitchen, a long, wide room all white and chrome with a long lantern skylight along the ceiling which showed the tempestuous clouds overhead.

"We had that installed when we moved in. Pretty impressive hey?!"

Henry followed her gaze up to the lantern, the odd glimmer of sunlight set the glass ablaze with yellow light.

"It's beautiful."

She agreed, suddenly realising she hadn't said a word since they had entered the house. All this strangeness all at once had made her dizzy.

"Oh! I love your accent!"

Helena stopped whatever it was she was doing to glance at Zoe, her excitement over the way she spoke oddly overacted.

"How long ago did you move here?"

Zoe asked, glancing about at the pictures on the walls, abstract art pieces, was that a Kandinsky by the fridge? She peered at it before Henry stepped in front of her.

"Just last year. It's been tough. We moved from Chicago last September from a two bed flat."

He answered, still grinning unnervingly at her. Wasn't it a German who had eaten someone once, she wondered absently, glancing back to where the large family dining table was set for breakfast.

"Take a seat folks! Breakfast is served!"

Helena bought over a plate stacked high with thick looking pancakes drizzled with what she assumed to be maple syrup, the plate teetered on her arm as she placed it, her smile wobbled with it, for a moment she looked agitated.

"How very American..."

Zoe smiled in thanks, looking at the pancakes, steam rising from them. Helena turned her attention to the coffee machine.

Henry speared three pancakes and plopped them onto her plate in a rather unappetising manner, the syrup leaking from them, watery and insipid.

She took a mouthful while Helena carefully placed a mug of black coffee down in front of them, followed by milk jug, spoons and sugar, neither of which Helena nor Henry used. But they watched intently as Zoe ladled two teaspoons of sugar and a good glug of milk into her own.

"How was your flight?"

Helena asked, taking only one pancake and pushing it about her plate with a fork while Henry stacked four or five onto his.

Zoe nodded through a mouthful, they tasted mildly better than they looked.

"Fine...long..."

She smiled, Helena seemed to be desperate to make her feel at home. The original family that had planned to put her up in three weeks hadn't been able to do so at such short notice and Guy had had to find another in the hours before she arrived. She felt as though she had interrupted something between them.

"I'll show you to your room later, Henry has work so you can rest. I'll just be here until 3 when I pick the children up."

Helena explained, smiling again, nibbling at the edge of a piece of pancake that she had on the end of her fork, her eyes swivelled to Henry who was rushing through his own.

"Children?"

Zoe asked, attempting something that she hoped sounded like interest.

"Angelica and Milo."

Helena pointed above Henry's head with the prongs of her fork, where a black and white print of two young faces peered out at them.

"Ah..."

Zoe looked at them, fair haired, delicately featured children with fixed smiles and their mothers teeth.

"How old...?"

She asked, suddenly feeling as though she were expected to take an interest.

"Five and seven, Angelica is the oldest. She thinks she is a teenager already..."

Helena tailed off with a faint laugh, Henry looking at her, his blue eyes cool and stern.

"Have you got a family, Zoe?"

He asked, swallowing the last bite of his breakfast and raising his coffee to his lips, blowing across the top of it so that it bubbled.

"No..."

She shook her head as she spoke, forcing a smile.

"No husband?"

He asked, glancing to the ring she wore on her hand.

"No..."

She said again, catching his gaze.

"My mothers."

She raised a hand, her ring catching the light.

"Well you never know, you might meet someone while you're here."

Helena spoke unexpectedly, her voice had an edge to it as though she meant something other than what she had said.

Henry placed his coffee cup down with a sharp clip as it hit the saucer.

"Time to save some lives I think..."

He said pointedly, pushing his chair back so that the back legs grated noisily on the stone floor. He stood up and belched. Helena touched her lips with her fingertips, turning her cheek so that he could kiss her, chastely on the pale skin that she presented.

"I'm looking forward to having you on my team tomorrow, Zoe."

He placed a large, strong hand on her shoulder, his fingers brushing her collar bone as he exited.

"Bye folks!"

He called, overly cheery.

As the front door closed a calm seemed to settle over the house.

"This must seem so strange to you, and when you're so jet-lagged too!"

Helena spoke so softly into her coffee cup, her blue eyes meeting Zoe's, a smile at the corners of her lips.

"It's certainly different."

Zoe cast her eyes over the room again, trying another smile. With an unexpected lurch in her stomach she realised she missed home, missed Holby, missed...

"Shall I show you to your room?"

Helena asked, standing and pushing the uneaten pancake away from her on it's plate.

"Yes...please. I didn't bring much, I thought I could do a bit of shopping while I'm here."

She found herself speaking as though she were someone else, cringing to herself as she followed Helena up back through the house and up the grand front staircase, collecting her bag from the banister as she did.

"Oh, I'll have to take you shopping."

Helena glanced back at her as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Henry applauds me on my ability to spend money."

Zoe wasn't sure whether to laugh, smile, or whether it was even a joke. She nodded briefly instead and Helena lead her along the landing to the far door, pushing it open, and stepping aside so that Zoe could enter first.

The room was decorated with intricate pale pink wall paper, the skirting boards gleamed a glossy white, white curtains hung at all three windows, and the white carpet squidged seductively between her toes.

"I hope it's alright?"

Helena asked, watching her guest take in her surroundings.

"It's gorgeous."

Zoe moved instinctively over to the window, looking out over the tree lined street beyond the manicured garden.

"Thank you..."

She said turning her back on the view.

"For letting me stay."

She added. Helena smiled again, this time a soft, pretty smile, she dipped her head.

"That's ok, I like to have something to do...someone to look after."

Again there was the hint of an alternate meaning in her voice.

"Shall I leave you to it? I could wake you for dinner? Henry is back at four, then in again at seven. I could take you out while the children are with their father?"

She sounded eager, Zoe guessed the days must be long with Henry working so much and the children at school.

"Take you shopping I mean."

Helena corrected herself, flushing a little.

Zoe smiled despite the unease of their exchange.

"Ok..."

She watched as Helena smiled again, and dipped her head as she retreated from the room, she reminded Zoe of a 1930's maid, not a successful doctor's wife.

She turned back to the window. There were houses just like the one she stood in all the way down the street on both sides, all bright white with their dominant flags and sleek four wheel drives parked in the drives.

She looked above the houses to the flat farm land beyond. She hadn't expected it to be like this, she'd expected to be in the middle of a city. She touched her fingers against the silk white paint of the window sill, breathing against the glass. A flicker of a memory lifted the corners of her mind, poking it's head in before she had a chance to chase it away. She remembered that first night, when Max had stood against his bedroom window, his breath clouding the rain stained glass as he looked out, wiping the window to see Robyn and Lofty coming home early.

She drew in a long breath, and exhaled like he had, her breath clouding the glass so that she could no longer see the pretty street beyond.

She turned away, padding over the carpet, climbed into bed and slipped her feet under the duvet. She rested her head on the pillow, hearing the soft crunch of feathers under the weight of her head. She closed her eyes, wishing despite herself that he was here.

**First update of this evening! There will be more action soon I promise, I am awful at getting stuck in the detail and taking forever to get where I'm going, sorry :)**

**Thank you again for all the lovely supportive comments that keep me going! xxx**


	36. Chapter 36

Max stood at the exit of the airport terminal. It was 7:00PM, the taxi's that pulled up at the curb were illuminated by the acid white strip lighting of the exit. Cab drivers lolled out of windows, smoking rollies and watching girls.

He had found a map of Saugatuck on his way out. He held it now, staring at it intently until he spotted the air port. He pinched where he was on the map with his fingers to hold it's place then looked for St Joseph's hospital. The map was small and the over head lighting was so bright it seemed to blind him every time he moved his eyes.

Eventually he found it, pinching the paper at that point so he had two clear markers, before circling them with his pen.

He had no idea of the distance between himself and the hospital, a half-recollection of map reading in the boy scouts not proving any use.

He glanced again at the clock. Wondering if he had enough money for a cab, he looked again at the map before folding it back into a neat rectangle and pushing it into his back pocket. He'd forgo the taxi he decided, stepping out into the street, feeling the wind rush against him.

The noise of traffic, of people, hummed all around him, the distant skyline glittered before him, sky scrapers towering, spearing into the sky like shining daggers piercing the earth, cars trailed along, following the lights with his eyes until they blurred out of focus on the horizon.

He tucked his hands into his pockets, very aware that he had no phone, no way of contacting anybody should anything happen.

A jogger overtook him as he kept a brisk pace along the side of the road, the music playing in her ears caught his attention, vaguely recognising the fuzzy beat but not being able to place it.

He was hungry, his stomach gurgled but the money in his bag had to be kept there. He carried on walking, the street lights leading his way, the wind running it's cool fingers through his hair and down his scalp, cooling the sweat.

A cab slowed down next to him, the driver shouted something at him but he ignored him, bowing his head and speeding up, his left shoe soaking up the rain from the puddles, his sock squealching uncomfortably against his foot.

Yells and calls from a group of teenagers on the opposite side of the road made him look up, the air was thick with the pumping of flour into an all night bakery, the flour seemed to be being forced into a grill in the ground outside the shop, the white dust never seeming to settle, making him cough as he passed through it.

'Butler Street', the name rang a bell as he caught sight of the sign high up on the corner of Bloomingdales.

He paused in their foyer, noticing as he did the staff just beyond were decorating an enormous Christmas tree with red and gold decorations.

He retried the map and traced his finger across it, 'Butler street...butler street...', he found it with a smile of satisfaction, marking his progress with his pen, glancing at the streets and streets still between himself and the hospital on 52nd Street.

Looking up he noticed the giant illuminated red 'M' of a Macdonalds, a group of people loitered at it's entrance. He crossed the road at the next crossing, his stomach murmuring in anticipation. Food would undoubtedly help him plan his next move.

Zoe had slept as if she were dead, waking suddenly without reason, staring at the ceiling overhead while she gathered her bearings.

It was dark outside, she wondered why Helena hadn't woken her. She reached for her bag and slipped out her phone, checking the time. It was 8:30. She felt relief in the knowledge that Henry would have already been and gone again.

She shuffled out from under the bed clothes and made her way to the door, opening it gently, hearing no noise of children she assumed them to be asleep already.

She moved softly down the stairs, glancing as she did to the sitting room door which had been left partially open, the sweet warm smell of a burning candle greeted her as she reached the bottom step. Moving closer she could see the dim orange glow through the door.

She pushed her hands against it, the door swinging easily into the room. Helena looked up , moving back from the woman who sat next to her, her expression caught like a woman who had realised she had forgotten a cake in the oven.

"Sorry..."

She apologised, unsure why, but feeling again as though she had interrupted something.

Helena hastily regained her smile and reached out for the glass of wine she had set on the coffee table.

"Come in!"

She greeted with false enthusiasm.

Zoe looked over to the other woman as she entered, feeling self-conscious, her make up worn and tired, her clothes crumpled.

"Zoe is our guest, the doctor I was telling you about...from England."

The woman next to her nodded, sipping her wine.

"This is Bette."

Helena introduced, offering no further information on the woman. Zoe smiled tightly, settling herself on the very edge of one of the chairs.

"All the way from England hmm?"

Bette spoke, her voice was softer than Zoe had expected, she was well spoken too. Her clothes hinted at her class, her hair, like Helena's was a rich chocolate colour that curled to her shoulders, in the candle-light she looked the colour of toffee, the hint of something different in her heritage.

"Let me get you a drink."

Helena announced, remembering her manners and moving to the cabinet in the corner where she retrieved another wine glass.

"So...you're working with Henry?"

Bette asked, she spoke to Zoe but her eyes followed Helena as she moved, filling up the wine glass and passing it to Zoe, settling herself back into the sofa, this time moving herself further away from Bette.

Zoe nodded ,taking a sip, feeling the warmth of the wine fill her, seeping into her aching muscles.

The awkward silence that had hovered above them gradually descended. Each woman finding something interesting to look at in the knots of the wooden floor.

"I might just use the bathroom..."

Zoe spoke finally, standing, gesturing uncertainly to the door.

"Just opposite."

Helena bobbed her head like a nodding dog as she spoke and Zoe wondered how much wine they had already drunk.

She escaped to the bathroom, not really needing to go but forcing herself anyway. She sat on the cool bowl of the toilet for longer than necessary, looking at the wall full of family portraits. She'd always hated family pictures in bathrooms, all the eyes watching. She changed the pad in her underwear, she was still bleeding.

Finishing, she looked at herself in the mirror, surprisingly she looked better, more awake than she had imagined. She ran her hands over her skirt to check it hadn't ridden up at the back and padded back to the sitting room, a whispering causing her to pause at the door.

She stopped just short of the door that had swung almost closed when she had left, through the crack she could see Helena's legs. She moved slightly, her eyes following the curve of her legs, the angles of her back, she twisted even more, her breath quickening as she watched the two women – Bette's hand on Helena's thigh, her fingers gently teasing her skin through the fabric of her jeans. She whispered something into her ear, Helena smiled and Zoe wondered if it was about herself. She watched as Helena shook her head and bit her lip, Bette's own mouth pressing against Helena's ear, her tongue darting over the gold of her earring, kissing a trail along her jaw.

Zoe turned, slightly giddy, and made her way hurriedly back to her room, closing the door firmly behind herself, flicking the lock closed.

**I'm so tired! More tomorrow :) I know I keep saying thank you for all of the comments, but really, thank you! I'm now going to go and dribble over Jamie Davis in Casualty ;)**


	37. Chapter 37

The morning sun hovered over the city, rising slowly, glittering over Lake Michigan like a golden jewel suspended in mid air. There were few clouds but the wind was up. Max had spent the night nursing a cold coffee in McDonald's. The staff didn't seem to notice him in amongst the teens and drunkards that seemed to in and out all night. He was able to sit in relative seclusion, drifting off to sleep for only a few minutes at a time, the collar of his jacket pulled up around his jaw.

People began to come in before work to order their first coffee's of the day. Young women and men with music playing in their ears and cell phones in their hands, orderingcoffee's as though they were reciting poetry. The whole purpose of places like this he noticed- for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self:

"Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."

The last woman in the queue ordered loudly over the crackle of someone on the other end of her phone.

He drew in a breath, the air was dry and hot. His face felt sticky with the clammy sweat that sleep seems to bring.

Clearing his throat he stretched out his legs under the small table and slid out of his seat, hauling his bag and the guitar with him, glancing at the clock above the cashier as he left the shop. It was 8:20. He had all day to reach Zoe.

Out in the street the air smelled like molten sugar and cinnamon, the scent hit him in the back of the throat and his stomach gurgled, a vague stale nausea rolling inside of him.

Cars honked their horns from various directions, there was a general murmur, a clatter of heels, the ring of a cell phone and the groan and hiss of a juggernaut behind him. He dipped his head, pushing his hands into his pockets further, cradling the map against his palm.

The night before he had sat studying the map while he sipped the first black coffee. He had calculated that if he walked straight for several blocks and then turned in along the main high street he should reach St Joseph's at around 6 or 7 that evening.

Zoe woke to the sound of the alarm going off in the room next to her, followed by the clatter of something being dropped in the kitchen below.

She lay, looking at the light stretching in from the far window. Last nights events replayed in the forefront of her mind. She wasn't sure what to make of it. Whether what she had seen was a one off? She didn't think so. Or if it was just how the Mollengraaf's worked. She remembered the odd comment Helena had made at breakfast about meeting someone, and the cold, almost bored look that Henry had shot her.

Reluctantly she slid from the covers, she noticed she had bled a little onto the under-sheet as she tossed the duvet back over the bed before stripping off and stepping into the little shower room.

She turned her face up into the shower head, the gush of the water was gentle, soothing, pitter-pattering across her skin. She closed her eyes against the water. The last time she had showered was with Max at Charlie's. She let her mind hold onto the thought for a moment, turning it over in her mind as though sucking on a boiled sweet, making it last before she crunched back to reality, the realisation of what had happened splintering the memory into painful fragments.

She still hadn't cried, she realised. She hadn't mourned the loss of the relationship that they had had. She tilted her head away from the water, looking down at her body, the curve of her stomach, the silvered stretch-marks at her thighs. He had told her she was beautiful.

She looked again at her stomach, maybe that was it. She wasn't a size 8 blonde supermodel type. Her mind took delight in imagining what had happened that evening when Max had left. If he had gone out somewhere, to a pub and met someone there, or if he had known where he was heading as soon as he left. The miscarriage, having to look after her had obviously made him realise that it was too much, not what he'd signed up for.

He was still young, a part of her brain tried to stand up for him, but was soon beaten down by the vulgarity of the images she played in her minds eye. She imagined Max, with another woman, the woman she had heard on the phone, imagining her, the size 8 blonde supermodel she assumed he usually went for. She imagined how he had kissed her, how he had touched her, like he had touched Zoe, and how he had been inside her. She visibly shook herself at the thought of him having that intimacy with someone else, being inside someone else.

She turned off the water and stepped out into the cool of the room, wrapping a towel around herself and moving to the bedroom to dress.

When she finally made it downstairs it was 8:20AM, the Mollengraaf's were all sat neatly around the dining table where she had sat yesterday for breakfast.

"Zoe! Good to see you, how was your first night? Sleep well?"

Henry asked, his face wide and open, his eyes sparkled, impossibly alert.

She smiled as she sat down opposite the two children.

"I didn't realise I was so tired."

She answered, looking across to the children who were sat staring at her whilst eating their cereal.

"Angelica, Milo, this is Dr Hanna who will be staying with us for a couple weeks."

The tone in which he spoke suggested they were much younger than they were. She smiled softly at them before averting her eyes, sensing their stares still upon her.

"Help yourself..."

Helena gestured with a limp hand to the cereal packets that were arranged in height order on the table. She didn't recognise any of them, but took the nearest one and shook some into the bowl.

"You ready to get your hands dirty today?"

Henry asked, his enthusiasm palpable as he placed his own hands across his stomach and leaned back in his chair.

"I'm certainly looking forward to seeing how you do things over here."

Zoe answered, reaching for the milk jug and pouring it onto the brightly coloured cereal hoops.

She glanced at Helena as she placed the jug back down, who shifted her eyes to the magazine next to her, her cheeks flushing under her make up.

"We'll head off once you've finished. The chief wants us in at 10 but it never hurts to be early."

"The chief?"

Zoe repeated, finding she was hurrying her cereal.

"Cormac Banks, he's in charge."

He spoke as he got up and made his way over to remove something from the fridge door where it had been held by a magnet.

She left the last few mouthfuls in the bowl, the sugary cereal making her stomach churn.

"Ready whenever you are."

She murmured, smiling a half smile of thanks to Helena who stood up as soon as she was finished to clear away her bowl, still her head bowed, her eyes averted, still her cheeks flushed with ruddy embarrassment.

"I'll see you tonight."

Henry leaned in to kiss his wife on the lips, she turned awkwardly as he did so that he only caught the very corner of her mouth.

"Bye kids."

He raised a hand to both children who called their goodbyes, Zoe following him into the hall, a sudden pang of nervousness fluttering up from the pit of her stomach.

**More to come :) xxx**


	38. Chapter 38

"The CT shows a sinus infection that's spread to his brain."

Zoe stood behind Henry, the scrubs she wore were too big and rustled uncomfortably loudly every time she moved. She watched him as he performed the lumbar puncture.

"We can isolate it with a tap down here, but he's going to have to go up to the OR for drainage."

He unscrewed the lid of a pot one handed.

"Ok, little pinch."

He added, pushing the long needle into his spine.

"One more minute..."

Zoe glanced up at the wife, she was pale and clutching her handbag so tightly to her chest that the strap of it left a white indent across her chin.

Henry let the fluid from the man's spine drip into the plastic cup he held, holding it up to the light and squinting at it.

"Yeah..I thought it would be cloudy."

He murmured.

"It's just an infection, right?"

The wife looked from Henry to Zoe, her eyes wide, her face pale.

Zoe smiled slightly, unsure whether to speak.

"Ok, we're done."

He pulled the needle out slowly, seemingly ignoring his wife who still looked to Zoe for reassurance.

"You want me to run those up to the lab?"

Asked the nurse who stood by the bed, notes in hand.

"Yeah...but I want you to stay with them while they do it..."

He glanced to Zoe, a smile at his wide lips.

"They like to lose things up there."

He added.

"Ok, you can sit up now."

He addressed the patient again, pulling off his gloves briskly and tossing them into the bin.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep? And I will be back in a little bit."

Henry lifted the guard up at the edge of the bed, using his foot to pump the base of the bed so that it rose about a foot and a half higher.

"Can't sleep."

Murmured the patient. Zoe still hadn't caught his name.

"Well, I'll see about moving you into a side..."

"Doesn't matter."

The patient cut him off, waving his hand with the IV in it to silence him.

"Just try to get some rest."

Henry repeated, turning away and taking the needle over to the far side of the room to dispose of it.

The man in the bed looked over at Zoe, his face badly burned, his skin bloody and peeling.

"In my dreams, I'm still the man I used to be."

He whispered to her.

"Matt..."

His wife placed a hand on his shoulder but he refused to look away from Zoe.

"But I always wake up."

He said flatly.

"I'd give anything to carry on dreaming."

He whispered.

Zoe began to move toward him but Henry's voice caught her, summoning her away.

"We'll be back later."

She spoke quietly so that Henry couldn't hear, smiling a tight smile as she turned her back.

"I wouldn't bother."

He sighed, turning back and staring at the lights above his bed.

"What's the point? All I have is the dream...when all I want is the reality."

Zoe quickened her pace to keep up with Henry. He hadn't stopped all day. She felt the burn in the balls of her feet and longed for the desk in her office back in Holby. Connie's office, she corrected her self. Connie's hospital...

"You want a coffee?"

Henry asked, looking back at her, realising she had slowed as they passed a vending machine.

"Uh...no..."

She looked at the various selections of coffee illustrated by fading pictures.

"Henry, what is it that I'm going to be doing here? Guy was very sketchy with the details and I left in such a hurry..."

Henry slowed as she caught up with him.

"Feeling home sick?"

He asked as they walked together.

"Not exactly _home _sick."

She breathed, watching the various doctors and nurses busying themselves on the ward.

"Guy said you were a bit of a lose cannon. You needed to be taught how to work within a team before he considered offering you a post … trauma consultant?"

His honesty stunned her momentarily.

"Guy said that?"

She asked, speeding up again.

"Not in so many words...but I got what he was getting at. He thinks you need the discipline."

That word again. How had she been made clinical lead if they didn't think she was disciplined enough?

She raised an eyebrow.

"You don't agree?"

He asked, collecting a selection of notes from a pigeon hole that they passed.

"Oh I don't know...I just wonder if this is all just a rouse to get rid of me. Maybe he think's I'll end up staying and that'll be the end of it."

She didn't try to hide the resentment in her voice. He looked at her, a smile she almost thought might be real playing across his lips.

"I think you'd fit in here."

He said gently, still looking at her as they walked. She raised an eyebrow again, almost laughing.

"I've only been here five minutes!"

He drew up his shoulders in that way that Europeans, particularly the French have of doing.

"Sometimes you can just tell."

He said, looking down at the notes and making his way over to the first cubicle they came to.

"Ready?"

He asked, passing her the notes and placing a hand on the blue curtain that was drawn around the patient.

"She's all yours."

He said, pulling open the curtain.

Max stepped from the road onto the pavement. Finally he had reached the end of the main high street. Shops stretched out in front of him, their signs glimmering, swinging in the fading light of the day. He caught sight of names he recognised amongst the lesser known ones. There was Bloomingdales again, a bigger store this time. A man was up a ladder in front of the first window he came to, stringing fairy lights across its frontage.

He heard him swear as he struggled to untie the lights with gloved fingers.

"Fucking Christmas..."

Max smiled, a tentative, but new lease of energy finding him now that he had made it this far.

The light seemed to be slipping away quickly now, with each step the path ahead grew darker. He shivered against the cool inside of his jacket. The zip had broken a couple of blocks back when he'd tried to pull it up and now it gaped open, just his t-shirt to shield his chest from the cold.

He walked without stopping, every now and then a wave of hunger and light headedness would threaten to stop him, but he forced his legs to keep moving, his bottom teeth knocking against the top ones with the cold.

A dog without an owner cantered behind him, stopping to bustle about under his feet before running into the road where someone blazed a horn and swore loudly out of the window.

He moved towards a sign post, the arms of it pointing in various directions.

"St Joseph's Mercy Hospital."

He blinked against the street light, double checking it wasn't wishful thinking. He rubbed his lips with a hand, looking up at the sign.

"Are you lost?"

A voice asked from behind him.

He turned, a slight woman stood behind him, leaning against a bench. She dipped her head to look at him against the glare of the street light.

"No...just dithering."

He answered, he smiled that smile, the smile that caught in Zoe's throat. The first time he had smiled since arriving.

"Dithering?"

She asked, frowning. She was wrapped in a fur jacket, real or not he couldn't tell, and her blonde hair whipped against her lips in the wind.

He smiled again.

"Just contemplating life."

He turned to face her properly.

"You're English."

She said with a slow smile.

"Well spotted."

He hesitated, tilting back and forth on the soles of his feet, still the damp irritated him.

"Smoke?"

She asked, pulling a packet of cigarettes from her pocket and holding them out to him, the lid held back.

"Fu-uck...you have no idea how much I need one."

He propelled himself forward, reaching out with a hand to slide a long white cigarette from the box. She took one for herself, slipped them back in her pocket and held up a lighter, flame bouncing at it's tip. He leaned forward cupping it with his hand, the flame warming his face as the tip of the cigarette caught and burned.

He sucked in the first drawer with a tremoring hand, closing his eyes and breathing out slowly.

"Fuck."

He repeated, a whisper now, the smoke spilling from his mouth as he spoke.

He opened his eyes, she was smiling at him, a wide amused smile.

"What?"

He asked, sucking another breath in.

She shook her head.

"Sit?"

She asked, sitting down on the bench herself and patting the space beside her.

He glanced at the sign behind him, convincing himself he had time to sit, just for a moment.

He took the space beside her, she smelled heavily of perfume.

"So what were you contemplating?"

She asked, crossing her legs and leaning forwards to look at him. Her eyes were green, one iris streaked with brown.

"Oh...love...life...why I'm such a fuckwit."

He mused, watching as she laughed, placing a hand over her mouth as though she hadn't had any control over her outburst.

"Sorry...it's just... 'fuckwit?'"

She smiled and sucked on the cigarette again.

"So what are you doing, loitering in the dark?"

He asked, sucking so deeply on the cigarette that he felt his throat begin to burn.

She gestured with both hands in an oddly eccentric way.

"I'm just...avoiding..."

She replied eventually.

"Avoiding what?"

He asked, watching the smoke spiral dance from their cigarettes they smoked.

"Oh...love...life..."

She looked sideways at him, smiling slightly as he screwed up his nose.

"People are always telling you that change is a good thing, you know?"

She said suddenly, leaning back in the seat and looking up at the stars.

"But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store..owned a store. It was a lovely store, and in a week it will be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Soon, it'll just be a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right..."

Her gaze fell from the stars and she looked back at him, smiling widely.

"Fuck..."

He said again, looking at her, an amused wide eyed expression seeming to contort his face.

"Fuck indeed."

She drawled, tapping the toes of her shoes in the puddle at her feet.

"Now I guess I'm just waiting for something else to happen...something good?"

She added with a sigh.

"Can't you try again, with a shop somewhere else?"

He asked, catching how she smiled, repeating the word 'shop' under her breath with a smile and a nod of the head.

"Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them. "Hello, it's Mr Nasty..."

She tailed off, leaving him unsure of where she was going with the conversation.

"I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about."

She sighed again. He smirked, turning his head away from her, glancing again at the sign post.

"Teddy!"

She shouted, making him jump.

She laughed again, that low, rollicking laugh of someone older.

The dog that had sniffed at his heels earlier scuttled out from behind the sign post.

"Teddy is my dog.,."

She lowered herself and dipped out a hand to the dog that moved stiffly over to her. He was older than he had looked, bounding along earlier. He nuzzled her hand, licking it with a hot wet tongue.

"He loves the streets at night as much as I do, although he likes to eat bits of pizza and bagels off the sidewalk and I prefer to buy them."

She looked up at him from where she was bent over to fondle the dogs ears.

"Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one! It got on at 42nd and off at 59th, where, I assume, it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake, as almost all hats are..."

It was his turn to laugh as she spoke.

"What?!"

She asked, indignation passing across her face.

"Women. You're all completely mad."

He whispered, feeling the soft knock of her fist playfully hit his arm.

"Aren't the best people always a bit mad?"

She asked.

"Another?"

Henry asked, lifting the wine bottle and pouring it generously into the glass that Zoe held steady. He had insisted on taking her for a drink after work, to celebrate her first day.

"Cheers."

He held up his glass, swapping the wine bottle for it and holding it out to her.

"Cheers..."

She raised her own, clinking it lightly against his glass and taking a sip.

"I was impressed with you today."

He said, his accent was thicker, more of a drawl after the few glasses they had shared.

"Maybe you could pass that onto Guy..."

She mused, letting her eyes wander about the surroundings of the small bar that they had found themselves in. There were few tables, each occupied by a group of people much younger than themselves. The window behind Henry looked out into the street beyond, passer-bys stopping to light cigarettes, or fish for things in their bags under the street light that stood just outside the bar door.

"Do you really think you'll go back?"

He asked, swilling his wine in the glass, watching her with steady blue eyes.

She shrugged, tilting her head to one side.

"I can't stay here. I might as well fight for what I have left at home..."

She looked up at him, the window beyond a blur as she focussed on him, his slow smile.

"We need people like you Zoe."

Was all he said, taking another sip of his wine, never once breaking eye contact.

She watched him.

"Did Guy put you up to this?"

She asked finally, setting her glass down and resting back into the seat.

He smiled and shook his head.

"No. I just want to have the best in my department..."

He flattered her all too obviously and she rolled her eyes, smiling slightly.

"You remind me of someone back at home."

She breathed, thinking of Connie now, who would undoubtedly be sitting in the office...her office.

He topped up his drink, and she let her gaze wander again, looking behind him, watching the blur of cars passing by, the lights of _Hot Topic _glimmered behind a tall street sign laden with various arms all seeming to point in different directions.

A bull dog sniffed at it's base, it's nose buried inside an old polystyrene take away container. She watched as it wagged it's fat stumpy tail, enjoying whatever it had found.

Someone paused to answer their phone just outside the window and her view was blocked momentarily, when they moved on the dog was heading over to the bench just over Henry's left shoulder, she watched as it disappeared, the backs of the couple on the bench towards her, she could see only the backs of their heads deep in conversation.

She glanced back at Henry who was still watching her.

"What is it that you are running away from?"

He asked, his voice quiet and thoughtful, intrigued by the dream like gaze she held with the window beyond him.

She shook her head and feigned a half laugh.

"Life...love...something like that. Doesn't everyone have to escape at some point in their lives."

She looked back over his shoulder as she spoke, watching the couple on the bench smoking, wisps of cigarette smoke intertwining above them, their heads still dipped in conversation.

She watched as the girl playfully punched her partner on the arm, she smiled to herself. Henry glanced over his shoulder to the bench.

"Maybe you weren't supposed to escape."

He answered, his voice sounding flat, he placed his glass on the table and began to re fill both of their glasses as she watched the window.

As she watched, she noticed the girl turn slightly, catching sight of someone who walked past the window behind Henry. Zoe looked at him, a green woollen hat pulled down tightly over his ears, a scarf about his throat covering his eyes. The girl seemed to lean back, to pull away from the man on the bench, rearranging herself.

Zoe drew in a breath, letting her eyes stray to the now full glass.

"Thanks."

She whispered, taking hold of it again.

A shout caught her attention, Henry turned as she looked up. The man in the woollen hat had snatched the bag that was set on the edge of the bench she had been watching, the strap had caught on the arm of the bench and he fought to pull it free as the man from the bench shouted again, something she couldn't make out.

He stood, reaching out to grab at the bag, but as he did so the thief caught him by the collar of his jacket, pulling the bag free and with his hand balled up inside the leather of the bag he punched him square in the face, knocking the man who had sat so intimately with his friend on the bench to his knees, kicking him violently in the head before turning, a half-glance to the girl, and running with the speed of experience down a side road.

Without her noticing Henry had stood up and was making his way the door, already a crowd was gathering. She could no longer see the man who lay on the ground.

She glanced about her, everyone behind seemed to be standing, trying to see past her to the street beyond. She pushed back her chair, following Henry onto the street.

"Stand back, please. I'm a doctor."

He called, forcing his way through the crowd as Zoe moved up closer behind him, placing a hand on his back to keep herself from losing him.

"Zoe can you put this under his head."

Henry shrugged off his jacket as they approached the man, tossing it to her and crouching down next to him as he noticed the man's fingers lay crooked and broken by his side.

She knelt down against the cool wet gravel, balling the suit jacket into a cushion as best she could before helping Henry to roll him over onto his back, he groaned as they moved him, his head lolling back into her lap.

He opened an eye, his face scratched from the sharp gravel.

"Now that's fate."

He whispered.

**I hope you enjoyed it... more tomorrow ;) xxx**


	39. Chapter 39

Max looked up at her, drawing in a struggled breath as Henry manoeuvred his right arm out from underneath his own body. He felt the bones jar and grate, a woozy nausea lurching in his stomach as his arm was moved to press against his chest.

Zoe looked down at him, just looked. She had yet to say a word, her lips parted, a frown furrowed at her forehead. She stared into his eyes as he winced and Henry held out a hand to him.

"Can you get up?"

He asked as Max glanced at him, clasping the outstretched hand clumsily with his left hand and pulling himself up to a sitting position before standing gingerly.

"Where's the girl?"

He asked, looking toward the bench. Nobody seemed to know, the odd person turning their head to look for her but she had disappeared into the night.

"Zoe, can you call 911? Cops and ambulance?"

Henry dug the cell phone from his pocket.

"Zoe?"

He called her name again. She had stood risen from where she sat slowly, looking again toward Max, her face so pale she looked as though she might vomit.

"911?"

He tossed the phone to her, she only just caught it, fumbling with it against her chest and staring down at it for a moment before her brain seemed to catch up with the command he'd given her. She unlocked the phone and began to dial.

"Wait wait wait..."

Max looked from Zoe to Henry. Zoe seemed to flinch at the sound of his voice.

"Don't call an ambulance..."

He looked back toward Zoe, his lip was bleeding, cars were honking, tires were slipping and people shouted in the distance.

Henry put a hand on his back, his palm warm through the thin material of his coat.

"You've got a couple broken fingers and your shoulder's been pulled out of it's socket, you're going to need to get checked over."

He spoke loudly over the blare of a juggernaut in the distance. The crowd were slowly beginning to disperse.

"I haven't got insurance."

Max touched his lip as he spoke, feeling a dribble of blood slide across his bottom lip towards his chin.

Henry paused.

"Are you on holiday?"

He asked, realising his accent and looking him up and down. He didn't look the sort to be on holiday, unshaven, grease thickened hair and the smell of yesterdays sweat.

"Uh...no. Not really."

He looked back at Zoe, willing her to say something.

Henry followed his gaze, her expression must have given something away because he moved over to her, placing both hands on her shoulders and looking into her face to gain her attention.

"Do you know him?"

He asked, lowering his voice.

She watched Max, he lowered his gaze, holding his right arm up against his chest with his left. His fingers were swollen and crooked, encrusted with blood and shards of dirt from the ground.

She nodded slightly.

"Friend or foe?"

He asked, his voice softer still, searching her eyes, the glitter of tears pricking their corners.

"You can go back to the bar, I can call an ambulance. You don't need to deal with this if there's something you can't tell me..."

He seemed to enjoy playing the macho man. She smiled a hesitant smile, looking back up at him and shaking her head.

"He's ok..."

She whispered, looking again at Max as Henry turned back to him.

"You need to get checked out."

He repeated, taking a firm grip on Max's shoulder and gesturing to Zoe to dial again.

"No, seriously..."

Max tried to move from the grasp Henry had on his shoulder but found his grip stronger than he'd thought and as he moved it hardened all the more, he looked up at Henry, his eyes meeting his own, a cool steel blue silently challenging him.

"I haven't got any money."

He said, speaking slowly, as if to a child.

Zoe hovered her thumb over the call button, '911' in large white print on the screen of the phone.

"You can sort everything out once we've got you to the hospital."

Max looked up at the sky, exasperated.

"I can't pay! I. Have. No. Money. Not here, not at home. I'll be fine, I can wait...I just need to speak to you."

He turned his attention away from Henry and looked over to Zoe who still seemed unable to function. She looked at him, the dark half-circles under his heady blue eyes, his lips, those lips...the kisses she'd had from those lips. She pressed call and held the phone to her ear.

"Zoe?!"

Again he tried to move toward her but Henry held him back, his grip now so tight on his shoulder that he could feel the bones grind in their places as he tried to pull away.

He listened as she ordered an ambulance, her voice had never sounded so strained, so far away.

She hung up and passed the phone back to Henry.

"I'll pay."

She said flatly, placing a hand against her forehead briefly touching it with her fingertips.

"No. Zoe..."

"If you don't see someone, you risk infection, you risk nerve damage in your fingers and your shoulder...you risk never being able to play that again."

She spoke suddenly, the words louder than she meant for them to be and she gestured limply to the guitar that rested still underneath the bench.

"I will pay."

She said again, quieter this time, watching his eyes linger on the guitar case.

"Zoe...do you realise how much it will be? The ambulance and treatment fees, the x-ray...medication..."

Zoe made a non-committal hand gesture, silencing him, her eyes unmoving from Max's own.

The long low wail of a siren could be heard as the ambulance headed in their direction.

"I don't care."

She whispered as the lights of the ambulance flared and flickered in the distance.

**xxx**


	40. Chapter 40

The ambulance ride was short, five minutes at the most, Max spent most of the time wondering if it was true that you had to pay by the mile when riding in an ambulance as if it were a taxi.

There traffic yielded easily for them and there was no reason for the lights or sirens so they travelled in welcome silence. Henry watched Max, a stern gaze, unblinking whilst Max in turn ignored him, willing Zoe to look up at him.

When the ambulance finally stopped in the drive of the ER Henry waved away the paramedics, insisting on helping Max out of the ambulance himself, Zoe trailing behind, still she seemed to be walking in a dream land surrounded by strangers.

The doors hissed, swallowing them into the warmth of the ER. Max looked about himself, how different it was already from their own A+E department and they were only just in the waiting room. Large HD screens showing _The Ellen Degeneres Show _hung from overhead, the floor was polished and the seats large and comfortable, not hard and worn like the seats they had at home.

"Take a seat."

A receptionist ushered them through with a snap of her hand and a southern twang, allowing them to skip the lengthy queue.

"Are you alright to stay with him if I go and explain our situation?"

Henry asked, eventually letting go of Max, looking to Zoe, his head lowered.

She nodded gently.

"We'll be fine."

She said softly.

"If you need me, just shout."

He added, glancing back to look at Max, his expression cold.

"God."

Max whispered as Henry moved away from them over to reception.

"Do you get the feeling he doesn't like me?"

He asked, he began to smile but felt the cut on his lip split back open.

Zoe moved away from him, sitting down in one of the chairs that faced away from reception. He followed slowly, sitting down stiffly, taking a moment to relax back into it.

She glanced at him, still not quite able to believe he was here, sitting in front of her.

"Fuck...Max..."

She exhaled as though she had been holding her breath for too long.

"What are you doing here?!"

She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

He looked down at his feet, the hole in his shoe had split and become bigger, he moved his toes ,seeing his wet sock through the hole.

"I had to speak to you."

He said slowly, looking back up at her, her expression was difficult to read. Above everything else she looked tired, but then she always looked tired.

"Couldn't you have rung me...or emailed?"

She asked, it was her turn to look away from his gaze now, she noticed the hole in his shoe.

"Would you have answered...?"

She looked back up as he spoke, rolling her eyes.

"Didn't think so..."

He breathed, rubbing the wrist of his injured hand with his good one.

"Well I hardly think you can blame me...?"

She spoke louder and the elderly woman opposite them glanced up at them.

"Zoe I didn't cheat on you."

He said it so calmly, so quickly that it took her a moment to realise what he had said. The woman opposite stared brazenly at them.

"Zoe?"

He slipped his good hand over to her, touching his fingertips against hers before she drew in a faltering breath, pulling her hand away and pushing it between her knees.

"Max, don't."

She whispered.

"Why?"

He asked, glancing behind them, Dr Mollengraaf still stood at reception talking intensely with another doctor.

"Because it's too complicated!"

She struggled to keep her voice quiet again, shifting her position so that she faced him as opposed to the woman opposite.

"I seem to remember you saying that before..."

She shrugged his words off.

"Max..."

She was closer to him now, looking up seemed to take forever and when she did she felt his fingers slip again to rub the very tip of her knee, she could smell his breath, stale and nicotine laced.

"I didn't cheat on you."

He said again.

She looked at him, that frown playing between her eyes.

She pursed her lips, desperate to believe him, but the image, the half-imagined memory of that night, and what she had heard on the phone playing and re-playing in the back of her mind haunting her, forbidding her to let go.

"I love you."

He spoke again, tilting his head just that little bit more forward so that his forehead pushed against hers, their noses meeting briefly. She closed her eyes, despite the sweat and metallic smell of blood, somewhere he still smelled the same as he had when they'd made love.

"I can't."

She whispered. He was so young, what did they have in common, apart from sex?

She exhaled, feeling her own breath buffer about between their lips.

"I wrote you a letter but that bastard took it."

He said, moving his head slightly, their lips so close they could feel the warmth of each others words, eyes lowered.

"What did it say?"

She asked, swallowing hard, a clicking noise sounding in her throat.

"Zoe?"

She moved back from Max with such force that her chair rocked underneath her. Henry caught hold of the back of it, holding it steady, his fingers brushing the nape of her neck.

"He can be seen now."

He said coolly.

**I will try to squeeze out another one tonight" It's my son's 2nd birthday on Wednesday so I'm struggling with time! Thank you so so much for the lovely commentsxxx**


	41. Chapter 41

"So who is he?"

Henry asked, eyes paused on her face as her gaze lingered on the door that Max had been lead through to be checked over.

She shook her head slightly, a smile fading on her lips.

"He's the reason I left."

She said gently, inhaling and exhaling slowly, eyes sliding back to Henry who sat next to her, hands clasped in his lap.

"You were escaping from him?"

He asked, his eyes almost too intense to stay focused on. She look away, smiling again.

"Not escaping...I just..."

She rubbed the pulsing frown between her eyes.

"I don't know..."

She concluded, sighing again, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

"What did he do, to make you run away from him?"

He asked, shifting his legs as someone moved past them.

"I think it just got so intense between us so quickly. So much seemed to happen and we'd only just got together. He's so young...I don't think he could cope..."

She tailed off.

"But you were the one that ran away?"

His words made her smile.

"But I was the one that ran away..."

She nodded, closing her eyes and again pressing the headache between her eyes.

The door to the examination room opened and Max exited, smiling his thanks to the nurse who saw him out.

He moved over to them, a wary smile and a tentative glance toward Henry who sat up straight in his chair as he neared them.

"You were right."

Max spoke to Henry.

"Dislocated shoulder and two broken fingers."

He ran his free arm along the sling that his right arm was strapped into, his fingers bandaged against a splint.

He looked to Zoe, trying to smile without splitting his lip open again.

"I think I'm waiting for some painkillers."

He ran his tongue across his teeth, tasting blood.

She reached out a hand to him, taking even herself by surprise.

"Sit."

She smiled softly as he took her hand, taking the seat next to her, stiff, unable to relax under the scrutiny of Henry.

Henry looked from Zoe to Max.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?"

He asked, watching as Max shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Uh..no. I hadn't really thought..."

He watched as Max looked at Zoe, the softest glance with a hint of embarrassment.

"You can stay with us."

Zoe turned to him to speak but he held up a hand.

"But separate rooms. We're old fashioned Christians I'm afraid..."

He smiled as he spoke, the first true smile Max had seen him give.

"Are you sure?"

Zoe asked him, the tension in her head giving way to amusement at his words, feeling as though they were teenagers again.

"Don't let Helena know there's something going on between you two though. She's the strict one."

He leant back in his seat, glancing about the waiting room, not noticing the bizarre mix of confusion that faltered across Zoe's face.

"I'll call for a cab, by the time they get here you'll have your meds."

He stood up, leaving his chair and re-buttoning his blazer over his shirt.

Zoe let herself slip slightly, leaning back in the chair and looking up at the yellow strip lighting overhead, she could almost be back in Holby.

"So..."

Max made to lean back to mirror her but his shoulder throbbed and ached too much and he shifted awkwardly again in his seat.

"What's the deal with Dr Evil?"

He asked as Henry went to stand in the entrance of the hospital to use his phone.

Zoe smiled, just his voice alone such a relief, relaxing her as it always had.

"I don't think he's evil...i think he's just...American?"

Max nodded his agreement, looking past her at the notice board.

"I think we need to have a chat when we get back to wherever it is we're staying...don't we."

He broke his gaze to glance at her. She pulled her lips into a tight line and nodded slightly.

"I think so..."

She agreed, exhaling slowly.

By the time the cab pulled up at the Mollengraaf's it was almost midnight. The house was quiet, only the hall light glowing as they entered the house.

"This makes your place look like...well...my place."

Max spoke under his breath as they entered, slipping off their shoes and coats, leaving them on the banister.

"I'll show you up."

Henry walked ahead of them to the stairs, each one of them moving as quietly as possible, the steps creaking beneath them softly.

"Max, you can have the room to the left of Zoe's, feel free to take a bath you won't disturb anyone."

He attempted a smile that Zoe presumed might have been an attempt at friendliness.

"Thanks..."

Max looked towards where Henry gestured.

"Night Henry...and thank you..."

Zoe squeezed Henry's arm as she passed him by, his upper arm solid with muscle, tense with envy as he returned back downstairs.

Zoe moved over to her room, placing a hand on the handle while Max moved to her left to the second door along.

"Where are you going?"

She asked, frowning.

"Uh..."

He paused, leaning back to check that he was at the right door.

She reached out and took hold of his free hand, pulling him into her room behind her and locking the door securely.

"You need to have a bath."

She said, her voice was matter of fact, resembling her work voice.

"Dr Hanna are you saying I smell?"

He asked, smiling as she raised her eyebrows.

"You smell horrible and you look like..."

She paused.

"Shit?"

He offered, the corner of his mouth twitching with amusement.

"Mmm."

She agreed, stepping into the en suite and dropping the plug into the bath before turning on the taps.

"What do I do with this?"

He asked, looking down at his sling.

She finished squeezing a good dollop of shower gel into the bath so it began to foam, before turning back to him. She reached out, placing her arms about his neck to untie the sling, avoiding eye contact as she struggled with the knot.

"You know you could just lift it over my head? Unless you were looking for reasons to stand so close to me?"

He let his voice whisper into her hair. She glanced up at him, her fingers stopping their movements.

She narrowed her eyes, something sinking within her, a sudden recollection of that phone call.

She pulled the sling off over his head, tugging it slightly more roughly than she had meant to, making him wince.

"Stay still."

She spoke softly, but her voice was firm as she helped him out of his t-shirt, pulling it off over his head, making sure to not knock his bandaged fingers.

Methodically she un-bulcked his belt and drew down the zip of his trousers as though she were doing something as mundane as making a cup of tea.

He stepped out of them, watching as she looked slightly uneasily to his boxers.

"Don't worry I've had plenty of practise getting them off one handed."

He spoke, immediately regretting his words seeing her face turn from him, that tell tale tension rising at her temples.

He pushed off his socks with his feet so that he stood naked in front of her. She averted her eyes, turning off the taps and waiting for him to step into the bath, only turning once he had sunk down into the bubbles.

"Keep your hand out of the water."

She instructed.

He held up his bandaged hand, keeping it well away from the bubbles that popped and crackled around him.

She reached out for a flannel, dipping it into the bath water and kneeling down next to the bath.

"Shut your eyes."

She said, leaning over and wiping his face as he closed his eyes.

"I can do this with..."

She shushed him, pressing gently against the small grazes and cuts along one side of his jaw.

She ran the flannel over his face, his stubble, It was longer than she'd seen it before and she noticed the odd ginger hair in it as she wiped. She dabbed at his bloody lip, the pink skin of his mouth turning white as she pressed it and plumping back out again, temptingly as she moved onto his cheeks, running it over his nose, across his closed eyes and over the smooth creased skin of his forehead.

He opened his eyes as he heard the flannel be squeezed out into the bath.

"Shut your eyes!"

She said again, folding the flannel onto the side of the bath.

He did as she said, feeling a flurry of tiredness wash over him with the heat of the water and the gentle rhythmic puttering of the bubbles against the side of the bathtub.

She unclipped the shower head and, turning it on ran the water into Max's hair, watching him shiver as the water slithered across his scalp. Still holding the shower head she squeezed shampoo directly onto his hair before rubbing it in one handed, letting the shower head continue to spray water down into the bath, the spray of it popping the bubbles.

She felt him relax into the water as she massaged the shampoo into his scalp, lazily letting herself graze her fingernails across his skin.

She smiled, he looked so peaceful she mused, realising with a heart faltering lilt that he was falling asleep. She lifted the shower head again, the noise of the water beating down on the bubbles enough to rouse him again before she rinsed his hair.

She turned off the tap.

"All done."

She breathed, feeling something of a sense of accomplishment. He looked more like him now as he opened his eyes, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand.

"Am I done?"

He asked, wiping the bubbles from the back of his hand away from his mouth.

She nodded, just looking at him for a moment.

"I wish you'd tell me what happened that night."

She breathed at last.

He sucked in a breath, breaking her gaze and looking behind her at the towel rack.

"Pass me that towel and come to bed with me. Then I'll tell you everything."

He said.

**Off to bed now, more tomorrow... better too, I was a bit disappointed with my writing tonight, think I'm over tired. I apologise and I will make sure tomorrow's is amazing :)**

**xxx**


	42. Chapter 42

**Before I start this update I just want to say, I received a review asking what I was on about when I referred to the phone call in the previous updates. I meant the one where Zoe rang up Max and his phone answered in his pocket and she heard a girl in the background then assumed he was cheating on her... hopefully I updated that chapter? (I will check...!) Sorry :)**

Zoe made her way into the bedroom, sitting herself down on the edge of the bed while Max dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist, pulling it tight as best he could and securing it before looking at himself in the mirror. It had only been a couple of days but he looked thinner, older...perhaps it was because he hadn't slept.

He drew in a hasty breath before returning to Zoe in the bedroom. The curtains were still open and he could see the moon low in the sky across the street.

Zoe looked up at him as he entered, her jaw slack, her brain worn tired from over thinking the past few days. She looked at him, his chest bare, just the towel about his waist.

"So tell me..."

She breathed finally, exhaling as she spoke.

He stood with his back to his window, a muscular silhouette against the moonlight, his good arm limp by his side. He seemed to chew over the words in his head before eventually speaking.

"I didn't cheat on you."

He said again, echoing his words from earlier. She looked down at her hands, spinning the ring about on her finger, over and over.

"I went to a friends..."

"What friends?!"

She interrupted, her voice a quiet hiss in the moonlight.

He paused.

"You don't know her. I've known her for years..."

She arched an eyebrow, disbelief arranging itself on her face as comfortably as an old blanket.

"Who is she?"

She asked slowly, barely moving her lips as she spoke, seeming to know the answer before she'd even thought of the question.

He licked his lips, tentatively forming the words against his tongue.

"Does it matter?"

He asked quietly.

She laughed, drawing in another deep breath.

"No...of course you'd be fine if this was the other way around? Wouldn't you?"

She felt her teeth with her tongue as she paused.

"You wouldn't want to know what the hell I was doing if I disappeared off to some blokes house that you didn't know in the middle of the night..."

She tailed off, shaking her head and looking towards the headboard, her eyes grainy from tiredness.

"She's an ex...she was barely even a girlfriend. She just ,we used to..."

He stumbled over his own words and even in the dark she could see his cheeks flush with frustration.

"You just used to fuck each other?"

She asked, raising her voice slightly.

It was his time to sigh.

"That was all our relationship was. It wasn't like this..."

He scratched the top of his head, tilting his face away from her briefly.

"Did you go there to fuck her?"

She asked, holding her breath without meaning to, waiting for the answer, to which he gave none, merely looked at her in the dark, his eyes glittering in the soft light from the light in the street.

"I don't know why I went there."

He said at last.

She shook her head, twisting the ring on her finger faster until the skin burned.

"Did she try to?"

She asked, wanting to ask despite knowing that she wouldn't like the reply, that it would stay with her, would haunt her.

"Yes."

He seemed to answer before he was ready, as if he was determined to tell the truth even though he hadn't fully worked it out in his own mind.

"Yes, but it didn't work. Every time I looked at her, my head filled with pictures of you. I knew her skin wouldn't feel as soft as yours. I didn't want her to touch me.. I didn't let her touch me." He said eventually. "You've ruined me for anybody else."

He added, unable to see her expression as she dipped her face to the shadows.

"Why didn't you call me?"

She asked into the darkness, her voice small and cold.

"I didn't come back, or call you because I wanted to make sure that I could do what you need me to do. I promise, I'm never going to see her again. I'm never going to speak to her again. I'm never ever going to think about her again..."

"What do you think I need you to do?"

She asked, ignoring his attempts to win her over.

"To look after you...to protect you."

He scratched his head again.

"I think you need me more than you admit that you do."

He said slowly.

"You left me...in your own bed to go and find some other woman when I'd just lost your baby."

Zoe spoke so matter of factly that she seemed detached from the situation, as though she were merely narrating a story.

"I know..."

He whispered.

"And I'm sorry."

He added, his voice wobbling, knowing 'sorry' would never be enough to excuse how he had behaved.

She closed her eyes in the darkness, still her head in the shadows, feeling safer there.

"To be fair I didn't go to her to..for that...I went to her because she's the only person I know that would tell me honestly to stop being such a wanker."

Zoe refused to reply. She'd had enough of the story, the excuses, the way this all made her feel.

He moved over to the bed tentatively, lowering herself down next to her.

"I would never have slept with her. I just needed a friend. I felt as though Tess had taken over. I couldn't help, what could I do? Robyn and Tess knew what to do.. I'm just a porter I don't have any of that medical knowledge..."

"You're not just a porter."

She whispered, clenching her teeth so hard they began to throb and ache.

"I was fucking scared, Zoe."

He said eventually, the honesty of his words making her look up.

"All that blood...and I didn't know what to do..."

He felt her hand on his own, her fingers placed so gently on top of his that they were barely there at all.

"I've never told anybody I love them before."

He said finally, feeling the pressure of her hand increase.

"Do you...?"

She asked quietly, feeling his fingers gently stroke the palm of her hand.

"I wouldn't have pawned all of my guitars and things and followed you out here if I didn't."

He admitted, stifling a yawn.

"Your guitars?"

She repeated, feeling a lilt of sadness for him, remembering how proud he had been of them.

He nodded.

"All but that one."

He gestured to the guitar by the door.

"I doubt I could even give that one away."

He added, kicking his bare toes into the carpet, relieved to feel warmth against his feet instead of the slurping wet of his shoes and socks.

"Which is why I don't have any money, to pay for this."

He rubbed the sling that held his arm in place.

"I told you not to worry about that."

She said quickly, running her fingers through her hair to remove the stray fly aways that stuck to her lips.

"Your reward will be in Devon...as my Dad used to say."

He spoke slightly awkwardly, still not comfortable with her paying out so much money because he had none.

"Devon?"

She asked, not following.

"Oh, no, sorry. It's heaven isn't it? Yeah, that's right. I used to get them confused as a kid. You know, when people die, they go to Devon..."

His usual humour jarred, horribly out of place in the situation but she smiled nonetheless.

"Funny..."

She murmured, watching the moon catch in the shine of his eyes.

"Well, not really...ruined my summer holidays, I thought my whole family were dead."

He smiled that smile and her stomach lurched, a brief fluttering stirred within her.

"You're so..."

She flailed, finding it hard to locate the right word.

"charming?"

He asked as she moved her hand away from his, back to her own lap.

"Irritatingly so."

She agreed, fiddling again with the ring.

"Well you know what you do with an irritation..."

She looked at him blankly.

"You rub it. With cream."


	43. Chapter 305

This is the chapter that.I missed out. It comes between 30 and 31 x

The hours had passed. It was 11:00PM. The sun was long gone, only the bright black sky hung over head, clear for a change, spangled with bright yellow stars, the moon hung low above a blanket of trees, shimmering in the distance.

It had taken a while to persuade Tess that she was ok to stay on her own once she had dropped her off at her house. Tess had fussed for a while, insisting she had the central heating on, making sure she had food, drink, blankets nearby. And with the promise that she would keep her phone switched on, and call if she needed anything, she had finally left.

The food remained uneaten, the water untouched. Her phone bleeped low battery, the screen flickering on and off, catching her eye every now and then.

Max hadn't called.

She had changed out of his dressing gown, tossed it into the bottom of her laundry basket and had been helped, again by Tess, into her own pyjamas, a stack of heavy duty sanitary towels thoughtfully placed in both bathrooms.

She touched her lips with her fingertips. Glancing again at her phone. No messages, no texts. She checked she had signal, holding the phone tentatively in her hand, a sickening roll of adrenaline filling her stomach, as though it may explode if she touched it.

She rolled her thumb over the screen, hovering over Max's name, scrolling back and forth over it, almost convincing herself It was an accident when she eventually clicked call.

To her surprise he answered almost instantly. She could hear music faintly in the background, she waited for the 'hello?' that didn't come.

She remained silent. She heard his voice, somewhere far away, too far away to hear his words. He laughed, how could he be laughing? Something rustled loudly against the phone, she guessed it must still be in his pocket.

The music grew louder, then quieter, and the rustling stopped. She held her breath, her throat hurt, she strained her ears to hear. He spoke again, still his voice a murmur. This time a reply came, louder than his own, a woman's voice, a giggle. She swallowed, her throat aching. She closed her eyes as she listened. There was the creak of something, a bed? She caught the shriek of the girl laughing 'shut up'.

The phone crackled again and she heard something tap against the screen, the clink and scrape of coins in his pocket made her wince, briefly holding the phone away from her ear.

"Fuck."

She heard him, louder now.

"Zoe?"

His voice startled her. She exhaled loudly without meaning to.

"Zoe?"

He said again.

"Where are you?"

She whispered into the phone, her grip on it tightening.

The girl in the background said something.

"Who are you with?"

She asked before he could respond.

"No one...I.."

She removed the phone from her ear, not wanting to hear his lies. She placed the phone on the floor, refusing to hang up. She watched the screen, vivid and blue, Max's name in bright white light. In the distance she could hear him shouting her name.

She leaned over, took hold of the corner of the coffee table and pulled it nearer to her, feeling her stomach cramp as she lifted just the edge of it, just high enough, then bought the leg of it down as hard as she could on the face of her phone. She heard it crack, saw the glass splinter, a spider web against the foot of the table. The screen was black. Max was gone.

"Fuck you."

She whispered, rolling back onto the sofa, turning her back on the room and shutting her eyes to sleep, the brilliant red of blood rising behind her eyes.


	44. Chapter 43

"So do you forgive me?"

Max asked, lingering on each word, afraid of the answer.

She shifted slightly, the bed creaked softly under her. She couldn't look at him, looking at him would complicate things further, he'd sway her with those eyes, tempt her with that smile.

"If we're going to do this we're going to do it properly."

She spoke carefully, pushing her hands between her thighs and looking ahead of her, the moon streaked with grey-white clouds.

"I don't want to be messed about anymore, Max. Not after the miscarriage."

A creak sounded outside as somebody passed by the door to the bedroom.

"And we need to be more careful."

She added, dipping her voice to almost a whisper.

"Careful?"

He asked, shivering. The temperature seemed to be dropping slowly.

"I didn't think I could have children..."

She looked to him, eyes resting on the soft white towel that covered his thighs.

"I don't understand how it happened."

She said, more to herself than to him.

"Do you want children?"

He asked quietly, looking at her hands, held tight between her thighs, her skin glowing and pale in the moon lit room.

"I don't know..."

She sounded so hoarse as she spoke, sucking in a breath as though she were choking.

She looked at him, her eyes meeting his own for the first time since he'd entered the room.

"I tried...before...years ago."

He smiled so softly in the greying light, holding out his hand to her, his palm white and soft as she

placed her hand in his own. He squeezed it gently.

"well one day maybe we could try. "

He felt her tense slightly.

"And if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen. And that's ok..."

The corner of her mouth twitched , resisting a smile.

"That's very serious talk...for you."

She whispered. He grinned.

"Well if we're going to do this properly..."

He quoted.

"Oh...I've got something for you."

He stood up abruptly, remembering the package in his jeans pocket.

She watched as he made his way to the bathroom, hearing the clink of his belt as he rustled about for a moment before reappearing, the light from the bathroom glowing a halo at his back.

He pushed his knees onto the bed, awkwardly adjusting himself so that he sat slightly behind her, in the middle of the mattress.

"Before I give it to you I have to warn you I'm not proposing..."

He said, holding a small box in the palm of his hand.

"How romantic..."

She smiled, raising her eyebrows at him and glancing down at the box he held so tightly.

"And I realise now that you probably won't even want it..."

He frowned, suddenly not sure whether to give it to her or not.

"Why wouldn't I want it?"

She asked, looking down at it again. She couldn't quite see what it was, just a little shadowy box in the middle of his palm, his fingers curled neatly over it's lid.

"Well. The thing is...Vicky, she's called Vicky."

He said quickly, so as to avoid calling too much attention to what he had said.

"Who's called Vicky?"

She asked, sometimes conversations with Max seemed to dawdle more than they did anything else.

He hesitated, his lips partially open, watching her face.

"The ex, my ex. The one I was with the other night."

He breathed, his whole body stiff, as though waiting for her to explode.

"Ah..."

She frowned again, unsure as to where this conversation had come from, and where it was going to take her.

"I told her about you. Everything...pretty much. She told me I was an idiot..."

Zoe nodded slowly.

"You don't need to agree..."

He relaxed slightly, a smile tentatively wandering across his lips.

"I was just being polite."

She answered, her eyes a picture of confusion.

"Uhm..anyway I told her all about you. And she makes jewellery..."

He held out the box to her. She hesitated for a moment too long before accepting it, not really wanting to open it.

"I do realise now how stupid it was of me to think that you'd wear it."

He said, his body seeming to deflate as she looked at the little box, felt the warm velvet of it. She opened it slowly, a tiny silver ring, knotted and plaited glinted in the light, the metal seeming to glow with a white light as it reflected the moon beyond the window.

"It's celtic...apparently. It means protection."

She tilted the box, watching the light dancing across the folds and curves of it.

"Sorry."

He apologised, mistaking her hesitation for dislike.

"Why are you sorry?"

She asked, glancing back at him. His cheeks were flushed for the second time that evening, she could feel the nervous tension bristling from him.

"It's just all a bit tacky. I didn't think it would be when I bought it..."

He watched as she took it out of the box and twisted herself around on the bed to pass it to him.

"I hope it wasn't expensive."

She smiled, dipping her head to catch his gaze. A fraction of a smile at his lips.

"You put it on me."

She said firmly, pressing the ring into his hand and splaying her fingers out in front of him.

"You don't have to..."

He smiled again, looking apologetically at her.

She wiggled her fingers in response, looking pointedly down to her hand.

"Which one?"

He asked, holding the ring awkwardly above her hand.

"Whichever one it fits."

She resisted a smile, amused by his nervousness to put a ring on her finger.

He fumbled with it slightly, finding it difficult with only one working hand, and it being dark, to see what he was doing.

He pushed the ring onto her her index finger, it stuck at her knuckle, the middle finger held her mothers ring. He skipped her ring finger altogether ,slipping it instead over her little finger where it stayed. He looked up, catching her smile. She raised her hand, slowly tilting her fingers down and watching the ring slip back over her knuckle and hit the mattress with a soft puff of air.

"I think you need to try again."

She said holding out her hand again, resting her chin on her other hand, her eyes watching him, teasing him as he located the ring.

"I know what you're doing."

He murmured, pushing the ring over the knuckle of her ring finger and down into place.

She raised her hand, letting the light dance across the little Celtic knot before placing her hand back down onto the bed, leaning on it so that she could more forward, placing a soft warm kiss against his lips.

"Thank you."

She whispered, her breath against him.

He glanced down at the ring, his eyes moving back up slowly, momentarily resting on where the neckline of her top fell away from her chest.

"So when we get back home..."

She paused, waiting for him to look back up to her face.

"Mmm?"

He breathed.

"If we're going to do this properly...do you want to come over to my gaff...to stay...?

She almost laughed as she spoke, his smile so wide, so perfect.

"Come over to your gaff...?"

He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's not rude."

She attempted indignation but her smile gave her away.

"I'm not coming if its not rude."

He whispered, knocking the tip of his nose against her own, silently asking to be kissed.

**I've just discovered I DID leave out the chapter with the phone call. It would be the only chapter I leave out and the only one I keep referring to wouldnt it?! Anyway I'll update it and call it Chapter 30.5 for those that want to read it. I'll do that now...then off to bed to prepare for a fun filled (and exhausting) day tomorrow for my son's birthday! (Thank you for the birthday wishes) xxx**


	45. Chapter 44

"Well maybe it could be a bit rude..."

Zoe tilted her head so that her lips brushed against his.

"Really? How rude?"

He asked, smiling whilst her lips touched his fleetingly, enjoying the tease.

"You'll have to wait and see."

She smiled, drawing her face away from his slowly, pushing herself backwards up to the top of the bed, leaning against the wall and lifting the duvet up to pull over herself, smiling at him, watching him with darkened eyes that shimmered amber in the moonlight.

"Tease."

He smiled, looking away from her and down at his bandaged fingers, the painkillers were beginning to wear off and he could feel a dull throbbing ache deep within them.

He stood up, leaving the bed and moving around it slowly as if he were making his way to the door. Instead he trailed a finger across the duvet cover, the fabric puckering lightly under his touch. He moved toward her.

"I'm just not sure I can wait..."

He said slowly, just standing, his thighs pushed forward against the mattress.

The shadows in the dim light crept across his body, the faint outlines of his abdomen half hidden behind the sling, his skin smooth and glowing a pale bronze.

"Henry didn't want us getting up to...sinful things..."

She began as he ran a finger over the corner of the duvet that was nearest him.

"Fuck Henry."

Max whispered, again a lazy smile at his lips, his blue eyes a deep grey-black.

"I'd rather you fucked me."

Zoe answered, lowering her voice and raising the duvet up to her chin, hiding her lips as though she were embarrassed, her eyes sparkling.

"Dr Hanna are you talking dirty to me?"

He asked playfully, rocking his hips oh so softly so that his thighs pressed harder into the edge of the mattress.

She moved the duvet away from her mouth, hugging it against her chest.

"Are you going to get in or are you going to stay there for the night?"

She asked, her face lowered, her eyes seeming larger in the dim light.

He smiled slowly, pausing just long enough to take her in, to look at her before stepping backwards and tossing the mattress aside.

"Uh!"

She raised a hand, pointing at him as he knelt one knee on the bed.

"Towel. Off."

She gestured with her hand to remove the towel which he did so ever so slowly, maintaining eye contact as she refused to look down for a moment.

He slid himself into the bed, his body a series of shadows as he moved into darkness near the headboard.

She shifted over to him, and without thinking he raised his arm, letting it fall gently around her shoulders, his hand curling over her upper arm, holding her tight against him her head resting in the dip between his shoulder and collar bone.

"I've missed this."

She whispered, he smelled of coconut bubble bath.

He kissed the top of her head, letting his lips brush back and forth against her hair.

"You know I love you don't you."

He breathed, his breath sending a shiver along the back of her neck.

"I know."

She whispered, running a hand just below the duvet and across his stomach, feeling it tense and relax in response to her touch.

She felt him smile into her hair.

"Say it back then..."

He nudged her gently and she pinched the skin of his side in response making him pull away from her hand, his body twisting towards her.

She raised her head from where it rested as he moved.

"I do love you."

She said eventually, watching his smile, unfaltering as he waited for her to speak.

"I love your smile."

She slipped a hand across his injured arm to place a finger at the corner of his lips, letting it move across to the other corner, his skin smooth and hot.

"I love that you make me laugh..."

She traced his mouth once more before letting her hand slip down again, resting against his chest, just above his heart.

"And I love how much you care."

She whispered into the soft skin of his chest, kissing the steady beat of his heart through his flesh.

"Well...just a little bit..."

He bit his lip against his smile as she glanced up at him, a dark eyebrow raised into a perfect arc.

"Don't you go all macho on me."

She warned, pushing herself up on one arm, placing the other on his other side and pushing herself up so that she hovered above him.

"I sold everything I had worth selling to come out here...and that only bought a one way ticket. Hardly macho."

He smiled again, placing his free arm behind his head, resting against it whilst he looked up at her, her dark hair freed from behind her ear, fanning like a curtain against her cheek, the tip just fluttering against his chin.

"One way ticket eh...?"

She whispered, slipping her leg so that she straddled him, still leaning over his chest, pressing her hips down against his.

"Mmm..."

His eyes strayed briefly to where her top fell away from her chest.

"So how are you planning on getting home?"

She asked, gently moving her hips against his, back and forth...back and forth...

His smile seemed to fade, instead he attempted to concentrate on her question rather than her movements.

"I hadn't really thought that far...ahead."

He moved his arm from behind his head as he spoke, slipping it underneath the duvet and against the curve of her thigh, gripping her skin hard as she moved ever so slowly, ever so gently.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to have to pay?"

She asked, leaning closer to him to gain a better angle, feeling his grip tighten on her leg, his fingers pulling at her skin, pulling her nearer.

"Well if you me to come home with you..."

He drew in a sharp breath, his chin tilting back slightly, his eyes closing for the briefest of moments as she raised her hips, manoeuvring her underwear with practised skill and pushing back against him, feeling the soft give as he entered her, the dull tip of pain somewhere behind her belly button as he pushed further.

She paused like that for a while, just watching him, the ticking of his pulse beneath the tendons of his neck, the quickened breathing through parted lips, his eyes, dark blue, lowered to meet her gaze, watching her in return, waiting for her next move.

"I want to come with you."

He replied, feeling her tense around him, her eyebrows raised again, a slip of a smile against her flushed lips.

"I'll see what I can do."

She whispered.

**Sorry for a delay in updating. I am absolutely knackered from today! My son had a brilliant birthday though, thank you for the birthday wishes :) I am now the mother of a 2 year old and a 3 year old, how did this happen?!**

**Anyway, I will TRY to update again tonight but my eyes are already closing involuntarily. If I don't manage it I will update with a huge update or two tomorrow to make up for it.**

**Encouraging reviews always welcome :) xxx**


	46. Chapter 46

Zoe lay, her head resting in that same nook where it just fitted snugly, her cheek against his collar bone.

"I didn't realise you were so talented with your left hand."

She spoke lazily, listening to the thump-thump of his heartbeat through his chest, satisfied knowing she had been the one to make it race.

"Ambidextrous, me."

He cleared his throat, which led to a cough, turning his face away from her as he did.

"You smell nice."

He whispered, his voice hoarse as he turned back, absently rubbing his chin back and forth across the top of her head, she could faintly feel his stubble against her scalp.

"What do I smell of?"

She asked, closing her eyes, still listening to the beat of his heart, her fingers gently stroking the slight trail of hairs that led from his belly button downwards.

He took an exaggerated breath in, burying his nose in her hair.

"You smell like...perfume, wine and...sex."

He concluded, smelling her again before placing his chin back against the top of her head.

"There should be a word for it."

He breathed, thoughtfully, watching the shadow of a cloud pass across the moon.

"Cassolette..?"

She whispered, curling a particularly long hair and pulling at it. He slapped her hand away.

"Ow. And what?"

He asked, crossing his legs at his ankles, moving his feet about under the duvet.

"Cassolette..."

She repeated, moving her head to look up at him.

"Is that a bit like a stew?"

He asked, watching her smile. She shook her head.

"The odours emanating from a woman are known as her cassolette."

She replied, watching him with eyes heavy with sleep yet to come.

"What...?"

He glanced toward her lips, smiling at how plump they were, still swollen from his kisses.

"The smell of a woman's perfume mingling with her skin, her bodily fluids, her shampoo... which all come together to make..."

"A dirty, minging woman. Trust the bloody French to make it sound romantic."

He interrupted, smiling widely against her pursed lips and amused frown.

They lay for several minutes in silence, Max still with his chin resting against her hair, his eyes open despite the exhaustion that he could feel creeping into every joint of his body.

Zoe's eyes were closed, her breathing slow and laboured as she drifted in and out of sleep, waking every so often to stop herself from dribbling onto him.

"Zoe...?"

He whispered eventually as he felt her stir again. She licked her lips and raised a hand to wipe the corner of her mouth.

"Mmm?"

She yawned against him, he felt her mouth open and the skin of her cheek grow tight.

"I want to ask you something."

He shifted position as he spoke, yawning himself now.

"What about?"

She asked, itching the side of her nose before letting her hand move softly across his chest until it found a spot to rest, her fingers tracing the outline of the muscles in his abdomen.

He yawned again before answering.

"I wanted to ask how you are. I wanted to talk to you properly about the..."

"Miscarriage?"

She asked as he paused awkwardly.

"miscarriage."

He repeated quietly, the word feeling cold and alien in his mouth.

"I just wanted to talk about it without one of us crying."

He waited for her response but she remained silent, even her breathing seemed to pause.

"Don't you think we should talk about it...if we're going to do this properly?"

He added, feeling the throbbing in his fingers begin again.

"I don't really know what to say."

She answered softly, staring at the soft curve of his chest, his skin faintly illuminated by the light from the bathroom.

"I thought we'd talked about it...you said we could try again, if we wanted to...in the future."

She spoke again, louder this time, daring to look up at him.

He rubbed at the skin of her shoulder as she spoke, and chewed on the skin just inside of his bottom lip.

"I just keep thinking about it."

He said at last, looking again to the window where the moon hung, swollen and silver in the sky, decorated with a spiderweb of stars surrounding it.

"I keep seeing it..."

He spoke to the moon but Zoe turned her face to his, her hand just touching the side of his face, her fingers against his lips.

"It's just one of those things."

She whispered. He looked back at her, meeting her gaze as she let her fingers fall from his lips.

"You don't mean that..."

He watched as she shook her head slowly.

"No. But it's what I keep telling myself."

She answered, attempting a smile.

"It was our baby..."

He seemed to be speaking the words as the thoughts were forming, and as they paused, he paused.

"ours I mean...a bit you and a bit me..."

She leant toward him, resting her forehead against his jaw.

"I know."

She whispered, letting her eyes close again.

"I know it's too soon, and this is a rubbish time to be deciding anything. But I would like to try..."

She moved her thumb to push against the ring he had placed on her ring finger, pushing it back and forth on her finger.

"Try for a baby?"

She asked, feeling that familiar sense of dread begin to reawaken, the suffocating anaesthetic of panic that had arisen inside her when she and Nick had been trying to conceive. Somehow she knew it would be the same, that it would never happen.

He shrugged, still silent. She heard the soft knock of his head against the wall as he let it fall back, his eyes looking up at the ceiling.

"The middle of the night is never a good time to decide anything."

He murmured, his voice sounding strange, half-strangled with his head so far back.

"Max..."

She moved so that she could see him, her body flat against his own, her face inches from his neck, waiting for him to look back down towards her.

"You know it probably won't work don't you."

He inhaled slowly, she felt her own body rise with the gradual inflating of his chest beneath her.

"Max?"

She bent to kiss the angular rise of his adams apple that bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, finally moving to look down at her.

"It probably won't work."

She said again, forcing herself to maintain eye contact as she spoke.

"It might..."

The expression in her eyes stopped him. She suddenly looked so scared.

"I've tried the drugs...I've tried the strange voodoo medicines that my mum makes up. I've tried, Max."

He nodded, biting his lip as she spoke, he glanced again at the moon.

"Well..."

He paused, watching the trees on the opposite side of the road rustle and sway in the wind before letting his eyes slip back to hers, a smile on his lips.

"I guess I'll just have to put up with having you all to myself then."

**Not as long as i'd hoped but I have been up since 4am and and I've caught a cold so not feeling brilliant. More tomorrow! Sorry, again xxx**


	47. Chapter 47

The morning began with the usual cacophony of clattering saucepans and something being dropped on the kitchen floor.

Max didn't stir, his face half hidden by the duvet, the whites of his eyes just visible. His breath was long and laboured, the duvet cover fluttering gently at his lips.

Zoe slipped from the bed, moving slowly to avoid waking him and padding to the door, unhooking her dressing gown and slipping it on, tying the chord in a tight knot at her waist. She unlocked the door and made her way onto the landing, pausing to listen to the now familiar chatter of the family in the kitchen below before she descended down the stairs to greet them.

Helena was pouring coffee from a large glass pot into Henry's mug while he read the paper. The children were in the sitting room getting ready for school. She could hear them talking with each other and the sound of the television.

Helena glanced up as she heard Zoe's footsteps meet the bottom stair but looked away quickly as she caught a glimpse of her making her way towards the kitchen.

Zoe placed her hands in her pockets, conscious of the ring she wore as she entered the kitchen, a polite smile on her lips.

"Morning Zoe."

Henry looked up, his face shifting unnaturally into a smile, his eyes taking in her appearance, lingering at the knot that tied her dressing gown. She noticed his gaze, shifting uneasily inside the fleecy material.

"Coffee? Helena..."

He motioned for Helena to pour Zoe a cup before she'd answered either way.

"Have a seat."

He said, and as if remembering his manners he stood suddenly, pulling out her chair for her. Zoe caught the soft smirk of Helena's lips, the pitying look within her eyes.

"I've been thinking."

Henry began, pausing whilst Helena filled up a large white mug for her and placed it firmly down in front of her. Zoe thanked her quietly, looking back at Henry with expectant eyes whilst simultaneously reaching for the sugar bowl.

"You've had a lot going on, with travelling and Max arriving..."

He took a slurp of his coffee and lent back into his seat, a hand on his belt, his eyes glancing again at that knot of her dressing gown.

"I thought you might like a couple of days just to catch up, adjust..."

"I'm fine...really..."

Zoe broke in, raising a hand but he frowned and shook his head, taking another mouthful of coffee.

"It's already arranged!"

He leaned back in to the table, setting down the mug and clasping his hands together in front of him, his elbows on the table.

"What's already arranged?"

She asked warily, crossing her legs, very aware that the dressing gown seemed to reveal more of her thigh than she had intended to.

"I thought we could take a trip, the four of us."

Helena looked up sharply as he spoke, clearly this was news to her too.

"What?"

She asked, her eyes narrowed, suspicion behind her gaze.

"Where to...?"

Zoe asked, glancing from Helena back to Henry, resting her coffee in her lap, consciously trying to hide the ring Max had given her, although for what reason she wasn't sure.

"Ah..."

Henry tapped the side of his nose in a manner that he obviously assumed to be enticing, but both Helena and Zoe felt unnerved by.

"Secret."

He said with an amused smile.

"Just pack an over night bag. The rest will be revealed shortly."

He said, still smiling, strumming his fingers against the table top before he rose from his seat and moved to the door, pausing in the door frame to look back at them.

"We'll leave at ten."

Zoe glanced at the clock, 8:15AM.

"The children..."

Helena began to say but he wafted a hand at her.

"Already arranged. Your parents are picking them up from school."

Zoe averted her gaze, the look Helena held with her eyes was cold, unmoving, almost emotionless.

Henry however failed to notice.

"Don't forget to pack."

He called, leaving them together in the kitchen as he made his way back upstairs.

Zoe looked down at the coffee in her cup, the chocolate brown of it catching the light, casting her own reflection back up at her.

She felt Helena slip into the chair at the end of the table, finally pouring herself a coffee.

Zoe glanced up, slightly unnerved to find Helena staring back at her, her gaze unfaltering.

"I'd better..."

Zoe gestured to the door. A half smile stretched at one corner of her mouth, her eyes remained locked with Helena's.

Helena remained looking at her, a fingernail running down the edge of her mug.

"Why didn't you come back the other night?"

She asked eventually, her voice quiet and calm.

"I was just tired..."

Zoe answered quickly as though she had been anticipating the conversation.

Helena smiled slightly, looking down at her mug.

"What did you see?"

She asked, lowering her voice further, her eyes looking hard at the white of the mug in front of her.

"It's really none of my business."

Zoe murmured, shaking her head slightly, again fussing with the hem of her dressing gown before she stood up.

Helena looked up as she moved.

"I'm not hurting him..."

She looked toward the door.

"Henry. He doesn't care..."

She spoke without looking directly at Zoe, instead looking down the hallway to where Henry had gone.

"Like I said, it really isn't anything to do with me..."

Zoe tried again, moving toward the door.

"You'll see what I mean. You'll see why I had to do it when we go away on this fucking...trip."

Helena almost seemed to laugh as she spoke, turning away from Zoe and looking toward the pictures that hung on the wall surrounding her.

"I'm not hurting him."

She whispered again.

**More to follow! I hope you're all still enjoying the story xxx**


	48. Chapter 48

"Are you sure we have to go?"

Max asked, watching Zoe folding things back into her bag. He sat on the edge of the bed, wearing some clothes that Henry had leant him that were too big and smelled of the back of a wardrobe.

Zoe pushed the underwear she had gathered together into the small bag and zipped it shut.

"It wouldn't be my first choice of things to do, but he's already arranged it."

She spoke, ushering him up from where he sat. He stood, with a sigh.

"Ok...but if he murders us I'm blaming you."

He said with a roll of his eyes, following her from the room, rolling up his sleeves as they made their way down the stairs. Helena stood waiting for them, Her hair gathered back from her face and pinned haphazardly at the back of her neck, a long black coat tied tightly around her slight body.

"Hello."

She said as they neared the bottom step. She looked from Max to Zoe.

"This is Max...Max, Helena."

Zoe introduced them quickly, realising after a beat that they hadn't actually met one another yet.

"Hi..."

Helena barely acknowledged him, looking instead out of the front door to where Henry stood loading something into the boot of the car.

"Hi..."

Max answered, raising an eyebrow at Zoe who smiled slightly in response.

"Come on Zoe!"

Henry called from the car, his breath visible as he spoke, the weather had turned almost over night, the chill of it caught their breath as they stepped from the house into the drive.

"Lesbian. Definitely a lesbian."

Max whispered as they followed Helena at some distance to the car. Zoe sucked in a breath, dipping her chin into the collar of her coat to conceal her mouth.

"Shush!"

She hissed before glancing at him.

"How do you know that anyway?"

She asked, a frown furrowing her brow. He snorted.

"What, really?"

He asked, keeping his voice low and watching as Helena lifted her bag into the boot before stepping into the front of the large four by four.

"Don't...I know what you're thinking."

She knocked into him as they stopped at the car, passing her bag to Henry who took it with one hand and swung it into the boot on top of his own.

"I hope you don't mind it In the back?"

Henry asked, looking to Zoe as he moved around to the drivers seat.

Max dipped his head, smiling at the gravel on the ground beneath their feet, feeling Zoe press an elbow hard against his side.

"We'll be fine."

Zoe spoke evenly, nodding a smile to him and opening the back door, looking pointedly at him.

"Bit personal."

Max whispered slipping past her and into the car. She followed, pulling the seat belt across herself and pushing it into the buckle.

"Everyone ready?"

Henry asked, again his enthusiasm grating against the strained tension within the car.

A low murmur acknowledged him and he began to pull out of the driveway.

Several hours into the journey and the hum of the engine had lulled them into a soft, comfortable silence.

Zoe's head bounced and vibrated against Max's shoulder with the movement of the car, her only view the length of Helena's leg, unmoving and stretched into the foot well. She stared unblinking, yawning occasionally.

Max looked out of the window, the unfamiliarity of everything that passed by exciting him. An hour into the drive he'd thought about writing a song for the first time in months as they passed over the long suspension bridge that stretched out across the water. Moments later they were swallowed by the highways of Illinois, leaving Michigan behind along with the realisation that he had sold all of his equipment.

He tilted his head as they began to see sky scrapers, glimpsing the tops of them glinting and glittering against the high blue sky. A sign hung overhead, _"Welcome to Chicago", _This was where he'd always felt he belonged.

The car slowed down as it met traffic at the mouth of the city.

"Look..."

Max dipped his head to whisper to Zoe who roused from her trance like state to gaze out of the window, following the direction of his finger.

"What?"

She asked, squinting at the gleam of something large and silver in the distance.

"The Chicago Bean."

He said, his breath fluttering her hair as she leaned forward to see while the car struggled forwards.

"Bean?!"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

He nodded.

"I think it's proper name is 'Cloud Gate'."

He said, looking out of the window at it again, a giant gleaming silver bean shaped sculpture against the water of Lake Michigan.

"What is it?"

She asked as they moved again, gradually blocking The Bean from view as they drove across the main street and into the city itself.

"Just a sculpture. Some English artist..."

Zoe watched as he spoke, the brownstones and sky scrapers reflecting in the blue of his eyes as they drove.

"I didn't know you were interested in art..."

"Look!"

He interrupted her, not hearing her as he caught sight of the blue neon lettering of '_The Chicago House of Blues'. _Attached to a flat grey building with a high arched doorway and a limousine parked outside.

He visibly strained against his seatbelt as they passed, the belt pressing painfully against his injured arm but still his eyes followed the building until it was out of sight and he relaxed back into the seat again, catching sight of her smile, her eyes on him, one eyebrow raised, amusement toying with her lips.

"What?"

He asked slowly.

"I love you."

She whispered, placing a hand gently on his thigh, squeezing it softly.

By the time they pulled up at the entrance to the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in East Walton the light was beginning to fade and as they stepped out of the car onto the side walk they could see the lights of far away Michigan blur and pix-elate into the violet waters of Lake Michigan in the distance.

Max shivered inside his jacket as Zoe instinctively looped her hand in the crook of his arm, his own hands pushed into his pockets.

Henry led the way, tossing his keys to a young man who stood waiting at the door. Helena followed, barely looking at the surroundings.

The interior of the hotel was blinding, white marble with swirls of black stretched out across the floor in front of them, leading to the reception desk. An oversized silver light hung in the middle of the room, made up of silver spikes and stars that dazzled anyone who looked up at it.

"Looks like something from Star Trek..."

Max whispered, tilting his head right back to look up at it as they moved beneath it.

"Geek."

Zoe replied, catching her heel with a squeak on the marble.

They hung back as Henry checked them in, speaking quietly to the woman behind the reception desk who seemed intent on primping her hair whilst he spoke to her.

He gestured to them to follow him as he began to walk behind a tall thin man who insisted on showing them the way, someone else, apparently, was bringing their bags.

They were ushered into a lift the size of Max's living room. They rose effortlessly, high up into the building without hardly feeling the movement.

The doors parted, revealing a long white, wide corridor that seemed to stretch forever, getting smaller and smaller like a set piece from Alice in Wonderland.

"Just this way please."

The man who led the way started off at a brisk pace, stopping abruptly only a moment later.

"Miss Hanna, Mr Walker?"

He glanced at both Zoe and Max, unlocking the door to the room and allowing them to enter.

"We'll call on you for dinner."

Henry said as they parted, himself and Helena being led to the room opposite them.

Zoe nodded, closing the door so that she and Max were alone in the room.

The light in the room was dim, a melancholy golden glow that highlighted the feature pieces – the low hug light, the wide wall of glass framed by two gold curtains.

"Single beds..."

Max pushed off his shoes with his toes and left them by the door, moving over to the bed nearest the window.

Zoe glanced at the two single beds.

"Henry's idea I assume."

She watched as he bent down to look at something at the side of the bed.

"You're going to have to give me a hand...literally."

She raised an eyebrow as he stood up again.

"To push them together...It's big but it's not that big..."

He watched as she rolled her eyes.

"Getting ahead of yourself aren't you?"

Her smile betraying her as she moved over to him.

"Just in case..."

He assured her, watching as she bent to push the bed, forcing it back four or five foot so that it fit snugly against the other bed.

She turned to speak but faltered as she caught his gaze, his head tilted slightly to one side, his eyes on the the curve of her hips as she bent over against the bed.

"Oi...you."

She stood up and turned to face him.

"Sorry, sorry..."

He smiled widely.

"Flashbacks of earlier."

He murmured, walking towards her.

"Hmm?"

She breathed, feeling the touch of his fingers against her hip as he moved closer.

"I hope you like it in the back..."

He whispered, leaning against her, fighting a laugh as he echoed Henry's earlier words.

With a smile she pushed him away, letting her hips press against his as she did.

"Don't go getting any funny ideas."

She called, making her way over to the mini bar.

**More (exciting) stuff to come...sorry if it's dragging a bit xxx**


	49. Chapter 49

The evening was stilted and awkward, conversation pieced together by Henry's insistence that they were all having a lovely, lovely time.

The food was expensive and came on plates twice the size of the meals themselves, and more than once Zoe caught Max chasing something unidentifiable about the plate with his left hand, struggling without the use of his right. She had smiled, the concentration on his face knotting her stomach with affection, the oversized clothes causing him to attract more than a few raised eyebrows and disdainful glances.

He didn't seem to notice.

They had ended up at the bar, Helena had spent the evening drinking neat vodka until she declared herself too bored and took herself back up to the room. Max and Zoe had spent the next hour trying to make excuses to leave but the drinks kept being poured and Henry seemed to always be able to find something to say to make them stay.

Eventually, as he was distracted with the woman behind the bar, they managed to say their goodbyes and slip back to the hotel room, Zoe leaning heavily into Max, her eyes mildly bloodshot, the marbled floor seeming to spin slightly as they fell into the lift.

She stood opposite him in the lift, looking at him with squinted eyes as though trying to work something out. He laughed.

"What?"

He asked as the lift rose from the ground floor up to level 21.

"Why are you swaying like that?"

She asked, her voice thick with drink.

"I'm not. You are."

He laughed again and shook his head as the doors slid easily open, displaying the long corridor ahead of them. He took her arm and guided them to their room, unlocking the door and holding it open with his foot while she made her way in with a happy sounding sigh.

"Do you want a drink?"

She asked, moving to the mini bar, her words were slurred and her cheeks flushed as she bent to peer at the labels on the bottles that she had lined up on the chest of drawers.

"I'm OK thanks..."

He moved over to her, she was pouring two glasses of something despite his words.

She handed one two him, sipping her own and closing one eye so that she could focus on him.

"How are you not drunk?"

She asked, an air of suspicion about her as she asked, watching as he took a sip of his drink and placed it back on the chest of drawers.

He smiled a slow, deliciously even smile, the white of his teeth just showing through his parted lips.

"Because I am the sensible one..."

He moved around behind her as he spoke.

"Shh, stop saying...words."

She had taken another large sip of the concoction that she had poured and a wave of nausea filled her.

"Ok...we could try morse? But I don't know any..."

He placed his free arm about her waist, pressing himself against her back, his lips just brushing her ear.

"Come with me..."

She stepped away from him, stumbling slightly and making her way to the bed, one eye closed again, and staggering slightly in her heels.

"that's a very interesting new walk you've got there..."

He murmured, tilting his head, watching her place one hand onto the bed and lifting her heel up to her other hand, trying to pull the shoe from her foot but struggling as she lost balance and fell sideways onto the mattress.

She laughed and rolled over, scrambling up to the top of the bed and placing a hand on the top of her head she leant back, closing both eyes now, and sighing loudly.

"Why have you got your hand on your head?"

He asked, moving over to the bed slowly, kicking off his shoes mid way.

"Invisible hangover hat."

She breathed, letting her head tilt back against the wall, her mouth open.

"You what now?"

He asked, letting his knees press into the mattress, leaning his weight against it.

"Invisible hangover hat. You can't see it..."

She paused to swallow against the rising bile in her throat.

"Because it's invisible...?"

He asked, still smiling.

"Mmm...If I take my hand away I will have...in the morning I will have the worlds worst hangover. And then I will be very, very sick."

She whispered, placing a hand on her stomach, her skin paling at the mere mention of the word.

"Would you like some water...painkillers?"

He asked, glancing about the room for a glass.

She shook her head.

"I want the stuff I use...to kill people."

A smile twitched her lips.

"Nope...saving all that for Dr Evil..."

She opened an eye as he spoke, pursing her lips into a lopsided smile.

"Why are you alright? How can you be alright? Helena is bloody pissed...I'm...how are you alright?"

She asked, frowning at him again.

"Because I am the chosen one."

He breathed, using his good arm to rest on the bed, pulling himself up so that he could kneel next to her.

"No why really?"

She asked, closing her eyes again.

"Because I didn't drink any of Henry's ethanol punch that he was having you both drink."

He said quietly, reaching out to touch her forehead, wiping the sweat from it.

"Ok, lets have a look at this hat of yours..."

He leant towards her and she opened both eyes to look at him, the room swaying suddenly.

"What...wait...too much movement."

She placed a hand over her eyes for a moment before daring to peer out at him from between her fingers.

"What are you doing?"

She asked, watching as he reached out above her head.

"I'm swapping your hangover hat, for my, 'I knew when I'd had enough' hat..."

He said, miming the swapping of hats with an eccentric hand gesture.

"There."

He said, placing his hand back into his lap and shifting next to her to lean against the headboard.

She paused, opening both eyes, momentarily feeling better, until she turned to loko at him, the colours of the room spinning violently.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

She whispered, her skin paling again.

"O-ok..."

He swung his legs back off the bed, moving around quickly to help her off the bed and into the bathroom, steadying her as she bent down to loll against the toilet where she wretched until she threw up.

He ran his hand in soft circles on the curve of her back, her arms draped across the bowl of the toilet, her forehead resting on them.

"Ugh."

She breathed, accidentally glancing into the water below her.

"I think it's gone..."

She whispered, her voice echoing in the pan of the toilet.

"God. Sorry..."

She breathed, turning her face to him, not daring to open her eyes.

"Don't be..."

She could hear the smile in his voice and dared to open her eyes, letting herself fall away from the toilet so that she was now just kneeling in front of it.

He raised a hand to stroke the hair from her face. His eyes looked bluer than usual in the soft light of the bathroom, he breathed through his mouth, his lips parted just slightly.

"You're a very attractive man aren't you..."

She sighed, looking almost put out by the fact.

He smiled slightly.

"I know."

He whispered, smiling all the more as she raised an eyebrow.

Her eyes lingered on his lips before glancing down at the triangle of skin at the gape of his shirt collar, moving further to the pull of denim over his thighs.

"Are you thinking about having sex with me?"

He asked, still that smile hovering about his lips. She looked up at him, her cheeks flushing again.

"It had crossed my mind..."

She dipped her head as she spoke, avoiding eye contact.

He held out a hand to her, rearranging his legs underneath himself so that he could stand.

"Come on you drunkard."

He said, taking the hand she offered and pulling her to her feet.

"I want to see what drunk Zoe's like in bed."

**I will get to the exciting bit soon I promise! Taking longer than expected with teething toddler xxx**


	50. Chapter 50

The following morning Henry announced with overzealous glee that he had arranged for them to go on a trip to the Willis Tower.

The four of them took a cab to South Wacker Drive, the name of which Max had sniggered at as Henry instructed the driver.

The long yellow cab pulled up right outside the tower on the corner of a cross roads, revving the engine brutally whilst they exited, keen to take the money and get away, on to the next passengers.

The four of them looked up in unison. Helena looked away almost instantly, instead taking the chance to look at the shops on the opposite side of the road. Zoe, Max and Henry squinted up at the autumn sky, the Willis tower high above them.

"Tallest skyscraper in the world!"

Henry said proudly, as if he himself had had a hand in it's creation.

He placed a large hand across his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun.

"I thought it was just the tallest in America..?"

Max asked, his voice softer, slightly strained as he tilted his head back even further to try to see the very top of it.

Henry ignored him, instead choosing to regale them with the history of the building while Helena stood staring at a pair of red Jimmy Choo shoes in a shop window with feigned interest.

"Can you imagine..."

He concluded.

"...there are 25 miles of plumbing, 1,500 miles of electric wiring, 80 miles of elevator cable, and 145,000 light fixtures in there..."

Zoe caught the beginnings of a laugh at the edges of Max's lips as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, the three of them still raising their eyes to the building.

"Fascinating..."

Helena murmured, folding her arms across her chest and watching as a horse and carriage clattered past them.

"Ready to go to the top?"

Henry asked, lowering his gaze to the larger of the two entrances.

"The top?"

Helena asked, looking up again at the tower, the sky above it darkening with each moment, threatening a storm.

"You know I don't like heights."

She sighed as she spoke, as though he was forever forgetting.

He shrugged.

"You'll miss out..."

He smiled a wide, threatening grin at her. She looked away, sighing again.

"I'm sure I'll manage."

She answered slowly, stepping forward to let a family walk behind her.

He took advantage of her movement and took a firm hold of her arm, Zoe noticed the strain of her coat sleeve against his fingers, the tips of which were white from how hard he was pressing into her skin beneath. Helena sucked in her cheeks, taking the pain.

"I'll look after you."

He said, the words deeply at odds with the rough manner in which he was holding on to her.

Helena looked at him, the blank look of pure contempt.

She stood still, he seemed to take her silence as defeat and moved forwards, finding it not difficult at all to pull her along next to him, his arm interlinked with her own. They moved ahead.

"Come on!"

He called, his voice jovial as he called to Max and Zoe who followed them into the building, a knowing glance passing between them.

"It's 1,354 feet to the Sky-deck. Do you think you can walk or shall we take the elevator?"

Henry joked again, pushing the button of the lift that stood in the large lobby area, a stand full of leaflets and maps stood next to it, Max ran the tips across the tops of them, making a soft ruffling sound like a chicken ruffling it's feathers.

The lift reached the ground level with a hiss and a clunk, the doors making a jarring juddery sound as they opened. The four of them stepped inside, it smelled of antibacterial spray and new metal.

The mirror to their left reflected them, Max leaning against it with his bad arm, his fingers finding Zoe's whilst they stood at the back of the lift, softly playing with them, running his own fingers between them and over the smooth flesh of her palm.

They reached the top within moments, the heady rush of the lift making their heads spin as they exited. Helena paled as she saw there was only a small amount of carpeted floorspace, the rest was glass.

Max was the first to step out onto it, looking down at his feet, and down further to the ground far far below them, the tops of people's heads moving to and fro on the pavement, looking impossibly tiny as they scurried about.

Henry seemed to abandon Helena as they exited the lift, she stood motionless, even her lips pale as she tried to avert her eyes so as not to look out of any of the windows.

"Are you brave enough?"

Henry asked Zoe, stepping onto the glass floor himself and reaching out a hand to her.

She raised an eyebrow, a slight smile.

"Not much scares me."

She mused, stepping onto the glass without taking his offered hand. It took her a moment to look down, and when she did the heigh made her giddy. She felt Max take her arm, squeezing it gently.

She watched another horse and carriage pass by below them, the horses like two exclamation marks cantering down the avenue.

Max glanced back at Helena who was busy looking at a noticeboard next to the lift. He looked towards Henry, expecting to find him looking out at the view, instead he was staring at a spot just behind Zoe on the floor. He looked down, finding the spot where Henry looked. The pale grey reflection of Zoe's legs in the glass which you could only see if you adjusted your eyes to focus on the glass rather than the view below.

He glanced again at Henry whose gaze hadn't moved. Still he looked, Max looked again, his eyes travelling up the reflection of Zoe's legs, to where you could just about see the faint pale outline of her lace underwear. He shifted from one foot to the other and clenched his teeth shut, looking again at Henry, staring at him hard until eventually Henry, sensing someone was looking at him looked up and caught Max's gaze. He smiled a wide smile and winked, Max remained still, his lips pressed firmly together, his blue eyes sharp and cool.

Henry pushed his hands into his pockets and moved over to the window, looking out across the skyline.

"Apparently you can see four states from up here."

He spoke loudly, his breath fogging the window briefly.

"Illinois, Indiana, Michigan and Idaho."

He said again, someone standing next to him looked at him comically before looking away again.

"Illinois, Indiana, Michigan and Wisconsin...I think you'll find..."

Max dipped his head to whisper to Zoe who smiled slightly, turning her gaze from the view to him.

"Why is it that you know so much about Chicago?"

She asked, narrowing her eyes, smiling at him as he pressed a finger to his lips so that she lowered her voice.

"I told you, I feel at home here."

He whispered simply.

"Anyway, Idaho is on the other side of the country..."

He added softly before Henry turned back around to face them.

"Incredible isn't it?"

He asked, opening his arms wide, gesturing to their surroundings.

Zoe nodded slowly and Max glanced around again, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Where's Helena?"

He asked, suddenly noticing that Helena no longer stood on the small patch of carpet near the elevator.

"Maybe she's gone down..."

Zoe began, stepping back as Henry moved hurriedly over to the lift, circling it briefly, appearing again on the other side and pressing the button several times to call the lift back up.

"She did say she didn't like heights..."

Max breathed, his hand in his pocket, toying with the loose change, setting it jingling against his fingers.

"She just likes the attention..."

Henry almost laughed, a tension appearing across his forehead that Zoe hadn't noticed before.

Max rolled his eyes and looked below them again, teetering back and forth on the balls of his feet as he looked down at the pavement far below.

The lift pinged and hissed open it's doors, the three of them entered, standing in silence as they descended.

Once at the bottom Henry exited first, bustling through a crowd of Japanese tourists, to where Helena stood looking out through the window. A man in a red waist coat stood outside playing a guitar, she was staring at his back, arms folded protectively across her chest. Henry placed an oversized hand on her shoulder and her whole body stiffened.

"Do you think we should say something?"

Max leant in, whispering to Zoe through the corner of his mouth. She shook her head slightly in response.

"Not our place. He hasn't done anything yet anyway, not that we've witnessed."

She added quietly, smiling at the gabbling tourists.

"I know...but there's obviously something going on."

Both Max and Zoe watched as Henry spoke in hushed tones to Helena who turned to face him slowly, succumbing to him and eventually following him over back to their little group of four.

By mid afternoon it was time to head back to Michigan. The weather had turned and the storm clouds overhead hung like a threat above their heads as they drove back over the suspension bridge, Max's gaze lingering on the Chicago skyline as if wishing it a silent goodbye.

Zoe watched the clouds as they darkened, turning from a a muddied brown to a tempestuous black, laced with glaring silver, the air felt close and tense, the temperature had dropped and the moon was already visible. A full moon, hanging low in the sky, only just visible through the gaps in the clouds that moved so quickly across the night sky that it could be gone as quick as a blink.

Henry flicked on the radio to dull the silence, it muffled for a moment while he fiddled with the buttons, the interference and white noise spitting and hissing until he settled on a station he liked, bouncing country music filled the car.

"Oh God..."

Max whispered as he exhaled, stretching in his seat and yawning into the back of his hand.

"Shhh..."

Zoe leant her head against his shoulder, it bumped and wobbled as they made their way back to the other side of the bridge, back to Michigan.

The sign's of various places passed them by, _"Holland', 'Grand Rapids'. _Eventually they passed the sign for _'Saugatuck'_, a long sign with neon red writing that glowed florescent in the black of the night. An artists paint pallet at it's side, the towns symbol, colours flashing on it's surface.

No sooner had they passed the sign then Henry's phone rang. The song had faded on the radio and the shrill sound of the ring tone bought them all in from their various daydreams.

To Zoe's surprise he answered, one hand still on the wheel. She'd forgotten the difference in laws. She felt Max tense too, both of them watching the road intently as he spoke.

He uttered only a few words, mainly a series of shorts affirmative responses before clicking off and tossing the phone into Helena's lap.

"Zoe?"

Henry glanced at Zoe in the rear view mirror.

"Mmm?"

She looked back at him, raising her head from Max's shoulder and swiping the hair from her face.

"Are you up for some excitement?"

He asked, raising his voice as another song started.

She glanced to Max who rolled his eyes and looked out of the window at the cars in the distance.

"That was the hospital, they need more trauma staff at Huron Valley Jail, there's been a riot."

**More soon ;) Who is watching Sunetra on Strictly later?! xxx**


	51. Chapter 51

"How many are already there?"

Asked Henry as the four of them entered the prison. Helena fidgeted next to him, her eyes wide, her fingers trembling slightly as she picked at a loose thread in the cuff of her shirt.

Zoe stood tightly next to Max, his arm low about her waist, his fingers resting just on the blunt bone of her hip.

"Four ambulances, and one other trauma group..."

The ward sister lowered her voice as she spoke so as not to alarm any passing patients or staff.

"Numerous casualties...possibly more than one fatality..."

Henry nodded and Max leaned against Zoe, placing a gentle pressure on her hip.

"I don't want you to go."

He said quietly, Zoe glancing from Henry up to him, her smile forced.

"This is what I'm training for Max..."

She placed a hand over his own where it rested against her and squeezed his fingers reassuringly.

"Zoe, ready?"

Henry asked, slipping off his jacket as he spoke and passing it to Helena.

"Car keys are in the pocket."

He said as Helena received the jacket without barely noticing she had taken it.

"Zoe..."

Max tightened his grip as she made to follow Henry.

"If you get hurt..."

Zoe placed a finger against his lips, letting it slip gently to his chin.

"I'll be fine."

She whispered with a wink, squeezing his hand one last time before leaving to follow Henry to get changed and leave with the next ambulance.

Max watched her, her small frame walking briskly off down the corridor and finally out of sight. He clenched his fist at his side, drawing in a long breath.

"Are you ok?"

Helena's voice caught his attention, the soft American drawl with a faint hint of worry.

He shrugged and looked again to the end of the corridor where Zoe had disappeared.

"Aren't you worried?"

He asked faintly, not really caring for an answer.

He saw her follow his gaze from the corner of his eye.

"Not for him, no..."

"What can I tell you? A few ground rules - no bombing, no running, no petting, no diving and no inflatables. In fact, probably best to leave all swimming related activities until later - this is, after all, an ambulance and not a swimming pool."

Claude, the paramedic they were travelling with spoke quickly, an oddly jovial manner to adopt under the circumstances. He smiled warmly at Zoe, his arm gesturing for them to step into the back of the ambulance. He followed, and as the doors slammed shut they began to move off, their speed increasing, the back of the ambulance filled with the flare of the lights and the deafening wail of the sirens.

They made the journey in silence, the sirens too loud for polite conversation and for that Zoe was glad. She sat, hunched forward, hands clasped in her lap, a helmet attached to the wall behind her occasionally knocking against her back. Henry sat next to her, she could feel the warmth of his leg against hers through the green overalls. She shifted uncomfortably, they'd been instructed to wear protective vests underneath their clothes, something that Zoe had never come across before, and as well as being restrictive and uncomfortable, the thought and knowledge of it worried her.

She'd promised Max she would be fine...

She felt the soft pressure of something on her back and leaned forwards slightly, assuming it to be the helmet slipping again, instead the pressure followed her and she felt the gentle stroking of her back. She glanced up to find Henry looking at her, false concern and the hint of a smile at his lips.

"Are you ok?"

He asked, still rubbing her back, despite her attempts to lean away.

"Mmm."

She nodded and murmured her response, looking over at Claude who sat opposite. He was flicking through something on his kindle.

"I'll look after you."

Henry leant in towards her, whispering the words, she could feel his spit against her cheek as she spoke. She pretended not to hear and turned her face from him, staring instead at the long bed she sat next to.

Eventually the cry of the sirens stopped and they halted, pausing whilst they were allowed entry through the prison gates, they drove slowly to the next gate, a middle aged woman with the build of a rugby player opened the back of the ambulance to check everyone's ID before allowing them entrance into the grounds where they parked. She followed them in, waiting for them as they exited.

"If y'all follow me I'll show you were it's happening."

Her voice was husky from years of smoking. Zoe tried but failed to read her name badge in the dark before she moved away, taking large strides so that Zoe struggled to keep up with the small group.

They were led through the side door into the officers quarters, a large staff room attached to a small kitchen. As they passed through into the narrow corridor beyond the wall of sound hit them, things smashing, the dull thumping of furniture being moved, thrown, the shouting, the screaming. The volume rose continuously until they arrived in an hexagonal space, barred on all sides but the one they had entered through.

Armed police flanked the rails, twenty, maybe thirty of them, their backs to Zoe, Henry and Claude, clear plastic shields held fast against the chipped paint of the rails, blue helmets with marked visors firmly down over their faces. They stood like statues, seemingly no deterrent to the women beyond.

"Where are the casualties?"

Henry asked, shouting above the noise to the prison officer who had accompanied them. She leaned closer, cupping her mouth to help them hear.

"The cops are trying to cool them down so that we can get in there. We're missing an officer and two of your paramedics. We believe it to be a hostage situation."

She turned to look back at the women behind the bars. Furniture from various cells had been thrown over the railings above them onto the wire mesh that separated the three floors from one another. Toilet paper decorated the stairs like stained streamers and the women themselves were wild eyed and manic, some bare chested, others continuously screaming insults, throwing whatever came to hand, others fighting violently between themselves.

Zoe took it all in, a cool shiver slipping down from her neck to the base of her spine making her shudder, her teeth chattering despite the heat of the building, of all these women.

"Any minute now..."

The prison officer shouted again, watching as the police who were in with the girls somehow managed to contain the pulsating mass of women. The prison guard moved quickly despite her size, unlocking the barred door and holding it open.

"They're all yours..."

She shouted.

**More to come x I hope you're all still enjoying it, I will hopefully update again tonight! Reviews welcomed! :) xxx**


	52. Chapter 52

**More to come x I hope you're all still enjoying it, I will hopefully update again tonight! Reviews welcomed! :) xxx**

"What're you reading?"

Max asked, kicking open the door to the on call room where he and Helena were staying with the toe of his shoe, two coffee's in a takeaway carrier swinging from his hand.

Helena glanced up as he entered, placing her book face down on the table next to her.

"Mrs Dalloway."

She answered, her voice so fragile in the silence.

Max placed the two coffee's down on to the table, opening the box and positioning hers in front of her, taking his own with him to the opposite side of the room where the sofa was longer.

"What's it about?"

He asked, deliberately drawing out the conversation to keep his mind from thinking about Zoe, ignoring the terrified nausea in his stomach, the prickle of hairs and lurch of his insides every time the ward phone rang from outside.

Helena drew up her shoulders to her jaw, sucking in a breath and looking at him, her eyes hesitant.

"Oh..."

She rolled her eyes as if it wasn't important but continued anyway, looking into the lid of the coffee cup.

"It's about this woman who's incredibly - well, she's a hostess and she's incredibly confident and she's going to give a party. And, maybe because she's confident, everyone thinks she's fine..."

She paused, looking up at Max, her eyes braver suddenly.

"But she isn't."

She added softly.

Max blew across the surface of his own coffee, watching the ripples, the coffee itself the colour of Zoe's skin.

"So what's the situation with you and Dr Hanna?"

Helena asked , changing the subject clumsily, after a moments silence, she could feel his thoughts drifting from the room.

He yawned into the palm of his hand before answering.

"Your husband said we weren't supposed to let you know about us."

He said, watching her reaction with interest. The half laugh of amusement, the roll of her espresso eyes, the press of her fingertips against her lips to quell her smile.

"Henry's an idiot."

She said eventually, her smile disappearing with her words.

She leant back in her chair and lifted her coffee to her lips, letting the steam rise into her face.

"So I'd noticed."

Max breathed, wishing he had added sugar to his coffee, just this once.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Most people don't..."

She said, watching him yawn again.

"Most people just turn a blind eye. I think it's because he's a doctor...if he was working class..."

She stopped abruptly, taking another sip of coffee but not continuing after she had swallowed.

Max sucked in another breath, he could still smell the sickly sweet smell of Henry's car air freshener on his clothes.

"Does he ever hurt you?"

Max asked slowly, expecting a flinch, an awkward pause perhaps. Instead she shrugged casually, looking up at him.

"Most of the time he just gives me that look..."

She said.

"What look?"

He asked, forcing himself to try to relax back into the sofa.

"That look...to say 'your life is so trivial'. YOU are so trivial."

She shrugged again and broke his gaze.

"Why are you still with him?"

He asked, prizing his feet free from his shoes and stretching his legs out so that his feet were under the coffee table.

"That's what we do isn't it? That's what people do. We put up with something bad to avoid something worse...?"

She spoke as if she wanted some sort of affirmation from him, that what she was doing was normal.

He bit the skin of his bottom lip before responding.

"He bullies you. Why should you have to put up with that?"

He asked, the tiled floor cold underneath his heels, another yawn threatening the roof of his mouth.

"If I didn't have him...he wouldn't let me keep the kids, not if everyone found out..."

She trailed off again, smiling nervously at him as if apologising for pausing.

"I'm having an affair."

She said the words quickly as if to get them out without him noticing.

"Ah..."

He looked again at the coffee in his cup. Zoe...

"With a woman."

Helena added , her voice even quieter.

"Oh..."

Max looked up, eyebrows raised, her cheeks were flushed and she touched a hand to the warmth of them.

"Sorry..."

She flapped a hand, flustered by her own admission.

"I don't know what's happening to me. I seem to be unravelling."

She drew in a deep breath and looked at him again.

"The woman I'm having an affair with, Bette, her name is Bette...she's a prison guard at the prison..."

The realisation was visible as it rose up across Max's eyes.

"The prison where Henry and Zoe are...?"

He asked, she nodded silently, her eyes glimmered in the glow from the ceiling light, her lip trembled and she smiled another nervous smile.

"Well then I guess we're in the same boat."

He breathed, balancing his coffee on his knee so that he could run a hand over his face.

"Come here."

He said, taking hold of his coffee again and gesturing with a nod of his head to the space next to him.

She moved tentatively, unsure of herself, stepping with uneasy steps over to the sofa were she sat stiffly on it's edge.

"I didn't mean to do it..."

The corner of her lip twitched as she spoke.

"I don't think many people do, do they?"

He asked.

"I remember on the morning of our wedding, I was only 17, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more..."

She fiddled with the fraying paper lip of her coffee mug.

"It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was that moment. Right then."

She glanced at him apologetically.

"And then...all those months, for one whole year I was miserable. Until a year later...I was going to buy eggs and she...Bette... walked out of the apartment block opposite as I was leaving. I was nineteen years old, and I'd never seen anything so beautiful."

She dipped her head with embarrassment.

"Her, coming out of a glass door in the early morning, still sleepy. Isn't it strange, the most ordinary morning in anybody's life?"

She flapped her hand again, as if it were all meaningless.

"Sorry to go on I think it's the worry..."

Max shifted forward, leaning down to place his coffee on the floor between his feet, sitting back up again and looking at her. She seemed to vibrate with nervous energy, her fear of the thought of what was happening at the prison mirroring his own.

She ran her fingers across her lips, her voice a strangled whisper.

"It would be wonderful to say I regretted it. It would be easy. But what does it mean? What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It's what you can bear. There it is. No one's going to forgive me. No one's going to understand...my parents, my friends...my children. It was death. I chose life."

**Managed to squeeze another one out. I think I'm still exhausted from the birthday celebrations last week! In answer to someone's question, yes I am still enjoying writing it ;) I'm sure I will get back into my two or more update 'swing' soon...perhaps tonight was the beginning.**

**Off to sleep now as I'm barely making sense due to tiredness! xx**


	53. Chapter 53

The air seemed to change as they passed through the metal bars into onto the wing, Zoe could feel the blood thumping rhythmically deep inside her own head as they climbed the stairs, by-passing the heaving mass of women. Still they were shouting, but the noise was so loud that no words could be made out.

She followed Henry who in turn followed an armed policeman, up to the second floor and to a closed cell door. A prison guard bolted shut the gate that led down to the first floor, standing against it and watching the throb of women below.

"They're in there."

The police man's voice was muffled from under his visor, he placed a hand on the hatch that lifted to show the peep hole in the door and slid it open, Henry bent to see as he did so but the police man pushed him back with such a force that he stumbled against the wall, Zoe reaching out to steady him.

"Don't put your face near it..."

Was all he said, but that was enough, the warning was enough to send a ice cold shiver across the nape of Zoe's neck.

The policeman banged on the cell door.

"Step away from the door!"

He shouted, his words seeming to echo beneath the plastic visor.

There was a shuffling noise from the other side of the door and the dull thud of something being dragged across the floor just under the door.

The officer held up a mirror to the peep hole which was no bigger than his thumb, Zoe watched the reflection scanning the room, a bed, a window, then the flicker of blonde hair, the pale flesh of a forehead before it ducked from view.

No reply, the sound from below was getting louder, the howl and shriek of wronged women, the cackles and shrill laughter of delight as someone toppled an armed guard.

Zoe could feel the soft tremor of her heartbeat in her throat, the palms of her hands felt moist with sweat and her lips were parted, her breath seeming shallower, her body tense.

The officer moved the mirror again.

"Can you confirm there are no persons in front of the door?"

He spoke louder, pressing himself against the cool green metal of the door, trying to twist himself to see any more of the room in the mirror.

He motioned for the prison guard that had led them upstairs to open the door, without a sound she moved toward them and placed the key in the lock, she paused, meeting resistance.

"She's stuffed it."

She spoke under her breath, withdrawing the key, finding it wet at the tip, she touched it, her fingers showing red.

"Is that...?"

Zoe asked, catching the glint of crimson on the key, on the guards fingers.

She felt Henry place a hand on hers, his long fingers squeezing her own, she let him, grateful for a moment.

An alarm started, a constant ear splitting ring, someone downstairs screamed above it, Zoe glanced down, bodies were moving, the women had broken free, like a bubbling mass of flesh they bit, fought and kicked their way free from the guards, blood spattered casualties in their wake, both officers and prisoners.

The guard moved back over to the gate leading downstairs, her top lip glinting with sweat in the acid yellow of the overhead strip lighting. The women were moving up, someone threw a metal sign, the gate shuddered against it.

Someone had torn a key from the uniform of another prison officer, they held up the key like a trophy above their heads, waving it as they climbed the stairs. The officer pushed her key into the lock, pushing her full body weight against it from the other side to prevent them from getting in.

The police man banged hard on the cell door.

"If you don't step away from the door I will have no choice but to break it down."

He shouted as loudly as he could, his body pushed against the side of the door, listening for a reply.

"If you do it I'll kill her!"  
Came the response, an eerily cool response from inside the cell, only just heard over the sudden drumming of hands on the pool table below, and someone broke into a lewd song on the landing beneath them.

The policeman glanced over to where the guard was single handedly holding the gate closed against the barricade of sweating, screaming bodies.

He moved away from the door.

"Do your best."

He shouted.

"She needs back up."

He left the door, left Zoe and Henry standing on the landing in front of the cell as he went to help hold the women back.

Henry moved first, placing a hand on the door and leaning into it tentatively.

"Can you tell me who needs help, we've had reports of a casualty..."

For once Henry stumbled over his words, visibly panicked by the impending attack from the ground level beneath them.

The woman beyond the door laughed, and pressed her eye up against the peep hole, a piercing blue eye that flicked between them.

"I told him before, I'm not talking to a pigging man."

The eye moved to Zoe, pausing briefly before disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.

Henry moved away from the door, his gaze lingering on it before turning to Zoe, raising his hands as if silently asking what to do.

She moved toward the door, ushering him out of the way. Pressing herself against the cool metal of it, her lips brushing against it as she shouted through, the green chipped paint tickling her lips as she shouted.

"I need you to talk to me, I need you to tell me what's going on?"

The eye appeared again, inches from Zoe's own face, staring at her, unblinking.

"You're only going to make this worse for yourself, the longer you stay in here..."

Zoe tried to keep the nerves from her voice, her eyes unmoving from the cool stare of the woman behind the door.

"It's her whose made this worse for me!"

She spat, finally some emotion behind the voice.

"What do you mean?"

Zoe asked, straining to hear above the crash of the pool table below being over turned.

"'Cause I trusted her and she lied to me!"

The prisoner answered, her anger seeming to grow as she spoke.

"Who is 'she'?"

Zoe asked, hearing a soft gulping noise from behind the door, followed by the swift kick of a foot into flesh.

"The Guvenor. Porter. It's her fault."

A moan sounded from behind the door again as she spoke.

Zoe watched as the eye at the door began to move back so she could see most of her face, white blonde hair curled at her forehead, sticking to the sweat and blood smears across her cheek.

"Can you tell me how many other people are in there with you?"

Zoe called, straining her voice to make it louder again. She saw the woman beyond smile slowly, looking down at whoever it was against the door.

"Just her..."

She moved her eyes to the far side of the room.

"And him."

She added.

"Who is he?"

Zoe asked slowly, the prisoner took a moment to respond.

"They know who. I told her he was beating me up but she didn't listen."

She looked to Zoe again, a new, defensive expression in her eyes, she moved forwards to the door hurriedly and Zoe felt her whole body lurch away from it.

The prisoner laughed softly.

"I told them, but they didn't listen."

She said again.

"Now you'll just have to imagine what I'm going to do next..."

She smiled again, disappearing for a second before a blood soaked rag was violently shoved into the small round peep hole, filling it.

Zoe looked towards Henry who was looking over at the women on the stairs, armed police were pulling them back, handfuls of hair ripped from scalps, clothes torn, fingers and nails scratching deep into flesh, drawing blood.

Henry hailed the armed guard with a wave of his arm.

"We've got to get word downstairs. If the fire crew can get up to the window they could use the hose to knock her back so we can get in."

Henry spoke just loud enough for the guard to hear, Zoe glanced towards the door, the bloody rag poking out like a severed finger from the peep hole.

"From that range they'll burn the skin off of her?!"

She hissed, looking to Henry, her eyes flicking from him to the door.

"We haven't got time for soft options, there are two officers in danger in there..."

He watched the disapproval surface beneath her eyes.

"But she's armed isn't she? If they put ladders up she'll know, surely the others will warn her? It might just push her over the edge?"

Zoe spoke as quietly as she dared, glancing every now and then at the door, as if she could sense that the woman beyond it was listening at the door, hearing every word.

"Or maybe it will make her realise that we will get in, with her permission or without..."

Henry shouted, his gaze lingering on the green cell door, his jaw set, determined.

**Hello everyone! I'm so sorry I have missed a couple of updates. My 3 year old has been refusing to go to sleep so I've been up with her and by the time she eventually goes to sleep I'm too tired to do anything. So sorry, but thank you all so much for the lovely comments. Hopefully I will manage two longer updates tomorrow xxx**


	54. Chapter 54

"Trust me girls, he isn't wriggling it out of it this time, not if he wants to keep all of his bits..."

Zoe leant against the door, she could hear the woman inside the locked cell shouting out of the window to the women below.

She watched as Henry discussed something with the prison guard and the police officer began radioing through orders to the various other teams throughout the prison.

She turned her attention back to the locked door, a thin dribble of blood was making its way from the rag at the peep hole down the chipped paint towards the door handle.

"Hello?"

She shouted, the women below were pounding rhythmically with their fists on any available surface, an inaudible chant had started.

"Hello?"

She shouted again, louder this time and she heard the soft thump of something.

"What is this? A relay?"

The voice was alarmingly close on the other side of the door, if it hadn't been between them their would only have been inches between their faces.

"I need you to tell me why you're doing this..."

She pressed a hand against the paint as she spoke.

There was a pause.

"Haven't you got anything better to do?"

The woman asked through the door.

"No...this is what I do, this is why I'm here."

Zoe spoke quickly, aware of Henry and the guard planning something together.

"Yeah well, that's your sad life isn't it. Don't go dumping it on me."

The anger in the prisoners voice snapped though the metal door, her voice cold but full of wrath.

"I will be sad if you can't even come up with a good reason for this? Just tell me why you're doing this?"

Zoe asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, deliberately avoiding Henry's eye as he glanced over to her.

"Why don't you ask Porter what the reason is? She knows!"

She snapped, Zoe could hear her breath through the metal.

"Well I can't...can I? Unless you let me in."

Zoe shouted back, Henry moved over, reaching out to her.

"Fire team are on their way."

He murmured, Zoe shook his hand from her arm, her face turning from his.

"What so you can let them all in, get me down the block? Rule 47, subsection 16..."

Zoe heard another voice from inside the cell for the first time, the breathy hoarse whisper of another woman.

"If you let me in, all I will do is help whoever is injured. No one else will come in...I promise."

She lowered her voice but Henry heard anyway.

"Zoe..."

His voice was low, his hand reaching for her again, but he paused as the rag was pulled from the peep hole, they watched as the clouded blue eye reappeared.

"I just want to understand why you're doing this...what do you want?"

Zoe spoke, despite Henry's firm grip on her forearm.

"Yeah? What I want, is for him to sign a true confession saying he's a rapist, right?"

The words were spoken with an oddly cool calm, the eye still watching them, flicking briefly to Henry.

"And that's why I slashed him. To get him off me."

She moved away from the door as she spoke, Zoe saw her face again, there were tears in her eyes, of anger, of sadness, hysteria? She couldn't tell.

"She knows. I told her what he's like but she didn't believe me."

The woman gestured to whoever was in the corner of her cell.

"Well, if you're not going to let me in then at let me tell you what to do so that you can help to keep him alive. If what you're saying is true, and it was self defence then you'll do that...to help your case."

Zoe saw the resolve of the woman behind the door waver, felt Henry's grip tighten even further.

"Zoe..."

He spoke again, but still she refused to acknowledge him.

"I want you to give him your bed sheet so that he can press it against his wounds to stop the bleeding. The woman too if she is injured."

Zoe continued, watching as the prisoner retreated further, a look of panic flustering her usually calm expression.

"That would prove to us that you weren't intending to kill him..."

She paused.

"Would you do that?"

She asked, watching the woman pace to and fro from the bed as if contemplating her next move. Eventually she stopped, reached down and took hold of the bedding from the bed, tossing one sheet to one corner, another to the other.

"Done it..."

The woman looked back at them through the peep hole, exhaustion now seeming to over come her, Zoe took her chance.

"Now, if you just let me in, I can treat them and that will be the end of it."

She tried but the woman smirked at her, shaking her head softly.

"Ok...well will you at least give them something to wrap around their shoulders...they need something to keep them warm."

Henry let go of her as she spoke, apparently being summoned away by the police officer.

"Make him a coffee while I'm at it shall I?"

The woman snarled, taking hold of the duvet and throwing it in the general direction of one of the victims.

"Now you tell them I want him to sign a confession."

She moved with ease, jumping up onto the bed and down onto the hard cold floor below, Zoe saw as she did her pyjamas were blood stained and her feet bare.

"So that's your condition for letting them out is it?"

Zoe asked, backing away from the door slightly, remembering the words from earlier, don't place your face near the peep hole...

"No...I've got to have more than that..."

Zoe watched the woman begin to panic slightly, glancing back over her shoulder she could see Henry nodding in agreement to whatever was being arranged.

"I've got to have compensation or something. Being woken up with him on top of me..."

She raised her hand to gesture to the prison officer somewhere out of sight, but as she did Zoe caught sight of the shard of glass she held in her hand, shining and wet with blood.

"Just tell me what it is that you want..."

Zoe lowered her voice, sensing she didn't have much time.

"What..."

The woman looked at her, a smile beginning to surface.

"You mean I can have whatever I want?"

She asked.

"If I can get it for you..."

Zoe looked at her, her brown eyes levelling with the sharp blue eyes before her.

"Phone cards. $100 worth of phone cards...and whatever I want from the kitchen. And some paper...and a pen so he can sign his confession."

Zoe nodded as she spoke, glancing behind her.

"We've made a note of your requests...now I just need you to clear the door so that we can pass them through to you."

She winced inwardly as she lied, knowing full well it wouldn't be believed.

"My name's Shell, not Stupid..."

The woman almost laughed, rolling her eyes, mascara smudged below them.

"Ok, Shell..."

"No, listen..."

Shell cut her off.

"I'll send a swinger down and you can send it up to me through the window."

She decided, already she was pulling the under sheet off of her bed and ripping it into a long thin piece of fabric to lower down from the window.

"Ok, but let's just get this absolutely clear. If we get the things you've asked for to you then you agree to let me in there to see to the casualties, and if needs be, get them to hospital where they can be treated?"

Zoe spoke slowly as if addressing a child, Shell watched her intently.

"Yeah...I'll think about it..."

She glanced towards the window behind her, tugging a knot into the end of the swinger.

"No, you have to make a clear promise."

Zoe bit her lip, she could feel it beginning to tremble, could feel Henry beginning to make his way back over to her.

The noise from below seemed to quieten only a tiny bit, she could hear the unmistakeable sound of more armed officers entering the wing.

"Ok..."

Shell finally gave her word, swinging the piece of fabric to and fro.

"So we've got a deal then, yes?"

Zoe asked again, just to make sure.

Shell held up her hands, widening her eyes.

"Yes!"

She hissed.

"Ok, now I'm going to step away from the door and give the list to someone who can deal with it. I'll let you know when to drop the swinger down."

Zoe watched as Shell nodded again, she was chewing on her lip, glancing from corner to corner of the room.

Zoe stepped away from the door as Henry neared her.

"She's agreed to let me in if we give her. What she wants. I've given her the power, I think I can get her to trust me..."

Henry glanced over his shoulder, the women were being hauled one by one from the stairs, armed police forcing their way up, the gate to their landing opened and the police, holding a long metal battering ram stepped onto the landing.

"What are they doing?"

She asked, watching as they stopped to talk to the guard briefly.

The police were dressed in thick black uniforms, their black helmets gleamed, shields masking their faces as they moved toward the door.

"Zoe, she's a convict...you can't reason with her."

Henry took hold of Zoe's arm once again, pulling her back away from the door, his fingernails scratching the top layer of her skin.

"Just let me talk to her before..."

Henry cut her off again, pushing her further from the door with his full body weight so that she stumbled on the metal grate flooring.

The police officers moved to position themselves in front of the door.

"What if she's in front of it!?"

Zoe shouted, her voice muffled by the retching and vomiting of bodies below.

Before she could move the battering ram was heaved back and sent with a violent jolt into the door, it juddered on it's hinges, sending puffs of grey dust into the air.

They heaved it against the door a second time, the smack of metal hurting their ears, the dust making them cough. The door fell inwards on it's hinges, resting against the book case that Shell had pushed against it. Hair rollers and books fluttered to the. The armed police moved in before Zoe had time to realise what was happening.

She heard Shell scream, the guttural hoarse scream of terror as the riot shields forced her against the wall, crushing her into the cold brick, holding her tight, squashed like a swatted fly, blood gradually blooming against the shield from her mouth.

Zoe turned away, as Henry moved in, finding her body suddenly numb, unmoving.

She could hear him speaking, hear him shouting her name. She saw them lift the body of a man, he was alive, but barely, and then the limp lifeless body of a woman, she caught sight of her as she passed, the curled dark hair, soft coffee coloured skin.

"Bette..."

She whispered.

**More very soon, I am still battling with my 3 year old! Reviews to keep me going very welcome! xxx**


	55. Chapter 55

The hospital doors welcomed them, a suck of warm air, the belch and hiss of automatic doors, the people, so many people surrounding them, talking, asking questions. The paramedics answered whilst she and Henry followed the trolleys through directly into the emergency department.

She could barely hear the words of the doctors who surrounded them, the journey from the prison had been so quick. The injured prison officer that they had accompanied in the ambulance was wheeled ahead of them, the clattering rumble of the following trolleys behind them, she glanced back several times to look for Bette...Shell...but there were too many bodies.

They stopped before the door to the operating theatre, the doors opened onto a large square room not dissimilar to those at Holby.

Zoe paused at the threshold as she would at the edge of a pool, watching the turquoise water lapping at the tiles, the liquid nets of sun wavering in the blue depths. She delayed for a moment the plunge back into reality, allowing the world to be fuzzy for just a moment longer, the quick membrane of chill, the plain shock of immersion into the world, where she stood, Henry's hand reaching for her own, touching her fingertips, grasping her skin.

"Are you OK?"

She heard him speak, his voice seemed to be floating in the air between them, not quite reaching her ears.

"Yes."

She answered, unmoving, her gaze remaining on the door. She might, at this moment, be nothing but a floating intelligence; not even a, brain inside a skull, just a presence that perceives, as a ghost might.

She nodded as she spoke.

The doors to the operating theatre closed, leaving them together, alone in the corridor, the quiet rushed at her ears, thumping rhythmically after the shock of so much noise.

They watched through the glass doors, hand in hand. Doctors, nurses, moving around the prison guard who lay flat and life less on the table, his face turned to them, his mouth gaped open and the whites of his eyes showed as though he were sleeping.

Eventually the movement in the room slowed, someone looked at the clock above the bed and it was over. Zoe pulled her fingers from Henry's grip, his hands still sticky with blood.

She watched as the wires and tubes were slowly extracted from him. She thought as she watched, how small he looked now, how much more space a being occupies in life than it does in death; how much illusion of size is contained in gestures and movements, in breathing. Dead, they were all revealed in their true dimensions, and looking at him now, she realised, they were surprisingly modest.

Max thumbed through the pages of a magazine, catching the odd word here and there, but nothing more.

Helena had returned with more coffee a few minutes back, and was now standing with her back to him, stirring cool water from the tap into her latte.

Max looked up, the minute hand on the clock above the sink had barely moved. He raised a finger to his lips and chewed on the skin next to his nail, watching the second hand counting down the minutes.

Eventually Helena turned back to face the room, leaving her coffee on the surface behind her. Mascara was smudged faintly under her eyes. She folded her arms tightly to her chest and dipped her chin into the roll of her black polo neck.

"They must be back..."

She whispered, looking to the door.

Max followed her gaze, watching the various legs walk past through the window.

"Henry would call you...?"

He picked at the cardboard rim of his coffee until it started to tear. She shrugged.

"Maybe."

She turned again, sideways this time so that she could keep an eye on the door and began stirring her latte again.

"If he's still alive..."

She added, one arm still wrapped across her chest.

He looked up at her, his legs crossed, his free foot jiggling violently, constantly.

"Do you care?"

He asked, watching her as she stirred slowly, ongoing circles, the spoon catching every now and then on the bottom of the cup with a soft scrape.

She shrugged again.

"You must have loved him once?!"

He glanced at where he had been biting his fingernail, he'd drawn blood and the skin was pink and sore.

He heard her exhale.

The creak of the door handle interrupted them, Max stood as the nurse entered, his hands flexing at his sides. The nurse looked from him to Helena.

"Dr Molengraf and Dr Hana are back."

She had an accent Max couldn't place.

"Where are they?"

He asked, before she could finish.

"His office, I can take you?"

She moved to leave the office, gesturing for them to follow her but Helena waved a hand at her and let her spoon clatter onto the work surface.

"I can show him."

She said, ushering again with her hand, shooing the nurse away and moving to the door herself, Max following.

**More to come (tonight if I get it done on time!) xxx**


	56. Chapter 56

"I bet this is a bit different to your average day at Holby?"

Henry asked, moving around to his desk and taking off his jacket, placing it neatly on the back of his chair.

"You could say that."

Zoe yawned as she spoke, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Have a seat."

He gestured to the sofa.

"Drink?"

He asked, taking a bottle and two glass tumblers from the bottom drawer of his desk as Zoe let herself fall back into the soft leather of the sofa, it creaked gently around her body.

"No...I'm..."

She watched as he poured two glasses and handed her one.

"Really I'm fine."

She raised a hand to decline but he held it out closer to her, his eyes firm.

"You deserve it...you need it after tonight.

She drew In a slow breathe and accepted the drink, letting it sit on her knee while her fingers held it in place.

He watched her.

"Drink up."

He smiled as he spoke but there was no warmth behind it. He took a gulp of his own, sitting himself down on the edge of the desk, looking down at her.

"So, can we tempt you away?"

He asked, taking another gulp. She heard him swallow.

"Hmm?"

She asked, aware of his gaze on her, on the drink she had yet to taste.

"This."

He gestured with his free hand to his surroundings.

"You could have this if you moved over here, your own office, your own team...you're good enough."

He watched her as she smiled and rolled her eyes.

"I'm too old for flattery."

She said, feeling the creeping warmth of tiredness wash over her.

"Don't be stupid."

Henry sipped the last of his drink and reached for the bottle, his words not as jovial as Zoe felt they ought to be.

"Maybe if I was ten years younger."

She yawned again and he shook his head, filling up his glass and holding the bottle out to her, looking pointedly to her glass.

"Drink up."

He said firmly, waiting so that he could fill her glass.

"I really don't fancy it."

She reached out and placed the glass on the desk next to where he sat, he watched her with something resembling frustration, anger perhaps...

He reached out before she had fully sat back and caught hold of her retreating hand.

"Not pregnant are you?"

He asked, his head tilted, his hand encompassing her own, his grip so hard she could feel the bones of her fingers grating.

She glanced from her hand to his eyes, shaking her head as she spoke.

"No...I just don't feel like a drink."

She smiled a faltering, nervous smile, pulling her hand from his and placing it firmly in her lap.

He smiled to himself.

"You're too good for him you know."

He shook his head again, and poured himself another drink.

She looked down at her fingers, the imprint of his own still pressed white into her flesh.

"Zoe."

He said her name louder than was necessary and she looked up, feeling her face flush.

"Why are you with him, really?"

He smiled as he spoke, seemingly amusing himself.

"I'm sure I could find you someone more worthy of you here..."

He looked at her, cool blue eyes watching her with an intensity that left her feeling hot and uncomfortable, as though she were standing naked in front of him and he was inspecting every inch of her. She shifted uneasily against the sofa.

"Well?"

He asked, nudging her foot with his own.

"I think I'd better be going..."

She made to stand but he stood up at the same time, his height causing her to falter and she stepped back, he caught her arm tightly.

"Don't fall."

He said, setting his glass down on the table and taking hold of her other arm too, holding her tight, his body only inches from her own.

She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he smiled.

"I'd better go and find Max, he'll be worrying..."

She tried to move away but he held her fast, seemingly edging closer to her without really moving.

"Why do you think he's with you?"

Henry asked, his eyes looking downward at her chest, her body. His voice was low, a wine fuelled whisper. She frowned, trying to turn from him again.

"We could have fun, out here, you and I?"

He attempted another smile but she turned her head away, feeling him move this time, taking a step toward her so that they were almost touching, she remained still, the grip on her arms so tight that she dared not move.

"I think Helena would have something to say about that..."

She spoke so quietly that for a moment she thought he hadn't heard until he began to laugh.

"Helena's a..."

The door opened as he spoke, both Zoe and Henry turned.

"Helena's a what?"

Asked Helena, her hand still holding the round globe of the door knob, Max at her side, his eyes moving from Zoe's pale face to where Henry's hands held her so tightly.

It seemed to take Henry a moment to realise he still had a hold of her.

"What are you doing?"

Max asked, he seemed uncertain of the situation, he spoke quietly, his hair was flat against his head and there were blueish black circles under his eyes.

"We were just having a little..._tête-à-tête..."_

Henry let go of Zoe slowly, her arms visibly relaxing as he did so.

"What?"

Max asked, catching Zoe's gaze.

"A conversation between two people...a private conversation."

Henry paused, leaning idly back on the desk and looking Max up and down with amused boredom.

"It's French, I wouldn't expect you to know..."

Henry added, looking to Zoe as if expecting her to join in with his amusement.

Instead she stepped back from him, flinching slightly as she saw him move to take hold of her again before stopping himself.

"Ah...I've got one for you. A French word I mean."

Max reached a hand out to Zoe from across the room, she moved over to him, touching her hand to his, feeling the relief of his body against her own as her pulled her against himself.

"A sabot, or sa-bot..."

Max paused, his head tilted, Henry poured himself another drink, watching Max as though he were an amusement at a fayre.

"A kind of wooden clog worn by impoverished French workers, and as a protest against the Jaquard Loom, which they thought would take away their jobs, they'd throw their sabots, or wooden clogs, into the delicate machinery to destroy its workings, from which we get the modern word '_sabotage_.'"

He concluded.

Henry swilled the wine about in his glass, his blue eyes narrowed.

"Is there a point to this...I do have things to do..."

He feigned a sigh as he spoke and took another long drink from the tumbler.

"My point, and I do have one by the way, is that if you in any way attempt to sabotage the relationship that Zoe and I have, then I will hit you in the fucking face with a fucking big wooden clog."


	57. Chapter 57

Zoe looked at the clock, a large black rimmed clock that hung against the grey painted wall. It was half past seven. She strummed her fingers on the cover of the magazine that she held, resting her head back on the headboard and taking in her surroundings.

Following their last exchange between themselves and Henry, Max and Zoe had checked into a hotel, the first they had found with a spare room. It was a quaint four story brownstone building with views out over the park. The room was small and the furniture dated but it was clean, well run and the elderly woman who owned it had taken an instant liking to the pair of them, Max in particular.

She ran the thin glossy paper of the magazine underneath one of her nails to draw out the grit. The door handle opened and she glanced up as Max entered. He was holding a breakfast tray one-handed, whilst pushing open the door and holding a news paper under one arm, his tongue was just visible between his teeth as it was when he concentrated. He looked up once the door had shut behind him, moving over and placing the tray and paper onto the foot of the bed, exhaling with relief at not dropping anything.

"My mother would think it was the end of civilization...people who promise breakfast at seven and arrive at half past..."

Zoe smiled as she spoke, watching as he crawled across the bed to her.

"Oh, really?"

He asked, leaning closer, steadying himself on his one arm.

"Mmm. Barbarians."

She whispered, catching his breath against her skin as he kissed her quickly, stealing her breath, making her laugh before letting himself fall back against the head of the bed.

"I'd eat if before it gets any colder."

He stretched as he spoke, Zoe watched as his body tensed and relaxed against the pillows. She leaned forward and pulled the tray up between them, being careful to steady the tea pot as she did.

He watched her as she poured. The dim glow of late autumn sunshine was beginning to flicker through the bare branches of the tree lined street outside. The sky was a dark cloudless blue and the veins of the overnight frost on the old windows of the brownstone began to melt, slithering in silvery lines down the panes.

She passed him a mug of tea and began buttering the cooling toast.

"I'll take that off for you today."

She looked toward his sling as she took a bite of toast and rested her tea cup in her lap, the warmth of it spreading gently through the duvet to her thighs.

"I was rather enjoying being the invalid..."

He smiled into the rim of his cup, blowing the surface so that it bubbled, catching her gaze.

"You'll need both arms if Henry finds us."

She sighed, not quite meaning what she said, but still there was the possibility that he might do something silly if he did find them.

They had left Henry and Helena in the office the night before, Zoe had forcibly pushed Max from the room whilst Helena held Henry back, a barrage of insults and threats hounding them from the room.

"Can't you chase him off, you're scarier than I am."

He took a sip of his tea, still smiling as she arced an eyebrow, nudging his foot with her own.

"I thought you were a man..."

She smiled.

"Uh, I am all man..."

He cut her off, His smile widening so that they white glint of his teeth just showed through his parted lips.

"Two things women want from their man, money and protection..."

She breathed, taking a sip of her tea.

"Is that right...?"

He asked, hearing her swallow.

"Apparently."

She tapped the cover of the magazine she'd been reading to show the headline she had just quoted.

"Ah well, I have a bicycle helmet and a credit card so we're alright."

He whispered, taking another gulp of tea while she dipped her head, smiling, resting her face against his shoulder, the smell of him, warm, and comforting.

"So, what's the plan?"

He asked, placing his mug on the bedside table and reaching for a slice of toast, being careful not to jog her as he did.

She remained silent while she chewed, he could feel the rotation of her jaw against his shoulder.

"We can't stay here now, not after last night."

She took another bite and chewed slowly before speaking again.

"I'll book flights home for as soon as possible."

She concluded, before yawning against the back of her hand.

"But all of your things are still at his..."

He refused to mention Henry's name.

Zoe blew a frustrated sound through her lips, a half sigh, a half moan.

"We can go there first. When he's working."

She said quietly, not relishing the thought of going back.

"Then what...when we get home. I'm pretty sure neither of us have a job to go back to."

He moved his head as he spoke so that his lips brushed her hair. She closed her eyes and rolled her face to press against his neck. She could feel his pulse beating against her cheek.

"Let's not think about that now..."

She whispered, her breath tickling his neck.

Without another word he merely reached out his arm to the bedside table where his jacket lay, he eased out the packet of cigarettes he had bought the night before, pushing open the cardboard lid and raising them to his lips where he eased one free with his teeth, tossing the packet back onto the bed and taking the cigarette from his mouth, holding it between his fingers, holding it at arms length so that she could see.

"First suck?"

He asked into her hair. He felt her shake her head against him, a murmured 'no', from her lips.

"What's that?!"

He asked with feigned incredulity, nudging her with his shoulder so that she was forced to lift her head.

"Not at the moment."

She averted her eyes from the crisp white cigarette that he held.

"Wait, wait, wait...are you ill?!"

He was joking but his eyes were curious. She ran a hand through her hair and yawned again as she spoke.

"I just thought..."

She made a movement with her hand as if ushering the topic away.

"You go ahead."

She said instead, reaching for another slice of toast.

"No...no!"

He pushed the cigarette back into the box with difficulty.

"Why don't you want one?"

He asked, watching as he cheeks flushed slightly.

"I just thought."

She began again, gesturing haphazardly with the slice of toast.

"That it might give us a better chance at...at..."

She stumbled again, Max watched, waiting, eyebrows raised.

"Maybe I wouldn't miscarry again...if I looked after myself a bit better..."

She said eventually, exhaling as she spoke, her eyes refusing to meet his, instead she inspected the slice of toast that she held, her cheeks still flushed and warm.

She felt his fingers squeeze her upper arm gently.

"You can still have one..."

She said quietly, looking up at him almost without meaning to. She felt embarrassed although she wasn't sure why.

He shook his head, still that beautiful smile played on his lips.

"I'll give up if you will."

He said, squeezing her arm again.

**Sorry again for not being able to update again last night. Hopefully one day my children will enjoy sleeping?! :) Hope you are still enjoying it? I've just popped the beginning of another story up on here as well if anyone fancies a read of it, it's called Heavy Rain. (Don't worry i'll still be writing this one as regularly...if not more regularly than I am now.) xxx**


	58. Chapter 58

The taxi pulled up at the Molengraff house at 4:15PM. Zoe had managed to book herself and Max onto a flight leaving at 11:05PM that evening.

The house was as beautiful and immaculate as ever, the stars and stripes flew at full mast, proudly waving slowly in the late autumn wind.

People had begun to place pumpkins outside their houses, fences were decorated with faux cobwebs and the odd decorative grave stone or corpse had popped up.

The Molengraff's house was unaffected, pristine, white, and rising above the satanic fun of upcoming Halloween.

Zoe instructed the taxi driver to wait, he raised a finger in response and lit the end of a fat brown cigar and began to smoke it in that way that only Italian American's seem capable of.

Max flexed his newly freed arm, whether just because he could, or because he was preparing for some sort of confrontation Zoe wasn't sure.

They moved to the front door, Zoe tapped lightly on the solid wood. A minute passed and no reply came, she took hold of the bell pull and tugged on it gently, a bell sounding from somewhere at the back of the house.

A light turned on in the hallway, and through the frosted glass in the door they could see an approaching figure, the handle turned and the door opened a fraction of an inch, Helena peered at them from around the edge of the door, looking from Zoe to Max and back to Zoe again before opening the door fully and allowing them entry.

"Henry isn't here."

She said as if reading her mind, and although he wasn't there, she still spoke in a whisper. The clatter of something in the sitting room made her jump, and Zoe realised she had forgotten about the existence of the children.

"Are you OK?"

Max asked, keeping his voice low to match Helena's. Zoe caught sight of a small found face peeping at them from the sitting room door. Helena nodded, and wobbled a smile.

"Coffee?"

Helena asked, looking between them, her hands were pale and she twisted them together in front of her, the white bones of her knuckles moving beneath her skin.

"We've just come to get our things."

Zoe said quietly, gesturing to the upstairs.

Helena drew in a long breath and glanced at the child that still nosed at them from behind the door.

"Just a coffee? Henry won't be back tonight."

She paused, still wringing her hands.

"Please."

She whispered, the glitter of tears pricked the corners of her glossy brown eyes.

Max glanced at Zoe, shifting slightly uncomfortably in his shoes. Zoe looked from him to Helena.

"Ok."

She nodded as she spoke, smiling a tight smile.

"Mom...Mom..."

The child at the door hissed as Helena began to turn to lead their way into the kitchen.

"Can you help us now?"

She asked, she twiddled a pencil between her fingers and as she spoke her brothers face appeared behind her.

"Not now...sweetheart. We've got guests."

Helena looking pointedly toward Max and Zoe.

"Please?!"

The little boy almost wailed with frustration, pouting comically as Helena ignored him.

"I don't mind helping..."

Max gestured to the children.

"Give you two women a chance to talk about whatever women talk about..."

Helena smiled faintly at him, a smile so weak but so full of gratitude.

"Thank you."

Helena mouthed, the words so quiet they were barely a breath.

Zoe followed her into the kitchen, looking back briefly to catch the wink that Max tossed in her direction before he disappeared into the sitting room.

The kitchen was unchanged from the last time she had been there, the table was still set for dinner, the same smell of the same dinner seemed to linger in the air and autumn storm clouds still flurried across above them, framed by the shining grey glass dome above them.

Helena flicked the switch on the coffee machine and it began to grind beans nosily, pulsing out the rich heady smell of freshly ground coffee.

Zoe leant against the kitchen counter next to the fridge, _Mrs Dalloway _rested, half read and broken at the spine, face down on the wooden work top at her elbow.

"Does Max take sugar?"

Helena asked, looking in a cupboard, presumably for the sugar.

"Two."

Zoe answered, looking up from the book. Helena was on tiptoes, stretching an arm up high to retrieve a large bag of sugar, placing it down with a thump onto the work surface and spooning two heaped teaspoons into one of the coffee cups.

"How are you...?"

Zoe asked eventually, the silence between them beginning to ache with tension and unanswered questions.

Helena smiled slightly, glancing up at Zoe and exhaling loudly through parted lips.

She shrugged.

"Just living..."

She poured milk from a milk jug into all three cups.

"I suppose."

She placed the mug back down and looked over at Zoe.

"Unfortunately."

She added. Zoe drew in a long breath.

"You don't mean that."

She shook her head, glancing back down to _Mrs Dalloway._

"No, I don't suppose I do. Not really."

Helena sighed, shaking some of the ground coffee into a canister which she then decanted into the coffee machine.

"What about you and Henry...?"

Zoe asked, not really wishing to hear the answer, but asking nonetheless. Helena shrugged again as she often did.

"We live our lives, do whatever we do, and then we sleep - it's as simple and ordinary as that. That's what people do isn't it? The unhappy ones...A few jump out of windows or drown themselves or take pills; more die by accident; and most of us, the vast majority, are slowly devoured by some disease or, if we're very fortunate, by time itself."

She glanced at Zoe, an odd mix of humour and despair lacing the edges of her smile.

"There's just this for consolation: an hour here or there when we daydream, or read..."

She glanced to the book next to Zoe's arm.

"...and our lives seem, against all odds and expectations, to burst open and give us everything we've ever imagined, though everyone but children...or perhaps even they, know these hours will inevitably be followed by others, far darker and more difficult."

She paused again as the coffee machine began to whir and she placed the first mug underneath the spout.

"I'm going on I know. But still, I cherish the city, the morning...the children..."

She placed the second cup under the flow, setting down the first to steam on the side next to her.

"And Henry..."

She sighed.

"All my life I could do anything. I could do anything, really. Except the one thing I wanted..."

She replaced the second for the third cup and lined them up in a straight line on the side, stirring them slowly, repetitively.

"How is she...?"

Zoe asked after Bette, her voice a whisper, but still it seemed to send a jolt through Helena as if she had been stabbed.

"Still unconscious."

she whispered.

"The doctors said that when...if...she comes round they don't expect she'll ever be..."

She left the sentence unfinished, staring into the third coffee cup for a moment, watching the bubbles slow and settle on the surface, the steam rising into her face.

"Henry would think me ungrateful. We've got all this, we moved here for me, he's done all this for me, and still I've cheated on him, gone behind his back. None of this makes me happy.W

She waved a hand at her surrounding.

"I feel like my life has been stolen from me. I'm living in a town I have no wish to live in... I'm living a life I have no wish to live... How did this happen?"

She looked to Zoe, her eyes blank, faded and tinged with the greying darkness of hopelessness.

Zoe just looked at her for a moment, taking in the small, exhausted woman before her in this oversized house full of possessions.

Then she reached out a hand, which Helena took hesitantly, allowing herself to be pulled into a hug.

"I don't think two people could have been happier...than us...Bette..."

Helena's voice strained against her whisper, Zoe could feel the tightness of every muscle in her body, she hugged her gently, feeling as though she might shatter at any moment.

"You could do something about it. You could leave, take the children...?"

Zoe whispered. Helena pulled away slightly, shaking her head, resting her hands on Zoe's forearms and attempting a smile.

She shook her head, biting her lip.

"People like me don't do things like that."

She sucked in a breath of courage.

"Let's take these through."

Was all she said, stepping away from Zoe and passing her a mug, taking the other two in her hand. She paused as she reached the door way, catching the concern in Zoe's expression.

"Anyway, I'm in good company..."

She nodded to the book.

"Mrs Dalloway...always throwing parties to cover the silence. I'll just have to throw more parties."

She smiled, seeming to transform as she stepped into the hall from the kitchen, brightening somehow as if she'd drawn up a cloak around herself, concealing what was really there.

Zoe followed, her heels clicking sharply on the hall floor, watching so as not to spill the full cup of coffee as they turned into the sitting room.

She looked up as she entered. Max glanced at them, reaching out to Helena as she passed him his coffee, he murmured his thanks and rested the cup on the floor between his folded legs.

He sat, Indian style on the woven rug, Angelica and Milo sat on either side of him, Angelica's blonde head was resting against Max's shoulder, she was reading a book that he had resting in his lap, and Milo was fitting together Lego bricks with skilled precision while Max quietly pointed out which bit went where from the instruction manual that he had propped up in front of him.

Zoe watched as Angelica nudged him, and pointed with the end of her pencil to a word in the book that she was struggling with, Max read it allowed under his breath and handed another piece of Lego to Milo.

"You're the lucky ones..."

Helena whispered, her gaze moving from Max and the children to Zoe.

"He'll be an amazing father..."

She added softly.

**Hope you enjoyed the extra long update, more tonight or tomorrow :) Reviews welcome as always! They help to inspire me for the next update ;) xxx**


	59. Chapter 59

They had been in the air for a good few hours, beneath them the blinking city lights of Chicago, Michigan, and finally New York, had ebbed away, leaving below just the endless black roll of ink-black sea, rippling silver in the moonlight.

Every now and then they would pass through a cloud and the glimpse of the sea would momentarily disappear.

The sky was full of a million stars, seeming to surround them, hanging daintily, lost in the black of night like a thousand misplaced earrings.

Zoe's head rolled, bumping again against Max's shoulder, she stiffened and sat up, stifling a yawn and rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.

Max was flicking through a paper, the pages rustled as he turned them.

"Aren't you tired?"

She asked, yawning again, this time It was unstoppable and she placed her hand to her mouth, her ears popping as she yawned.

Max shook his head, resting the paper down on his lap and slipping a hand over her knee, the skin of his thumb catching her tights.

"Too much going on up here."

He tapped the side of his head with his other hand, an air hostess was slowly making her way towards them with the drinks trolley.

"Tell me..."

Zoe rearranged herself in her seat so that she could face him, resting her head back against the head rest, the lap belt she wore digging in slightly where it clipped at her waist.

He leant his head back and puffed out a breath.

"I'm just worrying."

He said, the air hostess made her way to them, by passing the passengers in front who were fast asleep, their eye masks covering their eyes.

He waved the hostess past, with a silent thanks.

"That doesn't sound like you."

Zoe placed her hand on top of his own, curling her fingers around his hand that rested on her knee, she could feel the warmth of him, the strength of him just in those fingers.

He turned his head, smiling lazily.

"Ah...that was before I lost my job and spent all of my money on a flight to America to win back some girl..."

He spoke slowly, watching the glimmer of amusement ebb across her eyes.

"I hope she was worth it."

She smiled, tracing the ridges and grooves of his hands with her fingers.

"She was."

He nodded his head gently.

"But..."

He reached his free arm to fiddle with the overhead air conditioning unit, closing it off with an awkward twist.

"I still don't know what to when I get back. I won't have a job. I'll owe Robyn rent, I owe you thousands..."

He pinched between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger as he spoke. Zoe squeezed his hand tight.

"You don't owe me anything."

She said quietly.

He rolled his head to look at her, no smile, just a deep breath in and a drawn out sigh.

"I'll talk to...whoever is in charge of porters..."

She smiled again as she spoke but still his own smile remained elusive.

"I'm glad you did..."

She whispered, looking down at his hand, feeling a rough patch of skin where his sling had rubbed.

"Hmm?"

He murmured, turning to face her again, letting his head loll back against the head rest.

"I'm glad you came to find me."

She said, raising her gaze to meet his own, biting her lip as his smile slowly returned and he tilted his head forward so that their foreheads touched.

"So...do you still want me to come to stay at your...gaff? I can imagine Robyn has already given most of my things to charity and turned my room into some sort of in house spa..."

Zoe bit the edge of her lip against her smile, his eyes were so blue, and his skin was hot against her own, his breath smelled of the cider he had had when they boarded the plane.

"If you'd like to...then I'd like you too..."

He kissed her quickly before she'd even realised that he was going to, she touched her lips with her finger tips.

"I'd like to."

He hissed, his smile, that smile that he wore, splitting evenly across his lips as he pressed her fingers against his own between them, noticing the difference in their skin colour, her fingers the colour of melting honey, her nails free of varnish and perfectly neat.

"Do you know what I've always wanted to do?"

He asked, looking back up at her, noticing the soft rise and fall of her chest beneath her jumper.

She could see the sparkle ignite again behind his eyes, could feel the pressure of his forehead against her own, could see him again, through the fug of all that had happened, with Henry, Helena, they'd left behind those prisoners in the land of the free. Now they were just them, back to their life in Holby.

She dipped her eyes, watching his fingers snake her own.

"What's that?"

She asked, her voice so soft.

He smiled and nudged her nose with his own, tempting her with his lips.

"What is it you have to do to join the mile high club...?"

He asked, smiling again as the colour rose in her cheeks and she shook her head slightly against his.

"I don't think there's an actual club..."

Zoe whispered, closing her eyes momentarily as he dipped to kiss her again. This time he lingered as he pulled away, his lips just touching her own, his breath tickling her skin.

"Want to find out?"

He asked.

**More soon (hopefully two updates tomo) x Someone asked if I'm American because I'd been writing about it, I'm not American but I spend a lot of time in Michigan and Chicago (I live in England though) Hopefully I did it justice! xxx**


	60. Chapter 60

Zoe followed Max to one of the two toilets that were located at the back of the plane. The lights were dim in the narrow piece of floor that they stood on, waiting for the stall to become vacant.

"Very romantic...waiting for someone to finish on the toilet so we can go and have sex."

Zoe spoke under her breath, standing ever so slightly behind Max who glanced at her, tossing her a wink.

"It'll be worth it. Do you think we'll get a membership badge?"

He whispered as the door clicked from 'engaged' to 'vacant'.

"What, from the pilot? I doubt it..."

Zoe smiled, a slight apprehension rising within her as the previous occupant, a middle aged man and his young son exited.

Max slipped in behind him, the door vibrated as he touched it. Zoe glanced about herself, checking to see if anyone had seenthem before slipping into the stall with him.

"Is this actually illegal?"

She hissed, catching sight of herself in the mirror above the sink.

"I don't know...I'll google it when we get home."

He smiled as he spoke, the stall was so cramped that they could barely move, their thighs touched, their hips pressed against each others, hands slowly meandering across each others skin.

"Swap..."

Zoe nudged Max's arm as she caught sight of herself again in the mirror.

"Why?"

He asked, shifting so that they could swap places.

"I'm not looking at myself in the mirror while we..."

She faltered, he smiled as she fumbled for the right word.

"As we..."

He asked.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Are we going to do this or are you just going to talk to me? Because unless I'm very much mistaken that's not really what the mile high club is all about..."

She hissed, feeling his fingers slip just under the hem of her jumper, running across the warm flesh of her back.

"Al-right bossy..."

He smiled into her neck, kissing her, tasting the tartness of Chanel, kissing between her collar bone, his legs firmly backed against the cool of the toilet behind him.

She found the heavy metal buckle of his belt without looking, pushing it and pulling it free, unbuckling it so that the metal of it fell back with a clunk and a jingle, unzipping and pushing against the fabric so that his jeans slipped from his hips to his knees in one movement.

Her fingertips grazed the hardness beneath the soft fabric of his boxers, he raised himself up from where he kissed, knocking her hand away, pushing her back against the hard ceramic of the sink behind her.

Using both hands he edged up her skirt so that it bunched at her hips, lifting her slightly, kissing her as he did so until her back rested against the mirror, his hips pinned her in place as she sat just on the edge of the sink, her legs wrapped about his waist. She could feel how hard he was, could smell his smell, the warm comforting smell of familiarity, of home.

He shifted against her, using his hand to guide, pushing himself inside her, kissing her continuously. She wrapped an arm about his neck, pulling him closer, she could feel the stubble from his jaw scratching at her skin, wearing away her make up.

She touched her tongue to his, tensing her thighs about him, making him smile against her lips.

"You're like a python."

He breathed hard as he spoke, his breath catching her ear, making her shiver.

"Had many pythons wrapped around you have you?"

She asked, pulling him closer again, the hand she had about his back, slipping beneath the collar of his t-shirt, his skin was hot and wet with sweat. The air in around them was thick and the mirror behind Zoe had steamed up, only the fine spider web marks left by her hair marking it's clouded surface.

She moved her mouth, kissing the corner of his parted lips, her eyes closed, kissing the length of his jaw, just catching his ear lobe, placing open mouthed kisses from his jaw to his throat, where she could feel the throbbing pulse of his veins, could hear the breath that caught in his throat.

He moved slightly, pushing himself deeper. She bit down on his collar bone to stop herself from crying out. She felt herself stiffen, a hot rush of warmth building in the pit of her stomach as he touched her, cradled her head with his other hand, their cheeks pressed against each others as their bodies pushed against one another until she felt him falter and she allowed herself to come with him, as he did, fast and hard, mouths buried against one another, only the muffled grunt of either one of them over the hissing of the toilet cistern next door.

They stayed like that for a few moments, still interlinked, still joined, breath catching in their chests.

"Fuck..."

Max swallowed, his mouth dry.

"Fuck, I love you."

He whispered, pressing his forehead against hers, watching her chest rise and fall as she gathered her breath.

"I love you too..."

She breathed, smiling as she spoke.

"You're getting good at that."

She added, placing a hand on his chest, covering his heart, feeling the clamour of it beneath her palm.

"Getting...?"

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I've always been good at that."

He said, smiling, pushing himself back so that he could look at her properly.

"I do love you, you know..."

He said again, catching sight of his dishevelment state in the mirror behind her and understanding immediately why she hadn't wanted to face it.

"I know."

She winked, slipping herself down from the edge of the sink and lowering her skirt, slipping her feet back into her heels.

"Thanks!"

He laughed, doing the buckle up on his jeans with nimble fingers.

"Do you want me to tell you that I love you too?"

She asked, biting her lip, amusement playing behind her eyes.

"That I think about you constantly when you're not with me. That when I see you I get butterflies and when you're near me I crave touching you?"

She feigned over the top extremism, but her words softened as she paused.

"Because it's true. I love you...I'm so in love with you..."

She added, her cheeks flushing all the more from her words as well as the dwindling heat.

"Alright...no need to go all soppy on me..."

He smiled, his voice soft. She rolled her eyes and he raised a hand to smooth the hair from her face.

"So you realise now that when we get home you're going to have to meet my family...?"

He asked.

**More very soon! :) xxx**


	61. Chapter 61

**ABSOLUTE BEGINNERS: THE PRETTIEST STAR**

It was mid afternoon when the taxi pulled up at Zoe's house. The air had changed, there was the bitter chill of winter. A blowing, blustering wind of change, or promises. The prancing juvenile wind of autumn had succumbed to the lions roar of winter, the golden lion roaring through the back door of the year, shaking its mane of leaves. A dangerous time; of violent rages and deceptive calm, of fireworks in the pockets and conkers in the fist.

Zoe pushed open the front door, keys in hand as Max followed with the bags.

The sunlight was already fading fast, she flicked on the light switch in the hall. Max let the bags fall to his feet, the door shutting fast behind them, sucked in by the wind that wailed outside.

She exhaled.

"We're back."

She announced, turning to face him, relieved to be home. The twelve hour journey from Michigan to Holby had left them both exhausted, their skin felt dirty hot despite the cold.

"Drink?"

She asked, shaking her coat from her shoulders and folding it over the banister in front of her.

Max shook his head.

"You go and have a bath, I'll get dinner on."

He smiled as he spoke, watching as her body visibly relaxed before him.

"You. Are amazing."

She took a step towards him, closing the gap between them and placed a soft kiss upon his lips. He smiled against her.

"I know."

He whispered, pushing her away from him.

"Now go and have a wash."

He said, moving into the kitchen.

"I don't smell _that _bad."

She tutted as she turned, he watched her as she climbed the stairs before he made his way to the fridge.

Zoe lay back in the water, it was slightly too hot and she could feel her skin wince against the heat. The bubbles at her neck puttered and popped incessantly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth, the feeling of being clean after such a long, stuffy journey. She could hear the noise of Max downstairs, and for the first time she realised how much she missed living with someone. Hearing the noises and not being afraid that there was an intruder. Instead there was someone else living and breathing in the same little part of the world as she was.

She heard the gentle clatter of a saucepan, or a frying pan, the opening and closing of the oven...the fridge. The drop of a spoon on the tile flooring.

She smiled into the steam, wiping a wet hand across her face, wiping away the make up and grime.

She lifted a leg, running her fingers across her skin, wondering whether or not to bother shaving. She could heard the distant ringing of Max's mobile, it seemed so long since she'd heard it, since they'd been back, and yet it had only been a couple of weeks. She distanced herself from the memories of the last time they had been here together, when they'd argued. Instead she listened to the soft murmuring of Max's voice below, speaking to whoever it was on the other end of the phone.

Eventually she heard him begin again with the cooking, the resurface of kitchenware being moved about and used.

The bubbles had all but gone, dispersing quickly, she assumed, because of how much muck she had managed to accumulate on her person throughout their journey home.

The soft creak of the stairs and the turn of the door handle made her open her eyes, she turned her head slightly, feeling the cool of he bath tub against her cheek. Max looked around the door, a slow smile spreading across his lips.

"Everything's on..."

He moved into the room as he spoke, pushing the door back as he entered.

"Mmm..."

She exhaled and the few bubbles that were left skittered across the surface of the water.

"What're we having?"

She asked, letting her eyes close again, feeling the soft lap of the water against her neck.

"Nothing special..."

He said, sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet, his arms resting on his knees, his hands clasped, watching her. The soft spirals of steam rising from her knees that just broke the surface of the water.

"Who was on the phone?"

She asked quietly, still her eyes were closed, dipping her head so that the water just touched against her chin, her lips.

"My Mum..."

He answered after a considerable pause.

She heard him inhale.

"How did she know you were back?"

Zoe asked, slipping herself further back in the water, submerging her hair, ready to shampoo.

Max waited for her to resurface before replying.

"Robyn told her."

He said, watching as Zoe opened her eyes and squeezed a globe of shampoo into her palm, massaging it into her hair slowly, the foam glistening in the dim light.

"How did she know?!"

She asked, tilting her head back again to rinse out the bubbles.

"You can't fart without Robyn knowing."

He mused, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hands, watching, mesmerised, the water pooling from her hair, slithering in a clear glittering stream across her back as she sat up, running her hands across her head, squeezing out the excess water and wiping her face again before looking over to him.

"So...?"

She prompted, his eyes had glazed over somewhat as he stared at her.

"Hmm?"

He asked, blinking several times.

"Oh..."

He scratched the stubble on his chin.

"She wanted to know what the hell I've been doing in America...and she asked about you..."

He paused, rubbing his lip.

"What did you tell her?"

She asked, leaning back again and resting her head against the back of the bath, moving so that she could look at him from where she lay.

"I told her that I'd bagged a consultant."

He grinned as he spoke, laughing as she rolled her eyes.

"She and my step-dad want to meet you..."

He added, quickly so as to get it out of the way.

"God..."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Are they sure?"

She asked, sucking in a breath.

He smiled again.

"Why not?"

He laughed.

"Because! They'll be expecting a Connie Beauchamp...not a...Zoe Hanna."

She sighed, placing a hand across her eyes and releasing a long slow moan across the water.

He kicked the side of the bath gently from where he sat to gain her attention.

"I happen to prefer the Zoe Hanna type."

He whispered, still that smile of amusement across his perfect lips.

"Mmm. But will they?!"

She asked, letting her hand slip back into the water with a splash.

He shrugged.

"Anyway...it's their wedding anniversary at the weekend and they've invited us..."

He stopped mid sentence, the alarm in her eyes halting him.

"You look terrified."

He said quietly.

"I am!"

She sat up in the bath, the water sloshing around her as she moved, leaning forwards and pulling out the plug.

"I'm not very good at that sort of thing..."

She added, looking down into the water where it began to swirl and dance at the plug.

"I've already said we'll go..."

Again he spoke quietly, as if trying to calm a person suffering from shock.

She drew in another breath, the water level was dropping quickly and she began to shiver.

"Well, I suppose I'll just have to start practising my manners then...won't I."

She breathed, exhaling and taking hold of the side of the sink to steady herself as she stood up.

"Can you pass me a towel?"

She asked, gesturing to the towel rail on the wall to his right.

He stood up, by passing the towels and reaching a hand out to her.

"If you think I'm letting you cover up, you're very much mistaken..."

**Hope everyone is looking forward to Zoe meeting the Walker clan! xxx**


	62. Chapter 62

The next morning dawned, it was Thursday. It was a sleepy morning thick with fog and spiderwebs hung on the outside of the window panes, laced with dew like a string of diamond necklaces.

It was cold, the chill whispered beneath the duvet as Max rolled over, he slipped his arms beneath the cover, curling himself around Zoe who shivered as he warmed his fingers against her chest.

"Morning."

He whispered, his voice muffled and his breath hot against the back of her neck.

"Mmm..."

She pulled his arm tighter about herself in response, drawing up his hand to her lips and placing a soft kiss in it's palm.

They remained silent for a moment, drifting in and out of sleep, enjoying the warmth of one anothers bodies.

The noise of the phone downstairs roused them again, Zoe pausing to listen, before rolling over and pulling the duvet up to her ears, her face against Max's chest.

"Who do you think it is?"

She heard him ask from above the duvet, his throat vibrated against her as he spoke.

"Whoever it is I don't want to speak to them."

She yawned as she spoke, her ears muffling whatever it was that Max said next. She pulled the duvet down slightly so that she could listen. The phone had stopped.

Max made to repeat what it was he'd just said but the rumble of Zoe's mobile phone began , it made its way towards them, vibrating crossly at them from the bedside table. She waited until the last minute to grab it, catching it just before it fell to the floor.

She peered at the screen. The morning light was still dim and the bright glare of the screen made her eyes ache.

"Charlie."

Max said aloud, looking at the screen from over her shoulder. She watched Charlie's name flash continuously until eventually it cut off.

"Why didn't you answer it?"

He asked, relaxing back down into the bed and yawning loudly into the back of his hand while Zoe tossed the phone toward the end of the bed.

She rolled onto her back, stretching and running a hand through her hair.

"Because I don't know what to say."

She said simply.

"More to the point..."

She paused, turning to look at him, the feather pillow crunching as she moved.

"I don't know what he knows...what everyone at the hospital knows."

She continued, glancing down to where his fingers played with her own.

"I can't imagine we're much of a secret anymore..."

He said quietly. She sucked in a long, deep breath.

"God..."

She sighed, looking back up at him, smiling, seemingly amused.

"What?"

He asked, interlinking their fingers, watching as hers ran the length of his own.

She shook her head, still smiling.

The phone began to vibrate again. Charlie's name reappeared, as bold and repetitive as last time.

"Might as well get it over with..."

Max breathed, stifling another yawn and using his foot to nudge the phone back up the bed towards her.

She retrieved it, puffing out her cheeks, exhaling slowly before accepting the call.

"Zoe?"

Charlie spoke before she had a chance to speak.

"Hello...Charlie..."

She could hear the hospital behind him. The clatter, the voices, it seemed slightly surreal to be speaking to him again after everything that had happened over the past few weeks. Like a life-time had been lived since she had last set foot inside the hospital.

"Sorry...can you hear me?"

He asked, she smiled, she could hear that he was trying to do several things at once.

"Yes..."

"I just heard you were back from the states. Are you ok? Are you on your own?"

He whispered the last bit, his voice crackled down the line, Zoe imagined him shielding his mouth.

"We're ok..."

As she spoke she heard the sound of something being dropped, a file perhaps going by the odd sound of fluttering paper.

"I'd assumed everyone would know about us?"

She added, speaking louder to compensate for the scuffling and crackling she could hear.

"I think a few people might be starting to wonder..."

Charlie answered eventually, the sound of something heavy being put down sounded down the line.

"Are you coming back?

He asked after a short pause, his words sounded strained.

"I don't know if I've got a job to come back to."

She laughed as she spoke, a humourless laugh that caught Max's attention. He watched her as she spoke, head tilted, the sharp line of her hair level with the soft curve of her jaw.

"I think Guy has been trying to get in contact with you."

Charlie lowered his voice again.

"that's all I need."

Zoe breathed, pinching between her eyes with her thumb and forefinger.

"Listen, Zoe, I'd better go, it's complete mayhem here, but speak to Guy. We need you here..."

He spoke quickly.

"I'm sure Connie's got everything covered."

Zoe mused as Charlie's voice became distant.

"I wouldn't be so sure..."

He murmured.

**Will update again tonight :) Hope everyones still enjoying it and looking forward to the party xxx**


	63. Chapter 63

Friday was uneventful, a long mist, a blur of sex, sleep and at some point Max had taken it upon himself to cook for them.

But as the day wore on, the relaxed atmosphere had begun to wane and the nerves began to build so much that by the time Saturday morning dawned Zoe seemed unable to focus or to remain in one place for very long. She had made two trips in as many minutes to the toilet, and had unpacked and re packed her over night bag more times than Max had witnessed.

He found here there again, making his way upstairs he caught sight of her through the open bedroom door. She stood before the bed. The contents of the over night bag were scattered across the top of the duvet, her hands were firmly placed on her hips and she was frowning intently into the empty bag.

"I don't think anybody is going to mind which deodorant you take with you..."

He entered the room.

"Or which underwear you wear. Except maybe me...and I'd prefer none at all..."

He stopped on the opposite side of the bed, arms folded across his chest, his head dipped, catching her gaze as she looked up, relaxing the frown from her face.

"I do know how silly this looks."

She ran a hand through her hair.

"What are you taking?"

She asked.

"A change of clothes...?"

He shrugged as he spoke, smiling as her eyes widened.

"Is that all?!"

She asked, eyebrows raised, hands still firmly on her hips.

"Mmhmm, it's at a hotel, what else will we need for one night?!"

He smiled as he spoke, reaching out for a pair of black knickers, drawing them back with his fingers like a sling-shot and firing them at her.

"Certainly not these."

She caught them mid-air and balled them up between her hands, throwing them back at him with full force, hitting him in the chin.

"I'm just..nervous."

She exhaled, beginning, slowly to re-pack everything back into the bag.

"You don't need to be."

He spoke, tossing her a wash bag that was just out of her reach.

She raised an eyebrow.

"And you wouldn't be, if it was the other way around?"

She asked, pushing the wash bag to the bottom of the bag and folding away the clothes neatly on top.

Max pushed his hands into his pockets, contemplating what she had said.

"Yeah..."

He paused as she zipped up the bag.

"I'd be scared shitless."

He grinned as he spoke, Zoe rolled her eyes as she swung the bag up over her forearm and made her way to the top of the stairs.

"So, when do I get to meet your parents then?"

He asked, following her, taking the first two stairs with a jump.

She laughed, her heels clattering against the wood of the stairs.

"The thought of that terrifies me even more."

She breathed, reaching the bottom and turning to him, he paused on the bottom step, looking down at her.

"Won't approve of the lowly porter fucking the brains out of their consultant daughter...?"

He asked, his voice just more than a whisper, his smile deliciously even.

"Something like that."

She whispered, turning on her heel to unlock the front door.

"Let's get this over with..."

…...

"So, what are they like?"

Zoe broke the silence as she slowed at a roundabout, glancing in the rear view mirror and then to Max who was busying himself with a packet of crisps.

"Who?"

He asked. She raised an eyebrow at him, pulling away again and onto the roundabout.

"Oh..."

He chewed for a moment before answering.

"Pretty normal really."

He paused, the car swung neatly from the roundabout and out onto the main road.

"My mum will want to swap recipe's with you...be warned. She carries recipes in her head like maps. My Dad's retired...he's the sort of man who breaks biscuits in two and saves the rest for later..."

He caught the tale end of a smile by pass Zoe's lips as he spoke. She tapped the steering wheel with her fingers.

"Why did I have to quit smoking before this...?"

She smiled as she spoke but Max could see the tell tale tension of stress at the corners of her eyes.

He didn't answer.

"Do you feel any different?"

He asked after a brief period of silence, watching as a string of articulated lorries drove past them, catching the car in their slip stream, making them wobble on the roads surface.

"I feel more stressed!"

She stopped tapping her fingers as she spoke and gripped the steering wheel harder, feeling the car judder as she moved in behind the lorries.

He began folding the empty crisp packet into squares in his lap.

"No, I mean, we haven't been using anything..."

He spoke quietly, and for a moment Zoe was unsure as to what he meant. She glanced in the mirrors again before looking quickly at him.

"Any protection?"

She asked.

He looked up at her, the neat triangle of crisp packet balanced on his knee, shaking with the movement of the car.

"Can we not talk about it...not now, I'm nervous enough as it is."

One side of her mouth twitched as she spoke, and she pressed down on the accelerator, speeding past three silver cars and a blue.

"I don't think it will happen that quickly anyway."

She paused, changing lanes.

"If at all."

She glanced at him. He was watching her, his face unusually characterless.

She followed the signs and moved off from the main road, easing the car along a narrower road towards the town centre.

It was a small town, the fields around it relatively un-spoilt, just large expanses of grass, the glimpse of sheep in the distance and the gentle lowing of cows somewhere over the next hill.

"It's just down here."

Max gestured to the next turn off. Zoe slowed the car, letting the car behind her over take and continue down the road before she turned off, taking the turning into the centre of the town, again following the signs until they reached the car park of a small hotel. '_The Mermaid Inn' _was written in gold lettering on a sign that swung dramatically in the wind.

She parked the car and turned off the engine. The car park was full, and a few cars down a couple were hauling children out of car seats and shouting to them to stay close.

Max reached across, taking hold of her hand and squeezing her fingers.

"You'll be fine."

He whispered, rubbing her fingers with his thumb.

"Most of them don't bite."


	64. Chapter 64

Inside the hotel the air was uncomfortably warm. Presumably the heating had been turned up to accommodate the elderly relatives. Zoe pulled her coat tighter about her despite the heat.

She felt Max's hand on her elbow, steering her towards the large room behind the reception desk. The door to which was ajar, the glimpse of people beyond making the breath catch in Zoe's chest.

"Fuck..."

She exhaled, the word only barely audible to Max who walked by her side.

"Manners..."

He whispered, leaning into her. Someone pushed open the door as they neared it, a large man with a round belly, bald head and flushed cheeks.

"Max!"

The man exclaimed, clapping his hands together with a loud slap as he caught sight of them both, making Zoe jump.

"Your mother thought you weren't coming..."

He placed a thick fat hand on Max's shoulder, coming to a stand still in front of them.

"And is this...?"

He looked from Max to Zoe.

"This is Zoe..."

Max smiled as he spoke, an over-whelming feeling of something...relief? Rushing through him. He could introduce her as his own, she was no longer a secret.

The man before them pushed his glasses further up his nose and reached out, taking hold of Zoe's hand and shaking it vigorously.

"Very nice to meet you!"

When he smiled his eyes glittered and as he shook her hand his stomach wobbled beneath his shirt.

Zoe smiled, a slight dip of the head, thinking briefly of father Christmas.

"I'm just popping out..."

He spoke before Zoe had a chance to speak, he withdrew a cigarette packet from his pocket and tapped the side of his nose, his eyes sparkling again.

"You know what your mothers like..."

He slipped the packet back into his trouser pocket.

"Want to join me?"

He looked between the pair of them. Zoe shook her head slightly and Max reached instinctively for her hand.

"No...thanks...trying to quit."

Max squeezed Zoe's fingers, the man they spoke to looked serious for the briefest of moments, looking to Zoe.

"Ah, I see. Say no more!"

He tapped the side of his nose again and fished about in his other pocket for a lighter.

"I'll leave you too it, your mothers inside."

He moved around them, fiddling with the lighter and moving hurriedly back towards the entrance.

Zoe turned to Max, eyes widening, her body stiff inside her clothes.

"Step-dad."

He lowered his voice as he spoke. She recalled those blue eyes, the twinkle in them, she'd seem them before in Robyn. It hadn't occurred to her that Robyn would be here too...

He let go of his hand briefly to shrug off his coat, watching as she extracted herself carefully from her own, the skin of her chest was flushed and she took hold of his hand with veiled urgency.

He held open the door to the main reception room for her, leaning back against it so that she could walk past, raising an eyebrow as she did. Half expecting everyone in the room to stop what they were doing and just stare at her. Instead, they merely carried on with their various conversations, a few glanced up briefly, acknowledging their presence.

She felt the side of his body press against hers and slipped her hand neatly in the crook of his elbow. Feeling the soft cotton of his shirt, and realising for the first time how different he looked in a shirt and suit trousers.

She spotted Robyn by a long buffet table, she was talking to a lady in a wheelchair, reaching the bits and pieces that the woman couldn't reach and placing them on a round paper plate for her.

Max moved slowly through the room, guiding her, greeting various people quickly as they passed the buffet, Max reaching out a hand to squeeze Robyn's arm briefly before they arrived at a small seating area in the corner. An elderly lady sat in an wing-backed arm chair, a king Charles spaniel neatly perched on her knees.

Next to her a woman sat chatting to another elderly relative, oblivious to them.

Max moved away from her without warning, she didn't catch what he said but as he said it he leaned in, kissing the smiling old lady with the spaniel on each cheek before moving back again just as the woman next to her looked up, a smile instantly recognisable as Max's own spreading across her lips.

"Hello!"

She stood up, embracing Max, gold bangles swaying and clattering about her wrists as she hugged him, her hair was dark and pulled back from her face in a half-attempt at a bun that seemed to have slipped to one side, wisps of hair curling at her jaw.

"Zoe?"

She asked over his shoulder, smiling again, moving seamlessly from Max over to her, placing her hands on Zoe's upper arms, her eyes, like Max's were blue and tinged with mischief.

"Yes..."

Was all Zoe could manage before being drawn into a hug.

"Oh!I'm his mother!"

She exclaimed, as if only just remembering who she was herself. She laughed as she spoke and stepped back to admire them both.

"I've heard a lot about you..."

Zoe spoke before she had time to think about what she was saying, instantly regretting the cliché words she uttered.

Max's mother seemed amused, she smiled thoughtfully.

"Jean!"

She turned to the elderly woman with the dog.

"This is Max's girlfriend, Zoe..."

She glanced back at Zoe, realising she hadn't caught her surname.

"Hanna..."

Zoe offered, watching as Jean strained to hear. Slightly caught off-guard by the term 'girlfriend'.

"Hannah?"

Jean asked, squinting at Zoe through a pair of smudged spectacles.

"No...Zoe."

Max's mother corrected, bending down closer to her, raising her voice.

"Oh...who's Hannah?"

Jean asked, tilting her head towards them in that way that the hard of hearing have.

Max's mother rolled her eyes.

"She's a consultant!"

She added, Max nudged Zoe as she spoke, dipping his head briefly to kiss her bare shoulder.

"A what?!"

Jean asked loudly. Max's mother wafted a hand about, rolling her eyes again and turning back to them.

"She's a bit deaf..."

She explained, touching her ears to illustrate her point. Zoe nodded slowly ,glancing back to Jean who was now busy feeding the crumbs of a sausage roll to the dog.

"Oh, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Jenny...not just his mum."

Jenny looked at Max as though she were searching for a stray hair in a soup. She had that look about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.

"You've put on weight."

She said eventually, without a hint as to whether this was good, bad or she was merely stating a fact.

Max glanced down at himself, flattening a hand across his stomach.

"You've met!"

A fat hand came down on each of their shoulders. Robyn's dad pushed himself between them.

"Brian!"

She smiled despite the clipped tone of her voice.

"Where have you been?"

Jenny asked, she folded her hands across her chest, feigning ignorance.

"Fresh air..."

He coughed as he spoke, the dry hacking cough of a lifelong smoker.

"Is that where you found them?"

Jenny asked, looking from Max and Zoe, then back to Brian.

He shook his head and Zoe felt him pull her gently against him so that she wobbled off balance briefly.

"_They're _quitting."

He spoke as though he were letting slip a well kept secret. Zoe felt the gaze of Max's mother move from Max to her, travelling down her body and resting pointedly on her stomach. She felt the urge to breathe in.

"Are they now..."

Jenny asked, raising an eyebrow.

**More soon, and on the other story too. Battling with a very strong-willed 3 year old doesn't make evenings very writing friendly xxx**


	65. Chapter 65

Outside the sky had begun to darken, bruising at it's edges a deep purple-grey that crept into the corners of the black sky, pin-prick stars just peeping out among the clouds.

Zoe leant back against the wall of the hotel, looking out to the gardens beyond, her eyes blurring.

She blinked. She'd left Max inside with various elderly relatives who seemed unwilling to let him go. Instead of staying she had feigned needing the toilet and had retreated to the open air. The sky felt less intimidating, the air about her less thick and easier to breath, the thin trace of cigarette smoke from somewhere nearby causing her to inhale deeply before it dispersed.

She watched a group of people she didn't recognise, pressing herself further into the shadows to remain anonymous. They must have all been in their twenties, or younger. Some smoking, some drinking, others held both a cigarette and a bottle of beer in the practised fingers of one hand.

She looked up at the sky again, a thin blanket of sky, the flicker of a passing aeroplane and the dull drone of a distant motorbike.

Inhaling she thought how much she would like to be smoking now, to relax into it, feel the warmth hit the back of her throat and the heady rush of It ease the tension at the corners of her eyes...

"Escaping?"

A voice near her made her jump, she instinctively pushed away from the cool brick wall, her heels slipping into the mud. She felt an arm catch her and steady her. Looking up she saw Max's mothers face in the light that stretched from one of the glazed double doors leading out onto the gardens.

"No...I..."

"I don't blame you."

Jenny smiled a soft smile, the blue of her eyes catching in the light. She let go of Zoe's arm.

"I just needed a bit of space..."

Zoe felt the twitch of nerves at the corner of her lips as she spoke. Jenny smiled again and shook her head slightly.

"It's horrible. Meeting a partners family for the first time."

Jenny stretched an arm into the air, fiddling about with the clasp that held her hair in place at the back of her head, her bangles jangled, slipping down to her elbow.

"So..."

Jenny let her arm fall back down, folding them haphazardly across her body.

"How did you meet..?"

She tilted her head, one large earring swinging from her earlobe, tapping against her neck. Zoe glanced at it, feeling her body begin to tense again.

"I'm not really sure...really. We saw each other most days. It just sort of happened?"

She smiled apologetically, sensing Jenny was after some sort of romantic story.

"He's like that."

Was all she said, a waft of a hand, her gaze moving to the window. Zoe followed her glance, looking in through the glass she could see Max to one side of the room. His smile danced, his hands gestured in that same flamboyant way that his mother had. He looked unintentionally beautiful right then.

Zoe realised she was smiling. glancing back at Jenny who was watching her thoughtfully.

"One often feels exalted, expanded, in his presence."

She paused again, Zoe frowned slightly, unsure of what she was referring to.

"He is not one of those egotists who miniaturize others, never has been. He is the opposite kind of egotist, driven by grandiosity rather than greed, and if he insists on a version of you that is funnier, stranger, more eccentric and profound than you suspect yourself to be. Capable of doing more good and more harm in the world than you've ever imagined...then it is all but impossible not to believe."

She hesitated, her lips partially open. Zoe remained silent, just watching her.

"...at least in his presence and for a while after you've left him you realise that he alone sees through to your essence, weighs your true qualities (not all of which are necessarily flattering-a certain clumsy, childish rudeness is part of his style), and appreciates you more fully than anyone else ever has."

She stopped abruptly, still her head tilted, her voice the voice of a thousand bed time stories.

"I'm not sure I understand..."

Zoe's voice sounded gravelly as she spoke and she cleared her throat.

"That's what he does. He can't help it. The thing about Max is that when he focuses on you, you feel like you're the only one that exists. It's his gift..."

She smiled slowly before continuing.

"I've never seen it reciprocated before..."

She glanced back at Max through the window. The group he was with were talking amongst themselves, his eyes scanning the room looking for Zoe, his lips tense, his jaw flexing.

"I've never seen him in love. Not really. Not until today."

She looked back at Zoe, reaching out and touching her arm.

"I'm silly I know."

She sighed, and let her eyes linger a little too long on Zoe's stomach.

"You'll know what it feels like to be a silly overprotective mother soon enough."

She said quietly.

**More tomorrow! Hope everyone is enjoying Strictly :) reviews greatly welcomed! Encouragement needed to get through the trying bed time routine with aforementioned 3 year old! ;) xxx**


	66. Chapter 66

She could see Max in her peripheral vision, could feel him nearing, albeit on the other side of the glass.

She placed a hand self-consciously across her stomach.

"Are you ok?"

Jenny asked. Zoe hadn't been able to respond for a moment, unsure as to what Max's mother knew, or thought she knew. And indeed,why she would think she knew.

She caught her looking again towards where she held her hand and shifted uneasily. The glass door behind her was pushed open, Max leaned out, looking from his mother to Zoe.

"Oh God."

He spoke with a sigh and hung his head.

"She's told you the story of when I took all of my clothes off in Tesco's hasn't she."

He looked up as he spoke, his smile perfectly matching his mothers. Zoe thought again how strange it was to see it mirrored there. Would their own children have that same smile? If indeed they were lucky enough to ever have any children.

Zoe shook her head slightly, feeling the same panic begin to rise low within her that she had felt when she was inside, surrounded by all of these unknown people.

"The poor girl's terrified."

His mother spoke, alarming Zoe. Max looked to her, his smile dispersing quickly and he stepped out into the garden with them, closing the door slightly behind him, leaving it partially open, the warm air visibly seeping out into the night.

"I'm not...terrified."

Zoe smiled hesitantly, glancing quickly at Jenny.

"I just needed some air."

She touched her fingers to her lips, briefly forgetting there was no cigarette to draw on.

Jenny reached out a hand and placed it over Zoe's, her fingers were surprisingly warm as she squeezed her gently.

"I'll leave you two alone. Come back in for cake."

She whispered the word 'cake' as if it were a secret, and slipped back through the half-open doorway without opening it further.

Max stepped closer to her, taking the hand that his mother had just let go of, lacing his fingers together with her own.

"Are you ok?"

He asked, eyes lowered to where their fingers met between their bodies. His own hand white against the tan of hers.

She shook her head slightly, her lips twisting as she drew in a breath.

"I'm not very good at this sort of thing..."

She let her eyes move briefly to the people beyond the window.

"I've never had to do it before. Not properly anyway."

She exhaled slowly, thinking again of the absent cigarette as her breath billowed white into the air between them.

"You've never met a boyfriends parents before?"

He asked, smiling again as he spoke. She shook her head again.

"Only when I was a teenager...and that doesn't really prepare you for...this."

She looked again at the strangers in the room, and finally back to him. He was still smiling, and with his other hand he raised it to smooth the hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"Well. The jealous part of me is quite pleased about that..."

He paused, letting his fingers slip from her hair, across the curve of her jaw, just glancing off her collar bone before falling back down to rest on her hip, the gap between them growing narrower.

"But you don't have to be scared..."

"I'm not scared!"

She interrupted indignantly, both eyebrows raised, her dark eyes wide. Within them Max could see the flickering of light and movement of bodies from the room behind him reflected.

He arched an eyebrow.

"Really?"

He lowered his voice, still the same glimmer of amusement edging into the tone of his voice.

"OK! I'm scared...just a little bit."

She bit the skin of her lower lip, glancing down at their hands.

"Why does your Mum think I'm pregnant?"

She asked quietly, looking back up in time to see the smile fade again from his lips.

"What?"

He asked, failing to understand.

"Your Mum. She said I would know what It would be like to be an overprotective mother soon enough."

She quoted. Chewing again on the skin of her lip.

Max looked confused. A frown creasing his forehead beneath his hair.

"Well. She's always thought she was psychic..."

He said, still confused. Zoe blew a breath of scepticism from he lips. Rolling her eyes again.

"Max..."

"Maybe you should take a test?"

He asked, cutting her off.

She sucked in a breath and placed a hand back over her stomach.

"Do I look particularly fat in this dress...is that it?"

She asked, slightly tongue-in-cheek.

"Don't be silly..."

He squeezed her fingers but she pulled away.

"Just tell her. Please? I don't need to have that hanging over me...just tell her I'm not pregnant, don't tell her we're trying...I can't face disappointing both of you if it never happens..."

The soft squeak of rubber soled shoes on the wet plastic of the door frame made her look up. Max following her gaze to find Robyn leaning, as Max had done, out of the open door.

"Are you trying for a baby?!"

She asked, the excitement in her voice barely hidden by the high-pitched whisper in which she spoke.

Zoe placed a hand across her eyes, sucking in yet another sigh as Max moved over to Robyn, whispering to her but she failed to listen, instead insisting that they come in to have some celebratory cake and champagne.

"God..."

Zoe hissed as Robyn moved back into the room. Max held out a hand, taking hers as she offered it limply and pulling her back into the room.

"Shush. I'm on it. All will be fine..."

He caught sight of his mum and step dad in front of the cake, drawing Zoe closer before dipping his head to her ear.

"And I can be on you too...later...if you like?"

He whispered, his breath making her shiver, the hairs at the base of her neck rising, she turned her head against him, their lips closer together than she had anticipated.

"We'll see."

She whispered back, glancing at his lips, how they tempted her, partly opened, inviting her to kiss them.

"We'll see."

She breathed again.

**Apologies for no update last night, my toddler got the better of me x Hopefully there will be a second update tonight to make up for it! Reviews welcome as always xxx**


	67. Chapter 67

She leant back, stretching against him. Arching her back, the outline of her naked body highlighted briefly by the dim white light of the moon. She felt a hand slip from her lower back to her hip as she relaxed back into him, curling her body against him where he rested against the headboard, one arm tucked behind his head.

"Tired?"

He asked, rubbing his thumb back and forth against the hard rise of her hip bone.

The covers had been kicked to the end of the bed, now Max nudged them up with his feet, leaning forward to grab them and pulling them up, the brush of the stubble on his chin catching in her hair as he moved.

"Not really."

She shifted herself, allowing him to pull the sheets up over them both, smiling into his chest as he tucked the sheets about her shoulder, making sure there were no draughts.

He pressed his lips against the top of her head, holding them their, just breathing her in, feeling her own breath against his bare chest.

"I think everyone liked you..."

He whispered into her hair. Smiling as she snorted with amusement, her left hand toying with the hair that led from his stomach down...

She recalled the half-hidden look of confusion...of some sort of refusal to believe, on Jenny's face when Max had broached the issue of her not being pregnant.

"Did I do you proud then?"

She asked playfully, tilting her head to look at him. He dipped his own, kissing her briefly without her realising he was going to, touching his tongue briefly against her own.

"You did."

He whispered, his lips still against hers.

"Tomorrow..."

He pulled away to look down at her, the hand at his stomach creeping lower.

"Don't mention tomorrow...please."

She pressed her face into his chest, his skin felt cool against her cheeks. She didn't want to think about tomorrow. The family meal. There would be less of the Walker clan than before, but that alone was alarming enough, that they would be reduced to an number intimate enough to all be sat about one table together, each expecting something of each other...of her.

He kissed her hair again, rubbing his lips against her hair.

She could feel him thinking. His thumb slowed its movements against her hip, just rocking back and forth ever so slightly.

"Are you going to take a test?"

He asked eventually, his words cool in the moonlight, he'd felt oddly nervous about asking. He felt her tense slightly.

Without a word she moved her hand lower, skimming the skin of his lower stomach, slipping her fingers down until she felt his body tense slightly.

"Zoe..."

He reached a hand to where she held, moving her hand back and forth slowly with the gentlest of pressure.

"Zoe..."

He whispered her name again, his voice slightly strained as she knocked his hand away, slowly her hand began to quicken it's pace, his body tensing beneath her, his breath heavy and wet against her forehead.

She kissed his neck, his chest, the soft scratch of his jaw until she found his lips, twisting herself, manoeuvring her hand without missing a beat so that she was now on top of him, her knees straddling his waist, chest pressed against his own, his tongue just touching her lip as he kissed her.

He placed his hands on her hips, she felt the pressure of him pushing her, urging her lower until she had no choice but to remove her hand, allowing him to push against her so that he could fill her, her hips against hers, moving in sync, their lips just touching every now and then.

"I realise you're doing this just to stop me from asking..."

She kissed him again, smiling despite herself against the taste of him.

"From asking you to take the t..."

He tried again but again she cut him off with a kiss, bucking her hips harder against him, making him inhale sharply.

"Test."

He said finally, his lips pressed so hard against her own that when he spoke his teeth caught her lip.

He caught hold of her forearms, holding them tight so that she couldn't push against the bed, could merely move her hips a fraction of an inch. He pushed her, rolling her over, the weight of him pushing her down onto the bed making her exhale with a jolt. She raised an eyebrow, wriggling beneath him as he held her down.

"Promise me you'll take the test and I'll carry on."

He couldn't help but smile as he spoke, her hair had splayed out across the pillow, pooling against her cheek, her breath caught in her chest and her skin gleamed with sweat, her thighs trembling slightly as he held himself so very still inside her.

"I promise."

She whispered.


	68. Chapter 68

Morning came, taking everybody by surprise with it's pale sunshine and vague warmth. A wind of change pranced in the breeze. The merry wind, the magical wind, making March hares of everyone, tumbling leaves, conkers... and umbrellas and hats; rushing towards the cold in a frenzy of exuberance.

Christmas was coming.

Zoe felt the sudden slap of warm skin across her chin, Max's hand catching her as he moved, tugging the duvet from her legs. She nudged him firmly with his knee, a smile spreading across his lips, one eye opening.

"Morning beautiful..."

He yawned as he spoke, drawing the back of his forearm across his mouth, closing his eyes again and sighing contentedly.

"Morning..."

She turned herself into him, smelling him, the heady rush of warm skin, his skin.

There was a pause. The two of them enjoying the moment together, listening to one another breath, the soft pat-pat of someone walking past in the corridor beyond the door.

Max shifted slightly, kissing her forehead.

"I haven't forgotten."

He whispered, his jaw moving against the top of her head. She sighed.

"Didn't think you would have."

Her words were muffled against the bare skin of his chest. She could feel the cold air nip the ends of her toes as they wriggled free of the duvet.

He yawned again before speaking.

"I'll nip out after breakfast and get you one."

He kissed the top of her head, his lips brushing the glossy black hair that fell against her cheek.

"You will not!"

She manoeuvred her head so that she could look up at him.

"And leave me downstairs with your family!?"

She asked incredulously.

He smiled, pouting his lips slightly.

"Not scared of them still?!"

He asked, smiling again, biting the tip of his tongue.

"Scared?! Your mum is lovely but I'm still bloody terrified of them!"

She felt his arm slip around her, holding her tight as she spoke. He kissed her lips, ever so gently, once, twice, before pulling away and resting his chin against her forehead. His stubble pricking her skin.

"Please don't be scared."

He whispered, running his fingers up and down gently across the naked skin of her back. She shivered against him and he pulled her closer.

"We'll go down, while everyone's getting sorted with drinks etc I'll nip across the road and get one."

He spoke softly, sounding further away than he was.

She drew in a long, steadying breath. She knew why, she knew he wanted her to get to know his family, for her to be comfortable around them. She wanted to. But when she thought about it too much she could feel that old familiar pull of panic at the back of her throat, at the base of her stomach that made her want to turn and run as she had done from so many relationships in the past.

"Ok."

She exhaled as she spoke. Squeezing her eyes shut for just a second, readying herself mentally.

He squeezed her one last time before rolling back, stretching into the mattress and letting out a long guttural groan before relaxing back, slipping his legs out of the bed and heaving himself up with exaggerated effort.

Zoe watched, lying still as a cat stalking a mouse, watching with the slip of a smile as he moved from the bed, naked, his skin so much paler than her own. She watched the muscles move under his skin as he reached for a dressing gown, tying it tightly about himself before moving into the en-suite.

She rolled onto her back when she could no longer see him, the only sound the running of water in the sink and the soft tap of the toilet seat being lifted.

They moved together down the flight of stares to the small breakfast room. There was a table full of cereals, bowls, a toaster, and metal dishes full of hot food. The room smelled strongly of bacon, a fresh batch being distributed between containers as they entered.

"Get a drink, I'll go over now..."

Max ran a hand over her knuckles, his fingers slipping from her grasp, resting at the base of her spine. She made to protest but he leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"I'll be back before you know it."

He nudged her gently before slipping away, leaving her standing in the door frame, twisting he ring he had bought her over and over on her finger until she felt the skin begin to catch.

"Zoe?"

A voice caught her attention, a woman who was placing two slices of white toast into a toaster was eyeing her, head titled, a smile on her fuchsia stained lips.

"You're Zoe, right?"

She spoke again, biting her lip, waiting for a response.

"Yes..."

Zoe made to move, pausing, almost bumping into a passer by as she moved slowly closer to the table.

"Help yourself..."

The woman gestured to the array of food. Zoe glanced down at it, wishing instead for a pack of cigarettes.

"Where's he gone?"

The woman asked, letting her eyes slip to the door.

"Max? He's just gone to the shop."

Zoe answered, attempting a smile, reaching tentatively out for a mug and peering at the coffee machine.

"Ah..."

The unknown woman murmured as if this explained more than it did.

"Is this your first time? Meeting the family?"

She asked, popping up her toast and inspecting it, finding it not quite done and pressing it back down again.

Zoe laughed slightly, mainly from nerves.

"Is it that obvious?"

She asked, sorting through the various discs of flavoured coffee before placing a plain, black one into the machine. The on-button didn't seem to be doing anything...

The woman shrugged and popped the toast up again, finding it done to her liking she placed it on a plate and peeled back the wrapper of a small square of butter.

"Let me get that for you..."

A large hand slipped over her shoulder, pressing a selection of buttons and positioning her mug beneath the spout that began to hiss and spit before producing a long black stream of hot coffee.

Zoe glanced back, knowing full well who it was by the sight of the thick freckled hand.

Max's step-dad. He took the coffee from the machine when it was done and handed it to her.

"Milk?"

The woman on the other side of the table held up a milk jug.

Zoe shook her head.

"Black's fine..."

She watched Max's step-dad look from her to the woman, smiling slightly.

"Met the ex then have you?"

He nudged Zoe with alarming strength, her hands gripping the edges of the coffee cup to steady it.

"I'm sorry?"

She asked, watching the coffee settle back down into the mug before looking up. The woman buttering her toast looked slightly flushed, embarrassed as she undid a tiny pot of jam and dipped the end of her butter-greased knife in.

"Max's ex?"

He said, rolling his eyes, still smiling.

Zoe looked over to the woman, noticing now the Celtic jewellery. The necklace she wore, the bangles and earrings...the rings...one the copy of the one she herself wore, the one Max had given her. She felt an odd sickening wave of something resembling anger, or jealousy begin to creep up within her.

"I didn't know..."

She paused, glancing to the woman.

"Sorry, I didn't know..."

"Who you were with?"

Max's step-dad guffawed, nudging her again. This time a spit of coffee lurched over the side of the mug, spattering the top of her foot, burning her skin slowly.

She glanced at him, all to aware that she was beginning to glare.

"Who you were with? "I didn't know who you were with."

He repeated.

"Excuse me?"

She asked, taking a step away from him to avoid any more nudges.

"It's from the Godfather...?"

He cocked his head. The woman biting into her jam toast was smiling as she did so.

"Sorry, it's from The Godfather. It's when the... uh, when the film producer realizes that Tom Hagen is an emissary of Vito Corleone. It's just before the horse's head ends up in the bed with all the bloody sheets, you know, wakes up and it's... AAHH! AAAHH! AAAHH! AAAHH!"

He raised his hands in mock scream. The woman opposite laughing. He looked to Zoe, her face expressionless, mystified.

"Never mind..."

He laughed, sucking in a breath, patting his stomach with his hands and eyeing the table to his right with the hot foot platters.

"Right!...I'll leave you two ladies to get to know one another! I'm sure you've got plenty in common..."

**Hello everyone! Sorry, I hadn't forgotten about this, we've all been unwell so haven't been physically able to come and write anything (so so sorry) I hope you're all ok and still enjoying this. Nobody panic, I won't suddenly abandon this, and I will always update as quickly as I can :) Enjoy casualty tonight! xxx**


	69. Chapter 69

People were filling seats, settling down with plates full of food and still Max hadn't returned.

Zoe turned her attention back to the coffee machine, repeating the movements Max's step-dad had made, and placing a fresh mug underneath the thick stream of coffee that eventually began to pour.

As the machine began to hiss and spit, the coffee running dry, a hand beat hers to it, Max's fingers curling around it, his body pressing against hers from behind.

"How thoughtful of you..."

He spoke against her ear, his breath catching the hair that fell against her cheek. She turned into him, smiling slightly, a stiff smile.

"Still alive then?"

He glanced about the room before looking down at her, her expression pulled and taught with unease.

She frowned.

"Mmm..."

She let her eyes wander to the rim of the coffee cup that he held.

"I didn't know your ex would be here."

She said stiffly, the pretence that it didn't matter, didn't make a difference wearing thin.

He looked momentarily surprised, then thoughtful, looking out again to the tables of people.

"I didn't..."

He paused, locating her at the far table sitting with Robyn amongst others.

"Ah."

He shifted from one foot to the other, glancing back at her.

"I didn't know."

He whispered, glancing back over to her again, she looked up and he was forced to dip his head politely in a silent greeting while she half-raised a hand in response.

"Does it matter?"

He asked, holding the coffee cup in one hand and reaching for her arm with the other. She tensed slightly as he touched her, feeling that age old twinge of sick jealously rise deep within her belly.

"No! No..."

She felt her cheeks begin to burn and she raised a hand to her neck, feeling the warmth of her skin with the backs of her fingers.

"No."

She concluded, daring to look back up at him. His smile surprised her.

"You're cute when you're jealous."

He whispered, dipping his head to be nearer to her. She rolled her eyes and looked away, surveying the room as if worried someone might witness their intimacy.

"I am not jealous!"

She hissed, catching Jenny's eye and looking away quickly, turning back to him, pursing her lips slightly in indignation.

Still he smiled, pausing only to gently bite against his bottom lip. He remained like that, just looking at her, just smiling until she felt the faint hint of a smile tickle at the corner of her own mouth.

"That's better."

He touched a finger to her lips, tracing her smile, his fingers smelled of soap.

"Anyway, I got one..."

He dropped his hand back down to his side, tapping the long thin box that he had hidden in his jacket pocket.

She inhaled, sucking in a long slow breath, looking at him, her smile fading.

"You're expecting too much..."

She whispered, her lips barely moving as if she hadn't uttered a word. He drew up his shoulders in a slow shrug.

"Just do it...just, let's see."

He spoke quietly but even so she found herself stiffening as though he had shouted.

"Please?"

He added. She exhaled all at once, shoulders slumping, giving in.

"Fine..."

She looked pointedly at his pocket.

"Now?"

She asked.

"No time like the present."

He winked as he spoke, pushing his left hand back into his pocket, curling his fingers around the cellophane wrapped box.

"Where?"

She asked, watching the movement of his hand in his pocket.

"Follow me..."

He tilted his head, gesturing in the direction in which he turned, setting his coffee down reaching out for her hand which she took, gingerly holding his fingers, her stomach twisting, making her feel nauseas. She had been here before. The repetitive pregnancy tests, the scans...

Max held open the door to the disabled toilet, the only unisex one available.

She passed under his arm quickly, allowing him to slip in after her, watching as he locked the door. She felt the side of her mouth begin to twitch uncontrollably and it hurt her to swallow.

He turned to face her, pulling out the pregnancy test from his pocket and passing it to her quickly as if still worried about being caught.

She felt the warm cellophane beneath her fingers, the weightlessness of the box, and she thought for a moment how bizarre it was that this little box that weighed so little could weigh so much...

"Are we going to open it or just look at it?"

Max asked, his voice breathy. She glanced at him, could see the nervous tension in his smile, the way he stared, the way he held his hands...

She pulled open the plastic wrapping, screwing it up in one hand and dropping it into the grey plastic bin where it instantly sprang back into shape.

She opened the box, unable to look up at him as she did so, retrieving the small white stick and setting the box down on top of the toilet cistern.

"I have to..."

She gestured with the test to the toilet.

"Hmm? Oh..."

He dithered for a moment before turning his back on her, glancing back at her in the mirror that was now before him.

"I won't look..."

He murmured, averting his eyes to the corner of the room.

He heard the gentle scrape of the lid of the toilet and the soft click of the plastic end of the test being removed.

He smiled to himself, remembering the last time he had turned his back on her, in his room, at the beginning, before any of this...

The flush of the chain made him jump. He turned to find Zoe smoothing down the front of her dress, the test was placed neatly on top of it's box.

"How long do we wait?"

He asked, pushing his hands into his pockets as far as they would go and rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"The box says 3 minutes, but from experience I'd say 30 seconds..."

She sucked in a breath, her lips were dry and her eyes flickered over to where the test lay.

"Do you want to look?"

He asked, looking from the test to Zoe who shook her head.

"Not really..."

She seemed to flinch as she spoke, the memories of all those other times, the hope, the desperation seeming to ball together in this one moment.

He stepped forward, not touching the test but merely leaning over it, reaching out a hand for her at the same time as his eyes rested on the result.

**I'm so sorry it's taking me such an age to update x So busy x I will endeavour to do better! xxx**


	70. Chapter 70

Someone on the far side of the room tapped a spoon against a wine glass. The shrill clink of it silenced the amiable hum of the room.

Zoe twisted in her seat to see Jenny standing, glass in hand. She smiled at the faces looking back at her.

"Sorry to interrupt!"

She spoke just loudly enough for everyone to hear, a few elderly relatives leaning closer or looking quizzically to younger family members.

"We just wanted to thank you all for coming and celebrating with us!"

She looked down to where Max's step-father sat next to her, looking up with a fat grin cut across his fat face. She placed a hand on his shoulder and his own engulfed it immediately, patting it repetitively while she continued addressing the room.

"Thank you for all of the lovely gifts...we'll open them later..."

She continued. Somewhere at the back of Zoe's mind she realised that they hadn't thought to bring a gift. She looked wide eyed to Max who screwed up his face, shaking his head slightly to let her know not to worry, before smiling, a soft slip of a smile that gradually began to build as he looked at her. She felt herself begin to blush and looked away, catching the tale end of the speech his mother was making.

"So again, thank you to all of you for coming, it's meant so much to us to have you all here today, and hopefully we will see you all here again next year!"

As she spoke there seemed to be a kerfuffle at her table. From where they sat neither Zoe nor Max could see properly, but someone stood up quickly and lurched forwards as if either vomiting or catching something that was falling.

It turned out to be the latter. There was the jarring grate of metal chair legs on wooden floor, catching in the grain and marking the wood. The crack of plastic and the dull fat thud of flesh. More people were rising now, only the top of Jenny's head was visible, she seemed to be standing unnaturally still.

Max stood slowly, glancing to Robyn who sat next to him, she looked to him, confused, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, everything seemed oddly silent until the world seemed to catch up with itself all at once, the sucking hiss of the world popped back into reality and there they were again, someone shouted for an ambulance.

Zoe stood, pushing her own chair away from the table, glancing to Max whose face seemed so full of confusion. Again someone shouted, louder this time and a flurry went through the tables, people looking for phones in bags.

After what seemed like an age long pause, Zoe finally moved, pushing through the tables, the squeak of chairs, pushed out, people standing, looking towards the top table. She felt Robyn behind her, her hand at her elbow.

They broke through the throng of people, Jenny still stood, her face a sickening grey, her face turned away from Henry who lay seemingly life-less on the floor, the legs of his chair clean snapped off and lying next to his body.

"Dad..."

She heard Robyn whisper, the chatter from the crowd was growing, people were talking, moving in to get a better look, someone was crying, someone else was screaming...

Zoe knelt down next to him, her knees bare against the wood floor, she bend her body over him, placing an ear to his face. Was that the faint trace of a breath? She pushed him over onto his back, his body was heavy and it took all of her strength to push him until he rolled over, a belch of air hissing from his lips as he rolled back.

She placed her hands against his chest, pumping the beat of his heart that failed to beat beneath his chest wall, all the while watching his face.

"Has anyone called an ambulance?"

She called, still watching him, the blue tinge of his lips catching her attention.

"Has someone called an ambulance?"

She shouted louder this time and several people responded. She glanced up to Jenny who remained where she was.

"Jenny?"

She lowered her voice, calling to her, neck twisted. She called her twice more before finally Jenny turned to face her, her eyes moving slowly to where Henry lay.

"Jenny, does Henry have any pre-existing medical conditions?"

She asked, beginning to tire from the exhausting task of pushing on the huge chest of the man beneath her.

Jenny shook her head ever so slightly. Her lips pale and twitching.

"No."

She whispered.

As she spoke the doors to the main hall opened and Jeff and Dixie appeared, wheeling a stretcher that clattered and bashed against the two way doors. She maintained compressions to his chest but shifted her body slightly as they neared.

"Hello you! What are you doing here?!"

Jeff dropped a bag down next to her while Dixie moved to the other side, glancing at Zoe before taking over from her.

"Family gathering..."

She answered, breathless and her arms aching.

Jeff shot her a grin, glancing up to Robyn, Max behind her. He began rooting in the bag.

"So what happened?"

He asked as he began passing things from the bag to Dixie.

"Uh, we couldn't see but as far as I know he just collapsed..."

She glanced up to where Jenny looked down upon them, not wanting to speculate or say too much without knowing for fear of alarming her further.

"Right, let's get him on the stretcher and into the ambo."

Dixie's voice was low and commanding. Zoe moved back, stepping back into the crowd, watching the paramedics work. Still she felt slightly dazed.

Max placed a hand on her shoulder, she turned, his arm was around Robyn's shoulders. The three of them stood together, Max between them. Mute, watching as Henry was hauled onto the trolley.

"Who's coming with...?"

Jeff looked from Jenny to Zoe.

"I am..."

Robyn's voice cracked as she spoke, and she stepped forward, reaching out for Jenny who took her hand, finally moving from her frozen pose.

"And me..."

Max spoke as Jeff and Dixie began to wheel Henry toward the door, oxygen mask firmly fitted over his face leaving little pink indents in his flesh.

Zoe took his hand, quickening her pace to keep up with them, just catching the doors, holding them open so that the trolley could pass through and finally out of the main doors. The chill in the air caught them by surprise, catching at the back of Zoe's throat making her shiver.

They paused as the back of the ambulance was lowered and they all followed the trolley, Dixie making her way back into the drivers seat whilst Jenny and Robyn clamoured in behind.

"We'll follow in the car..."

Zoe called to Jeff who nodded briefly before slamming the doors closed from the inside.

As soon as the doors were clicked shut the ambulance moved, the lights began to whirl and the pulsing sound of the siren began, whirling and whooping as the tyres crunched the gravel, picking up speed as they exited the car park.

Max exhaled, pulling his hands from his pockets and reaching out for her.

"Do you think he'll make it?"

He asked, searching her face as she looked at him.

She pursed her lips and slipped her hands into his own.

"It doesn't look good...I'm pretty sure it's his heart..."

She tilted her head as she answered, watching the slow breathy sigh that he exhaled into the wind as he looked to where the ambulance had left.

"Well."

He looked to her, the faint attempt at a smile.

"Maybe we should hold off telling him he's going to be a Granddad."

He mused, squeezing her cold fingertips, exhaling a billow of white into the air around them.

"Might just have finished him off."

He whispered.

**Hope you enjoyed it! More tomorrow :) xxx**


	71. Chapter 71

Stepping back into the hospital after so much time away felt both reassuring and unnerving. The smell of it, the warmth, the gentle hum of business and purpose lewdly mixed with backward glances and lengthy stares from various staff members.

Zoe caught a glimpse of Charlie ahead of them, he hadn't seen them, his back was turned to them, but as they grew closer he turned, almost instinctively.

He smiled, almost with relief, reaching out his arms in surprise.

"What are you doing here?!"

His eyes sparkled as he spoke, he looked to Max.

"How are you both doing?"

He asked, placing his hands against Zoe's upper arms, squeezing her gently.

"Fine, fine...we're just here with Robyn..."

Zoe answered, nodding as she spoke, catching the glance of Cal and Ethan as they passed her by.

"Oh, yes I heard..."

He looked to Max, an expression of much practised sympathy.

"I'll let you go."

He said, loosening his grip on her arms, rubbing them gently before letting go of her.

"But before you go, just pop in on Connie will you...?"

He added as he half turned to get back to what he had been doing, he watched for her response, to which she nodded, feeling as though there was something underlying his words, something unspoken behind his eyes as he let them pass on through the corridor.

They walked in silence, the backs of their hands just touching between them, their knuckles colliding with each step, that contact enough, just for now.

They stopped outside of the double doors of RESUS, a few weeks ago she would have walked in without a second thought, but then, she thought with a flutter of mild panic, then she'd had a job. Now she was merely a visitor, or so she assumed.

Tess glanced up a moment later, she was standing over Henry's body, Robyn at her side. She hailed with her hand for them to enter. Zoe pushed open the double doors, how many times had her hands touched these doors? She wondered as they entered, the smell, everything the same.

Robyn was paler than usual, her blue eyes wide, mascara smudged below them, her lips dry from having to breath through her mouth. As Max moved in behind her she turned and crumpled into him, turning her face into the folds of his coat, not crying, just standing, taking what comfort she could from the solidity of him.

Ash checked Henry's chest again, taking the stethoscope from his ears and placing it about his neck before nodding in greeting to Zoe. He said said her name, the confusion as to why she was there lacing his usually professional gaze. Evidently the news of their relationship hadn't travelled as far as they had guessed it would...

"I was there...when it happened."

Zoe said, in an attempt to explain her presence. He nodded, clearly not understanding but it was neither the time nor the place to discuss it.

"How is he?"

She asked, looking toward Henry who remained unconscious.

Ash looked up, glancing at Robyn before looking again to Zoe.

"He'll be ok."

He said simply, his manner oddly impersonal and cold towards her.

She suddenly felt very out of place, feeling uncomfortable, as though she didn't quite know what to do with her arms, or how to stand. She looked toward Max and Robyn, Max looking at her over the top of Robyn's orange curls.

"You don't have to wait here..."

He smiled as he spoke, a smile half hidden by Robyn's hair, but his eyes were so calm, so full of love.

"Go and rest. I'll meet you back at home later."

He added. Tossing her a wink, reaching out a hand to squeeze her own, all of which failed to go unnoticed by Ash who busied himself intently with the catheter bag whilst trying to watch them at the same time.

She dipped her head, feeling her cheeks flushed as she contemplated her next more. Stepping to close the gap between them, pushing her heels out of her shoes to make herself tall enough to place a quick kiss on his lips. He smiled as she did so. She placed a hand on Robyn's back briefly before she turned to leave.

"Ash."

She spoke his name as a goodbye, leaving the room without a backward glance.

She was glad to find she didn't bump into anyone apart from the odd patient on her way back down the corridor towards her office...Connie's office.

She stood before it, stood staring at the dark blue name plaque that spelled Connie's name, newly screwed into the soft wood, rearranging herself mentally, drawing in a deep breath before knocking curtly.

Almost instantly she heard Connie's voice, a simple 'Come.' But the sound of her voice after only a few weeks seemed to bring back so many memories.

She sucked in another breath, exhaling before pushing down on the handle, opening the door to face the other woman.


	72. Chapter 72

The surprise was visible on her face, raised eyebrows, lips pursed, briefly at a loss for what to say.

"Zoe..."

Eventually she spoke. Although Zoe was left unsure as to whether she was pleased to see her or not.

"Someone I know was bought into the ED..."

Zoe paused, again feeling uncomfortable in her own skin. She fiddled with the ring on her finger.

"I thought I'd come and say hello..."

She glanced about the office.

"...see how you were getting on?"

Her gaze finally rested on Connie who had regained her composure. She nodded, lips still pursed shut. She narrowed her eyes as if contemplating where to take the conversation.

"Did Charlie ask you to come and see me by any chance?"

She asked, watching her so intently that Zoe began to feel her cheeks begin to flush. She shifted from one foot to the other before shaking her head.

"I just wondered if you'd spoken to Guy? If anything had been mentioned about me?"

She asked as if really, it didn't matter.

Connie smiled, glancing at her computer screen as it bleeped a notification.

"He hasn't mentioned anything, bar the fact that you absconded your duties in Michigan..."

She let her head fall slightly to one side as she spoke, still watching, seemingly unblinking.

Zoe laughed.

"Absconded?! That's a bit over the top isn't it? Did you hear what happened out there?"

Connie nodded as she spoke.

"I couldn't stay after that..."

She folded her hands across her chest, looking to Connie who regarded her with a sigh, placing her hands neatly in front of her and rearranging her expression to something of a neutral one before she spoke.

"Zoe, I need you on my team."

She said matter-of-factly.

Whatever Zoe had been expecting from Connie it hadn't been that. She remained mute for a moment, still twisting the ring she wore, the ring Max had given her this time. She thought of him now, and of the baby growing inside of her, which she hadn't had much time to give thought to yet. She pushed it from her mind.

"What about Guy..."

She began, but Connie raised a hand and again shook her head, her smile returning.

"Leave Guy to me."

She said quietly.

"He knows that to run this department successfully then I need to have the best team behind me. You are the best Zoe. And I'm not afraid to admit that I need you...especially now."

She added, drawing in a breath and pushing herself up from her chair, moving to stand in front of Zoe.

"Especially now?"

Zoe repeated the other woman's words, realising how much taller Connie was as she stood before her.

Connie smiled again, this time slightly ruefully.

"The reason's aren't important. What's important is that you say yes..."

She watched Zoe intently, seeing the thoughts flicker past her eyes.

"I'm sure I can have a word with Tess about Max's position..."

She added, again her voice low, the first half of a whisper.

Zoe smiled despite herself.

"That wasn't what I was thinking...but yes, please..."

She chewed absently on her bottom lip.

"What were you thinking about?"

Connie asked, folding her arms neatly across her chest, her white shirt puckering and creasing against her arms.

"I'm pregnant."

Zoe said the words before she was ready, almost laughing at the absurdity of it. How alien it sounded.

Connie raised her eyebrows, glancing briefly at Zoe's abdomen.

"Only a few weeks I think...I, we've only just found out..."

"I won't say a word."

Connie cut in, touching her lip with her fingertips.

"Thank you..."

Zoe whispered, again feeling her cheeks flush, self-consciously placing a hand low against her body just above her pelvis.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Connie asked, her composure regained, the surprise seeping from her features.

"See you tomorrow."

Zoe agreed with a bob of the head, reaching out and opening the door to leave.

"And bring that porter of yours with you."

Connie murmured as Zoe stepped out into the corridor, a smile creeping across her lips as Connie called after her.

**Hello everyone! We are ill again, horrible colds so hardly hgetting any time to do anything (sorry, again) xxx**


	73. Chapter 73

Zoe sat, curled into the corner of her sofa against the cold. The fire was lit, the reflection of it playing inside the glass of water that she held. The flames seemed to relax her, captivating her so that when the front door eventually opened with a wail of wind and spatter of rain she found herself startled from her daze. She turned so that she could see over the back of the sofa, heard Max kicking off his shoes, the scrape and thump of them landing on the door mat and the quick unzipping of his coat.

His socks made a slapping noise as he moved across the hall, poking his head around the doorway, smiling that smile of his.

"Hello you."

He said, glancing from her to the fire. It was dark outside and the dim light in the room made it look as though her skin was glowing, as golden as amber in the firelight.

She smiled back at him, silently reaching out a hand to him over the back of the sofa as he neared. He took hold of it, bending down to kiss it before leaning over the sofa and kissing the top of her head.

She yawned, watching him as he moved around to sit next to her, slipping a finger into his wet socks and pulling them off, tossing them in front of the fire to dry.

"How is he?"

Zoe asked, moving into him, letting her head fall against his chest where it fit perfectly between his chin and his shoulder.

"He'll be ok, he's awake. Robyn and Mum are still with him."

He spoke as he let his lips brush against the top of her head.

"Sorry I was so long."

He added, raising a hand to stroke the soft hair that fell against her cheek, pushing it back so that he could feel her skin and the edge of her jaw.

"S'ok..."

She murmured, yawning again into the back of her hand, she raised her head, looking up at him sleepily.

"I spoke to Connie."

She said, tilting her head back so that she could focus on him properly with him being in such close proximity to her.

"What did she say?"

He asked, she could hear the slight apprehension behind his words.

"She's asked me to come back."

She said, watching him for a reaction, but he remained impassive.

"And you said...?"

He asked, stroking the soft cotton of the pyjamas that she wore.

"I said yes..."

She paused.

"I said yes for you too."

She added. He raised an eyebrow.

"I can't believe Connie asked for me to come back."

He smiled as he spoke and she slipped a hand slowly behind his back to pull him closer to her.

"She asked me to bring my porter back."

Amusement glittered behind her eyes as she spoke, he could feel the warmth of her finger tips at the bare skin where his t-shirt met his trousers.

"Your porter, hmm?"

He smiled again, dipping his head to kiss the warm skin of her forehead as she murmured a response.

"She must be desperate."

He joked, running his palm up the length of her thigh.

"I think she might be..."

She mused, letting her head rest again against his shoulder. She remembered Connie's words. 'Especially now...', she'd said. Why especially now?

**More to come later, assuming my children actually sleep tonight! xxx**


	74. Chapter 74

Outside the rain could be heard, beating against the windows with a steady heavy drumming, the beat constant and comforting. The curtains were tightly drawn and the fire hissed and popped, smouldering in the half-light.

Max had made hot chocolate for the first time since they'd been back. The house smelled of melted chocolate and spices, the smells of Christmas.

"So..."

Max spoke before he had decided on something to say. He stretched against the warm leather of the sofa, holding his mug at arms length so that he didn't spill it. She shifted, half dozing against his chest.

"Are we going to talk about it?"

He asked, relaxing back into the sofa and taking another sip of his chocolate. He felt her stiffen slightly and ran a hand along her back.

"I think we should..."

He added, lowering his voice. It had been twelve hours since they had found out about the pregnancy and she hadn't mentioned it. It was beginning to unnerve him, the unspoken niggle at the back of his mind.

She drew in a long breath, exhaling slowly as she shifted to look up at him.

"I don't want to jinx it."

She said simply, a pained look within her eyes. He squeezed her fingers.

"Just talk to me?"

He urged, pulling her closer. He could feel her heart beat against his chest, her breath smelled of chocolate and cinnamon.

She shrugged and wriggled closer, resting her head on his shoulder, letting her eyes loose focus in the flames of the fire.

"It doesn't quite seem real."

She said at last, sighing as she spoke. He squeezed her again.

"I was so desperate before...years ago...how could it happen so easily now?"

She glanced up at him, he too was staring into the flames. She saw the flicker of a smile at his lips and instinctively knew he was silently feeling slightly smug.

"I'm not sure 'super sperm' is the answer..."

She murmured.

"I didn't say a word!"

He laughed quietly as he spoke, nudging her, smiling into the top of her head, letting his lips rest there, feeling how warm she was cuddled up against him, just enjoying her, and the moment, completely.

"Seriously though. Maybe it just wasn't the right time?"

He asked, thumbing the waist band of her pyjamas, his hand resting in the small of her back.

She rolled her eyes.

"You don't believe that sort of thing..."

She raised an eyebrow at him, stifling a smile as he pouted in indignation.

"So what's the plan...?"

He asked, changing the subject and stretching again, letting out a loud yawn as he did so.

"The plan?"

She asked.

"Mmm. Scans...more scans...? I don't really know much about this sort of thing but I'm pretty sure there are scans?"

He kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"I promise I will arrange everything tomorrow..."

She looked at him, eyes steady, willing him to let the subject go, just for now, just so that she could think it over, get used to the idea of becoming a mother. Even the thought of it almost too frightening to think of, as if she was barely able to think it possible.

He nodded once, kissing her forehead again and letting her sink back into his chest, just the whisper of an 'I love you' breaking the silence.

**More later xxx**


	75. Chapter 75

The morning was a still one, unbroken by any of the usual noises of far off traffic, the hum of the neighbours car as he drove to work. It was so still that Zoe found herself sitting up in bed just to listen to it.

Eventually she heard the soft creak of the landing walkway, Max was awake, as he usually was before her. He was dressed, and it took her a moment to realise that he was dressed for work. The maroon t-shirt almost transporting her back in time.

She stretched back against the headboard, holding a hand across her eyes, letting it drop whilst she relaxed back into the pillows.

"Morning."

He winked as he spoke, setting a cup of coffee down on the bedside table next to her and leaning toward her, kissing her on the lips, pausing, savouring it for a moment before pulling away.

"Morning..."

She replied, stifling a yawn and reaching for the mug which she set in a dip in the duvet that covered her lap, holding it with both hands to warm them.

There was a frost again, she could see the tell-tale white designs on outside of the windows.

"Ready?"

He asked, smiling, arcing an eyebrow over the rim of his own mug as he raised it to his lips.

She exhaled, folding her fingers against the sides of the mug to warm the backs of her hands.

"No..."

She smiled at him, he looked so much like he used to all of a sudden.

"What about us?"

She asked, watching him shrug.

"What about us?"

He asked.

"Are we telling people?"

She took another sip of her drink as she spoke, he raised a hand and rubbed at the stubble on his chin.

"If It comes up? I suppose...we don't need to make a big thing of it..."

He paused, looking down at the coffee he held.

"They'll find out anyway when you start getting bigger."

He added, glancing towards her, winking again.

She smiled stiffly in response, setting her half drunk cup back on the bedside table.

"I suppose we'd better get going then. I'm not sure Connie would approve of us being late on our first day back."

She began pushing the covers from on top of her, the cold air rushing in between the sheets making her shiver. All to aware of Max's eyes upon her as she began to dress, preparing herself for whatever the day may bring.

The hospital was framed against a darkening grey sky, turned brown at the edges with the threat of snow. The first this year.

They moved in through the double doors together, side by side, upper arms touching as they walked. A few people looked up from what they were doing. Both Charlie and Tess were at reception in time to greet them.

Tess, ignoring Max's presence reached out for Zoe, placing her hands on her forearms and squeezing them gently. She looked genuinely happy, to see her.

"How are you?!"

She asked.

"It's so good to see you."

She added, letting her hands fall and looking to Charlie who nodded his agreement.

"I haven't been away that long!"

Zoe feigned a half laugh. She heard the sharp crack of Connie's heels before she saW her, rounding the corner, glancing out before turning back on her heel and moving back along out of sight.

Zoe glanced to Tess, questioniing.

"She's in one of her moods..."

Charlie spoke before tess could, touching a finger to his lips to indicate that it was probably best to just ihnore it.

"Ah..."

She murmured, glancing again to where Connie had been.

"I should probably catch her up..."

She pressed her fingers into Max's arm.

"You'll be ok?"

She asked, looking up at him. He smiled slowly.

"I know what I'm doing."

He winked, instictively leaning in to kiss her, catching himself as he did so, both of them seeming to start away from each other.

There was a taught pause, Zoe could feel Tess tense beside her, could feel the eyes of whoever happened to be passing by on them.

She stepped forward, and without further thought placed a soft kiss against his lips, and as if being awoken from a spell he relaxed, fumbling for something to say.

She pushed a finger against his lips as his cheeks flushed.

"I'll see you later."

She whispered, letting her finger falll from his mouth, just grazing his chest on the way.

"Right...yes..."

He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

"See you later..."

He murmured, turning to Noel who stood at reception, eyes so wide at what he had just seen that Max could see the whites of his eyes all around the dark brown Iris.

**More later and/or tomorrow x A meeting with Connie, the first day at work and the first scan coming up! xxx**


	76. Chapter 76

The day passed uneventfully. Text book cases followed by routine procedures and the absence of Connie for most of the day meant that everyone was relaxed.

There were no questions of the America trip, just the odd half-glance or curious gaze in her direction as she passed through the ward. And outside there was the first flurry of snow, glittering white and dancing in the air, falling through the dark flecked sky. It was only 3:30PM but already the sky was black.

She wondered briefly how Max's first day back was, and whether or not he had had any questions asked of him. As she thought she caught sight of him in the distance, he was pushing a patient, talking to Rita who moved by his side. For a moment it was as though they hadn't been away, as though they had slipped back in time. But then she felt the tell-tale flutter low in her pelvis and as if he had felt it too he glanced up at her, biting his lip through a smile, missing whatever it was that Rita was saying.

She placed a hand across her stomach. Had the flutter been the baby? Hunger? Wind? She watched Max push the patient into the cubicle and retreat, watched as he made his way over to her, his eyes glancing to her hand. He reached out instinctively, touching her own so that she let her hand fall, interlinking her fingers with his.

"Ok?"

He asked, again glancing to where her hand had been. She nodded.

"Any progress on the scan...?"

He lowered his voice to a whisper as he spoke, rubbing his thumb across her fingertips. She smiled slightly and shook her head.

"I haven't had time..."

She began, squeezing his fingers. He raised an eyebrow and leant towards her.

"Do I look like a mug? Have I got a handle? Am I made of china? Am I kept in a cupboard or on a small wooden tree? Would you like to put your lips on my rim? You may answer that question, the rest were rhetorical.**"**

She laughed at his words.

"I will..."

She glanced over his shoulder but he raised himself on tip toes to block her view.

"Make time."

He hissed, lowering himself back down again as she drew in a breath, looking up at him.

"I'll meet you in my office in five minutes."

He added, giving her fingers a quick squeeze before letting them go.

She opened her mouth to speak but he placed an index finger against her lips.

"No buts."

He whispered, turning his back on her before she could say anything, hearing her sigh as he left the ward.

She flexed her hands, she could still feel the touch of his fingers upon hers. She drew in a long breath, exhaling slowly. The back of her throat felt dry and it pained her to swallow. She could feel that age old flutter of nerves within her stomach and the erratic beat of her heart within her chest.

Without thinking too much about what it was she was doing she made her way back out of the ward and into the large storage area packed with BP machines, portable scanning devices and various boxes of equipment.

She thought of Max waiting for her, expectantly waiting to see his child.

She untangled the power lead of the nearest ultrasound machine, winding it deftly around her left wrist before making her way backwards out of the room, turning herself around and pushing it slowly along the corridor, feeling it teeter worryingly back and forth on it's wheels.

As she bypassed RESUS she caught sight of Connie, who looked up just as she was passing, her eyes moving to the machine, her face remaining expressionless as she looked back down to the patient laid flat before her on the bed.

She quickened her pace, not wanting to bump into anyone else on the way. Once outside the door to Max's cupboard she paused, pretending to check the time on the wall opposite, waiting for the corridor to clear of people before using her elbow to open the door, backing in with the machine as quickly as she could before closing it behind her.

"Well done Miss Marple."

Max stood up from where he sat as she entered.

"I'm pretty sure Miss Marple solves murder mysteries...she doesn't steal ultrasounds..."

She placed a hand on her chest, she had been holding her breath without realising.

Max smirked.

"Alright, You can be the Artful Dodger...how does this thing work?"

He asked, watching as she unravelled the power cable.

"Where's the socket?"

She asked, holding out the plug. Instead of replying he took it, unplugging the kettle and plugging it in it's place.

He watched as she switched it on, her face lighting up green from the acid light of the screen. She frowned.

"You do know how it works...?"

He moved behind her, watching the small monitor. She murmured a response, fiddling with various things until she seemed happy.

"Where are we going to do it?"

She asked, glancing about the office, he followed her gaze.

"I can put my coat on the table...pad it out a little bit?"

He offered. She arced an eyebrow, she hadn't thought this far.

"Fine. But hurry."

She agreed, awkwardly reaching a hand behind her back to unzip her dress while he padded out the small coffee table, just long enough to hold her body from the hips up. She let the dress fall to the floor and stepped out of it, picking it up and folding it neatly, placing it on the back of the chair.

"You do realise this is one of those things that I used to fantasise about before we got together..?"

Max stood watching her, black stilettos, black underwear, her skin darker in the dim office light.

She moved a hand to her lips, suddenly self-conscious.

"Tell me what to do."

He said, moving towards her.

She just stood for a moment, seemingly unable to move. The lump that appeared within her throat taking her by surprise and she felt her lip wobble uncontrollably.

He remained silent, but reached out to her, taking her within his arms, wrapping his own around her so gently that she had to blink profusely against the tears to stop them from running streaks through her make up.

"Tell me what to do."

He said again, this time his voice was a whisper. He felt her clear her throat and she moved away from him.

"I can do it."

She breathed, sniffing, moving herself to the table, lowering herself down so that she lay flat, one hand shielding her eyes against the murky light from the overhead bulb.

Max, noticing, took a quick step back and flicked off the light switch by the door, the room seemed to dim slowly into black and white with the lurid green screen providing the only light.

Zoe twisted slightly so that she could reach for the gel, squeezing a good sized glob of it onto her stomach before setting It down on the floor beside her. She reached out and Max silently passed her the scanner. She closed her eyes as she pressed it against herself, the cool of it slipping across her wet skin bought back the memories of Nick which she fought against. Opening her eyes to banish them.

She looked to Max, who was watching the screen, his profile illuminated. She followed his gaze, the room filled with the crackling whooshing noise as she moved the scanner. She watched the screen, disorientated, she knew what she was looking for but she seemed unable to find it.

She could hear Max breathing, see his parted lips, his eyes unblinking as he looked at the screen. The gel began to warm against her skin as she searched, moving her hand back and forth, stopping every now and then, tilting it this way and that, until at last, with a violent crackle of the machine she found it, a twitching, flickering black shape, she held it there, again she held her breath, just staring, the heartbeat sounded, racing, racing, thumping...

And then she heard it, the blip, the stumble in the beat, the crush of their happiness that she had been expecting. She looked to Max who remained unmoving. Had he heard it too?

**More tomorrow! xxx**


	77. Chapter 77

She sat in what was her office. Connie's office, waiting, turning over the earlier events.

Max had left the small cupboard that he called his office elated. Somehow the words had caught tight in her chest and she had been unable to point out the blip that she had heard. Perhaps she hadn't heard anything at all? Perhaps it had been a blip but one of the ultrasound instead...

She looked down at her hands. The whole room smelled of Connie, her perfume. There were no piles of paperwork haphazardly strewn about, the desk was polished, only her laptop placed square in the middle of it, lid closed, green light blinking at her from it's side.

Out in the corridor beyond she heard the nearing of heels, the unmistakable sound of Connie's staccato strut.

The door opened and Connie paused mid-step, surprise registering on her face as she realised Zoe's presence.

"Connie..."

Zoe stood, hands wrung tight together at her chest.

"What's wrong?"

Connie asked, surprising Zoe with her perceptiveness.

She closed the door behind her with a soft 'click'. Remaining where she stood, folding her arms neatly across her chest.

Zoe found herself smiling for reasons she wasn't sure of. She laughed despite herself.

"Zoe?"

Connie pushed, tilting her head, her dark hair tied in a loose knot at the nape of her neck, a few stray hairs were coming loose and curled about her shoulder.

Zoe shook her head, pursing her lips.

"Sorry..."

Was all she seemed able to say. She looked skyward again, for the second time that afternoon she felt the uncomfortable pinch in her throat, the swell of tears prick the corners of her eyes. She moved a hand to her lips, her chin creasing.

She blinked against the light, felt Connie move over to her, a cold hand on her shoulder drawing her into her. That perfume again, stronger now as her face buried into Connie's shoulder, her hands drawn up still against her chest, a knot between them, hard against their chests.

Connie wrapped her arms about her, silent and unmoving bar the gentle repetitive stroke of her thumb against Zoe's back.

She squeezed her eyes shut and felt the tears slither across her cheeks. The lump within her throat ached so much she found it too much to swallow. Still Connie stood, just holding her while she cried.

Eventually the lump seemed to ease. And Zoe, sniffing, began to feel the pain within her throat ease, the tears begin to slow.

"Shall I assume that you were using the ultrasound on yourself?"

Connie whispered. Her voice sounded different close up Zoe realised. She could feel it vibrating against her collar bone.

She sucked in a breath and nodded against her. Connie took a step back, easing herself away and holding Zoe by her upper arms. Her eyes were softened and she spoke in a voice Zoe rarely heard. A soft, calming voice that in turn seemed to soften her.

"The heartbeat..."

Zoe's voice cracked as she spoke and she felt Connie's fingers squeeze her arms.

"I thought you might be able to..."

She tailed off again. What did she think Connie would be able to do? Tell her what she already suspected? She had half expected Connie to dismiss her, or worse, refuse.

Instead she guided her back over to the sofa.

"Ok, Zoe?"

She let go of her as she spoke.

"I want you to stay here. Sit..."

She gestured to the sofa. Zoe sat down slowly into the creaking cold leather.

"Just wait here."

She said, moving to open the door, pausing with it half open.

"Max?"

She said simply. Zoe shook her head quickly.

"He didn't hear it."

She whispered. Connie gave a dip of her head as acknowledgement. Asking nothing else, just closing the door silently behind her.

Zoe barely had time to collect herself before Connie returned with the ultrasound machine, wheeling it one handed through the doorway. Seemingly much more practised at manoeuvring it than she had been herself.

"Sofa?"

Connie asked, looking to the sofa as she locked the door and began twisting the blinds closed so that any passers by would not be able to see into the small room.

Zoe hesitated before lying flat on the sofa, her feet elevated up over the arm of it. She watched Connie's fingers as she plugged the machine in, turned it on and plugged in the various wires.

She moved over to Zoe, wheeling the machine, taking hold of the scanner and the white bottle of clear jelly, waiting patiently while Zoe adjusted herself, lowering her dress from her shoulders so that it bunched about her hips.

"Bit cold..."

Connie murmured, squeezing the gel onto Zoe's skin with a satisfying 'plop'. The bottle wheezed and cracked as she let go of it, placing it back into its holder.

With a crackle of white noise Connie pushed the scanner firmly against flesh, pushing uncomfortably on her bladder, eyes expressionless as she watched the monitor. Zoe thought of Max all of a sudden. How excited he'd been...

She heard the muffle of sounds, somehow it was harder to differentiate between what was what when it was someone else using the scanner. She watched the screen, seeing the tiny flickering mass of cells appear again. She heard the thundering of the heartbeat. It seemed quicker than it had.

Connie shifted, pushing in further against her and twisting her arm to get a better angle, all the while remaining concentrated on the image before her. She froze the image and zoomed in, pausing, before zooming back out and resuming the scan. For a moment as she moved there was the galloping of two heartbeats, Connie paused again, Zoe saw her breathing change, she seemed to be holding her breath so as to hear correctly.

She moved again and the thundering of the quicker heartbeat disappeared, just the rhythmic thump of the slower one.

Eventually Connie removed the scanner and began wiping the end of it on a piece of paper towelling. Tearing off another piece to wipe the skin of Zoe's stomach.

"Well?"

Zoe asked, her voice sounding loud in the silence that the scanner had left behind. Connie wiped the gel slowly, carefully folding the paper over in order to use the other side of it.

"The foetus is perfectly fine. It looks as though you are roughly six weeks..."

She glanced up at Zoe, removing the paper and placing it in her lap, holding it with both hands.

"It was your own heartbeat that you heard earlier."

She said quietly.

**More soon xxx**


	78. Chapter 78

**Hello everyone, before I start I had a review asking to clarify what the 'blip' was that I was writing about. Just to make it clear, Zoe thought she was listening to the babies heartbeat when she did the scan on herself, in which she heard that there was 'something' wrong with the heartbeat. Connie then confirmed that the baby was fine but that it was her own heartbeat that was the problem...**

**Also, this story is going to come to an end very soon, I just wondered if anyone would either 1) like to see it continued in a sequel (which would begin in December as I am taking part in National Novel Writers Month from 1st-30th November) or 2) Would like me to begin an entirely new Max/Zoe story. (Don't forget I'm also writing and regularly updating my Connie/Max story – _Heavy Rain _in case anyone would like to have a read of it...!_) _Or 3) Both of the above. Please review and let me know! Thank you :) xxx**

**Onto the story...**

The sun had not yet risen. The land was indistinguishable from the sky, except that the land was pin-pricked with the stars of the street lamps and slightly creased with buildings, houses, high streets, as if a cloth that had wrinkles in it.  
Gradually as the sky whitened, a dark line lay on the horizon dividing the world from the sky and the grey cloth became barred with thick strokes of moving cars, blurred, one after another, beneath the surface, following each other, pursuing each other, perpetually.  
As they neared the cars came into focus, bright white lights glaring into the heavy fog of winter that hung so heavily upon their heads. The wave of traffic paused, and then drew out again, sighing like a sleeper whose breath comes and goes unconsciously. Gradually the dark bar on the horizon became clear as if the sediment in an old wine-bottle had sunk and left the glass green. Behind it, too, the sky cleared as if the white sediment there had sunk, or as if the arm of a woman crouched beneath the horizon had raised a lamp and flat bars of white, green and yellow, spread across the sky like the blades of a fan.  
Then she raised her lamp higher and the air seemed to become fibrous and to tear away from the green-grey surface of moving cars, people...flickering and flaming in red and yellow fibres like the smoky fire that roars from a bonfire. Gradually the fibres of the burning bonfire were fused into one haze, one incandescence which lifted the weight of the woollen grey sky on top of it and turned it to a million atoms of soft wintry blue.  
The cars moved off into the distance, a reverberating rumble, slowly becoming transparent, rippling and sparkling in the fog until the dark stripes were almost rubbed out. Slowly the arm that held the lamp held it higher and then higher until a broad flame became visible, an arc of fire burnt on the rim of the horizon, and all round it the world blazed gold. The light struck upon the rooftops, the trees, making one leaf transparent and then another. One bird chirped high up; there was a pause; another chirped lower down. The sun sharpened the walls of the buildings and the birds sang their blank melody, warning their mates of snow to come.  
"Zoe..."  
Her mind was bought back to the now with the lurch of the car. Max was driving, he pulled into the hospital car park.  
"Zoe?"  
He asked again, his voice seemed to come to her through the fog, thick and slow.  
"Hmm?"  
She murmured, her eyes focusing, realising her surroundings. He drew into her parking space in one swift movement and bought the car to a halt.  
"What were you thinking about?"  
He asked, leaving the engine running for a moment, holding his hands over the warm air that came from the heater on the dashboard. Zoe shifted in her seat, the queasiness of morning sickness seemed to have begun, but thankfully, there was only the hint of it, for now at least she could be grateful for that.  
"Oh...just..."  
She hunched up her shoulders and shivered against the cold.  
"I was thinking about telling Tess about the baby."  
She said finally, curling her toes up in the end of her stiletto's feeling them numb from the cold in the foot-well.  
"Do you think she'll approve?"  
He asked, watching as Cal and Ethan passed by in front of the car, both with bent heds against the beginnings of the snow.  
Zoe glanced at him, reaching out a hand and slipping her cold fingers between his thighs to warm them.  
"I think she'll be happy..."  
She tailed off, glancing at him again, feeling him squeeze her fingers with his thighs.  
"When she finally gets over you being the Father."  
He pouted through a smile, raising an eyebrow.  
"She knows how much I wanted children when I was with..."  
She let her words tail off again as he visibly tensed, anticipating the mention of Nick. Instead she bit the words off and let them fall into the silence.  
"Most woman do I think."  
She murmured as an afterthought, watching as a passing couple of two woman battled with pushing a pushchair and holding an umbrella up at the same time. The latter seeming pointless due to the wind getting up and the sleet coming from all angles.  
"Even lesbians?"  
Max asked, unclipping his seat belt and letting himself free of it. She smiled, glancing sideways at him.  
"Lesbians are woman..."  
She replied with a roll of her eyes. Even now, even with the weight of yesterday hanging heavy on her shoulders he could still make her smile.  
He coughed.  
"If you say so."  
He tossed her a wink before stretching loudly and yawning into the back of his hand.  
"Shall we?"  
He asked, looking out to the grey world beyond. They sleet swirled and bustled through the air, and the wind buffeted and wailed like a lost child.  
"Yep."  
She nodded, feigning bright spirits seemed much more draining than she had imagined, and all the while she had Connie's voice in her head, telling her to be careful, to take care, not to put herself under any unnecessary stress...  
She unclipped her own seat belt and pushed open the door, stepping out into the cold, the wind whipping at their clothes, the sleet slapping their faces, taking their breath from their chests. They huddled together, bodies pressed tight against one another as they blinked, heads down toward the hospital, toward another day...  
**More soon! xxx**


	79. Chapter 79

"I love daisies..."

The woman on the bed began to list to one side as she spoke, Robyn catching her against her chest causing her to awaken abruptly from her daydream.

"Sorry...sorry..."

She looked to Zoe who was frowning at the digital thermometer reading.

"I love daisies..."

She murmured again, reaching out a hand, placing it on top of Zoe's as she made to jot down the reading in her notes.

"You told me!"

Zoe attempted a smile, plying her hand from underneath the other woman's and adjusting the positioning of the Biro she held.

"They're just so friendly!"

She exclaimed, watching as Max entered the cubicle, backing in through the drawn curtain with a wheelchair.

"X-ray?"

He asked, looking from the woman on the bed to Zoe who looked up from her notes.

"Don't you think daisies are the friendliest flower?"

The woman asked before Zoe had a chance to respond.

"I prefer dandelions myself."

He answered, pushing the brakes on the wheelchair with his foot, catching the whisper of a smile at Zoe's lips, and the amused purse and raised eyebrows of Robyn.

"Ah...dandelions try to hard..."

The woman murmured beginning to look distant again.

"Mrs Hunt, Max is going to take you up to X-ray to check that ribcage of yours..."

Zoe raised her voice to cut in through the dreamlike veil that the woman had succumbed to.

"Oh! Nonsense..."

She wafted her hands about in the air and screwed up her face.

"I'm fine, I'm just a bit pissed...You think all of these machines and what-nots are your friends, but they're not. I can tell you I'm fine without you wasting thousands of pounds..."

"Mrs Hunt..."

Zoe attempted to cut in but again she wafted her hands.

"Name one thing that we've gained from technology..."

She laughed.

"Electricity...?"

Zoe breathed, arcing an eyebrow, looking to Robyn as Mrs Hunt began to giggle away to herself quietly.

"Mrs Hunt..."

"Oh would you call me Kathleen, please! Mrs Hunt sounds too much like C..."

"Kathleen! Ok."

Zoe sucked in a breath, raising a hand to run her fingers across her frown.

"We just need to check you over. You were found unconscious outside your home wearing only your underwear. It looks as though you have quite substantial bruising to your abdomen and we would like to make sure that nothing is damaged that we can't see from the outside."

She exhaled, speaking quickly to make sure that she wasn't interrupted again. Mrs Hunt just looked at her for a moment before smiling a smile that began to crack into another amused laugh.

She looked to Max.

"Oh God...was I a slut?!"

She laughed. Max smiled slowly.

"Probably."

He answered, leaning his weight on the handles of the wheelchair so that the front wheels tipped up slightly.

"Oh God..."

She laughed again and Zoe widened her eyes in warning to him.

"No it's fine, it's absolutely fine."

He bit his lip, smiling still and watching the woman on the bed lean towards him as if she were allowing her into her confidence.

"How can that be?"

She whispered, touching her lips. She smelled rancid...

"Because you were a pissed slut."

Max shrugged and she laughed raucously.

"Max?!"

Zoe hissed, eyes so wide they were beginning to dry, she blinked and looked to Robyn who merely shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh don't tell him off, I like him!"

Mrs Hunt cocked her head to one side, looking Max up and down, her eyes slowly taking him in from feet to head, pausing deliberately in the middle.

"Can I keep him?"

She asked, nudging Zoe playfully with a bony elbow. Zoe took a step backward, rolling her eyes.

"I'm afraid he's taken."

She said flatly, holding out the notes to him which he took with a flamboyant wave of an arm, tucking them into the back of the wheelchair.

Mrs Hunt smiled ruefully, looking from Max to Zoe and back again.

"Ah. Well...for now just humour me and take me?"

She asked with a smokers wheeze and a witches cackle.

"Um.."

Max faltered for a moment.

"In the wheelchair young man...To X-ray was it?"

She looked to Zoe, still smiling. Zoe nodded briefly as Robyn helped her off the bed, lowering her down into the seat of the wheelchair.

"And Robyn did you contact the husband?"

Zoe asked glancing at the wall clock that she could see visible between the folds of the blue curtains of the cubicle.

"Yep, he was called when she came in, said he'd be on his way."

Robyn answered.

"What?"

Mrs Hunt broke in. Her smile was gone, something else had taken it's place, a whitewash of non-colour, the quiver of a lip, the wide eyed stair of a deer down the barrel of a loaded shot gun.

"Your husband?"

Zoe repeated, looking momentarily confused.

"I can't see him...I can't see him..."

She began to try to stand but Max put a hand gently on her shoulder, leaning down to her.

"Don't worry..."

He whispered as Zoe reached out for her.

"Kathleen?"

She spoke loudly, Kathleen seemed to have fallen into the dream state again, her hands wrung tightly in her lap, her lips tense, repeating over and over, 'I can't see him...'.

"You don't have to see him?"

Zoe tried again, reaching out to touch her hand but Kathleen snatched them away, holding them against her mouth.

The cubicle curtains opened and Rita popped her head in.

"Everything ok?"

She asked, glancing at Zoe who winked in reassurance.

"I've got her husband here..."

She pulled back the curtain before Zoe could speak. Kathleen seemed to freeze in her wheelchair, her back to the curtain, crouching, hands held tightly against her chest, eyes squeezed shut as if shutting out a nightmare.

"What are you doing here?!"

Kathleen's husband asked. He was a gaunt faced man with sunken cheeks and a shock of dark hair, his clothes seemed ill-fitting and his shoes had a hole at the toe of one.

"I'm sorry, your wife is..."

"Not her!"

The man framed by the two blue curtains hushed Zoe abruptly, bright blue eyes glaring at her.

He looked to Max, and for the first time since the man had entered Zoe realised that Kathleen wasn't the only one seemingly frozen in position. Max was stood still, half turned away, staring at nothing, lips parted, dry and white, eyes averted, the skin of his cheeks a dull grey colour.

"Him!"

**More soon :) xxx**


	80. Chapter 80

Max paced the floor of the small porters cupboard, Zoe stood with her back to the door, arms folded.

"Do you want to see him?"

She asked, watching him pace, his hand to his lips, chewing intently on the skin at the side of his thumb nail.

He slowed his pace and raised his eyes to look at her but remained silent.

"I can find someone else to bring Kathleen back down from X-ray?"

She asked, taking slow steps toward where he stood.

"I don't think she wants to see him either..."

When he eventually spoke his voice was low and soft. He let his hand fall to fold his arms across his body. Zoe stopped in front of him and placed her palm against his cheek.

"What happened...between you?"

She asked, squinting her eyes, trying to make out the blur of emotion behind his blue eyes.

He shrugged.

"Robyn's dad was always more of a dad than he was."

He said simply, averting his gaze.

She trailed her fingers across his cheek, across his jaw and let it fall from his face to his arms, folded about his body. She unfolded them and placed his hands on her hips, her own about his shoulders.

"No secrets."

She whispered, stroking the hair that curled at the nape of his neck. He inhaled slowly through his nose, looking down at her, taking a step forward to close the gap between them and intertwining his fingers as they came together at the base of her spine, holding her close.

"He fucked off when I was eight."

He spoke quietly, his cheek against hers, his breath fluttering her hair.

"With some woman, I don't know who, never met her."

He cleared his throat, she felt his chest vibrate against her own.

"I've only seen him twice since then. The first time I eleven. It was boxing day and Henry had built me this little trailer for my bike out of wood – it was brilliant. I was in the garden painting it when he came round. I don't remember saying anything to him but he knew that Henry had made it. He picked it up, I was just about to paint my initials on it in blue, I remember because when he picked it up I dropped my pot, I had blue paint on my hands for a week..."

Zoe felt him rub his thumb across the back of his other hand as he held her.

"Anyway, he picked it up and threw it back down on the pavement. It smashed and I remember crying. Henry fixed it but I don't think I played with it again."

She held him, his cheek warm against her own, she moved her hands against him, stroking his back gently.

"And the second time?"

She asked, her voice cracking as she spoke.

He puffed out a breath and squeezed her closer.

"I was eighteen and I decided to track him down. I couldn't drive so my then girlfriend drove us to meet him at his house. I don't know what I was looking for from him, but whatever it was I knew as soon as he opened the door that I wasn;t going to find it."

He paused briefly, clearing his throat again.

"Anyway, tp cut a long and very boring story short, I walked to the chip shiop on the corner to get us some food, came back and found him fucking my girlfriend."

At that he leaned his body back from her so that he could see her face, his eyes dulled of their sparkle. He touched a finger to her cheek, her eyes glittered with tears and she smiled a strained half-smile that caused her lips to wobble.

"Don't you cry!"

He smiled, stroking her cheek with his fingertips, brushing them across her lips. She sniffed and exhaled.

"Sorry."

She breathed, rolling her eyes.

"Why are you sorry?!"

He laughed slightly as he spoke, pulling her into him again so that he head rested against his shoulder.

She shrugged into him.

"I can't imagine how you'd get over something like that..."

She whispered. He squeezed her harder, rubbing his chin against her, kissing her hair.

"I don't suppose I did. But it taught me a lot...that the more I'm afraid of something, the more I know I have to do it. I figured that out when I was a kid. I can lead a protected life, hiding away from the scary world. Or I can take on the things that scare me the most. The more it might hurt, the more I might die doing it. The more worth doing it must be. Like you."

He whispered against her.

"Me?"

She asked, smelling him, the smell that was just him, no one else.

"Mmm".

He nodded again.

"I wanted you. I was bloody terrified of you rejecting me. But I knew that if I tried, if we worked, then we would be incredible."

He smiled into her hair. She smelled of perfume and antibacterial hand gel.

"Cheesy huh?"

He grinned, leaning away from her to look at her again. She squinted one eye, her lips upturning at one side.

"little bit."

She whispered.

"But I'm glad you did."

**More soon (more exciting too) xxx**


	81. Chapter 81

"Two hours for a fucking plaster! Good thing you weren't decapitated or I'd be sitting in that god damn Emergency Room holding your head all night."

Max's father stood at the side of the bed, watching as Zoe placed a plaster over the back of her hand where the line had been placed.

"Your wife still has considerable bruising..."

Connie spoke as Zoe patted down the plaster gently.

"She will need to rest, and she will need looking after."

"I can look after her."

He cut in.

"Excuse me...sorry what is your name?"

Connie glanced to Kathleen who was adjusting herself in the bed with Zoe's help.

"Mr Walker."

He answered, an air of defiance about him.

"Ok Mr Walker, you will need to make sure that your wife takes the prescribed medications at the correct times. Is this something that you feel you can provide for her?"

Connie asked, signing off at the end of the patients notes, tearing a sheet with the prescription written on and passing it to Mr Walker who snatched it from her fingers.

"I'm not an idiot."

He snapped.

"I didn't say you were."

Connie answered, Zoe beside her, glad to have the support of the other woman who stood beside her.

"You implied it! Can I look after my own wife?! Of course I can look after her!"

He laughed, shaking his head and looking toward Kathleen who looked away.

"Then can you explain to me how she sustained these injuries?"

Connie asked, folding her arms across her chest, notes still in hand, resting against her hip.

"Fuck off, I'm not with her 24/7 you can't blame me for what she gets up to when I'm not there. Do I look like I was born yesterday?!"

He shook his head again, tutting under his breath.

"Not unless you age at the speed of light, Mr Walker, no. Now take that..."

She gestured to the paper that he held.

"To reception, they'll tell you where to go from here."

She instructed.

"Alright, alright. But first I want to see my son."

He pushed the paper into the back pocket of his jeans without folding it.

"Uh, I'm afraid Max is busy at the moment."

Zoe broke in, catching Connie's glance to her, her body just touching her own as if shielding her from Mr Walker and his aggression.

"I was talking to her."

Mr Walker nodded to Connie.

"Well I'm afraid whoever you were speaking to it doesn't change the fact that your _son _is busy with other patients."

Zoe felt the anger rise within her throat, tightening about her vocal chords so that her voice strained.

"Who are you?! Brown Barbie? I'm talking to the doctor. Haven't you got some banana's to eat?"

He snarled, he spat as he spoke, leaning in, his words a devilish growl through gnarled lips.

"I'm sorry?! Who the hell are you calling "Brown Barbie?" And bananas?! Seriously? No wonder Max doesn't want anything to do with you."

She clenched her hands against her sides, fingers curled so tightly that her nails pressed painfully into her palms.

"Oh he told you that did he? Hmm?"

He asked, Connie made to speak but Zoe broke in.

"He told me all about you. All about those visits that you and him had together after you left him when he was a child. All two of them!"

She spat, her body pressed against Connie's as she leaned toward him, Connie the only barrier between them.

"Dr Hanna, I'd advise you to calm down."

Connie spoke, her voice low.

"No! Connie, he doesn't get to say that and get away with it! The man's an animal! How he treated Max..."

Zoe continued, her voice rising.

"Dr Hanna, how Mr Walker treated Max is not relevant to the situation..."

"Ah I get it, he always did have a thing for the older woman. Never managed to get one though. Desperate were you?"

Mr Walker laughed again, that fat belch of a laugh that spat stale saliva out at all angles.

"You know what! Fuck you _Mr Walker, _Fuck you. You don't come in here with your racist comments and get away with it, I will make sure that you regret..."

"Dr Hanna! You need to calm down right now before you make yourself ill."

Connie spoke so quickly and sharply that the duelling pair silenced immediately, Zoe catching her breath, eyes fixed on Mr Walker who looked from Connie back to her, confusion giving way to realisation as he dropped his eyes to her belly and back up.

"Am I to be a grandfather?"

He asked, his voice changing, his voice quiet but playfully threatening, taunting her. She sucked in a breath and pushed passed Connie.

"Fuck you."

She hissed.

**More very soon xxx**


	82. Chapter 82

She walked quickly, by-passing patients and members of staff. She hesitated outside the staff room, she could hear the clink of teaspoons, the gentle murmur of voices. She moved on, quickening her pace until she reached Max's cupboard. She paused, the familiarity of having to be cautious creeping up on her. She opened the door, the small room was empty.

She pushed the door closed hard behind her, exhaling loudly, letting her eyes close and her head lean back against the door.

"Fuck."

She whispered.

There was the faintest of taps from the other side of the door. For a moment she thought she was hearing things, but the sound came again, louder this time.

She pulled the door open slightly, making to speak but the door was pushed so hard against her that she lost her balance and fell, her ankles twisting in her stiletto's, she caught herself on the arm chair, hearing the door close, the lock click.

Max's dad stood against the wall, arms folded across his chest, his face twisted into a smile.

She coughed and struggled to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry but this is a staff only area..."

She murmured, her voice low, sounding far more confident than she felt.

His smile widened.

"What do you want?"

She asked, easing herself down on the arm of the chair, her ankles were throbbing, already she could feel the left one was beginning to swell, the skin was beginning to tighten uncomfortably.

He inhaled slowly, looking about the room as though bored.

"Oh, I just want to make myself heard. Make a point...because if you're carrying my grand child then I think we need to have a little chat."

He shrugged as he spoke. She could feel her stomach begin to twist, a vague nausea of fear in the very pit of it.

"I don't think it's really any of your business."

She whispered, placing an arm instinctively across her stomach.

He watched her do it.

"Oh come on! Max isn't qualified to parent a half cast kid..."

Mr Walker shook his head.

"I'm sorry?!"

Zoe asked, a frown furrowing her forehead.

"Fuck I'm not sure if he could bring up any kid, but you, you;re..."

He tailed off again, gesturing to her with a crooked finger.

"I'm...?"

She coaxed, feeling her earlier anger begin to simmer once more.

"A darkie...one of those! Look, I just don't want my son seeing you."

She almost laughed out loud.

"A _darkie?!"_

She spat, eyes wide. He folded his arms tighter.

"You've had no input into Max's life thus far so I don't see why you think you can now?!"

She asked incredulously.

He shook his head.

"He's still my son!"

"Yes but he's not a child any more, he's an adult and he can make his own decisions."

There was another knock at the door. A deliberate knock with with a deliberate rhythm.

Mr Walker opened the door immediately, a younger man, younger than Max, perhaps in his early twenties entered, his hands hidden in the pocket of his white hoodie.

"Who's he?"

Zoe asked, shifting herself further upright in the chair, pressing her feet into the floor, testing the pain in her ankles to see if she could run.

"My son. Max's half brother. I thought you might need a little more persuading. Because we don't want that grandkid of yours, we don't want _you _in our country..."

As Mr Walker pointed at her again she noticed the tattoo on his forearm, she recognised it as the marking of a Nazi sympathiser...a neo Nazi.

"So you can either get rid yourself."

He gestured to her stomach. She could feel her heart ache, the irregular thump of it sounding in her ears.

"Or we can help... _Or _you can fuck off back to where you came from."

His voice was so low that it barely sounded human any more. She struggled to breathe.

"But I was born in Liverpool?!"

She heard herself speak, heard herself laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

Mr Walker and his son didn't seem to react.

"It's your choice."

He whispered.

**More soon xxx**


	83. Chapter 83

**More soon x I apologise in advance for any long delays. Please don't think I've forgotten the story, I haven't. I'm currently taking part in NaNoWriMo, writing pieces for competition entries AND (most importantly) organising Christmas presents for my children, I've decided to make most of the presents this year so I'm up to my eye balls in fabric, ribbons, buttons etc. But I will catch up, and I hope you're all still enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it :) xxx**


	84. Chapter 84

Somewhere between insult and threat the door was bust open, and Zoe had to blink against the dust of wood chip to recognise the figures of vaguely recognisable security staff. She staggered back, her ankles too painful to move much. She watched as security removed the two men, spitting and swearing as they were hauled from the room.

She felt cold, she hadn't experienced such hatred towards herself purely based on the colour of her skin in a long, long time, and for it to happen now, when she felt so vulnerable made it even worse.

Connie entered, followed by Max, she reached out for him, his fingers touching hers.

"Can you get up?"

Connie asked, standing in the door way, blocking the view of onlookers from the corridor beyond the room.

Zoe shook her head, mute from the shock.

"Can you..."

Connie gestured with a nod to Zoe for Max to lift her. He bent down to her and as he placed his arms about her she felt that he was trembling. He pulled her up against him, holding her within his arms, his lips pressing against the side of her head as he cradled her and took a step towards Connie.

"Be careful, don't drop her."

Connie warned, side stepping out of the small room.

"That's just what I was planning on doing..."

Max murmured, hearing Connie order the litter of people away who were trying to find out what was going on.

She seemed to slip in and out of panic as they moved along the corridor, somehow nothing seemed quite right, she felt as though the air was thin and she couldn't quite breathe enough of it in to make sense of what was going on. She felt her heart flutter inside her chest and she tightened her grip about Max's neck, suddenly realising that he seemed to be speaking to her, only she couldn't hear the words, only faintly see the blurred movement of his lips.

She frowned, her ears made everything sound as though they were under water. She could feel the panic building again.

When she next woke she was lying in a hospital bed, Max at her side, his hand holding hers as he sat in the plastic chair next to the bed, his head lolled back against the wall, his mouth wide open as he slept.

She looked up at the ceiling, following the white tiles with her eyes to the door, then to the bed where she lay. She shifted, looking down at herself, she saw the BP monitor next to her and felt the pull of the wires that were attached to her skin.

Her movement woke Max who startled in his seat so that the legs of the chair jarred gratingly against the floor. He cleared his throat.

"Are you ok?!"

He asked, the panic of being woken so quickly making his head throb loudly.

She squeezed his fingers.

"What happened?"

She asked. He relaxed back slightly in his chair.

"You fainted."

He said simply.

"...the baby?"

She whispered. He nodded slowly.

"the baby's fine."

He said, and as he spoke he reached out his spare hand to tuck the stray hairs that had fallen against her face behind her ear. She closed her eyes at his touch. This love of theirs, with its reassuring domesticity and its easy silences, its permanence, yoked her directly to the machinery of mortality itself. Now there was a loss beyond imagining.

He let his hand fall back to the bed, exhaling slowly.

"She told me...Connie, I mean. About your heart."

"Did you ever get the feeling that maybe weren't supposed to get together?"  
He whispered. She raised an eyebrow.  
"No, why would you say that?"  
She asked, feeling that age old flutter of her heart and the slight wince it seemed to give when she felt uneasy.  
He smiled slightly, sensing her worry.  
"Oh, you know. The miscarriage, me being mugged in America...it just seems as though destiny may be aginus."  
He mused, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.  
"Aginus?"  
She repeated.  
"It's like, "Against," only just a bit more olderer."  
He smiled again as he spoke.  
"That which doesn't kills you makes you stronger and all that..."

He breathed and let his head fall back against the wall again, this time he looked up to the ceiling, his lips pursed.  
"So when do we start thinking of names?"  
He asked.

**More soon! I am so sorry for the huge delay in updating. I've been really struggling to get everything done what with National novel writing month , Christmas presents and I've been asked to submit a short story for an anthology (anyone who fancies doing a bit of pre-proof reading let me know!) I will endeavour to get my writing head back on and start updating regularly though! Sorry again xxx**


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